The Best 76 Potato Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Potato jokes. There are some potato dicktator jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these potato latke puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Potato Jokes and Puns

Latvian Joke.

What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..

Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

Zero.

Potato joke, How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

What's a 7 course meal for an Irishman?

A six-pack and a potato.

Lost job and no money for buy potato.

Also is cold.

Regret immigrate to Detroit.


My Favorite Latvian Joke

One day, hear knock on door.

Man ask "Who is?"

"Is potato man. I come around to give free potato."

Man is very excite and opens door.

Is not potato man,

is secret police.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

A spectator.

Potato joke, What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

Latvian joke.

I tell Latvian joke:

Latvian man very hungry.

He go in minefield, look for potato feed family.

Many hours, he suddenly find big potato, size of fist!

He quickly pull out pin, put in mouth, swallow whole thing.

Then he say "But why was there pin in potat "

End from joke.

Latvian potato eating contest.

Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.

Where does biggest potato grow?

Under the ground.

I want to start a potato chip company called "dick's."

Our motto would tell you to eat a bag of 'em.

You can explore potato fries reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean potato speedo dad jokes. There are also potato puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the potato name his son?

Chip.

Sorry.

2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker?

The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO

Latvian Dreamin'

Little boy go to father. Is midnight. Say boy, "Father! I dream I is Mr. Potato! Have big eyes and smile! Even having shoes! I wish I Mr. Potato for all ever!"

Man woke in midnight all sudden. Rubs eyes. Remembers boy dead by mule, and is no potato. Only cold. Is all dream. Lay back on dirt. No smiles. No shoes.

A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own genitals.

Nobody likes dictators

The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies

Chairman: How does our potato supply look?

Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.

Chairman: But God does not exist.

Party member: Neither do the potatoes.

Potato joke, The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies

What do you call a mean Potato?

A Dictator.

Joke from my daughter.

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?
HULK'S MASH!

no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.

He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."


Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred

Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme

Fortunately, it was foiled.

This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around.

I was a dictator.

How do you treat Mrs. Potato Head when she has cancer?

Ampu-tater

What do you call a stoned Irishman?

A baked potato.

After robbing a bank, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead

duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blonde, and she says, "Po-ta-to."

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night

A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato

What do you call a high person with Downs Syndrome?

A baked potato.

A mother has 3 kids

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"

The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"

The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head

Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."

"SHUT UP BRICK"

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

I got arrested today for feeding the homeless guys on my street...

And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun.

What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties?

A dic-tater.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

What do you call a phallic potato?

A dictator.

What do you call an authoritarian potato?

A dicktater.

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Potatoes For Everyone!

A party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.

''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''

ESPN literally hired a potato for one of its broadcasts

When asked why they responded that they needed a common tater.

What do you call a spud that smokes weed?

A baked potato

A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

But God does not exist, replies Stalin.

Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...

They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.

Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.

They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.

They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.

What do you call a potato with glasses?

A spec-tater

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man ?

None.

What do you call a reluctant potato?

A hesitater

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

What do you call an indecisive potato?

A HESI-TATER.

Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

It has a sticker that says IDAHO.

(I'll hide under a rock now)

What do you call a penis-shaped potato with unchallenged power?

A dick-tator.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

If you see two potatoes standing on a street corner, how do you know which one is a prostitute?

It'll have a sticker that says "Idaho"

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Why did the sea monster eat twelve ships that were carrying potatoes?

Because nobody can eat just one potato ship!

Here's a joke from the 80s

Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

What's the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam...

Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

It's the one with the sticker that says IDAHO

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato!

Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.

The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet potatoes are well-known for being good, traditional potatoes.

The third daughter then says "Dad, I want to marry Bill Maher!" Dad is flabbergasted, and exclaims, "But honey! He's just a common-tater!"

Johnny wanted to impress the girls in his swimming class.

So he asked his dad what to do.

"Son, just put a potato in your pants, and you'll attract them all!" His dad advised.

The next day after practice, Johnny looked pretty gloomy.

His dad asked, "What's wrong? Did the advice I give you not work?"

"It would've," cried Johnny. "If you told me to put it in the FRONT!"

What do you call a potato that gets things done?

A facilitater.

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

What did the twice-baked potato say upon being arrested?

Foiled again!

What is the difference between hot potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam, and one's a yeeted ham.

Boy comes up to his father, all angry.

He says, "Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would impress the girls?"

Father looks up, smiling, "Yeah, did it work?"

The boy screams, "You could have mentioned that the potato goes in the front!"

Went to the beach

When I was younger I was going to go the beach for the week. I ask my dad how I can meet girls? He tells me to put a potato in my pants and the girls will come to you! When I get home I go to my dad and tell him it didn't work at all. Every time I went in the water all the girls went out and when I would get out they would go in. My father then told me, Next time put the potato in the front!

Guy at the beach was surrounded by beautiful, horny women. They couldn't keep their hands off of him! When he went to the bathroom, I walked up and asked his secret....he told me that he puts a potato in his swim trunks before coming to the beach.

So, the next day at the beach, I put a potato in my swim trunks but EVERYONE started to laugh at me!

The guy who told me his secret saw me and yelled:

No! Put it in the *FRONT* of your trunks!

How do you make a potato leek soup?

Fill a potato with soup, then poke a hole in it.

Two potatoes stand on the street corner. How do you tell which one's the hooker?

It's the one with the sticker that says Idaho!

Lady goes to the market to buy potatoes.

Lady: excuse me, sir, but are these potatoes genetically modified?

Grocer: probably, but what's it to you?

Potato: yeah, what's it to you?

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says, "Meow!" The captain says, "Leave it be! I don't want some cat out here scratching our faces". A cop kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, "Potatoes!"

The first potato to go to space was carried by the rocket Nick

Or, well, Spudnick

What do you call a potato cutting Friar?

A Chip Monk.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the potato potato head jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working potato sweet potato piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes