Potato Head Jokes

Following is our collection of tomatoe humor and tubers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Potato Head puns for adults, dirty dicktator jokes or clean latke gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cheetos jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes on potato head. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any chips witze you can hear about potato head.

The Best jokes about Potato Head

A mother has 3 kids

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"

The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"

The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head

Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."

"SHUT UP BRICK"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

Impressing Chicks On The Beach

A scrawy guy has a hard time attracting women on the beach....so he goes to the life guard and asks for advice and the lifeguard tells him "Next time...wear a speedo 2 sizes small and drop a potato inside" the guy decides to follow the advice

The next day...the scrawny guy comes back and all the women run away in horror except for the lifeguard. The guy asks the lifeguard "You told me this would work!"

The lifeguard shook his head and said "The potato...goes in the front"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

How do you treat Mrs. Potato Head when she has cancer?

Ampu-tater


Three women break out of prison...

..a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They hear the marshal and his men coming so they duck into a near by potato barn. They find three potato sacks and jump in covering themselves from head to toe.

The marshal sends his deputy into the potato barn to check it out. The deputy see's the three sacks looking out of place, so he steps up to the sack with the redhead and kicks it.

"Woof." says the redhead.

"Just a dog in there." says the not to bright deputy. He kicks the sack with the brunette.

"Meow." purrs the brunette.

"Just a cat." says the deputy. He kicks the sack with the blonde in it.

Nothing happens. He gives it another kick.

"Potato" says the blonde.

A Farm Boy gets bullied for having a big head...

The son says, "Mom, all the kids at school say I have a big head. Its really upsetting."

The mother says, "Don't worry honey, your head isn't big at all. Now, go gather some potatoes."

"Mom, I don't have a bag for potatoes."

"Its okay son, just use your hat."

A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:

'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'

'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'

The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday.'

'Ah!' Says the barman. 'But today is Tuesday!'

'Oh no,' says the bloke. 'I must look like a right twat.'

Blonde, brunette, and a red head

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were running from the police. The three women ducked into an old barn on the side of the road. Inside the barn were three empty sacks and they decided to hide in them. In walk the police. They see the three sacks and are immediately suspicious. An officer kicks the sack the brunette is in so she says "Meow!"
"Oh it's just a cat." He says. The cop goes to the red head and kicks the sack shes in. She says "Woof!"
"Oh it's just a dog." So he moves onto the last sack where the blonde is hiding. He walks up and gives it one good kick.
"Potatoes!"

What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?

He got baked.

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."


Another blond joke

Three girls, a blond, a brunette and a redhead are out walking a dog and the dog escapes and runs on to a private property, the girls decide that they will take the risk and find the dog. After five minutes an old man comes out and starts yelling at them to get off his property; they leave but come back later to search for the dog. The old man hears them then calls the police. The girls hear the police, they spot a barn and run into it. The red head hides with the chickens, the brunette with the pigs and the blond with the potatoes. The police check out the barn and first check out the chickens the redhead becoming desperate starts saying "Bock bock bock" They don't think anyone is there and they move onto the pigs. The brunette becoming desperate went "Oink, oink oink!" the police think nobody is there and moves on to the potatoes and the blond becoming desperate goes "Potato, Potato, Potato!"

A Prime Rib, A Baked Potato, and a Garden Salad walk into a bar...

The bartender snaps his head away from the newspaper and yells, "Beat it, guys!" "We don't serve food!"

Blonde joke I heard a while ago

A red head, brunet, and a blonde were robbing a building. They heard the police and didn't have time to escape so they all hid in in the bag they were carrying. The police officer walks up to the bag with the red head in it and give it a kick and she says, "Meow, meow."The police officer says, "It must be a bag of cats." He then kicks the bag with the brunet in it and she says, "Woof, woof." The police officer says, "It must be a bag of dogs." He walks up to the bag with the blonde in it and gives it a kick and she says, "Potato, potato."

What Beer does Mr. Potato Head drink?

Spud Lite

Mr Potato

I ordered 'Mr Potato' online but he hasn't arrived yet. I can't wait so have been drawing diagrams of how I may assemble him. You could say I'm planning a head.

Another blonde joke

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are hiding from a farmer in a barn.

The brunette hides in a horse stable.

The red head hides behind a cow.

And the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

As the farmer walks up to the stable the brunette says "neiiigh". He goes to the cows and the red head goes "mooo". The blonde hears this and as the farmer approaches her corner of the barn she says "potato potato potato"

Potato Clocks.

Colin walks into the largest watch, clock and timepiece store in Dublin and after a bit of browsing, calls the shopkeeper over...

"Where d'ya keep your potato clocks?"

The shopkeeper laughs, "Potato clocks?! Are you messin' with me? I will tell you that we sell alarm clocks and grandfather clocks, and mantel clocks and hour-glasses, cuckoo clocks, sundials, and electric clocks and quartz clocks, digital clocks, solar clocks, and even Mickey Mouse clocks, but in all my years, I have never heard tell of a POTATO clock!"

Colin shakes his head and says, "I don't know...but after years of unemployment, I'm finally startin' a new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife says 'You'd better get a potato clock.'"

a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison

The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them.

In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door.
Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack.

Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in.
the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, "ruff, ruff, ruff!"
"eh, just some puppies" says the warden.

the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears "meow, meow", and says "eh, just some kittens".

So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears "potatoes, potatoes!"


Mr. Potato Head just recently released a Donald Trump themed version of the classic toy.

They call it The Little Dick-tater.

What did Mr. Potato Head give Mrs. Potato Head on their romantic night out?

A good fingerling.

My Personal Favorite Little Johnny Joke

One day in class the teacher brought a bag. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe something, and you tell what I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"Billy asks."No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,"the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.

When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.

When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went β€œBow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.

Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went β€œMeow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
β€œPotatoes.”

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"

One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes