Pops Jokes
135 pops jokes and hilarious pops puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pops that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Who doesn't love a good joke? Try out some new Pops Jokes on your grandparent! From Coco Pops puns to silly jokes about Poppa and Grandad, you'll have your grandparents in stitches!
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Funniest Pops Short Jokes
Short pops jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pops humour may include short popping jokes also.
- A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
- Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
(I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough) - Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't... Because it was booked.
\-My pop - The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes... It's my screen savior...
- A weasel walks into a bar The bartender exclaims Well I'll be! We've never have a weasel in here before. Whatever you'd like, you may have. What'll it be?
Pop, goes the weasel. - Someone asked me who my favorite vampire is in pop culture... I said, "The one from Sesame Street."
They said, "He doesn't count!"
"I assure you," I said, "He does." - Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge farm remembers.
- I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend. Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.
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Pops One Liners
Which pops one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pops? I can suggest the ones about popped and pop rocks.
- I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
- A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" "K, pop."
- My dad told me I was listening to way too much Korean Music. I told him, "K pop"
- Why do cops have really clear skin? They're great at popping black heads.
- Necrophilia is a lot like having a beer... there's nothing like popping open a cold one!
- Why do balloons hate Ed Sheeran concerts? They are afraid of pop music.
- My balloon elephant wouldn't fit in the back seat of my car so... I had to pop the trunk.
- What did the baby corn ask the mama corn? Where's pop corn?
- what type of music does a balloon hate? Pop music
- What kid of music do old people listen to? Hip-Pop
- I think it's sexist that there are pop tarts but no mom tarts. I blame the pastry-archy.
- What music are balloons most afraid of? Pop.
- What's the best way to check Reddit's knowledge of dad jokes? A Pop quiz
- What did the pop can become when it finished high school? A graduated cylinder.
- We had a pop quiz in culinary school today. It was a piece of cake.
Coco Pops Jokes
Here is a list of funny coco pops jokes and even better coco pops puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk? Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk? Diabetes
- Did you hear the Coco Pops monkey was recently murdered? Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop all got killed too.
Police think its the work of a serial killer.
Howlingly Hilarious Pops Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about pops you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soda pop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pops pranks.
a scientist, a physicist, and an economist...
a scientist, and physicist and an economist were trapped on a desert island. they had one can of beans but no can opener. the scientist said "lets assume that i smash the can with a rock then we could split the beans evenly," but the others said they would lose too much in the process. the physicist said "lets assume i put the can in the fire and wait til it pops open and then we split the beans evenly," but the others said it could explode and theyd lose the beans. so the economist said "assume we have a can opener..."
An Englishman and a Scotsman find a shiny lamp. After giving it a rub, a genie pops out...
"For freeing me, you shall each have one wish!" says the Genie. "What is it you want the most?"
"Well," says the Englishman, "I'm fed up with all these Scots coming down into England. I wish for a giant wall to be built around England, so that no Scots can ever get in again."
"You wish is my command," says the genie. "It is done.
"What is it that you want, Scotsman?"
After a pause, the Scotsman says, "Tell me about this wall."
"It's a thousand feet high," says the genie, "And three hundred feet across. It covers every inch of England's border. It is made of the strongest concrete, and is unbreakable."
"Good," says the Scotsman. "Fill it with water."
A blonde...
...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, "Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough." She replied, "I can't help it. I keep winning!"
A priest is painting the outside of his church...
He realizes he won't have enough paint to complete the job unless he adds water, which he does. When he finishes, a freak rainstorm pops up and his handiwork is lost as all the paint is washed off. From the clouds, a voice calls out:
"Repaint, and thin no more."
A guy buys an old brass lamp at a flea market
He takes it home, and starts to clean it up. He rubs it a few times with a polishing cloth, and a genie pops out.
The guy says, "Hey, look at that, a genie. I get three wishes, right?
The genie says, "Sorry, no. People were wishing for all kinds of crazy stuff, so we had to cut it down. You get to choose from one of two wishes. You can wish for a better s**... life, or a better golf game.
The guy thinks about it for a bit, and says, "You know, my short game hasn't improved in years, no matter how hard I try. I'd like a better golf game."
The genie says, "Really? I haven't been at this genie thing for that long, but you are the first guy I've had who wanted a better golf game. You must get more chicks than Hugh Hefner.
"Oh, nothing like that."
"But still, you must be getting it two or three times a day."
"Be serious"
"Once a day at least"
"No, not that often"
"Well, what's your s**... life like?"
"I probably average once or twice a week."
"You're getting laid once or twice a week and you don't think that there's room for improvement?
The guy says, "Well, I think I do pretty well for a priest in a small town who doesn't drive."
A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...
The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."
So there are two blondes stranded on an island....
One of them finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie pops out. He says, "I shall grant you each one wish". The blonde who rubbed the lamp requests a cell phone to call for help, however, it was useless because there was no reception on the island. The second blonde said, "I want to be smarter than this other blonde!" So, the genie pointed her to the bridge.
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
Joke in honor of mole day
Three moles are going through the ground looking for food.
The first mole pops up out of the ground and sniffs around.
He says "hey guys I think were getting close I smell some syrup".
The next mole pops up and says "ya we must be a smell some syrup too".
The last mole pops up and says "I don't know guys all I smell is some molasses"
Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
What's the difference between a t**... and a pirate's dad?
One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!
Nurse pops her head into the doctor's office.....
Nurse: 'Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.'
Doctor: 'Tell him I can't see him.'
Guy in the desert
A guy is lost in the desert, he has been walking for days and is really thirsty when he finally sees a well and starts screaming "Water! Water!". To which another guy pops his head up out of the well and asks "Really? Where?"
So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...
A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.
A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to buy a caterpillar?"
Car broke down.
While driving to work one day, a man's car breaks down. He eases it over to the shoulder and gets out. He pops open the trunk and two n**... men in trench coats hop out, walk a few feet behind the car and start opening and closing their coats.
Naturally, this causes a pileup, which brings out a number of police officers. The driver is flustered as officers question him. "My car broke down, so I pulled off to the side and put out my emergency flashers..."
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach
He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."
Three blondes stuck on a desert island.
When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"
A man is offered one wish...
A man stumbles upon a lamp and rubs it... same old setup, you know the story - but this time it's different; a genie pops out and offers him just ONE wish.
However, there is a condition.
The genie says he can wish for anything he wants, but whatever he asks for his wife gets double. "You want a ferrari, your wife gets two... you want a million pounds, your wife gets two million pounds".
The man understands and thinks about it... what could he do to maximise the use of this unique opportunity?
After a little while his eyes light up and he tells the genie he knows what he wants.
"My wish is for you to beat me half to death".
Black guy and Jewish Genie
A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....
What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.
Man finds a Genie in a bottle
Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"
Three blondes stuck on an island
The blondes a find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a red head and swims off of the island.
The second blonde wishes to be smarter then the previous blonde so the genie grants the wish. The second blonde is now a brunette and makes a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde not wanting to be out done requests to be even smarter. The genie grants the wish of the final blonde and turns her into a man who procedes to walk across the bridge off of the island.
*I know it is sexist it is an old joke don't flood my inbox
A couple of old guys sat at the bar...
Ernest pops up with a comment "George, when I was 20 years old and I had a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands!"
They sit in silence a few minutes, punctuated by the occasional sip.
Ernest says "When I was 35, I could bend it with one hand."
A few minutes later, he says "Now I can bend it with one finger!"
Another few sips and he says "George, how much stronger do you think I'm gonna get?"
What do you call an inflatable dad?
Pops.
Are you a Popsicle stand?
...Because I kind of want to blow you
You're walking down the street when you find an old antique lamp. You give it a shine, and a robotic genie pops out. What do you do?
You mech a wish
An Irish man finds a lamp
He rubs it enthusiastically and out pops a genie who states "Thank you for freeing me, I grant you 2 wishes" the Irishman ponders this for a while before making his first wish "I wish I had a pint of Guinness that never goes down" he says excitedly. The pint appears in his hand, he takes a swig and it immediately refills. "This is marvellous!" The Irishman says "I'll have another one of those please!"
this little guy will dance to anything
Just messing around listening to music and this guy pops up and starts stealing all my dance moves.
as i get to the soda machine...
... I find a blonde already there. She puts in some change, makes a selection, and the soda pops out at the bottom of the machine. She then puts in more change, makes a selection, and again, another soda appears.
This goes on for several minutes and I finally ask if I could step in and get a soda really quickly.
The blonde looks up and glares at me. "Are you kidding? Not while I'm winning!"
Birthday at the old-age home
So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous b**... blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."
A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.
''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – p**...! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''
So a guy goes to a mechanic....
...to get his car fixed. After leaving the shop withe the vehicle as good as new a few days go by and he gets a phone call. The mechanic is on the other end and asks for him to bring the car back.
The guy pulls into the shop and the mechanic pops the hood and pulls a tool out, then closing the hood.
The guy immediately responds- "if you were a doctor...I'd sue you for malpractice! "
The mechanic replied " if I was a doctor....I'd charge you for having to go back in!".
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Help with jokes for father's day!
Hey everyone. I always joke around with my pops, so I wanted some jokes to make into a card for tomorrow. Can you help?
Three old ladies are discussing their husbands while having tea.
Three old ladies are out for tea and discussing their husbands performance in the sack.
They decide to have some fun and describe their husbands as soda pops.
The first lady says "my husband is probably Mountain Dew. Because when im ready to mount. Hes ready to do"
The second lady says, still giggling, "My hudband is 7 up, cause when its seven hes always up"
The third lady says "My husband is defenitely Jack Daniels"
The other two ladies reply "But thats not a soda! Thats a hard liquor!"
The third lady shouts "Thats my Leroy!"
I remember my pops once saying 'son, w**... will make you blind.'
I said: 'dad, I'm over here'.
Hispanic Joke
Three kids are in school...
A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.
White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."
Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the c**..., "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"
Seenus trouble
Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble.
Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops?
Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus.
A magician calls a man onstage...
and he gives the man a sledgehammer, and he says, "I want you to take this sledgehammer and hit me as hard as you can in the head." The guy says, "Alright." The magician puts his head down on a block a wood and the guy hauls back and BAM! Pops this magician in the temple. Ten years later, the magician wakes up out of a coma in the hospital and goes, "TADAAA!"
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
A drunk stumbles out of the bar, sees a nun on the sidewalk and pops her one right in the nose...
while she's on the ground crying, he says,"Not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
Obama, Clinton, and Trump are on a plane...
.... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy!
The pilot pops his head around the corner and says "I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy".
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...
and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"
What's the difference between a baloon and a c**...?
When a balloon pops - there's one less.
When a c**... pops - there's one more.
Or more.
What do you call a dad balloon that disappears?
Pops
I can't wait until Trump's inauguration
when Ashton Kutcher finally pops out and tells us we've been punk'd
How about you come sit on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?
What, you don't like small-talk?
My pops favourite joke.
An old man starts to lose his hearing, and goes to the doctors to be diagnosed.
The doctor says to the man, "can you describe to me the symptoms?"
The man replied "yes, Marge has tall blue hair and Homer is an alcoholic."
Three pregnant women are knitting in the Doctor's waiting room.
The first one pops a pill and says, *"Vitamin A, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The second one pops two pills and says, *"Vitamin C, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The third one pops three pills and says, *"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves."*
A dad and his son are watching the news when a story about gay marriage pops up.
the son asks, "dad, what does gay mean?"
the dad replies quickly, "gay means happy."
The son looks at him and asks him, "are you gay?"
"no son, i have a wife..."
