pothead Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pothead puns

A pot-heads ice-fishing experience.

A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing. So he gathers all the needed equipment and makes his way to the closest frozen ice.
He goes about 20 feet out and drills a hole in the ice.
"There's no fish there!" Booms a voice.
The stoner shrugs and moves a further 50 feet out and drills another hole.
"There's no fish there either!" Yells the voice again.
The stoner looks around wildly and asks, "Is that you God?"
"No," says the voice, "I own the fucking ice rink!"


A pothead, a rapist and a dog killer walk into a bar.

The Steelers must be in town.


A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner

How much for that TV set in the window?
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, I don't sell stuff to potheads. So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit smoking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?
And the owner says, I told you I don't sell to potheads! So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, How much for that TV?
The owner says, I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, How can you tell I'm a pothead?
The owner looks back and says, Because that's a microwave

HAPPY 4-20


What do you call an abusive pothead?

A weed whacker.


what's the difference between a crack head and a pot head?

If a crackhead overdoses you find them dead in the gutter, if pothead overdoses you find them asleep in the fridge.


Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows?

He didnt have any joints.


Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class?

Because a watched pothead never FOILS.


How did one pothead greet the other?



What do you call a pothead that breaks up with his girlfriend?



What do potheads do when they see a fire?

Stop, drop, and roll


To be a crackhead you smoke crack , to be a pothead you smoke pot, so to be a dickhead you smoke...



What do you call a pothead that murders?

Stonedface killer.


What does a muscular pothead have for breakfast?

Shredded Wheat


There is a fence

A deer walks up to the fence and jumps over it.

An antelope walks up to the fence and goes under it.

A French guy walks up to the fence and surrenders.

A German guy walks up to the fence and builds a bigger gun.

An Italian walks up to the fence and starts eating pasta.

A pothead walks up to the fence, sits on it and starts smoking weed.

An American walks up to the fence, shoots the pothead, tests how sturdy the fence is, and strips it up to put it on the Mexican border.


I have a friend who says he's a pothead but only takes one hit and then he's stoned.

He's not a pothead, he's a mari-wanna be.


Why can't a a pothead who is addicted to masturbation board a flight?

He's a high jacker.


The only advertisement a pothead notices...

Are propa-ganja.


So, a rapist, a sadist, and a pothead walk into a bar and order a beer...

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve the Pittsburgh Steelers offensive backfield here."


Why don't potheads have close friends?

They smoke their best buds


What do pothead barbarians say when 420 rolls around?

420 raze it!


How did the pothead propose to his girlfriend?

"Marriage.. you wanna?"


Cheesy Late out-of-context Joke of the Day

Four Liars and a Pothead walk into a bar...

And someone says, "Hey, look! It's the US Olympic Swimming Team!"


Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming?

She's afraid of heights.


Potheads must have been disappointed with Jurassic Park...

'Cause there's no grass.


Why did the pothead laugh during his execution?

He was stoned to death.


How do you bury a pothead?



How do potheads propose?

"Marriage....you wanna?"


The difference between a high school pothead vs. a college pothead

Is realizing to get the food before smoking week rather than after


If A Pothead Has 13 Joints

That makes it a baker's dozen.


Why did the pothead seem so smart?

Because all of his buds were so dense...


What did the pothead want for Christmas

A body


What is the average height of a pothead?



What do you call an Asian Pothead camping in Yellowstone?

A Yellowstoner.


"I'm not a pothead..."

"I'm not a pothead, I'm a stoner-sapien." - Things you hear on the train


Did you hear about the crossdressing pothead?

I heard they're calling him the feel good drag.


What are the most funny Pothead jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pothead? Well, here are the best Pothead dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pothead pick up lines to share with friends.

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