porn Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious porn puns

I got turned down from my job interview for coming half an hour early

The porn industry can go fuck themselves for all I care.

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I asked my wife if I should watch football or porn.

She told me to watch porn because I already know how to play football.

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There was this really bizarre porn on the other day; it was just a guy on his couch, crying and jerking off.

Turns out I hadn't turned the TV on.

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A family walks into a hotel... NSFW

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

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Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

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I was watching porn with the missus and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."

I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."

"Not that," she explained, "It's just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny dicks."

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Elderly couple

An elderly couple were at home watching TV.Β 
Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said,Β "ForΒ God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"Β 

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I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video.... [NSFW]

He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza guy.

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What are pornstars paid?

Income.

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Half of men in America watch porn everyday.

The other half are waiting for Comcast to fix their internet connection.

*Thanks for the gold kind stranger.

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My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel.. you know how to fish."

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I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that's gross.

I said no, that's net.

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Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker...

So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus

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My neighbor obviously doesn't watch porn.

She asked me come fix her sink, I been here for an hour and I'm still fixing the damn sink.

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My girlfriend is a porn star!

She's going to be really mad when she finds out.

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My girlfriend is a porn star.

She will kill me if she finds out.

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I brought a porn DVD today.

But all I could see was some fat man holding his dick.


Then I realised I hadn't turned the TV on.

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What do you do with a compressed folder of porn?

Unzip...

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One good thing about premature ejaculation is that porn lasts you a very long time. I bought a video back in 1992 and I still haven't made it past the FBI warning thing.

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A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey... for how many years you've been watching porn?"

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This election has been a bit like watching porn...

The hype was fun but now it's over I'm disgusted by what I'm watching.

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I bet Ted Cruz has two twitter accounts now. one for porn, and one to talk about the laws he's passing...

Either way a woman's getting fucked

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I was watching porn with my girlfriend and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."

I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."

"No it's not that," she exclaimed,
"It's just the plumbers that come to our house have really small dicks."

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What are porn stars paid?

Income

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PornHub removed my sex tape

They told me to try Vine

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My girlfriend is a porn star.

She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

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My girlfriend's a pornstar.

But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her.

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What's the difference between my porn stash and Call of Duty?

One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty.

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A family walks into a hotel. The father walks up to the front desk and says, "I hope the porn is disabled."

The desk clerk says, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck."

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A woman is cleaning her 12-year old son's room...

...when she finds several BDSM porn magazines stashed under his bed. Concerned, she takes her find to her husband and asks "What do we do about this?"

"Well," says the dad "We obviously can't spank him."

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Did you hear about Greek porn?

They can't do money shots anymore

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The best thing about Japanese porn

is they censor it so I can watch it with my family

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I've been watching so much porn lately…

I've started spitting on my front door lock before I put the key in…

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For sale: The entire Internet on 33,674,964,367 DVDs.

Or without porn, on 54 DVDs.

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Learning about sex by watching porn is like learning to drive by watching Fast and Furious

It's angrier, quicker and much more to do with family than real life.

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What are the most funny Porn jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Porn? Well, here are the best Porn dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Porn pick up lines to share with friends.

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