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Postman Jokes

69 postman jokes and hilarious postman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about postman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a selection of funny postman jokes, ranging from puns to observational humour. From Postman Pat to the general mailman, Christmas cards to handwritten letters and the cost of postage, discover plenty of humour related to mail delivery.

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Funniest Postman Short Jokes

Short postman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The postman humour may include short mailman jokes also.

  1. I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman — can you help? She said, Sure. How many letters?
    Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.
  2. So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
  3. One of my friend recently started working as a postman I asked him why are you working for such underpaying job?
    He said, "it's not about money it's about sending message"
  4. I told my son about the birds and the bees. He then told me about the postman and my wife.
  5. When my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I was older, I said, "a postman". They laughed and said I should have more ambition, but now I'm 33 and work at FedEx. OP delivers!
  6. I was really happy when I opened four birthday cards and found a total of $200 in them. I love being a postman.
  7. What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail
  8. A son and a dad are talking Son: Why is the sky blue?
    Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.
    Son: So the sky slept with the postman?
  9. Two postman compete to see who can deliver more letters, what do you call the winner? The alpha mail
  10. Postman told me he was going on holidays.... I asked him if it was Parcelona or Istampbul he was headed to...
    Just said it was a stag do for his friend
    Ah, an all mail party I exclaimed

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Postman One Liners

Which postman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with postman? I can suggest the ones about mail man and post office.

  1. It starts with P, finishes with N and has 100 letters. It is a postman.
  2. What vegetable can be delivered by a postman? Lettuce
  3. I just got a job as a postman. Op delivers.
  4. What did they call Postman Pat after he retired? Pat
  5. Q: What's the secret to telling a good postman joke? A: It's all in the delivery
  6. What comes after man? Postman
  7. The postman said he'd hold my package till I got home... it was an uncomfortable walk.
  8. I sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3 years. She married the postman.
  9. Don't upset your Postman He knows where you live.
  10. Dogs can be our best friends, but a cat Will never tell your husband who the postman is
  11. I didn't think my son would make a good postman. But he delivered.
  12. What's a postman's favourite herb? Parcel-y
  13. I dressed up my dog as a postman one day. He bit himself.
  14. Why do dogs run outside to meet the postman... Theres nearly never any for them
  15. What do you do when you see a postman? Upvote, man!

Postman Pat Jokes

Here is a list of funny postman pat jokes and even better postman pat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call postman Pat.
  • What would Postman Pat be called if he wasn't a Postman?..... Pat :lol:
Postman joke, What would Postman Pat be called if he wasn't a Postman?.....

Comical Postman Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about postman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean postal worker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make postman pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely n**....

I'm not sure what scared him more. My n**... body or the fact I knew where he lived

My daughter came up to me and said

My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."

Have you been drinking sir?

"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."

A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa

"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"

Why should you never be a postman?

Because you always get the sack on the first day of the job.

A VERY Funny Jokes

"Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet. Pandu: Why did you come so far? Instead you could have posted it.
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In class room . Russia , after the war .

Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )

What is the worst thing about father-son dinners?

Having to explain to Timmy why he has to go with the postman.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a cougar?

Trouble with the postman.

Two Italians having a conversation...

First one says: So i heard that you're good swimmer.
Second one replies: Yeah, i was a postman in Venice for 4 years.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why can't you send sailors through the mail?

You try explaining to the postman why you have a load of s**... for him.

"Have you ever seen a mailbox before?" asked my postman sarcastically.

I said, "Yes. Floyd Mayweather."

I saw my postman dressed as a knight on Halloween but his armour was made of envelopes.

I don't think he really understands how to make chain mail

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I've never heard him complain

What do you call a mailman whose transgender?

A postman

Something came in the mail today

The postman

Did the postman come yet?

No, but he is already breathing quite heavily.

Whats the word from which no matter how many letters you remove, it still remains the same?

Postman, ha gotcha

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Whenever my wife leaves, I like to p**... with the door open...

It really surprises the postman.

Mailbox, fence, postman

Karma

Mary announces to her mother that she is marrying the postman.

"What?" Her mum asks. "But he could be your father!"
Mary snorts. "Mum, age is just a number."
"No, dear, that's not what I meant"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How do you reassure a postman who is insecure of his gender?

You call him a Male Man

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Little Johnny Catches his Dad and Step-Mom Having s**...

Dad: It's OK Little Johnny, I'm just filling your step-mom's tank..........
Little Johnny: Really? Well, you should trade her for a woman that gets better mileage. The Postman already filled her up this morning.

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.

My friend asked for help with a crossword:

Friend: 4 down - Busy postman
Me: How many letters?
Friend: Loads, I guess

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

So I got a new job as a postman.

Bad thing is I'm quite embarrassed by it so I told all my friends I'm a mail e**....

Jim: "I gave the postman a big shock today - I went to the door without any clothes on."

Jack: "Surely he has seen stuff like that before."
Jim: "Yes, but what really surprised him was that I knew where he lived."

Postman joke, What vegetable can be delivered by a postman?

jokes about postman