My Last 3 Boyfriends gossip
Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.
One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.
The second one I called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do.
The third I called Jack Daniels. Then the other girl interrupts saying "Hold on a minute. Isn't Jack Daniels hard liquor?"
The girl smiles and says "Yes it is"
I type 75 words per minute...
Or 450 words per minute when I'm trying to hit the "t" in YouTube before YouPorn pops up.
Three moles dig their way to IHOP
The first mole pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmm I smell pancakes!"
The second moles pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmmm I smell coffee!"
The third mops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "all I smell is molasses.."
I was watching Pulp Fiction again and...
...my flatmate pops in and says, " Why are you watching this again?, you have seen it a thousand times already."
"Just for the gags"
A turkey and his friend are walking down a street...
When a ghost pops out and screams "Boo!". The friend screams in t**... while the turkey has no reaction. A while later, the friend asked why the Turkey wasn't afraid. He responded "I'm not chicken".
A man rubs a lamp and a genie pops out and grants him a wish.
Genie: What is it you wish for mortal?
Man: Well, I'd like to stop second guessing myself all the time.
Genie: Really?, Is that what you really want to wish for?
Man: Hey, its my wish so I get to-...Heyy!
This kid is dragging a chain down the road
and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...
The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"
A father finds a magic lamp...
and when he rubs it, a genie pops out and offers to grant him anything he wants.
The man asks for a unicorn for his daughter.
The genie says unicorns aren't even real, try to be more realistic.
So the man decides to ask the genie to let the Browns win a single game.
The genie sighs and asks the man what color unicorn his daughter would prefer.
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out
A Man Walks into a Bar...
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"
My pops asked me what my favorite commercial. I looked at him and said,
It's a tie, Dad.
How many times does a baby spin in the microwave before its head pops?
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"
TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks
His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"
What do midwesterners call their dad?
Pops
Puddin' Pops is going to have entirely new meaning...
Now that Cosby is singing JAIL\-O
I asked my dad, "What's the best way to form a joke?"
He explained, "Well, first, I have to come up with the right combination of words".
"Got it, then what?" I asked
"If I carefully put them together in a particular order, your mum will have s**... with me and nine months later a joke pops out!"
Mole joke
One day the dad mole pops his head out of the mole hole and goes: "I smell pancakes"
Then the mom mole squeezes her head out of the hole and says: " I smell pancakes and syrup"
Then the baby mole tries to squeeze his head up by gets stuck and says: "all I smell are moleasses"
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. One day a bottle washes up and of course there is a genie in it who pops out and grants them one wish each.
The brunette says " that's easy - I wish to go home" and p**... her wish was granted.
The redhead is next and says "I wish I was at home" and p**... her wish is granted.
The genie looks at the blond and she says "I can't decide... I wish my friends were here to help me..."
A little boy says to his sister: "Guess what sis, I have two Blow Pops!"
Sister: "Oh thank God, that means he won't make me do it tonight."
What can you say about a man who pops a couple tic tacs before beginning speaking?
He mints his words.
An older couple finds genie lamp.
The genie pops out and says they each get a wish.
The wife guys 1st and says, "I want to travel around the world with my husband!"
Suddenly plane tickets and packed bags appear cute both of them.
The husband grins and says, "I wish my wife was younger!"
In an instant the husband was aged twenty years.
A man and woman in bed
"Give me some", man begs.
"No. You've had too much," wife responds.
"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.
"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.
Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.
From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes
"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."
A man is walking by a mental asylum...
...when he hears the patients inside shouting 'FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!'. The asylum yard has a 9 foot tall concrete wall, so he can't see inside, but he notices a small hole in the wall, about waist high. Curious, he approaches the hole and looks through it. A stick suddenly pops out of the hole and jabs him in the eye, and the inmates start shouting 'FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN!'
Did you know that Bill Cosby is going to the same jail that Jared Fogle from Subway is in?
All they serve for food there are foot long puddin pops.