The Best 92 Post Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Post jokes. There are some post frontpage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these post post office puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Post Jokes and Puns

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

I finally got someone to be my valentine!

I wish I could post this in any other sub.

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it.

So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

jokes about post

Guys get PMS too...

Post Masturbation Syndrome. It's the 15 minutes after masturbating where you question what life is and what you just did.

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

Post joke, Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)

So I got a phone call from the post office today...

...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

You can explore post upvote reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean post riposte dad jokes. There are also post puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.



*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

Post joke, I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other:

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

If you've had sex with less than 536 people, then having sex with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.

I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...

...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

What do you call a webpage that helps your eyes feel better?

A site for sore eyes!

My dad made this up and wanted me to post it lol

Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other

Retards

Post joke, Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right nex

I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot".

What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

Why don't women work at the post office?

It's a mail dominated industry.

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.

Eventually the post office fired me for it.

What language does the post office at Hogwarts speak?

Parceltongue

Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office

They get really annoyed

I started a new gay club called "The Post Office"

You can get your male there.

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Why was my post removed

Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.

I suck at building fences. Anyone have any tips?

Oh. I put this post in the wrong place, didn't I?

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of ChinaΒ (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try

Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.

"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."

"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."

Johnny then frowned.

"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"

What do you call a dog underwater?

A Scooby diver

*My seven year old asked me to post this here.

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.

This Goat walks into a post office

And says to the Postmaster "I need to send a telegram."
The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?"
The Goat says "I need it to say, maa maa maa maa maa maa maa." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 4 more "MAAs" in for you."
The Goat looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense."

pre means before and post means after,

to use both at the same time would be...

​

preposterous

Otherwise

You might think this post sucks.
But the title says otherwise

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.

How many morons does it take to read a reddit post?

Just one.



Thanks for reading.

This was the year I got all I wanted: a girlfriend, a steady job, and many new friends. All I could want for the next year is...

to be able to post this in a different sub.

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

My boss calls me "the computer"

Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes

EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much

Roses are red, reposting is lame,

[this post was removed due to a copyright claim.]

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then...

...no pun in ten did

No one bird can eat a bowl of fruit loops...

But toucan!

(First post here, hope you like it.)

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?

A: A hole

Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?

A: Post office

Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

A: A coffin

Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?

A: A stamp

Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?

A: A fence

Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?

A: Envelope

Most of the posts here are medium.

They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.

My girlfriend told me sex was best on vacation.

Not the best post card I have received.

Why should you always post jokes in American English?

They can reach a wider audience.

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday.

You won't catch me doing that today.

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.




First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just for upvotes…

You won't catch me doing that today.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them.

You won't catch me doing that today.

If you're outdoors you can skip this post

It's just an inside joke

As my teacher used to say: "Pre- means before. Post- means after."

"To use both prefixes together would be preposterous."

"Pre-" means before and "Post-" means after, so to use both together in a single word would be...

preposterous

​

cheers all :)

Today my wife gave birth to a baby boy. I have waited for this moment for so long..

Now I can finally post my jokes here. Thank you God.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it is their cake day.

You won't catch me doing that today.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders minced pork shoulder and ham, pressed it into a block and served in a can.

POST REMOVED

**Rule 3 - No Spam posts.**

I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, You aren't that good in bed either!

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?

I was in bed.

What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?

Getting a second opinion

Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.

This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back

My wife tried to apply at the post office, but they would not letter.

They said only mails work here.

What has more letters than the alphabet...

The Post office...

​

My 9 year old daughter told me this before bed... i thought i'd share.

Are pirates ass men or tit men

Ass men. It's all about the quality of the booty, not the size of the chest.

Came up with this a few months ago and keep forgetting to post it.

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

What do you call a rapper that smells nice?

Post Cologne

I kissed a girl today.

Wish I could post this in another sub some day.

Why was my post removed?

Can anyone tell me why my post was removed?

I'm a bit annoyed by this because my fence has fallen over.

Did you hear about Post Malone falling while performing?

He seems okay now. It was just a stage he was going through.

Post your best One-Liner.

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage

I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion

I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.

But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

Punchline in the title of a Reddit post

Yo mama so stupid she puts the…

The neighbourhood kids just invited me to a waterfight!

I'm just submitting this post while the kettle boils.

I've open 6 birthday cards and I'm up to $150 already.

I love working for the post office!

It's a good thing Elon didn't acquire Reddit, otherwise

(Your post was removed by Reddit admins, and your account was suspended)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the post post it note puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working post post malone piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes