Pops Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

I remember my pops once saying 'son, wanking will make you blind.'

I said: 'dad, I'm over here'.

Joke in honor of mole day

Three moles are going through the ground looking for food.
The first mole pops up out of the ground and sniffs around.
He says "hey guys I think were getting close I smell some syrup".
The next mole pops up and says "ya we must be a smell some syrup too".
The last mole pops up and says "I don't know guys all I smell is some molasses"

A dad and his son are watching the news when a story about gay marriage pops up.

the son asks, "dad, what does gay mean?"

the dad replies quickly, "gay means happy."

The son looks at him and asks him, "are you gay?"

"no son, i have a wife..."

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I named my penis software update

Because every time it pops up my wife says not right now.

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."

"...what color dragon do you want?"

Nurse pops her head into the doctor's office.....

Nurse: 'Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.'

Doctor: 'Tell him I can't see him.'

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."

The Toronto Maple Leaves

So a man is walking along and he finds a lamp. He runs the lamp, a genie pops out an says, "I will grant you one wish."

Man: "I wish I can live forever."

Genie: "I'm sorry but I can't grant that to you. Wish for anything else and it'll be my pleasure to grant it to you."

Man: "Fine. I wish I can live until the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup."

Genie: "You son of a bitch."

A man meets a woman at a bar.

After a few drinks they decide to go back to his place for a little "hanky-panky." Immediately, the man decides to go down on his ladyfriend. After a few minutes of doing his duties he pops his head up.

"Man, this pussy is huge," he said. "Man, this pussy is huge."

"I know," she said, "but why did you have to say it twice?"

"I didn't," he said.

A 7 year old and 4 year old are in their bedroom....

"You know what" says the 7 year old. "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go down for breakfast I'll swear first, then you."

"OK" says the 4 year old.

They go downstairs and the mom asks what they'd like for breakfast.

"I'll have Coco pops bitch!"

WHACK! He flew out of his chair bawling his eyes out.

The mom looked at the 4 year old and sternly said "And what do you want?"

"Don't know, but it won't be fucking Coco pops"

I'll always remember what my pops said before he kicked the bucket

He said "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

What's the difference between a thug and a pirate's dad?

One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!

Two Irish guys are fishing...

The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle.

As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish.

"Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.

He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?"

The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Car broke down.

While driving to work one day, a man's car breaks down. He eases it over to the shoulder and gets out. He pops open the trunk and two naked men in trench coats hop out, walk a few feet behind the car and start opening and closing their coats.

Naturally, this causes a pileup, which brings out a number of police officers. The driver is flustered as officers question him. "My car broke down, so I pulled off to the side and put out my emergency flashers..."

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom...

'I think it's about time we started swearing', says the 7 year old. 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast - 'Oh, shit Mom, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops bitch'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know, but it sure as shit won't be fucking Coco Pops'.


Kinda old but i only just heard this one, gold.

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"

He agrees.

The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.

He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:

"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.

The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.

"What a shame" his dad said.

"He should have quit while he was ahead"

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"

"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"

"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"

"Ok, I want to understand Women"

"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"

Irishman says "I want to live forever"

Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"

Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"

Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"

Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach

He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."

After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."

"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.

"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.

"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.

Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.

"I wish to donate a kidney."

A man is walking on a beach...

And he trips over something. He looks down, and it is an old bottle. He picks it up, and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish, and only one. What will it be?"

The man thinks, and thinks. He lives in California, but really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying. So he asks the genie, "I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."

The genie looks at him for a bit. He says "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too much! Please think of something else". The man is pretty angry. He really wanted that bridge, and that was really the only thing on his mind. So he thinks, and thinks, and thinks for days. He had to get the right thing. He sleeps on it, and the next day comes returns to the beach.

The genie is still there, so the man asks him, "I want to understand women."
The genie's eyes widen, and he asks him "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.

''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – poof! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''

A bear is chasing a rabbit

Through the woods and stumble upon a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says "thank you for freeing me, I have granted you two the ability to communicate with. I will give both of you 2 wishes.". The bear speaks up first "I wish to have the biggest bear penis in the world." The genie looks to the rabbit "I wish to have a motorcycle." While the rabbit hoped onto the bike the bear says "for my second wish I want all the other bears in the world to be female." The rabbit revved the bike "I wish that bear was gay" and rode off into the sunset.

Three Pregnant Women Are Sitting On A Bench

And each of them is knitting a sweater for their unborn child. The first mother digs into her purse pops a pill and says, That was some Vitamin A, and my child will grow up to be big and strong! The second woman also reaches into her purse – swallows a pill and exclaims, That was Vitamin C, and my child will grow up to be incredibly smart! The third woman pops her pill and says, That was Thalidomide, I can't the get arms right on this fucking sweater.

One for him, two for her

A guy finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says, "I'll give you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double."

First, he wishes for a billion dollars. Voila, a billion dollars appears. In a distant place, his ex-wife has 2 billion dollars materialize.

Then, he wishes for ownership of a 100 square mile habitable island in the Caribbean. The deed appears in his hand. Simultaneously, his ex-wife is granted title to two islands.

He stops to think about his final wish, and is pissed that his ex is benefitting from his luck since she made his life a living hell.

"So, whatever I get, she gets double?"

"Yep."

"Scare me half to death."

A few years back, three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an Aussie are all walking together one day...

...
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
Says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians
Can come into our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Aussie says, 'I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out;
it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Aussie sits down on his Harley , cracks a beer, lights a cigarette,
Smiles and says,
'Fill the fucker with water.'

Three blondes stuck on an island

There are three blondes stuck on an island. The blondes a find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a red head and swims off of the island.
The second blonde wishes to be smarter then the previous blonde so the genie grants the wish. The second blonde is now a brunette and makes a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde not wanting to be out done requests to be even smarter. The genie grants the wish of the final blonde and turns her into a man who procedes to walk across the bridge off of the island.

*I know it is sexist it is an old joke don't flood my inbox

A man walks into a restaurant and requests a table for one.

The host explains that the restaurant has a dress code, and men at minimum need to be wearing a tie. The man says, "Okay." and walks back out to his car to see if he has a tie in his back seat from the work week. He's looking and looking and can't find one. He pops the trunk and even searches in there. He still can't find a tie but finds his jumper cables. So he puts the jumper cables around his neck and ties them in a Windsor knot and walks back inside.
"So can I have a table now?" the man asks.
The host replies, "Alright, sir, that'll work for tonight. But if I seat you, please don't try to start anything."

Smart Pills

So a boy and his father were walking in the mountains one day when the boy looks down at the ground and says: "Hey dad, what are these little round things?"
The dad looks at his boy and says: "Well son, those are get smart pills. You take just one, and you'll be smarter."
The boy reluctantly picks up one and pops it in his mouth, seconds later he screams: "Dad, that tastes like shit!"

The dad says: "See, you're getting smarter already!"

I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up

It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic

Ok, ok, calm down, I'll call a plumber...

An old Jewish couple, Motti and Sara are going to bed. They get undressed and turn off the lights when Sara quickly pops to the bathroom. Suddenly, ten seconds later Motti hears Sara screaming, he jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom only to find a distressed Sara stuck arse-first in the toilet.

"Motti, I slipped and fell in and now the suction means I can't get out!"

After some pulling and shoving Motti gives in says he will have to call a plumber, which he promptly does.

"Honey, you can relax, the plumber will be here in a half hour."

"But Motti, look at me, I'm butt-naked, I can't have him see me like this!"

Quick thinking, Motti takes off his yarmulke (kippa, skullcap, whatever) and carefully places it over Sara's crotch, thus protecting her dignity. With excitingly accurate timing, the plumber does indeed arrive thirty minutes later, Motti takes him upstairs and shows him his wife's predicament, the plumber says he will need a few minutes to assess the situation during which time Motti should go make him a coffee. Motti returns:

"Well? Whaddya reckon, can you get her out?"

"Yeah I can free your wife. But the Rabbi: he's a goner."

Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies no, but I know exactly where I am. The cop says you were doing 55 in a 40. Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims Great now I'm lost!

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he asks Do you know there's a dead cat back here? Schrodinger shouts back we do know asshole,

The officers moves to arrest the scientists.
Ohm resists.

Father in delivery room

A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby. The doctor, obstetrician, and nurses are all waiting for the birth. The doc checks for any signs of progress and suddenly he feels something moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees the doc and asks him, "Are you my daddy?" "No, I'm not," the doctor replies. The head pops back in.

Then the obstetrician goes over to check out the situation. The baby pops out his head and asks him, "Are you my daddy?" "Nope, I didn't do it," and the baby pops back in.

The doctor calls the father and says, "Sir, the baby seems to be reluctant to come out---he keeps asking for his father. Would you please come to the delivery room?" So the father is standing there and the baby pops his head out again, and seeing his father the little one asks in an annoyed voice, "Are YOU my daddy?"

Dad kneels down and answers proudly, "Yes, son, I am your lucky father!"

The baby starts tapping his index finger violently and repeatedly on his father's forehead and asks, "This is pretty annoying, isn't it?"

The blonde and the gumball machine

A blonde is standing in front of a gumball machine. She puts a quarter in and out pops a gumball. She puts another quarter in and out pops another gumball. She continues putting in quarters and receiving gumballs, which she piles up next to her on the floor.

Eventually a line of kids forms behind the blonde. After standing in line for 10 minutes, the kid behind the blonde taps her on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, miss, but what are you doing?"

And the blonde says, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm *winning*!"

A man and woman meet through a sneeze

A man sees a woman sitting alone at a bar.
He starts to walk over when she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he instinctively snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you." He agrees.
The woman is charming, stunningly pretty, and he realizes they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most wonderful woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy?"
"No," she answers. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Two white gay guys are walking on a beach...

when one of them trips over a shiny lamp buried in the sand. One picks it up and rubs it, and a genie pops out. "I will grant you three wishes" says the genie. They decide not to use them right away, and to save them for a rainy day. About one year later, they decide they've waited long enough, so they summon the genie and wish for a luxurious, 10 bedroom mansion. Around 2 years later, it burns down. They're devastated, but then they think, well we're back where we were, no use in wasting another wish. 1 more year goes by and they decide to treat themselves. They summon the genie and wish for a Lamborghini. Two months later it gets stolen, but like before they decide to break even and to save their last wish. Then, one day, the KKK busts open their door, takes them to the tree in their backyard and puts a noose on each of them. They're getting ready for death when one guy says, "hey, I think that last wish would sure come in handy!" The other guy gets a nervous look on his face and says "well, you see, I kinda already used it..." "WAIT, WHAT?!" "Yeah uh, I wished we were hung like black men"

So a fellow is walking along the beach...

...and he finds a lamp. "Oh boy," thinks he, and rubs the lamp. Out pops a very angry looking genie. "I am the divorce genie! You get three wishes, but for whatever you wish, I will grant your ex-wife double!"

The fellow thinks a bit. First, he wishes for a billion dollars. Second, he wishes for an island villa. Duly, the genie grants his wishes, but informs him snarkily that his ex-wife has received double, and inquires as to his third wish.

"Genie," he intones with a smirk, "I wish that you would beat me half to death."

A dad and his son are watching a movie when a sex scene pops up.

Dad: Son, please leave the room.

Son: Dad, I'm 23 years old!

Dad: I don't give a fuck how old you are; you're not watching me beat my meat!

A 7 year old and a 5 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. You know what? says the 7 year old, I think it's about time we started swearing ....

The 5 year old nods his approval. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok? .
Ok the younger one agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
Oh, bollocks mum, I guess I'll have some fucking Coco Pops! .
She administers a sound thrashing and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
I don't know, he blubbers, but it won't be fucking Coco Pops .

A bear and a rabbit

So a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods one day. Just as the bear was about to get the rabbit, they stumble over a lamp, and a genie pops out.

They genie tells them that since they both found him, they both get three wishes. He asks the bear for his first wish.



"I want to be the most handsome bear in the world." The genie nods his head, and the wish was granted. He turns to the rabbit.

"I would like a helmet." The genie nods, and a small rabbit-sized helmet appears on his head.

"I wish that only the most beautiful women bears lived in these woods.", said the bear, and with a nod of the genie's head, it was granted.

"I would like a motorcycle." says the rabbit, and a rabbit-sized motor cycle appears next to him.

"For my final wish, I wish that there were no other male bears for hundred of miles of here." said the bear, smiling with the genius of his plan. The genie nods, the wish is granted, and he looks at the rabbit one last time.

The rabbit hopped on his motorcycle, revved the engine, and said, "I wish the bear was gay." and drove off.

Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.

He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are in a desert

The three friends have been walking for ages and ages, all three think they're going to die there.

Eventually, the Englishman finds a lamp, and he gives it a rub.

A genie pops out and says "each of you can have one wish".

"I want to go home!" the Englishman says, poofing away from the desert

"I want to go home too!" the Scotsman says, poofing, again, away from the desert.

The Irishman, looking quite upset, says



"I want my friends back!"

At a hotel, a man sees an attractive lady...

Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurts by the man, and he catches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"that was so embarrassing" she says and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you, will you let me buy you dinner to make it up to you?" He nods

Turns out, the lady is a stimulating conversationalist, and the man finds out that in fact, they have a lot in common.

He gets her phone number and asks " you are the most charming woman I've ever met. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"no" she replies.

"You just happened to catch my eye."

A Drunk Husband

The husband pops into the bar after work for a quick drink. One turns into two, and so on, until he's loaded. The husband throws up all over his shirt, then starts sobbing uncontrollably. The guy next to him asks whats wrong, and he replies "My wife's going to leave me! She hates that I drink, and she swore if I came home hammered one more time she was going to pack her things and go!"
The guy next to him orders a glass of water, and reassures him, "Don't worry, here's the plan - drink this water and sober up. Here's $20, when you get home just tell your wife that you stopped in to see some friends, and this drunk asshole threw up on you, and he gave you the $20 for a new shirt!"
The drunk replies "What a great idea!" and puts the money in his shirt pocket. He waits an hour, and heads home. His wife is waiting, and immediately starts yelling at him when she sees his shirt. The husband tells his story, and presents the money in his shirt pocket. The wife asks, "Well then why do you have $50 here?"

and the husband replies, "Oh, well, he shit in my pants too!"

