The Best 94 Post Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Post jokes. There are some post frontpage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these post upvoting puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Post Jokes and Puns

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

I finally got someone to be my valentine!

I wish I could post this in any other sub.

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

Post joke, As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.*

A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"

He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his crotch.

"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"

He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"

"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"

*

A woman smiling

Not my joke but wanted to post it here. A bit dry but I find it funny.

At a bar a woman keeps smiling at a man. Finally the man walk over to her.
Man: I would like to ask you to come over to my place.
Woman: Are you trying to pick me up?
Man: No. I'm a dentist.


I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it.

So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

Guys get PMS too...

Post Masturbation Syndrome. It's the 15 minutes after masturbating where you question what life is and what you just did.

Post joke, Guys get PMS too...

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

"Tom Jones Syndrome"

A man is in the waiting room at his Doctor's office and finally, the Doc arrives.

"Hello Jim what seems to be the problem today?"

Jim replies "Doc, you've gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady' by Tom Jones!"

The Doc says "oh yes, that is 'Tom Jones Syndrome'"

"Is it common?" Jim asks

"Well it's not unusual"

First post.

My LASIK doctor said that if I get 2000 upvotes on this post I'll get free treatment.

Upvote for visibility.

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

You can explore post upvote reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean post riposte dad jokes. There are also post puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


[NSFW/Slightly Offensive] What is the best thing about having sex with a Transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*

I'm using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed...

But there's a plane heading towards the twin towers right now.

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

A prisoner escaped..

And snuck inside a house nearby.

The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.

The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.

The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for sex. I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"

Then the woman replied..

"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"

Post joke, A prisoner escaped..

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)

So I got a phone call from the post office today...

...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel


At the post office....

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.



*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other:

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

If you've had sex with less than 536 people, then having sex with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.

I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...

...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

What do you call a webpage that helps your eyes feel better?

A site for sore eyes!

My dad made this up and wanted me to post it lol

I put together a list of 288 dead baby jokes to post.

I decided not to post them because it would be two gross.

Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other

Retards

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Donkey joke

Bob's having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts 'hey here's donkey' and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks 'hey mate why does he call you donkey'. Guy replies 'I don't know .....he haw, he haw, he hawlways calls me that.
That's my first and now probably last post

I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot".

What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

Why don't women work at the post office?

It's a mail dominated industry.

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.

Eventually the post office fired me for it.

What language does the post office at Hogwarts speak?

Parceltongue

I was going to post a time-travel joke...

But you guys didn't like it

I was going to post a joke I have seen here before, ...

But I figure you guys already Reddit.

Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office

They get really annoyed

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...

My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

I started a new gay club called "The Post Office"

You can get your male there.

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

How can you get the attention of a pervert?

Mark the post with an NSFW tag

Why was my post removed

Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.

I suck at building fences. Anyone have any tips?

Oh. I put this post in the wrong place, didn't I?

Two flies riding on a motorbike.

One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of ChinaΒ (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

How do you know if someone is just farming for karma?

They only post on their cake day

Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try

Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.

"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."

"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."

Johnny then frowned.

"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website

I think I should start uploading my bills.

What do you call a dog underwater?

A Scooby diver

*My seven year old asked me to post this here.

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.

What takes 3 years?

Making a successful post on my cake day!

Jerry Falwell Jr has resigned his post as president from the school that his father founded

When reporters were seeking a statement, he was not at Liberty to respond

This Goat walks into a post office

And says to the Postmaster "I need to send a telegram."
The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?"
The Goat says "I need it to say, maa maa maa maa maa maa maa." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 4 more "MAAs" in for you."
The Goat looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense."

pre means before and post means after,

to use both at the same time would be...



preposterous

Otherwise

You might think this post sucks.
But the title says otherwise

Coming up with a good Reddit post is usually pretty hard.

But today it's a piece of cake!

Why didn't the feminist want to work at the post office?

Because it's a mail dominated industry.

Why did the spider get on the computer?

To check his website.

This is my son's favorite joke and he wanted me to post it for Halloween.

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.

Finally today a girl kissed me

I wish I could post it in another subreddit :(

A werewolf stenographer starts a YouTube channel from his post on a U-boat:

Lychan Sub Scribe

How many morons does it take to read a reddit post?

Just one.



Thanks for reading.

This was the year I got all I wanted: a girlfriend, a steady job, and many new friends. All I could want for the next year is...

to be able to post this in a different sub.

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

My boss calls me "the computer"

Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes

EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much

Roses are red, reposting is lame,

[this post was removed due to a copyright claim.]

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then...

...no pun in ten did

No one bird can eat a bowl of fruit loops...

But toucan!

(First post here, hope you like it.)

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?

A: A hole

Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?

A: Post office

Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

A: A coffin

Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?

A: A stamp

Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?

A: A fence

Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?

A: Envelope

Two redditors walk into a bar.

"Well technically," the first argues, "it is a Pub since it serves food."

"Actually," the second says, "it is a Saloon since it is a part of a hotel."

Neither remembers the point of this post.

What do you call an app that delivers drugs to you, whenever you need it?

Instagram.





I just thought of this while scrolling Reddit and i just had to post it

Just tell me mate

Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .

Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won't get deleted .

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Sorry I let all of you down on my Cake Day...

I couldn't think of a batter joke to post..

She couldn't fit in 1 post

There you go

Almost immediately after making my first joke here, I got a brand new follower!

I was very excited, so I went to their profile. I think they're a new account, they only have one post, and when I clicked on the link in the post, it took me to a site that immediately asked if I was over 18

I guess my joke was a little immature, sure, but there's gotta be nicer ways of saying it

I'd love to post a joke like the ones I see trending every day and I think I could do it.

If I can only find an old enough joke book..

First joke post

How do you hear the blood in your veins?

By listening varicosely

Most of the posts here are medium.

They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the post downvote jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working post blogger piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes