Poor Jokes

Following is our collection of Poor funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Poor jokes

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer

The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.

What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

Where do poor meatballs live?

In the spaghetto.

Kudos to my friend who came up with this.

Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.

Poor guy.

Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall.

At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice..

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"SΓ­"
"Ja"

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.

Now they also call me poor.

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

I wish I was poor one day in my life...

Because being poor everyday sucks...

Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."

Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."

Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."

Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.

"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

A thousand years is a minute to God

A man was speaking to God and he asked him, "God is it true that to you a thousand years is a minute?"
"That's true," God replied.
"And is it true that to you $1,000,000 is like a penny?"
"That's true," God said.
"Well, you see I'm a poor man and I was wondering if you could give me a penny," asked the man.
"Sure," said God, "in a minute."

I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees

Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

WIFE: - "If I knew you were so poor, I would never have married you."

HUSBAND: - "But I warned you! I said you are everything I have!"

The Lion with Christian feelings

Once upon a time... there was a missionary walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.

Scared to death, the missionary went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".

After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".

My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.

The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.

A guy walking into a bar

Β sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.

Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

I saw a poor old woman slip over on some ice the other day...

... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse.

A man needs WiFi at the local pub.

A man goes into a local pub and has poor cell signal.

He asks for the WiFi password.

The bartender replies: You need to buy a drink first.

The man says fine and orders a Coke, which costs him $3. He then asks again, what's the WiFi password?

The bartender answers: You need to buy a drink first, all lowercase no spaces.

When I was first married we were very poor, but my wife stood by me

She had to - we only had one chair

You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health?

I'm voting for the dying one.

I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today

Atleast I think she was poor. She only had $.75 in her wallet.

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

Where do poor noodles live?

The spaghetto.

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.

She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."

"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.

"But what about the smell?" she asks.

The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.

Me: How much did you make?

Him: I made $250.05.

Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?

Him: Everyone.

My cousin is so poor....

that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her.

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm...

... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank..

We were too poor for a dog.

Street Performance

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"SΓ­."
"Ja."

The ladies call me Subway.

Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper…

Now those days are behind me…

I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious today.

Well, I'm assuming she was poor because she had only a dollar in her purse.

Who's the poorest person in West Virginia?

The Tooth Fairy.

A baby boy was born last week with no eyelids.

They used his foreskin to graft eyelids.

The poor kid is now cockeyed.

Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but...

Is actually just Poor Execution

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

[email protected]#$%^&*

When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory.

Those were rough times.

^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.)

What do you call a poor Italian community?

a spaghetto.

Your mommas so poor

I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.

Stranger: What is your name, sad lady

Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat

Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four

When I was a kid...

... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.

A Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer juggle.

The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands on a large wooden box and calls out can you see me now?

Yes

Oui

Si

Ja

Meanwhile in business news...

...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate

Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off

He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him.

I hate being poor

Sent from my iPhone

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $300 to a poor guy.

You wouldn't believe the immense happiness and relief I felt as he slid the pistol back into his waistband.

A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...

The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so stupid. Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."

"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."

Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

Today I donated a watch...

Today I donated a watch and $500 dollars to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put back his knife in his pocket.

So I met this nice girl the other day

She said, she's gonna call me after work -- poor girl... She's been working for 72h now.

When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster...

Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

"Some, I assume, are good people"

Four engineers riding in a car -

it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

poor guy.

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries...

Until I unpacked them all & said, "That's how I want you to do it."

Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen?

They are afraid of triggers.

This poor old lady slipped and fell on the ice today.....

at least I think she was poor she only had 75 cents in her purse.

An old man in tears

A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"

The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"

Confused, the young man replies, "I still don't understand why you're crying."

The elderly man sobs, "I forgot where I live."

My grandpa always said...

They were so poor, if he wasn't born a boy during the Depression, he would of had nothing to play with.

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

I saw a poor man fall over today on the street.

At least I presume he was poor - he only had $5 in his wallet.

Im so poor...

That my new years resolution is 144p

Girls used to call me ugly until they saw my wallet.

Now they call me ugly and poor.

I told my dad me and my friend went to the store. He said, "my friend and I went to the store"

Poor guy is losing it, he definitely wasn't there.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes