Positive Thinking Jokes

101 positive thinking jokes and hilarious positive thinking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about positive thinking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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jokes about positive thinking

Best Short Positive Thinking Jokes

Short positive thinking puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The positive thinking humour may include short optimistic jokes also.

  1. Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What's his blood type? Nurse: B positive.
    Doctor: Okay. I think the patient is going to make it.
  2. Two atoms bump into each other. 2 atoms bump into each other. One says, "I think I lost an electron" The other asks,"Are you sure?"
    To which the first replies, "I am positive"
  3. Two atoms walk into a bar. The first one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron!"
    The second one goes "Are you sure?"
    To which the first one replies "I'm positive."
  4. So an atom and physicist were talking, and the atom says, "Oh no, I think I've lost an electron". "Are you sure?", the physicist asks.
    The atom replies, "I'm positive".
  5. Two atoms were walking down the street and one suddenly stops and says, Oh no, I think I lost an electron! The other atom asks, are you positive?
  6. As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term. His Covid19 test result.
  7. Two atoms are in a bar. One says, "I think I lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" to which the other replies, "I'm positive."
  8. Two atoms were hanging out... ...and one says to the other, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"
    The other says, "Are you sure?"
    The first says, "Yes, I'm positive!"
  9. Two atoms are walking back home together... One of the atom stumbles and falls
    Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.
    Atom 2: are you sure?
    Atom: I'm positive.
  10. Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less." Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about positive thinking can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of positive thinking puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Positive Thinking One Liners

Which positive thinking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with positive thinking? I can suggest the ones about positive work and positive.

  1. I think I lost an electron In fact, I'm positive.
  2. I think I lost an electron I'm feeling pretty positive though
  3. I Think I Lost an Electron... Yep, I'm positive.
  4. What do you not say to someone going on for an AIDS test? Think positive
  5. Positive thinking in disguise Optimist Prime
  6. I think everyone should find their absolute values It makes them positive.
  7. i tried thinking positive once and it worked until i started thinking reality
  8. What do you call a super positive thinking Autobot? Optimism Prime
  9. I think I've lost an electron. Ion a minute, are you positive?
  10. I think the doctors told me my blood type was A... but I'm not positive.
  11. My friend said he was worried he had h**.... I said think about the positives.
  12. Thing you never want to think positive about h**...

Rib-Tickling Positive Thinking Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about positive thinking you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bright side jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make positive thinking prank.

Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other.

One of them falls down.
"Are you OK?" asks the other.
"I think so," says the proton.
"You sure?" the other asks.
"Yeah," says the proton..."I'm positive."

In the s**... Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making s**...."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids.

The results came back positive.
When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"

"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."

So 2 atoms were walking down the street...

One suddenly says: Oh no, I think I lost an electron!
The other one asks: Are you sure man?
He says: Yes, I'm positive.

A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To who?"
"To whom*."
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?
Give him two test tickles!
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.
One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"

An atom is walking down the street...

An atom is walking down the street when he meets a friend of his, who is evidently distraught. "What's the everything OK?" the atom asks his friend. "Well, I think I might have lost an electron," responds the other atom. "Are you sure?" asks the first. "I'm positive!" replies his friend.

A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls.

The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.
Accountant1: I'm here for ther job, I'm great at d-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant1: 4
Boss: get out
Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.
Accountant2: hey I'm here for the-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant2: 4
Boss: get out.
Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that s**... he doesn't want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.
Accountant3: hi, I'm here for the ne-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant3: anything you want it to be.
Boss: you're hired.

What's a m**...'s favorite s**... position?

You'd probably think it's m**..., but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance.

Ever wondered why is being gay a sin?

It's simple. We all know 69 as a s**... position. Satan's own number is 6**.... Now think about g**..., and 6**... as a s**... position.

So an atom walks into a bar...

He says, "Hey bartender, I think I lost an electron." The bartender asks him if he's sure, and he says , "Yeah, I'm positive."
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
A photon walks into a bar. He sees his friend on the other side of the room, so he waves.

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

A helium atom and a hydrogen atom were talking.

A helium atom and a hydrogen atom were talking.
Hydrogen says to helium, 'Hey, I think I've lost my electron.'
Helium replies 'Oh, are you sure?'
Hydrogen responds 'I'm positive'.

