Porsche Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche.

(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.

He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".

The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".

The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"

My boss pulled up to work today in a brand new Porsche

As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, meet deadlines, and put in more hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda

On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..

the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.

Having friends is like having a Porsche...

I'd really like to have a Porsche.

Arrested at the airport

I'm a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model

When i landed in New York the TSA asked me are you here for business or pleasure
I responded I'm here for the new 911

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"

"What is it?" The others ask.

"A brand new Mercedes!"


"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.

"What is it?" The first guy asks.

"A brand new Porsche!"


"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"

"A scale."

Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche?

Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: You're welcomed, young boy.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...

"Oh the Humanities!"

A german, italian, and american chat in a bar..

A German, an Italian, and an American chat in a bar.
The German says: "my wife goes 0 to 100 in 7 seconds!"
"How so?" replies the Italian.
"I bought her a Porsche" replies the German.
"bah! my wife goes 0 to 100 in 5 seconds!!" the Italian states.
"really?? how?" asks the German.
"I bought her a Ferrari!!" smirks the Italian.
"my wife goes 0-100 in 2 seconds" replies the American.
"impossible!! how???" both say the German and Italian.
"I bought her a weigh scale!"

I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. It'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he says. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?'

The lawyer looks down in horror.

'FUCKING HELL!' he screams........'My Rolex!!!'

A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.

A man in a Porsche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride. They try to fit the hippy's bike into the trunk of the man's Porche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike. Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, "I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I'll drive you along. If I'm going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike." The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode. The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini. They're racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, "Dispatch you'll never believe what I just saw. I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them."

What language do Porsche drivers speak?

Porschuguese

Super fast Nano

A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.

"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.

The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ," calling all stations: you won't believe this, I just saw a BMW and a Porsche racing past about 190km/hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake."

(Nano is the cheapest car)

There were three old men playing golf...

and they each decided to start bragging about their adult sons.

The first man says: "I'm so proud of my son, he is a very successful car salesman that owns his own lot, and gave one of his friends a brand new Porsche."

The second man says: "That's impressive, but my son is a successful real estate owner, and gave one of his friends a house on a private beach."

The third man sighs, and says to the other two: "Wow that's very impressive. I hate to say it, but at first I was very disappointed with my son because he came out as gay. Recently, he has made some very good boyfriends though: one gave him a brand new Porsche, and the other gave him a house with a private beach!"

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A Greyhound bus.

The lawyer is painting his house, and a hobo comes around and asked if he could do something or in a few dollars.

The lawyer says, "sure, take a can of paint and go around to the back of the house and paint my porch."
The hobo does this and 15 minutes later comes back and says he's finished. The lawyer says, "already?" And the hobo says," yeah, but it isn't a Porsche, it's a Mercedes!"

What comes standard with every German house?

A front porsche

Jacque the Snail

Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.

Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.

As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

A poor man goes to a rich person's house and says that he will do anything for $100

The man tells him: If you repaint my porch, I will give you $100
3 hours later, the poor man says that he is finished.
Seeing no paint on his porch, the rich man says: I'm not paying you, you didn't do anything
The poor man replied: Yeah I did, but it's not a Porsche, it's a Mercedes

What's the difference between a soprano and a porsche?

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche

People keep telling me that I have no idea what it's like to have no roof above my head

I don't think so, I really like the new Porsche convertible.

3 women were discussing their sex lives..

The first one said-"My husband is like a Hummer; big, strong and rock hard."

The second says-"My husband is like a Porsche; smooth, sleek and fast."



They look at the third one to speak up. She pauses for a second, and then says-"Mine's like an old Chevy.. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going."

Wanna Race?

A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on a tricycle starts riding around him.
"Wanna race?" asks the kid.
"No thanks," laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past him. "Wow!" the guy says and floors it. He catches up and the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle, wheels smoking. The kid pants, "Thanks for stopping mister. My suspenders got caught in your door."

A man answers a Craigslist ad for a Porsche for sale.

