Port Starboard Jokes

A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...

"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"
"Turn to port!" said the boy.
"Correct!" said the pilot.
"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"
"Starboard!" said boy grinning from ear to ear.
"Good for you!" said the pilot.

"And straight?" asked the pilot.
The boy quickly replied, "Without ice!"

2 whales

Two Whales, Bob & Brenda, are swimming in the cold arctic waters when Bob spies a boat. "It can't be!" exclaims Bob. "What" asks Brenda. "You see that boat in the distance, Brenda? Well that's the whaler that murdered my parents!" "Oh Bob, that's awful" replies Brenda. "Quick, Brenda, I have a plan! you go port side & I'll go starboard & we'll blow as hard we can out of our blow-holes & sink the boat!" so Bob & Brenda position themselves either side of the boat & blow with all their might. Sure enough, the sea turns to foam & the boat capsises throwing the sailers into the sea. Brenda turns to leave. "Where do yu think you're going?" asks bob. "We're not done yet! Now we're going to eat the sailors!" "Look" replies Brenda "I don't mind doing the b**... but there's no way I'm swallowing s**...!!"

Superstitious captain

There was a very superstitious captain that kept a locked box in his quarters which he would open daily to examine. Before any battle he would do the same. None of his men knew what was in the box but they had never come close to losing a battle, so they knew it must be powerful.
On one occasion the captain approached his first mate and told him, "I don't believe I'll survive the next battle;take the key to my lockbox and look inside once you take over as captain."
The first mate does so and sure enough the very first cannonball hiys yhe captain directly in the chest. After the battle is ome the first mate (now captain) goes into his quarters and opens the box. Inside he finds only a piece of paper on which is written:
Left: port.
Right: starboard

This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!