What's an Optimistic Vampire's Favorite Drink?

B Positive!
(We were trying to think of jokes that would be on pop sickle sticks in my AP Stats class. I came up with this one. I'm not proud.)

Two hydrogen atoms

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. The first says "I think I've been ionized".
The second replied " are you sure" and the first responded "yes I'm positive".
After hearing this conversation the bartender kicked them out and said to the other patrons "don't anthropomorphize atoms, they don't like it"

I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives.

Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you.

My attempt at a s**... math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

I told my doctor i was scared and nervous when i got tested for h**......

He said 'Just calm down and try to think positive.'

A Hydrogen atom suddenly exclaimed: "I think I just lost my electron!"

"Are you sure?" Asked its friend,
"Yes" replied the first, "I'm positive."

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a street...

One of them trips and falls. His friend says, " are you okay? "
" I dunno. I think I lost my electron! "
"Are you sure? "
"I'm positive!"

A Hydrogen atom walks into a bar...

...and asks for a shot.
Bartender, "what's the occasion?"
Atom, "I think I lost an electron."
Bartender, "you sure?"
Atom, "I'm positive."

A little boy asks his father ...

Boy: Dad what is 69
the dad confused takes a minute, thinks about it and responds
Dad: Son 69 is a position people take during s**.... It's actually quite common and I'm sure at some point in your life you will encounter it as well
Son: So what should I write that 69 is even or odd

They say that you should always dress for the job you want and not the job you have, so all week I have been coming into the office dressed as a fireman.

I can't say that the reaction has been positive overall, but I'm going to stick with it, because I think perseverance is a pretty important trait to have if your job is fighting fires.

Do you think charlie sheen admitted to being h**... positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us

A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."

Guys wife in horrible accident & now in a coma...

...& seems hopeless. However one of the nurses noticed slight movement when sponging her private parts & encouraged the husband to try & arouse her. Try a little o**... s**... is all, you never know. We'll give you privacy. So the husband goes in, but 2 minutes later the wife flat-lines & dies. The nurse runs in & asks what happened.
"I'm not positive, but I think she choked to death!"

My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:

1. m**... 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

Trip to Japan

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a h**.... The whole night the h**... keeps screaming, "Hosthimota! Hosthimota!"
The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the h**... to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive.
The next day he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partners when he makes a hole in one! Everyone is congratulating him, and he can't think of anything to say but, "Hosthimota!"
The applause stop, and one of the business partners turns to him and says, "No, sir. That *was* the right hole.

Two atoms are walking together...

One of them says:
Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.
The other replies, Are you sure?
The first says, Yes, I'm positive.
*This is an oldy all over the internet, but very cute.*

I was quite an upbeat child

I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

Think about something positive! What's the first thing that comes to your mind?

My h**... test.

My friend got drunk and thinks he had s**... with a p**......

At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*.

I think we all need something positive after the recent election

Which is why I'm sharing my h**... status with all of you.

A Neutron Walks Into a Bar

And says "Oh my God I think I just lost an electron!" The bartender asks "are you positive?"

Two cesium atoms are walking down the street

The first Cesium atom says, "oh my god! I think I'm missing an electron!" The second one says, "are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive."

I think my work is boring and not challenging enough...

I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!

A v**... goes to a brothel for his first time.

The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge f**..., right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another f**..., bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.
To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?
The mathematician immediately responds "63".
The physicist responds "63, plus or minus 5%".
The engineer thinks for a moment and responds "63, but for safety, let's call it 70".
The accountant shuts the door, checks over his shoulder, leans in close to the desk, and whispers *"how much do you want it to be?*"

Guy goes to a doctor...

A guy goes to a doctor and tells him, "I've been thinking about this a long time. I want to be castrated. This is important to me, and don't try to talk me out of it. I don't want any discussion. Just do it."
The doctor shrugs and agrees, and schedules him for surgery the next day.
The guy is laying in the recovery room afterwards with his knees up and an icepack where the work was done, and he looks over and sees another guy in the exact same recovery position. "Looks like we both got the same surgery."
The other guy nods, "Yeah, although I still feel silly getting circumcised--"

I just got offered a new position at work that I need to consider.

