Positive Attitude Jokes

My wife died in my arms today because she didn't know her own blood type.

She kept yelling "Be Positive" throughout the whole ordeal. I still don't know how she kept such a positive attitude all the way until the end.

How to get a position in the Trump Administration

Trump: How much is 2 + 2?
You: How much do you want it to be?
Trump: That's the kind of winning attitude I demand, welcome to my team!

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the full sentence was "

You're pretty annoying." but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Positive attitude

Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply,
"Can I feel your t**..., then?"
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!