The Best 48 Porsche Jokes

Following is our collection of Porsche jokes which are very funny. There are some porsche corvette jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these porsche delorean puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Porsche Jokes and Puns

If you had to choose between Bill Gates' money and world peace...

...what colour should your porsche be?

Three men were discussing the presents they gave their wives...

Guy 1: I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 4 seconds

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: A brand new Porsche 911

Guy 2: Well I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: A brand new Ferrari

Guy 3: That's nothing I gave my wife a present that goes from 0-250 in 2 seconds

Guy 2: Wow what?

Guy 3: A weight scale

Be wary of the chore of painting . . .

A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do.

After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said, I'm done.

The man asked, How did you get done so fast?

The lady said, It was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it's a Ferrarri not a Porsche.

Having friends is like having a Porsche...

I'd really like to have a Porsche.

What's the difference between an flautist and a Porsche?

Most members of the band haven't been in a Porsche.


What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda

What do Porsche and Apple have in common?

New product, same design.

A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.

He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".

The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".

The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"

3 women were discussing their sex lives..

The first one said-"My husband is like a Hummer; big, strong and rock hard."

The second says-"My husband is like a Porsche; smooth, sleek and fast."

They look at the third one to speak up. She pauses for a second, and then says-"Mine's like an old Chevy.. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going."

What is a terrorists favorite car?

a Porsche 911

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a Porsche? (Not what you think)

I've never been inside a Porsche.

You can explore porsche volkswagen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean porsche volvo dad jokes. There are also porsche puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Discussion between husband & wife

Wife : Everyday you spend 5 bucks on a pack of cigarettes. In a month, you would be spending 150 bucks right?

Husband : yes....and?

Wife : In a year, you would have spend $1800 and you have been smoking for 20 years. If you didn't smoke, you would be driving a Porsche by now.

Husband : how about you? Do you smoke?

Wife : Are you crazy? No! I don't!

Husband : And where is your Porsche?

At my first Weight Watchers meeting....

the group leader asked each of us why we wanted to lose weight. When it was her turn, one woman started to sob. "I vowed to lose weight when my husband bought me something too small for me to fit in." The leader replied, "Oh, that's too bad. Was it a dress?" "No, a Porsche!"

A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"

Did you hear about the insomniac car-enthusiast conspiracy theorist?

He stayed up all night debating whether Porsche did 911.

So Porsche released a Jewish Car...

The Yom KiPorsche, since the Muslims already had the Porsche 911

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...

"Oh the Humanities!"

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche.

(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche sitting in my garage


A young man was looking for work...

He comes across an old lady's house and asks if she has any work for him.

The lady says, "Actually I do need someone to paint the porch."

After some time the boy returns and says, "I've finished painting, but you should know it's a BMW not a Porsche."

An man goes to the optometrist

Dr. Li sits him down and begins to go through a full eye exam.

"Oh, no" the doctor says. "I think you have a cataract".

"Nah, Doc" the man replies. "I drive a Porsche"

People keep telling me that I have no idea what it's like to have no roof above my head

I don't think so, I really like the new Porsche convertible.

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"

"What is it?" The others ask.

"A brand new Mercedes!"

"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.

"What is it?" The first guy asks.

"A brand new Porsche!"

"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"

"A scale."

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A Greyhound bus.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

Whats a Muslim's favourite car?

A porsche 9/11

Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche?

Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: You're welcomed, young boy.

What does Porsche do?

Ellen.

On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..

the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him the next car, "this is a Porsche Spyder."

Again, the buyer is aghast, "what is with car companies naming them after insects?! What's next, a Volkswagen Beetle?!"

If you had to choose between a long lasting relationship and 10 million dollars

What color would your Porsche be ?

What is a terrorist's favorite sports car?

Porsche 9/11

I realized prostitutes name themselves after exotic cars like Porsche or Ferrari because they're "the sexiest ride you'll ever have"...

So my prostitute name would be "Teacups."

What's the difference between a soprano and a porsche?

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche

What does a Porsche 911 and the smallest possible forest have in common?

They're both 2 cedars (seaters).

What is red and can't climb trees?

Paul Walker's Porsche

A guy looking for work

A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.

A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, I'm finished. But you should know that your car's a Ferrari, not a Porsche.

The lawyer is painting his house, and a hobo comes around and asked if he could do something or in a few dollars.

The lawyer says, "sure, take a can of paint and go around to the back of the house and paint my porch."
The hobo does this and 15 minutes later comes back and says he's finished. The lawyer says, "already?" And the hobo says," yeah, but it isn't a Porsche, it's a Mercedes!"

What language do Porsche drivers speak?

Porschuguese

A poor man goes to a rich person's house and says that he will do anything for $100

The man tells him: If you repaint my porch, I will give you $100
3 hours later, the poor man says that he is finished.
Seeing no paint on his porch, the rich man says: I'm not paying you, you didn't do anything
The poor man replied: Yeah I did, but it's not a Porsche, it's a Mercedes

What comes standard with every German house?

A front porsche

Arrested at the airport

I'm a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model

When i landed in New York the TSA asked me are you here for business or pleasure
I responded I'm here for the new 911

What is Osama Bin Laden's favourite car?

Porsche **911**

What does a Porsche and my sex life have in common?

I don't have either.

What is the difference between a Porsche and my friends daughter?

I've never been in my friends daughter.

Sex

Sex is like a Porsche. My parents won't buy me either one.

A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday

She drops hints to her husband:

"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."

The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.

And that's when the fight started...

The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!"

There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the porsche cadillac jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working porsche bumper piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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