I got called into my boss's office for standing around too much at work. He said "please take a seat."
I told him I'll have to think about it. While it gives me a lower profile in the company, I'll have a greater comfort level in what I'm doing.

Cinderella was waiting for her christmas photos to be sent in the mail.

Even though they were very late she stayed positive, thinking: 'One day my prints will come'.

I'm thinking about getting my blood tested

I'm scared of A negative result, but I'll try to B positive.

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

Two atoms are walking down the street....

One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

So, a woman and an inexperienced guy want to have s**......

She proposes doing 69, he doesn't know the position but agrees - doesn't matter had s**..., he thinks.
They begin, she s**... and he licks happily away, but suddenly she has to f**.... He pauses, shivers but continues.
Shortly after, she farts again. He pushes her off, puts on his pants. She begs him not to go, he answers: "sorry, I like you and s**... is fun... But I won't take the other 67."

Which is worse having AIDS, or dying in a plane c**...?

I think it's probably worse having AIDS, in fact I'm positive.

Me: Nothing's going well in my life.

Friend: Think positive thoughts! You ll feel better.
Me: | Nothing's going well in my life. |

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:
* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh

An ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender I think I dropped an electron on the way in. The bartender asks, are you sure?

I'm positive

Two atoms are driving together, lose control and smash into a tree...

ATOM #1: are you ok?
ATOM #2: oh my god, no! I think I lost an electron!
ATOM #1: are you sure?
ATOM #2: yes, I'm positive!

-Two atoms walking down the street

Two atoms walking down the street happen to collide into one another. The first one exclaims, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!" 
"Are you sure?" says the second atom. 
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Someone somewhere out there is thinking about you and the positive impact you had on their lives.

It's not me. I think you're messed up.

An atom walks into a bar

He said I think I lost an electron on the way in.
The bartender asked if he's sure.
He said Ion positive.

I was a rather optimistic child

I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

An atom says to another, I think I just lost an electron .

The other says, Are you sure? .
The first replies, Yes, I'm positive .

Angel Gabriel approached God

What are you doing there? he asked.
Well said God, You know this planet I've been creating?
Yeah, what of it?
I've discovered that I can cause it to rotate in space, and given the position of that star I made earlier; Sol, it allows, in the most part, for a 24hr period of alternating light and dark.
Oh, that's pretty cool. So what now then?
To be honest, I think I'm gonna call it a day.

The best politicians did well in their English courses

Where do you think hey learned to lie about their positions?

Laughing all the way to the bank

I think bankers must be very positive and funny people - whenever I ask for a loan, all they do is laugh at me.

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite s**... position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

A wife and husband are going on a road trip

After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired
Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap
The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off
A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize
Wife: Where the h**... are we!
Husband: I dont know, i just woke up Too

There are two lithium atoms walking along, and one says to the other,

Phil, I think I lost an electron back there.
So Phil says, Really Jason, are you sure?
And Jason replies, Yeah, I'm positive!

Two atoms are talking and one says "I think I lost an electron."

The other atom says "Are you sure?" The first atom replys "Yes, I'm positive!"

A hydrogen atom walks into a bar.

So a hydrogen atom walks into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
The bartender says, 'Are you sure?'
The atom says, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 1)

He turns up to the interview and there are two other guys.
The first guy gets taken in for an interview and is asked: Who killed Jesus Christ? He replies "The Jews".
The second guy gets taken in and is asked the same thing, to which he replies "The Romans".
The third guy (our guy) gets taken in and when asked the same question he replies "Hmm, I'll have to go home and think about that for a while".
When he got home, his wife asked how he went and he replied enthusiastically "It went really well, I've been assigned a case already!"

Got accosted by a bunch of guys proclaiming the end is nigh…

First one was positive for covid, the second one had laryngitis, next one a s**...'s cough and the last one had a sore t**...…
I think they were the Four hoarse men of the apocalypse.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit go to donate blood at their local bloodbank.

When the arrive they are asked what bloodtypes they have.
The priest thinks and says I believe I am a type A positive
The minister says I'm quite certain I'm a type B negative
The rabbit tugs on his beard and thoughtfully says I think I'm a type O

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these positive thinking jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.