Positive Negative Jokes

Did you know it's possible to change a persons blood type?

A negative person just needs to be positive.

Double Positives.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

A linguistics professor is giving a lecture...

She says "Only in few languages, like Russian do two negatives make a positive, but there is not a single language known where two positives make a negative"
A witty student shouts back "yeah right! "

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

Looking into buying a saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

My mother's blood type is A-negative. My father's blood type is B-positive...

That make me AB-normal.

Double Negative

The language teacher said, "In English, a double negative is a positive. But in some languages like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. But there no languages in which a double positive is a negative."
Robbie, unconvinced said, "Yeah, right."

And That's How the Fight Started.

Wife: You are always so negative.
Husband: I'll be more optimistic...I'm positive you're an idiot!

My wife tells me im always too negative

Well, doesnt that make me a positive?

My attempt at a s**... math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

My doctor asked if I was happy with my blood test results...

I told him it was definitely a positive so I don't wanna b negative

A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.

He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."

A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."

With all the negativity world-wide lately, it's nice to see Charlie Sheen has announced something positive

Someone once told me: In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language does a double positive form a negative.

Yeah, right.

Some mathematicians are on the negative side,

While others are quite positive.

My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive...

which is why I lost my job at the h**... clinic

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

Researchers have developed a new painkiller with no negative side effects

… and no positive either.

What do the negative ion and the positive ion have in common?

They're both in favor of net neutrality!

An english professor said to his students there is no way to use two positives to express a negative

One student smirked to his friend "Yeah right."

A Zwitterion walks into a bar...

A Zwitterion walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him about his job.
The Zwitterion says, "Eh, there's some positives and negatives about it".

A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students

He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"

There was a question on my math test that asked whether the slope of a line was positive or negative...

I said yes

What did the positive terminal say to the negative terminal?

Let's try not getting too attached

Double positives

One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.
To which his student replies "yeah right"

An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives

He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".

With all this negative talk about Africa I thought I would mention something positive about the people there...

Their AIDS test results

My college professor talked about double negatives today

He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
Yeah, right.

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?

A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

An English teacher to his class...

"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"

A professor was teaching a languages course

"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"

Yesterday, I got a positive outlook.

The test results were negative.

Baby, are you a relative minimum of a function?

Because when I found you, my life changed from negative to positive.

If two negatives make a positive...

Do two gay guys make a straight?

If two negatives make a positive...

Then does an African communist have food?

Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.

I said, "Yeah, right."

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

Another three vampires go into a bar and sit at a table.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink. The first asks for a glass of O-positive. The second asks for a glass of B-negative. The third says, "I'm on a diet, so I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns to the bartender and says, "Eddie! Two bloods and a blood light!"

Scientists use both positive and negative conditioning to teach cats to speak.

In a group of cats, a tutor would reward an individual cat who said "me" with the best food at feeding time. In another experiment, a researcher would apply mild electric shocks to the subject cat until it said "ow".
The lead scientist said they've had some success, however they weren't sure if the cats were using those words in the right context.

I'm thinking about getting my blood tested

I'm scared of A negative result, but I'll try to B positive.

Why was the kid with chronically depressed parents always in such a good mood?

Because two negatives make a positive.

What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?

Their h**... test

My aim in life is to turn negative into positive...

...which is how I lost my job at AIDS clinic.
- Andrew Lawrence

Did you hear about the math teacher who's afraid of negative numbers?

She always tries to keep it positive

I was assigned AB positive blood type at birth, but I identify myself as having B negative blood.

After all, blood is fluid.

Abortion is a difficult subject for me

Because on the positive side it kills kids, but on the negative side, it gives woman a choice

Doctor: I have some bad and good news. First the negative—You have syphillis, chlamydia, and Hepatitis.

But on the positive side, h**....

My teacher told me two negatives make a positive..but two positives never make a negative

_yeah right_

You know you're getting old when...

"at your age" starts to come with negative connotations instead of positive ones at the doctor.
*Based on true events*...

My friend says a double negative can make a positive, but a double positive can never make a negative.

Yeah, right.

I am a positive person...

When someone is negative to me, I become negative to him as well to make the whole situation positive

Electricity is a great consultant

It's always either positive or negative

A math teacher was lecturing his students about double negatives and positives. He explained that a negative and a negative make a positive and that a positive and negative always make a negative. He also stated that two positives will never make a negative.

A student shouted sarcastically Yeah, right!

TIL people with type A negative blood are more likely to become sick from COVID-19

I guess you gotta B positive during these rough times

So this dude's giving a lecture

about how two negatives can make a positive but two positives can't make a negative, when a voice from the lecture hall shouts:
"Yeah, Yeah!"

A linguistics professor says

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.

I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

An English teacher is giving a lesson about double negatives and how they turn positive. The teacher then states that there are no double positives that make a negative statement.

A student in the back says "yeah, right".

Blood bank.

A priest, a minister and a Rabbit walk into the blood bank.
They're asked Blood type?
The priest says "A positive."
The minister says "B negative."
The Rabbit says I'm probably a Type O