potato Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious potato puns

What do you call a reluctant potato?

A hesitater

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man ?

None.

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What do you call a potato wearing glasses?

A spectator.

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A couple are getting ready for a Halloween party.

The wife walks out with only a lemon hanging over her snatch. The husband takes one look and storms off to the kitchen and return with a potato on his dong. The wife says "what the hell" and the husband replies "well shit, if you're going as a sour puss then I'm going as a dictator"

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What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

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Latvian Joke.

What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishmen

None.

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What do you call an indecisive potato?

A HESI-TATER.

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What do you call a potato with a penis?

A dictator

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I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night

A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they fired me." "And what about the Potato Peeler?" I asked. "They fired her too."

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What do you call a high person with Downs Syndrome?

A baked potato.

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2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker?

The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO

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A mother has 3 kids

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"

The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"

The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head

Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."

"SHUT UP BRICK"

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A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

But God does not exist, replies Stalin.

Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.

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Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..

Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

Zero.

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What do you call a stoner with down syndrome?

A baked potato.

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Joke from my daughter.

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?
HULK'S MASH!

no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

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Not a Latvian joke

Lost job and no money for buy potato.

Also is cold.

Regret immigrate to Detroit.

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What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

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A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.

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I almost got fired last night...

I was at my boss's house for dinner and his wife asked how many potatoes do you want? I said I'll have 1 potato and she said it's okay you don't have to be polite . I said Okay, I'll have 1 potato you stupid bitch .

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I got arrested today for feeding the homeless guys on my street...

And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun.

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The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies

Chairman: How does our potato supply look?

Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.

Chairman: But God does not exist.

Party member: Neither do the potatoes.

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Latvian potato eating contest.

Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...

They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.

Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.

They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.

They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.

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Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred

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Just got fired from my job at the chip shop for sticking my dick in the potato peeler

And she got fired too!

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What do you call an authoritarian potato?

A dicktater.

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Boy complains to his father

Boy: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

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In Jamaica

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

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Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

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What do you call a stoned Irishman?

A baked potato.

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What are the most funny Potato jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Potato? Well, here are the best Potato dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Potato pick up lines to share with friends.

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