Uplifting Pooping Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
Indian names
A young Indian boy was very self conscious of his name and wanted to know why he was called what he was. He went to the chief and asked "chief, why have you given me my name?". The chief said "well son, we give our children their names based on what we see when they are born. Like your brother, Running Buffalo, we saw buffalo running when he was born. Your sister, Blue Sky, was so ugly that we had to look up at the sky when she was born. So, why do you ask Two Dogs p**...?"
It's the girls heart surgery today.
BOY: Is your heart surgery today?
GIRL: Yeah.
BOY: Just remember that I LOVE YOU so much.
GIRL: I LOVE YOU more. Thank you.
After the heart surgery, the girl was saddened to see only her father who was sitting beside her as she woke up
GIRL: Dad, where is he?
DAD: YOU DID NOT KNOW WHO DONATED YOUR HEART!?
GIRL: Oh my God!
And the girl started to cry.
DAD: JOKE! He's just in the CR, p**....
A little Native American boy...
...went to his father to ask how little Native American babies get their name.
"Son, when your oldest brother was born we looked out the teepee and we saw two fighting bears, so we named him Fighting Bear"
"When your other brother was born we looked out and saw a running deer, so we named him Running Deer"
"Why do you ask p**... Dog?"
I always think of the best jokes while p**...
What is it called when suddenly all email clients in the world stop working?
The post-apocalypse.
There is a guy in my area p**... on people's cars.
He's currently public enemy number 2.
What did the cow say to her husband when he denied p**... in the living room?
That's b**...!
What do you call a conversation between two people who are p**...?
Chit-Shatting
p**... is just like Game of Thrones.
You either win or you die.
I sleep like a baby at night,
rarely and with short bursts of crying and p**..., sometimes both
I saw a squirrel p**... the other day.
s**...'s Nuts...
A constipated woman once went 45 days without p**...
It was a crowning achievement
You can explore pooping peed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pooping defecate dad jokes. There are also pooping puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An Indian Chief is sitting under a tree...
An Indian Chief and his son are sitting under a tree, looking out over the plains when his son asks: "Father, why is sister named, Running Deer?"
Chief: "Because, my son, when she was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a deer running."
Son: "Father, why is brother called Charging Bull?"
Chief: "Because my son, when he was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a bull running. Why do you ask, p**... Dog?
I RDP'd into the computer to try and fix it, no luck.
Coworker: Did you try p**... in it?
I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone.
I shouted "Morning!"
He replied "No, just p**...."
I handle my p**... like I handle my traffic
I stop when it's red.
What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?
p**...
What did the caveman say when he stumbled upon a p**... dinosaur?
"That's pooposterous!"
p**... in public is fine for me
That's what I used to think before I got arrested
p**... is kinda like being in a relationship...
It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.
Doctor, I've got a problem
Doc: What is that?
Gramps: I don't know why, but I keep p**... everyday at 8 am sharp.
Doc: How is that a problem?
Gramps: I wake up at 9am.
Eating three meals a day...
and only p**... once a day is eventually going to cause a back-log
I wouldn't say p**... is my favorite activity.....
But it's a solid number two.
I went to my doctor about p**... curved yellow fruit
He said 'That s**...'s Bananas'
Removing your shirt while p**...
Sounds like the worst kind of s**... club to me..
I once wished I could be done p**....
The wish was grunted.
My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups.
Now he's p**... out Reeses f**....
Doctor, I have been p**... everyday at 9 o'clock.
-And what's the problem with that?
-I only wake up at 10.
What do you call a police dog p**... outside?
Doing his public duty
A boy walks up to a pirate
A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.
"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.
"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"
"Then what happened to your eye?"
"s**... seagull pooped in it."
"A bird p**... in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.
"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"
p**... is depressing...
You just sit there til you feel empty inside...
Due to the hurricane, I filled up my bathtub full of water like everybody told me to...
but it feels weird p**... in a bathtub.
I hate my new neighbours...
This German Shephard keeps jumping over the fence and p**... on my lawn.
And he has this dog...
Cr
Your Mama so fat
She is a p**... position.
Just thought of a physics joke in class
One day, Newton adopts a dog to play catch with his apple, naming it Theta. Busy with writing the *Principia*, Newton doesn't notice that Theta has been p**... all over the lawn. When he finally steps outside and sees the mess, he energetically graps his shovel and gets to work.
A visitor asked the neighbor, "Why is the lawn all messed up?", and the neighbor replied, "Oh, Newton's just expending energy. He's madcos(θ).
(Kinetic Energy=Fdcos(θ))
I often sleep like a baby
that is, not very much with various fits of crying and p**....
I like to think of the act of p**... like a game of poker
You go all in with a royal flush.
At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not p**... your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having s**.... At age 30, success is having money...
At age 40, success is having money.
At age 55, success is having s**....
At age 70, success is having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not p**... your pants.
At age 100, success is being alive.
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
As new parents my wife and I had to deal with the first p**... in the bath.
My daughter thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious. My wife thinks I'm too old to be p**... in the bath.
I keep a bat in my bedroom for protection.
I feel safe but it keeps p**... in my ear.
How are p**... at someone else's house, and a first date the same?
You really hope both *go down*.
What's the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?
The person p**... gets s**... done.
What makes p**... in someone's yard not passive aggressive?
Eye contact.
The lights went out in Men's room while I was p**....
I couldn't see s**....
Humanity wastes about 500 thousand years per day on their phone while p**...
It's time to end this s**....
I like p**...
but it takes a lot out of me.
My doctor asked for a stool sample....
...and got mad at me when I handed him a tiny chair. Now I'm banned from the doctors office and still don't know why I'm p**... out furniture.
I told my wife that I find out every morning how much my p**... weighs.
She asked if I weighed myself before and after p**.... I thought for a second and I told her that her way is a lot cleaner than what I have been doing.
Pigeon problem
Visited a friend on the eighth floor of her old government office building in Washington. There were hundreds of pigeons sitting on the ledge along the building outside the windows, making noise and p**..., two inches deep in some places. They were really annoying. I asked her if they'd tried getting rid of them. She said, "See those wires along the ledge? They are carrying 1000 volts. We thought that would get rid of them, but it didn't phase them a bit." I told her "I'm not surprised. That's AC current, and these are DC pigeons."
p**... is a lot like math.
When it's hard, sometimes you have to work it out with a pencil and paper.
What do computers and p**... have in common?
They both end when you logout.