He goes to check it out, it's a nice late model sport coupe being sold by a middle-aged lady. The engine purrs, the car is clean as a whistle, and drives like a dream. But when he asks the price, the lady tells him $100. This sets off his BS meter, so he starts trying to figure out what's wrong. Is it salvage title? No. She does realize it's a much more valuable car? Yes. Is... is it stolen? No.
So why $100?
The lady explains "Last week my husband goes on a business trip. He then emails me and tells me he is staying in Atlanta, wants to shack up with his secretary, and instructed me to sell the Porsche and send him the proceeds."

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him the next car, "this is a Porsche Spyder."

Again, the buyer is aghast, "what is with car companies naming them after insects?! What's next, a Volkswagen Beetle?!"

What's the difference between an flautist and a Porsche?

Most members of the band haven't been in a Porsche.

If you had to choose between a long lasting relationship and 10 million dollars

What color would your Porsche be ?

Three men were discussing the presents they gave their wives...

Guy 1: I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 4 seconds

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: A brand new Porsche 911

Guy 2: Well I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: A brand new Ferrari

Guy 3: That's nothing I gave my wife a present that goes from 0-250 in 2 seconds

Guy 2: Wow what?

Guy 3: A weight scale

What do Porsche and Apple have in common?

New product, same design.

What is red and can't climb trees?

Paul Walker's Porsche

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche sitting in my garage

Discussion between husband & wife

Wife : Everyday you spend 5 bucks on a pack of cigarettes. In a month, you would be spending 150 bucks right?

Husband : yes....and?

Wife : In a year, you would have spend $1800 and you have been smoking for 20 years. If you didn't smoke, you would be driving a Porsche by now.

Husband : how about you? Do you smoke?

Wife : Are you crazy? No! I don't!

Husband : And where is your Porsche?

A young man was looking for work...

He comes across an old lady's house and asks if she has any work for him.

The lady says, "Actually I do need someone to paint the porch."

After some time the boy returns and says, "I've finished painting, but you should know it's a BMW not a Porsche."

What is the difference between a Porsche and my friends daughter?

I've never been in my friends daughter.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

Be wary of the chore of painting . . .

A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do.

After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said, I'm done.

The man asked, How did you get done so fast?

The lady said, It was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it's a Ferrarri not a Porsche.

There's a car accident in a neighborhood

A guy in an old, beat up station wagon rear ends another guy in a brand new Porsche. Both drivers get out of their cars to inspect the damage and they see that the back of the Porsche is totaled but station wagon's front fender doesn't have a scratch on it.

The owner of the Porsche is livid with rage that this dolt hit him and wrecked his new car. So he goes into his car and comes back with a piece of chalk and a baseball bat. He draws a circle on the ground around the driver of the station wagon and tells him if he leaves that circle he'll beat him to death with the baseball bat.

Then the Porsche driver goes to town on the station wagon, getting all his fury out destroying the car. He bashes in the windows, dents up the hood, roof and sides and destroys all the lights. When he comes back to the driver of the station wagon he finds the guy rolling on the ground laughing his head off. Astonished, he asks the guy how he could be laughing so hard after his station wagon was just destroyed.

The guy stops laughing for a second and says, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle *two times*!"

An man goes to the optometrist

Dr. Li sits him down and begins to go through a full eye exam.

"Oh, no" the doctor says. "I think you have a cataract".

"Nah, Doc" the man replies. "I drive a Porsche"

If you had to choose between Bill Gates' money and world peace...

...what colour should your porsche be?

A guy looking for work

A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.

A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, I'm finished. But you should know that your car's a Ferrari, not a Porsche.

What does a Porsche 911 and the smallest possible forest have in common?

They're both 2 cedars (seaters).

I realized prostitutes name themselves after exotic cars like Porsche or Ferrari because they're "the sexiest ride you'll ever have"...

So my prostitute name would be "Teacups."

What is a terrorists favorite car?

a Porsche 911

What are the funniest porsche jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Porsche? Well, here are the best Porsche puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Porsche pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes