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Pork Jokes

137 pork jokes and hilarious pork puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about pork that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Ready for a night of laughs? Look no further than these pulled pork, no pork, pork chop, pork pie and pig jokes! From sirloin-based puns to beef-related gags, there's something for everyone. Get ready for a side splitting night of pork-based comedy!

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Funniest Pork Short Jokes

Short pork jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pork humour may include short swine jokes also.

  1. WARNING: There's an email going round... ...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.
    If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.
    It's spam!
  2. I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69 She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice
  3. China has announced a tariff on pork imports from the US It's unclear if they are referring to food or tourists at this time.
  4. She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular." I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."
  5. What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
    Kermit the Frog's Finger!!
  6. So i stole this joke from I Love Lucy, So a woman walks into a restaurant The woman says to the waiter, "Two pork chops, and make them lean." And the waiter says, "Yes, ma'am. Which way?"
  7. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
  8. What did Tommy Wiseau say to his wife when she was making pulled pork? You're tearing meat apart Lisa!
  9. Pork, eh? A Canadian guy walked into the kitchen and saw his Mexican roommate having dinner, so he said to him, "pork, eh?" And the the roommate said, "porque me gusta."
  10. Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".
    (Courtesy of my 8 year old)

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Pork One Liners

Which pork one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pork? I can suggest the ones about bacon and meat.

  1. My butcher is very rude I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder
  2. What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop.
  3. I know Muslims can't eat pork. Islam ok though?
  4. What do you call a small pork farm? ... a hamlet.
  5. what do you call a 145 million year old swine carcass? Jurassic Pork
    Ill show^myself^out
  6. What do you get when you play tug of war with a pig? Pulled pork.
  7. Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd? Because it is ground hog day.
  8. What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin? Short Attention Spam
  9. Did you hear about the kid that got a skin graft from a pig? Pork kid
  10. I'm a fan of Star Wars. So at lunch I saved my pork for last so I could have Ham Solo.
  11. What do you call a pig with a torn hamstring? Pulled Pork!
  12. What do you call a pig in an elevator? A pork lift
  13. Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
    Kermit the frog's middle finger
  14. What is the ultimate Jewish conflict? Pork chops at half price
  15. What do you call the crossover between a pig and a dinosaur? Jurassic Pork

No Pork Jokes

Here is a list of funny no pork jokes and even better no pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today Just tasted like pork
  • Kermit Doesn't Always Eat Pork But when he does, he makes her shower first.
  • What do you call a pig with a fork? Pork
  • I tried cooking Chinese spare ribs in the oven instead of the pan. I'll tell you it was a walk in the park compared to the pork in the wok.
  • Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb and then she had some pork
  • Pork shoulder meat, ham meat, salt, water, preservatives. Sorry, that was spam.
  • I was buying bacon and condoms at Walmart with my wife The cashier gave us a funny look. My wife says, We just wanna be safe when we pork.
  • Why doesn't Louis C.K. grill by himself? Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.
  • What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster? Release the Kracklen!
  • What's a sausage makers favourite band? Linkin Pork

Pulled Pork Jokes

Here is a list of funny pulled pork jokes and even better pulled pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a pig on a leash? Pulled Pork
  • What do you call a pig who just nutted? Pulled pork
  • What is David Cameron's favourite food? Pulled pork
  • Pigs If you toss off a pig, does that make it pulled pork?
  • TIFU by handing a pulled pork sandwich to my Muslim friend. drat, wrong sub!
  • What Do You Call A Fat Girl Doing Yoga? Pulled pork.

Pork Chop Jokes

Here is a list of funny pork chop jokes and even better pork chop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Pork Chop Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.
    I guess that they don't understand the bond between man and dog.
  • What's Kevin Bacon favourite meal? Pork Chops
  • Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?"
    Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?"
    Customer: "No, I can’t."
    Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
  • Why did the farmer name his pig "pork Chop" Because 'Bacon' was already taken.
  • What did Kermit eat after he got divorced? Pork Chops

Beef Pork Jokes

Here is a list of funny beef pork jokes and even better beef pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Everything we eat always seems to taste like chicken, beef or pork, except for snake. That always tastes like my ex.
  • "You don't value animals," a vegan protested to me. "You only eat them." "You're wrong," I replied. "My favourite animals are beef and pork."
  • What do you call smoked beef and pork sausage when you drop it? Bologna
Pork joke, What do you call smoked beef and pork sausage when you drop it?

Cheerful Fun Pork Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about pork you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poultry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pork pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

So, the other night I picked up a p**......

... And I began to pork her for several hours. I could tell she was really enjoying it, she made all sorts of weird noises.
I must have been going through puberty,
Because I made that hormone.

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.

The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday."
Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

Priest and Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The suave Englishman at the breakfast table asked his sweetheart "Please pass the sugar, sugar!"

The debonair Frenchman asked his girl "Please pass the honey, honey!"
The American r**..., not to be outdone, yelled "Pass the pork, pig!"

At the dinner party...

the suave man asks his wife "Pass the sugar, sugar!"
Not to be outdone, his buddy says to his own wife "Pass the honey, honey!"
Their biker pal turns to his old lady and yells "Pass the pork, pig!"

What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met?

Pork and bologne sammiches.

A Muslim man went to China...

And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.
He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.
So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"
The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My daughter saw me eating prosciutto

True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."
I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"
"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Chinese anniversary

A Chinese couple is celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. The husband says, "Since this is such a special night for us, I'll make love to you however you'd like." The wife replies, "Oh, all my friends tell me they love 69! Let's do 69 tonight!" The husband says, "You want to make love with sweet & sour pork??"

What do you call it when two cops dance?

Pork Grinds

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...

He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"

A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner.

He orders pork. A local asks him why.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar d**...?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a Jewish cop?

Kosher Pork.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have s**...?

Because the Rabbis got to choose first.

What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?

Pork! Pork! Pork!

What do Spanish Canadians put on their tacos?

Pork, eh?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

what do you call it when a cop goes to a rub n tug?

Pulled pork

Where do Isis go to for lunch?

ALLAH'S SNACKBAR
Serving pork 24/7

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A muslim and his wife are chatting during dinner

Wife: Did you hear about the gorilla that got shot in the zoo?
Husband: Wait what are you eating?
Wife: Pork
Husband: Thats haram bae.
Wife: Oh so you did hear about it

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a police officer who has just finished m**...?

Pulled pork!

Dining Out

A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit! said my wife.
And Sir? said the waiter. How did you find the pork belly?
Oh, about six years ago, we met at a sales convention.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

(Repost because I s**... up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork?

I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.
(Yeah this joke bombed)

A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages

When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."

A couple are about to finish their dinner, when the waiter arrives.

Waiter: How did you like your steak, ma'am?
Wife: Oh it was good, thank you. Pay the chef my compliments.
Waiter: And Sir, how did you find your Pork Belly?
Husband: Oh well, we met on a train some fifteen years ago...

What band do pigs listen to?

Linkin Pork

What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?

Jurassic Pork.

What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig?

A pork tender-loan

What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?

Polyhamorous

What do you call a Japanese warrior who only eats pork?

A hamurai.

What do they call pork in Sweden?

Pjork

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.

What do you get when you cook an itchy pig?

Pork scratchings

I don't really eat pork

But when I do, I go HAM.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you get when you j**... a pig?

Pulled pork.

A Muslim man is charged with starving his wife

When questioned the man replied he was simply following the Koran.
The Lord said, "Do not eat pork"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork

RIP Haram bae

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Cannibals have historically described human as tasting like pork, while holocaust survivors described burning people smelling like chicken.

It's like these people have never had pork or something!

Batman is the new spokesperson for the pork ad campaign

Got Ham?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Did you hear about that one Hasidic boy that are pork and drank milk?

He went to Jewvie

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a thin s**... of pork?

A hamstring.

I just found out 7 people per 1 million born are named Bacon

Pork Kids

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

that will end the stutter

What do you call giving a h**... to Porky Pig?


Pulled Pork

Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy

Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.

What do you call ancient Roman pork

Igpay atinlay

a miracle

A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do pigs have a ring through their nose?

To make pulled pork.

A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a restaurant...

The Priest says: "I'll have the pork, it always suits me well". The rabbi says: "That is forbidden for me! I'll have the beef, but no dairy". The whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Reminds me of the time I was down in Mexico. I saw what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me. "Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "...Eetsa Hambush."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Doctor to Patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes
Doctor: m**..., cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

Pork joke, Doctor to Patient do you smoke?

jokes about pork