Poor People Jokes

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

Need a push

A few months ago, in the middle of the night my doorbell rings. I schlep down the stairs and open the door to find some guy there who was obviously drunk. He says to me "can you give me a push"? Of course, being the people person that I am, I said "Dude, it's 3:00am, and it's raining".
So I slammed the door in his face and went back up the stairs. My wife asked who it was and I told her. She scolded me, saying "don't you remember that time we broke down and someone helped us? You need to get down those stairs and help that poor man."
I opened the front door and didn't see him, so I called out "Hey, are you still here"? I heard him answer "yes". So I called out "do you still need a push"? He answered "yes". I called out "Where are you?"
He said "Over here. On the swing."

Messi, Ronaldo and Zlatan died in a car c**... and goes to heaven.

The three walks up to God sitting on his throne. God says:
"Messi, what is the best thing about football?"
Messi bows and answers:
"The best thing about football is that I have been able to spread joy to people, earn money for my living and seeing the world." God felt it was a good answer
when he said: "Good Messi, come and sit at my left side."
God then looked at Ronaldo and said: "And you Ronaldo, what is the best thing about football?
Ronaldo responds a little timidly:
"Lord, I come from poor backgrounds and have managed to show my fellow human beings that there is a way out of it all and that you do not have to be doomed to a life of misery. Meanwhile, I was able to spread joy to the people. "
God replied: "Good answer Ronaldo, come and sit on my right side.".
God then looked at Zlatan and said: "What do you think then Zlatan?"
Zlatan looks up, clears his t**..., spits on the ground and says:
"You're sitting in my chair."

Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome...

...One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross.

The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit here with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just to prove a point."

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turning to the beggar with the Cross, said, "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

26 blondes and one brunet are on a plane

26 blonde girls and one brunet girls are on a play. They were flying along when they hit some turbulence. The pilot comes onto the speaker and says "the plane is to heavy we need to drop all unnecessary items." The people franticly grab all the thing they don't need and throw it out.
The pilot comes back on the loud speaker and says, "we are still to heavy we have to drop all the luggage." Again the people franticly begin to discard all there luggage.
The pilot comes on again and says "we are still too heavy we have to drop the floor.", so the pilot flicks the switch and everyone is hanging on by s**... the roof. When the pilot says "we are still to heavy someone has to jump.
Everyone is reluctant but finally the brunet (who is around 60) says i have live a long and happy life I will jump to save your live because you are still young and still can make something with your life. I am worn out and poor. I have nothing left.
all the blondes start to clap

I asked my grandma what people use to think of democrats and republicans over 70 years ago

*Watching the news with my grandma*
Me: Grammy, when you were really young, did they talk about democrats and republicans, like they do today?
Grandma: What do you mean?
Me: Were they always hostile towards one another, like this lady on the news.
Grandma: Oh yeah, that's one thing that has never changed over the years.
Me: Well, what do you remember people saying about democrats and republicans when you were young.
Me: What is the first thing you remember about it?
Grandma: Well, I always heard the older people say the same thing
Grandma: "Republicans are for the rich, and democrats are for the poor."
Me: What did they say about everyone in the middle?
Grandma: I don't know, they always just talked about getting s**....

Tell a joke that is well-known in your country

Even jokes that are poorly translated are normally funny because they're so bad.
An example of a well-known British joke is:
'Knock knock'.
'Who's there?'
'Doctor'
'Doctor Who?'
'You just said it'.
It has to be one that if you asked 100 random people in your country most would know it.
*SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE*

Mile High Club

Airplane pilot comes on the intercom and says "folks, to save the lives of the other 127 people on this plane, 3 of you will have to jump."
Everyone looks around and finally a Frenchman stands up and says "in the name of France, I'll jump. Viva la France!" And he jumps out of the plane.
Next minute an Englishman stands up and says "in the name of England, I'll jump. God save the queen!" And he jumps.
Finally, a big guy stands up and says "I'm from Texas. And in the name of Texas..." he walks to the back of the plane, picks up a Mexican, and throws him from the plane. "Remember the Alamo."
Worst part is, poor little guy was Hawaiian.