Pork Jokes
153 pork jokes and hilarious pork puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about pork that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready for a night of laughs? Look no further than these pulled pork, no pork, pork chop, pork pie and pig jokes! From sirloin-based puns to beef-related gags, there's something for everyone. Get ready for a side splitting night of pork-based comedy!
Quick Jump To
- Short Pork Jokes
- Pork One Liners
- No Pork Jokes
- Pulled Pork Jokes
- Pork Chop Jokes
- Muslim Pork Jokes
- More Pork Jokes
Funniest Pork Short Jokes
Short pork jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pork humour may include short swine jokes also.
- WARNING: There's an email going round... ...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.
If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.
It's spam! - I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69 She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice
- China has announced a tariff on pork imports from the US It's unclear if they are referring to food or tourists at this time.
- She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular." I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."
- What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? What is Green...and Smells Like Pork?
Kermit the Frog's Finger!! - So i stole this joke from I Love Lucy, So a woman walks into a restaurant The woman says to the waiter, "Two pork chops, and make them lean." And the waiter says, "Yes, ma'am. Which way?"
- My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
- What did Tommy Wiseau say to his wife when she was making pulled pork? You're tearing meat apart Lisa!
- Pork, eh? A Canadian guy walked into the kitchen and saw his Mexican roommate having dinner, so he said to him, "pork, eh?" And the the roommate said, "porque me gusta."
- What do you call a pig in an elevator? A pork lift
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Pork One Liners
Which pork one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pork? I can suggest the ones about pigs and bacon.
- My butcher is very rude I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder
- What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop.
- I know Muslims can't eat pork. Islam ok though?
- Why don't German pessimists eat pork.... They always fear the wurst.
- What do you call a small pork farm? ... a hamlet.
- What do you call a pig who knows karate? Pork chop
- What does smoking cure? Pork
- what do you call a 145 million year old swine carcass? Jurassic Pork
Ill show^myself^out - What do you get when you play tug of war with a pig? Pulled pork.
- Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd? Because it is ground hog day.
- What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin? Short Attention Spam
- Did you hear about the kid that got a skin graft from a pig? Pork kid
- A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork RIP Haram bae
- I'm a fan of Star Wars. So at lunch I saved my pork for last so I could have Ham Solo.
- What do you call a pig with a torn hamstring? Pulled Pork!
No Pork Jokes
Here is a list of funny no pork jokes and even better no pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - What is the ultimate Jewish conflict? Pork chops at half price
- Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop. - TIL Muslim extremists do not like pulled pork sandwiches. whoops, wrong sub.
- Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".
(Courtesy of my 8 year old) - What do you call the crossover between a pig and a dinosaur? Jurassic Pork
- What's green and smells of pork? Kermit the frogs fingers.
- What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons? One porks women the other un-porks them.
- What's green and smells like pork? Kermits fingers
- Why do pigs have a ring through their nose? To make pulled pork.
Pulled Pork Jokes
Here is a list of funny pulled pork jokes and even better pulled pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why doesn't Louis C.K. grill by himself? Because he likes it when people watch him pull his pork.
- What do you call a pig in a trailer? Pulled pork!
- What do you call a pig on a leash? Pulled Pork
- what do you call it when a cop goes to a rub n tug? Pulled pork
- What do you call a pig who just nutted? Pulled pork
- What do you call two pigs playing tug o' war? Pulled Pork
- What is David Cameron's favourite food? Pulled pork
- Pigs If you toss off a pig, does that make it pulled pork?
- TIFU by handing a pulled pork sandwich to my Muslim friend. drat, wrong sub!
- What Do You Call A Fat Girl Doing Yoga? Pulled pork.
Pork Chop Jokes
Here is a list of funny pork chop jokes and even better pork chop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pork Chop Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.
I guess that they don't understand the bond between man and dog. - Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop. - What do you call a pig who study's law and does karate? A pork chop suey.
- What's Kevin Bacon favourite meal? Pork Chops
- What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup? Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.
- Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?"
Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?"
Customer: "No, I can’t."
Waiter: "Then does it really matter?" - What's the difference between pork chops and pea soup? Anyone can chop pork, no one can pea soup.
- What's a pigs favorite karate move? A pork chop
- Why did the pig join Karate? To master his "Pork Chop"!
- Why did the farmer name his pig "pork Chop" Because 'Bacon' was already taken.
Muslim Pork Jokes
Here is a list of funny muslim pork jokes and even better muslim pork puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why aren't there any Muslim feminists? Pork is haram
- A Muslim man is charged with starving his wife When questioned the man replied he was simply following the Koran.
The Lord said, "Do not eat pork" - Why are Muslims and Jews not allowed to eat bacon, which is pork at its best? Because they also cannot handle pigs at their wurst.
- What do you call a Muslim that eats pork? Mo' Ham Head
- A Muslim cannibal walks into a bar The bar tender says, 'Wow, is it true that human meat tastes like pork?"
The Muslim says "How am I supposed to know? I'm a Muslim, I don't eat pork." - Why can't Muslims kill pigs? Because it's forbidden to eat pork in Islam
- Why do Muslims not eat pork? Because MaHamHid
- If Muslims dont eat pork, why do they greet each other with "A salami link? Yum!" ?
- (Repost because I s**... up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork? I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.
(Yeah this joke bombed) - Why don't radical Muslims like to r**... fat women? Because they are not allowed to eat pork.
Cheerful Fun Pork Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about pork you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pork pranks.
How many Porky Pigs does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Just 1, and that's all folks ;)
So, the other night I picked up a p**......
... And I began to pork her for several hours. I could tell she was really enjoying it, she made all sorts of weird noises.
I must have been going through puberty,
Because I made that hormone.
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.
The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday."
Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
The suave Englishman at the breakfast table asked his sweetheart "Please pass the sugar, sugar!"
The debonair Frenchman asked his girl "Please pass the honey, honey!"
The American r**..., not to be outdone, yelled "Pass the pork, pig!"
At the dinner party...
the suave man asks his wife "Pass the sugar, sugar!"
Not to be outdone, his buddy says to his own wife "Pass the honey, honey!"
Their biker pal turns to his old lady and yells "Pass the pork, pig!"
A Muslim man went to China...
And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.
He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.
So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"
The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"
My daughter saw me eating prosciutto
True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."
I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"
"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."
Mrs. Piggy
Q. Why does Mrs. Piggy d**... with honey? A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork.
How do you confuse a Jew?
Tell him pork is on sale!!!
Chinese anniversary
A Chinese couple is celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. The husband says, "Since this is such a special night for us, I'll make love to you however you'd like." The wife replies, "Oh, all my friends tell me they love 69! Let's do 69 tonight!" The husband says, "You want to make love with sweet & sour pork??"
What do you call it when two cops dance?
Pork Grinds
Pork shoulder meat, ham meat, salt, water, preservatives.
Sorry, that was spam.
A priest asks a rabbi, "when are you going to finally try pork?"
The rabbi replies, "At your wedding friend,"
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
My grandpa would always tell me...
that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.
Take heed: Do not open this email
There's an email that had begun circulating recently that is offering processed pork, gelatin, and salt in a can. If you get this email, do not open it; it's SPAM.
A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner.
He orders pork. A local asks him why.
Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar d**...?
Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have s**...?
Because the Rabbis got to choose first.
What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?
Pork! Pork! Pork!
A muslim and his wife are chatting during dinner
Wife: Did you hear about the gorilla that got shot in the zoo?
Husband: Wait what are you eating?
Wife: Pork
Husband: Thats haram bae.
Wife: Oh so you did hear about it
What do you call a police officer who has just finished m**...?
Pulled pork!
Dining Out
A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit! said my wife.
And Sir? said the waiter. How did you find the pork belly?
Oh, about six years ago, we met at a sales convention.
A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages
When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."
A couple are about to finish their dinner, when the waiter arrives.
Waiter: How did you like your steak, ma'am?
Wife: Oh it was good, thank you. Pay the chef my compliments.
Waiter: And Sir, how did you find your Pork Belly?
Husband: Oh well, we met on a train some fifteen years ago...
What band do pigs listen to?
Linkin Pork
What's a sausage makers favourite band?
Linkin Pork
What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig?
A pork tender-loan
What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?
Polyhamorous
What do they call pork in Sweden?
Pjork
What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster?
Release the Kracklen!
A rabbi and a priest
A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."
What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's finger.
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb and then she had some pork
So, a three guys are working with imported meats
The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.
I don't really eat pork
But when I do, I go HAM.
What do you get when you j**... a pig?
Pulled pork.
I tried cooking Chinese spare ribs in the oven instead of the pan.
I'll tell you it was a walk in the park compared to the pork in the wok.
What do you call a pig with a fork?
Pork
Kermit Doesn't Always Eat Pork
But when he does, he makes her shower first.
I was buying bacon and condoms at Walmart with my wife
The cashier gave us a funny look. My wife says, We just wanna be safe when we pork.
Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy
Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.
What do you call ancient Roman pork
Igpay atinlay
a miracle
A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.
I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today
Just tasted like pork
What is long, green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger
A priest and a rabbi, old friends, are talking about their youthful indiscretions.
So the priest says, "tell me, have you ever tasted pork?"
The rabbi, slightly ashamed, admits: "Yes, once when I was young..."
After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi asks the priest, "tell me, have you ever made love to a woman?"
Sheepishly, the priest admits: "Yes, once when I was young."
The rabbi nods and says: "It was better than pork, wasn't it?"
