The Best 58 Postman Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Postman jokes. There are some postman crossword jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these postman mailboxes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Postman Jokes and Puns
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived
What did they call Postman Pat after he retired?
Pat
My daughter came up to me and said
My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."
Have you been drinking sir?
"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."
What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice
There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail
What do you call postman
Pat.
Postman told me he was going on holidays....
I asked him if it was Parcelona or Istampbul he was headed to...
Just said it was a stag do for his friend
Ah, an all mail party I exclaimed
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
Why should you never be a postman?
Because you always get the sack on the first day of the job.
I told my son about the birds and the bees.
He then told me about the postman and my wife.
A VERY Funny Jokes
"Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet. Pandu: Why did you come so far? Instead you could have posted it.
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You can explore postman postage reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean postman neighbour dad jokes. There are also postman puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
What is the worst thing about father-son dinners?
Having to explain to Timmy why he has to go with the postman.
My house is full of Valentines cards. I'm not a legend though
Just a lazy postman
So I got a phone call from the post office today...
...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
What do you get when you cross a dog and a cougar?
Trouble with the postman.
I didn't think my son would make a good postman.
But he delivered.
Two Italians having a conversation...
First one says: So i heard that you're good swimmer.
Second one replies: Yeah, i was a postman in Venice for 4 years.
Don't upset your Postman
He knows where you live.
What do you call a mail woman that will get a sex change?
A postman
I've applied to be a postman.
OP delivers.
I just got a job as a postman.
Op delivers.
Why can't you send sailors through the mail?
You try explaining to the postman why you have a load of seamen for him.
A son and a dad are talking
Son: Why is the sky blue?
Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.
Son: So the sky slept with the postman?
I scared the postman when i went to the door completely naked .
I don't know if it was that I was naked or because I knew where he lived.
Two postman compete to see who can deliver more letters, what do you call the winner?
The alpha mail
So, I ordered some lightbulbs online. I was out when they arrived but the postman forgot to leave a card
So I was left in the dark.
When my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I was older, I said, "a postman". They laughed and said I should have more ambition, but now I'm 33 and work at FedEx.
OP delivers!
"Have you ever seen a mailbox before?" asked my postman sarcastically.
I said, "Yes. Floyd Mayweather."
What do you do when you see a postman?
Upvote, man!
I saw my postman dressed as a knight on Halloween but his armour was made of envelopes.
I don't think he really understands how to make chain mail
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....
I've never heard him complain
I dressed up my dog as a postman one day.
He bit himself.
Dogs can be our best friends, but a cat
Will never tell your husband who the postman is
What do you call a mailman whose transgender?
A postman
I scared the postman today by coming to the door completely naked
I don't know what was scarier, the fact that I was naked or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Something came in the mail today
The postman
When my friend decided to become a Postman, I said "That's great...
You're really pushing the envelope"
Did the postman come yet?
No, but he is already breathing quite heavily.
Whats the word from which no matter how many letters you remove, it still remains the same?
Postman, ha gotcha
Whenever my wife leaves, I like to poo with the door open...
It really surprises the postman.
Mailbox, fence, postman
Karma
I quit my job as a postman the first day right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, This isn't for me.
Mary announces to her mother that she is marrying the postman.
"What?" Her mum asks. "But he could be your father!"
Mary snorts. "Mum, age is just a number."
"No, dear, that's not what I meant"
How do you reassure a postman who is insecure of his gender?
You call him a Male Man
I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked...
I'm not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was naked or that I knew where he lived.
The Postman
Scared the hell outta the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Why do dogs run outside to meet the postman...
Theres nearly never any for them
I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman — can you help?
She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.
It starts with P, finishes with N and has 100 letters.
It is a postman.
I sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3 years.
She married the postman.
Little Johnny Catches his Dad and Step-Mom Having Sex
Dad: It's OK Little Johnny, I'm just filling your step-mom's tank..........
Little Johnny: Really? Well, you should trade her for a woman that gets better mileage. The Postman already filled her up this morning.
This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"
They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.
The postman said he'd hold my package till I got home...
it was an uncomfortable walk.
Q: What's the secret to telling a good postman joke?
A: It's all in the delivery
My friend needed help with a crossword
He asked me what is four across and i said postman, how many letters? He asks.
I tell him Thousands
My friend asked for help with a crossword:
Friend: 4 down - Busy postman
Me: How many letters?
Friend: Loads, I guess
One of my friend recently started working as a postman
I asked him why are you working for such underpaying job?
He said, "it's not about money it's about sending message"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the postman parcel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working postman deliveryman piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.