A blonde...

...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, "Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough." She replied, "I can't help it. I keep winning!"

Mole joke

One day the dad mole pops his head out of the mole hole and goes: "I smell pancakes"
Then the mom mole squeezes her head out of the hole and says: " I smell pancakes and syrup"
Then the baby mole tries to squeeze his head up by gets stuck and says: "all I smell are moleasses"

Three men are crossing a bridge

A black man, an Asian man, and a Jew are crossing a bridge. Right under the bridge, a troll pops out and tells them, "You may only cross this bridge if your combined penis lengths are at least 17 inches."

So the black man pulls it out and it's 9 inches.

The Jew is 6 inches.

The Asian is 2 inches.

And so the three men cross the bridge. The black man says, "You're lucky I have a big dick."

The Jewish man says, "You're lucky I have a medium dick."

The Asian says, "You're lucky I have a boner."

An Irish man finds a lamp

He rubs it enthusiastically and out pops a genie who states "Thank you for freeing me, I grant you 2 wishes" the Irishman ponders this for a while before making his first wish "I wish I had a pint of Guinness that never goes down" he says excitedly. The pint appears in his hand, he takes a swig and it immediately refills. "This is marvellous!" The Irishman says "I'll have another one of those please!"

A boy is struggling with his exams...

He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some kind of concealable item that will grant me infinite wisdom."
"As you wish, press the top of this pen and what you desire shall be yours."
The boy takes the pen and is overjoyed, with this pen he'll never have to study again!

His next exam comes around and he walks into the school hall with confidence. He sits at his desk as others around him fidget nervously.

When the papers are handed out, he holds the pen up and triumphantly lowers his thumb over the lever as it produces an audible click.

And in his infinite wisdom he suddenly states with absolute clarity:
*"I should have studied!!!"*

A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli

**** A Canadian, Iraqi and an Israeli ****

Three guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Β 

The Iraqi was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels, Chri$tians or Jews, can come into our precious state." Β  Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Iraq.

Izzy Goldberg, the Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." Β The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out." Β Izzy says, "Fill it up with water"

A priest is painting the outside of his church...

He realizes he won't have enough paint to complete the job unless he adds water, which he does. When he finishes, a freak rainstorm pops up and his handiwork is lost as all the paint is washed off. From the clouds, a voice calls out:

"Repaint, and thin no more."

A mans wife passes away one day...

After a beautiful funeral sermon the pallbearers lift the casket and head towards the exit, starting the procession to the burial plot.

On the way out the exit the casket is accidentally banged against the door and a miracle happens. Casket pops open and the wife sits up. Turns out she was just in a deep coma.

5 years later, once again, the wife passes away. Another beautiful sermon is done and again the pallbearers lift the casket and head towards the exit, starting the procession to the burial plot.

As they approach the exit to the church the husband jumps up and yells "WATCH THE FUCKING DOOR"!

Swearing for the first time

A 5 yr old was in his room with his 3 yr old brother. He says "Charlie, I think we should start swearing.. If everyone else can do it, so can we". So they go downstairs to breakfast, where their mother is waiting for them. She asks what they would like for breakfast. The 5 yr old says "Coco pops, bitch". The mother screams at him and sends him up to his room, crying, without any breakfast. The mother turns to the younger child and asks "Well, what do you want?"

"I dunno, but it won't be fucking coco pops"

An Englishman and a Scotsman find a shiny lamp. After giving it a rub, a genie pops out...

"For freeing me, you shall each have one wish!" says the Genie. "What is it you want the most?"

"Well," says the Englishman, "I'm fed up with all these Scots coming down into England. I wish for a giant wall to be built around England, so that no Scots can ever get in again."

"You wish is my command," says the genie. "It is done.

"What is it that you want, Scotsman?"

After a pause, the Scotsman says, "Tell me about this wall."

"It's a thousand feet high," says the genie, "And three hundred feet across. It covers every inch of England's border. It is made of the strongest concrete, and is unbreakable."

"Good," says the Scotsman. "Fill it with water."

Business Trip

A nurse is making her rounds through a nursing home and pops into a room. The man is sitting in his bed animatedly acting like he's driving, "vroom vroom" sound effects and everything. The nurse says, "Ed, what are you doing?" "I'm driving to Chicago for a business trip," Ed replies.

The nurse leaves Ed's room, and makes it two doors down the hall where she finds another patient furiously masturbating. "Joe, what do you think you're doing," the nurse yells. Joe replies, "I'm fuckin' Ed's wife while he's in Chicago!"

This kid is dragging a chain down the road

and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"

What are the funniest pops jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pops? Well, here are the best Pops puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pops pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes