Positive Negative Jokes
88 positive negative jokes and hilarious positive negative puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about positive negative that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Positive Negative Short Jokes
Short positive negative jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The positive negative humour may include short double negative jokes also.
- With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
- I heard that, while a double negative makes a positive, a double positive doesn't make a negative... Yeah right.
- Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less." Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."
- What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date? *"We have potential."*
- There are zero types of people in the world Those who are positive and those who are negative.
- As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
- This year I decided to rid of all negativity in my life. 2020 wasn't the best year to start, I'd hate to be surrounded by positive people now.
- When my grandfather was dying we struggled to figure out his blood type. He just kept telling us to be positive. and then they just gave him o-negative because it works with all blood types
- What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge
- So this dude's giving a lecture about how two negatives can make a positive but two positives can't make a negative, when a voice from the lecture hall shouts:
"Yeah, Yeah!"
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Positive Negative One Liners
Which positive negative one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with positive negative? I can suggest the ones about negative and positive.
- 2019: Stay away from negative People 2020: Stay away from positive people
- Kellyanne Conway did not test positive for Covid-19 She tested alternative-negative
- Two positives never make a negative. Yeah, right.
- One of the most negative words... ..of 2020 is 'positive'.
- What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery.
- What is one positive thing that's actually really negative? A pregnancy test
- Why does Magic Johnson love the life he lives? Because he went from Negative to Positive.
- and education is always a positive thing and an eduanion is always negative
- A positive parent.. A positive parent said to their negative child... Your grounded.
- Doctor: And you're sure your blood type isn't negative? Patient: I'm positive!
- Double negatives are positives Ain't nothin' right about that.
- Double negative isn't a positive Instead it is a triple negative
- Yesterday, I got a positive outlook. The test results were negative.
- My wife tells me im always too negative Well, doesnt that make me a positive?
- Electricity is a great consultant It's always either positive or negative
Humorous Positive Negative Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about positive negative you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean negative numbers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make positive negative pranks.
Did you know it's possible to change a persons blood type?
A negative person just needs to be positive.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling.
Some were considered prime suspects in 9's death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well.
6 snuck into 7's house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly improper position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9's body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal... 7 8 9.
6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows... And promptly solve his problem.
Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.
"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.
Looking into buying a saturn Ion sedan..
All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.
My mother's blood type is A-negative. My father's blood type is B-positive...
That make me AB-normal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another vampire joke.
3 vampires walk into a blood bar.
The 1st vampire looks at the bartender and says "I'll have your finest cup of blood, type O negative please." The bartender happily obliges.
The 2nd vampire then places his order. "One mug of AB positive, with extra plasma please!" The bartender once again happily obliges.
The 3rd vampire asks for a cup of boiling water. The bartender, perplexed, asks what he'll be needing a cup of hot water for. The 3rd vampire then pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attempt at a s**... math joke
A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."
My doctor asked if I was happy with my blood test results...
I told him it was definitely a positive so I don't wanna b negative
With all the negativity world-wide lately, it's nice to see Charlie Sheen has announced something positive
I've been really negative lately
I should be more positive like Charlie Sheen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A negative times a negative is a positive...
So if they say, "no", twice, it ain't r**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say two negatives don't make a positive
But what about a couple's h**... tests?
Some mathematicians are on the negative side,
While others are quite positive.
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Researchers have developed a new painkiller with no negative side effects
… and no positive either.
My brother told me this. Feels like it belongs here.
A grammar teacher was lecturing his students on double negatives. He explains, "In some languages, take English, for example, if you were to use double negatives, it is the equivalent of a positive. It isn't considered proper grammar for that reason."
A student raises his hand. "Like in Algebra?"
"Exactly. However, in other languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. For those of you who are curious, there is no language where a double positive equals a negative."
A student piped up in the back. "Yeah, right."
What do the negative ion and the positive ion have in common?
They're both in favor of net neutrality!
An english professor said to his students there is no way to use two positives to express a negative
One student smirked to his friend "Yeah right."
A Zwitterion walks into a bar...
A Zwitterion walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him about his job.
The Zwitterion says, "Eh, there's some positives and negatives about it".
A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students
He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"
There was a question on my math test that asked whether the slope of a line was positive or negative...
I said yes
What did the positive terminal say to the negative terminal?
Let's try not getting too attached
Double positives
One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.
To which his student replies "yeah right"
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
What's the most positive number?
0, because it leaves everything negative behind it.
My college professor talked about double negatives today
He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
Yeah, right.
An English teacher to his class...
"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"
Baby, are you a relative minimum of a function?
Because when I found you, my life changed from negative to positive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If two negatives make a positive...
Do two gay guys make a straight?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If two negatives make a positive...
Then does an African communist have food?
In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.
Yeah, right.
Scientists use both positive and negative conditioning to teach cats to speak.
In a group of cats, a tutor would reward an individual cat who said "me" with the best food at feeding time. In another experiment, a researcher would apply mild electric shocks to the subject cat until it said "ow".
The lead scientist said they've had some success, however they weren't sure if the cats were using those words in the right context.
I'm thinking about getting my blood tested
I'm scared of A negative result, but I'll try to B positive.
Why was the kid with chronically depressed parents always in such a good mood?
Because two negatives make a positive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What positive quality about someone also tells you something negative about them?
Their h**... test
My aim in life is to turn negative into positive...
...which is how I lost my job at AIDS clinic.
- Andrew Lawrence
I was assigned AB positive blood type at birth, but I identify myself as having B negative blood.
After all, blood is fluid.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Abortion is a difficult subject for me
Because on the positive side it kills kids, but on the negative side, it gives woman a choice
My teacher told me two negatives make a positive..but two positives never make a negative
_yeah right_
You know you're getting old when...
"at your age" starts to come with negative connotations instead of positive ones at the doctor.
*Based on true events*...
My friend says a double negative can make a positive, but a double positive can never make a negative.
Yeah, right.
I am a positive person...
When someone is negative to me, I become negative to him as well to make the whole situation positive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If two negatives make a positive.
Shouldn't that make drunk women the best drivers?
TIL people with type A negative blood are more likely to become sick from COVID-19
I guess you gotta B positive during these rough times
I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.
I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... and a g**... are sitting in the traphouse late at night, all alone.
A p**... and a g**... are sitting in the traphouse late at night, all alone. They're talking about life, getting deep.
The p**... says he's been feeling depressed recently, and he hasn't been thinking positively enough.
The g**... says "You gotta surround yourself with people that make you happy, your h**... always be complaining about this and that, if you wanna think positively you gotta surround yourself with positive people."
The p**... replies;
"That's the problem, all I have is negative thots."
What did the Battery say on his Blind Date?
I have a lot of energy and I am a pretty positive guy. But I do have a negative side.
A man tries to find success as an Anti-motivational speaker
"In today's world of toxic positivity, we need more HEALTHY NEGATIVITY! Acknowledge your limitations! Understand your lack of potential! Remember that in this world of many people, you are NOT SPECIAL and EASILY REPLACEABLE!"
An audience member suddenly stood up, tears streaming down his face.
"Is this what it's like to have a Father?"