Positive Jokes

Funniest Positive Short Jokes

Short positive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The positive humour may include short negative jokes also.

1. Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
2. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
3. I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
4. My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
5. With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
6. I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons. I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
7. Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
8. First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba
9. Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What's his blood type? Nurse: B positive.
   Doctor: Okay. I think the patient is going to make it.
10. Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19 when all he had to do was to not get tested.
    >!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<

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Positive One Liners

Which positive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with positive? I can suggest the ones about pleasant and neutral.

1. What is the most dangerous position in chess? C4
2. What does a pulley like the best about its position? It's the center of a tension.
3. Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.
4. Whenever I'm sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says B positive .
5. I'm positive I lost an electron... ...better keep an ion that.
6. 2019: Stay away from negative People 2020: Stay away from positive people
7. What blood type do happy people have? B Positive.
8. I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic. Everybody is so positive.
9. How to always stay positive in life: | life |
10. I got kicked out of the hospital because I told the Covid patients to stay positive
11. I like 2020 Every day there are more positive people
12. My yoga instructor came to the yoga session drunk today He put me in an awkward position
13. Kellyanne Conway did not test positive for Covid-19 She tested alternative-negative
14. One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing... He's six under for the first time in years...
15. Two positives never make a negative. Yeah, right.

Testing Positive Jokes

Here is a list of funny testing positive jokes and even better testing positive puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Donald Trump and his wife Melania have tested positive for coronavirus. I didn't realise they were that close!
• Donald Trump has tested positive for COVID-19. Looks like RBG won her first case before God.
• President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19 Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.
• As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term. His Covid19 test result.
• Everything in my life is going so great... even the test results are coming back positive!
• After all this time, I still haven't tested positive for Covid… …wouldn't it be funny if it was just because I wasn't sticking the swab far enough into my ear?
• Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID? It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.
• Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"
• I really needed something positive in my life so I finally got tested.
• Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days... It requires power to perform the test.

Positive Thinking Jokes

Here is a list of funny positive thinking jokes and even better positive thinking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less." Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."
• Me: Nothing's going well in my life. Friend: Think positive thoughts! You ll feel better.
  Me: | Nothing's going well in my life. |
• I think my work is boring and not challenging enough... I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!
• I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives. Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you.
• What do you not say to someone going on for an AIDS test? Think positive
• Cinderella was waiting for her christmas photos to be sent in the mail. Even though they were very late she stayed positive, thinking: 'One day my prints will come'.
• I was quite an upbeat child I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel
• I'm thinking about getting my blood tested I'm scared of A negative result, but I'll try to B positive.
• Positive thinking in disguise Optimist Prime
• What's an Optimistic Vampire's Favorite Drink? B Positive!
  (We were trying to think of jokes that would be on pop sickle sticks in my AP Stats class. I came up with this one. I'm not proud.)

Positive Negative Jokes

Here is a list of funny positive negative jokes and even better positive negative puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I heard that, while a double negative makes a positive, a double positive doesn't make a negative... Yeah right.
• What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date? *"We have potential."*
• One of the most negative words... ..of 2020 is 'positive'.
• There are zero types of people in the world Those who are positive and those who are negative.
• As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
• This year I decided to rid of all negativity in my life. 2020 wasn't the best year to start, I'd hate to be surrounded by positive people now.
• When my grandfather was dying we struggled to figure out his blood type. He just kept telling us to be positive. and then they just gave him o-negative because it works with all blood types
• What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge
• What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery.
• So this dude's giving a lecture about how two negatives can make a positive but two positives can't make a negative, when a voice from the lecture hall shouts:
  "Yeah, Yeah!"

Positive Work Jokes

Here is a list of funny positive work jokes and even better positive work puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position. C:\Users\Brian\MyDocuments\Work\CV\Resume4.docx
• How do you get to a position of power in a science lab? Work over time
• My father who is a janitor said his position at work was raised He will be cleaning the 40th floor instead of the 39th.
• My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory... until his position was dissolved.
• My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician He never conducted himself positively at work
• I work as a living statue. It's a permanent position.
• I am a proton held at rest next to a plate with a high positive charge in a uniform electric field I have a lot of potential but I'm not doing any work.
• Is it easy to get a job at a restaurant? I don't have a lot of work experience, so ideally I'd be looking for an entree-level position.
• What is the largest barrier to women's advancement in the work place? The wives of the men in hiring positions.
• What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position? Ability to work under pressure.

Positive Covid Jokes

Here is a list of funny positive covid jokes and even better positive covid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I no longer need to wear a mask Now that I have my COVID 19 positive shirt people juts avoid being near me
• In nearly 4 years, finally something positive has finally come out of the White House Covid-19 tests
• I have always thought of myself as a positive person. Now thanks to COVID-19 I have proof!
• My friend has tested positive for Covid. She said that she caught it off of her Cat.
  Don't ask "Meow."
• What's one thing that turned out positive in 2020? I'll go first: My COVID test.
• Wife got COVID through me She said "Finally after 15 years of marriage, you're spreading positivity".
• Rudy Gobert jokes about Coronavirus Rudy Gobert tested positive for coronavirus. This brought NBA to a halt. On Monday, he had joked about the virus by touching microphones.
• They say there's power in positivity... ...my grandmother's covid test results say otherwise
• Got kicked out of the COVID ward today! Don't really know why?!
  I just told those guys to stay positive!
• Giuliani tested positive for covid-19. Looks like he finally won a case!

Howlingly Hilarious Positive Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about positive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean optimistic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make positive pranks.