The Best 35 Portrait Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Portrait jokes. There are some portrait picture jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these portrait benefactor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Portrait Jokes and Puns

Hitler asked his portrait

"What's going to happen to me when the war is over?" Hitler asked
"We're going to switch places" replied the portrait.
"How so?"
"They're going to take me down and hang you up."

The Portrait

A bartender notices a man sitting at the bar looking at a photograph while taking a drink from time to time. The bartender then goes away for a bit. He comes back and notices the man is still doing this. The bartender asks "Why have you been staring at the photograph this long." "Well," said the man, "It is my wife and when she starts to look better then it is time to go home."

This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done.

It looked so real that Joe Biden argued with it for 20 minutes that Peeta is better than Gale.

Biden then realized his mistake, . . . and admitted Gale is the clear choice.

Portrait joke, This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done.

An artist offered to do my portrait. . .

when he was finished I paid him a dollar for the picture. He assured me that it was only 75 cents and gave me back my change.

It was at that moment that I realized that I had just been drawn and quartered.

At some point out there...

There's a teenage girl that's taking pictures of the Grand Canyon with the camera in Portrait mode.


What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?

Husband says... Fall

Portrait joke, A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

Maybe he was born artistic,

Or maybe it's just a por-trait.

My ex was a ceramic artist who painted a portrait of me on a black plate. After we broke up, it was all I could stare at.

**I was in a dark plate.**

How do you take a Mexican family portrait?

Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light.

We're making self portrait masks in art class.

I think I'll get an A+.

I could just be getting ahead of myself.

You can explore portrait photography reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean portrait artist dad jokes. There are also portrait puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I saw a really lifelike portrait of Donald Trump the other day...

... it was really freaky how the hands followed you around the room.

At the exact moment when my grandfather died, a portrait of him fell of the wall.

It hit him on the head, killing him instantly.

A gruff looking guy approached me on the street saying he can draw my portrait for $2

It sounds sketchy

Getting a portrait painted.

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist.
I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

Portrait joke, I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Ka

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

I used to be a landscape gardener.

Got my clothes too dirty so I started doing it in portrait.

Why do portraits hate the judicial system?

They always get framed


Bill Clinton really likes Obama's new portrait.

Now he's not the only President who has been surrounded by Bushes.

Asked a Landscape gardener for a quote

They said they couldn't help me as my garden was portrait

I don't mean to brag

But I once painted a self portrait of someone else.

I hired a landscape gardener...

But he said he couldn't help me because my garden was portrait.

An old WW2 Joke from Germany

I finally got myself a Hitler portrait. I just don't know if I should hang it or put it against the wall!

What is a Jewish boy on a pile of ash?

A family portrait.

When my friend saw the portrait I drew of him...

He scrunched his face up.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a portrait of Jesus Christ?

The portrait needed only one nail.

Why didn't George Washington want his portrait on US currency?

Because he didn't want to be drawn and "quartered."

The Art of the Deal

A poor city man is out in the streets attempting to sell something on President's Day. He goes up to a foreigner and says:

"Hey there! Are you looking for a rare portrait of Washington on his birthday? I can hook you up. It's even got the signature of the Secretary of the Treasury on it, so you know it's authentic!"

"Wow, really? How much?"

"$5 a piece."

"I'll take 20!"

Needless to say, he came in with a Washington, and left with a Franklin.

I made a portrait of a depressed person and gifted it to them.

They hanged it too.

I went up to this girl and asked if she could take a picture of me, and she said yes.

So I handed her a framed portrait of me and walked away.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

Family portrait.

Why was the portrait taken to jail?

Because it was framed!

My friend's birthday

My friend ordered a cake with his own portrait as icing for his birthday and then ate it all without sharing with anyone

I guess he's so full of himself

Landscape Gardeners

I've been trying to get someone to redo my garden, but i'm not having much luck.

I've found several landscape gardeners, but mine is portrait.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the portrait photographic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working portrait canvas piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes