Poop Jokes

Following is our collection of peed humor and pooping one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Poop puns for adults, dirty mush jokes or clean plop gags for kids.

There is an abundance of doo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes on poop. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any crap witze you can hear about poop.

The Best jokes about Poop

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?

He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

Just pooped my pants.

Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,

but he's still making fun of me.

Pooping is kinda like being in a relationship...

It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.


3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It's getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.

The second guy says, I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It's getting more difficult even with fruits and veggies.

Last guy says, Oh, I have no problem with that. Every morning at 8:00 I just go like the Nile. Then at 8:30 I crap till everything's out. Now if only I could wake up before 9:00.

What do you use to pick up turtle poop in Mario?

A Koopa Troopa Poopa Scoopa

I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

Pooping is depressing...

You just sit there til you feel empty inside...

2 flies are sitting on a piece of poop.

the other one farts and the first fly says "hey, i'm trying to eat here!"

How does baby Yoda pooped when he was constipated?

He forces it out.


"Has poop ever won the race?"

"No, but they get close. You see, they're always No. 2."

What do you call a reptile shaped poop?

A turdle

What's Blue and lies under a mushroom ?

Smurf poop

Pirate pick-up lines

I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.

Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.

See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.

Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?

Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded.

I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean โ€” but never have I seen one like yours!

That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!

That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there.

My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure.

Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest.

What does poop smoke?

Butt crack.

Everyone knows that girls don't poop, but I'm starting to think they don't get naked too

I don't know about you but I've never seen one

So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.

The man says, How did you get your peg leg?

The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.

The man asks, How did you get your hook?

The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.

The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?

The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.

The man says, You lost your eye because of poop?

The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.

What kind of window helps you poop?

Fiberglass.


My son swalled a bunch of scrabble tiles.

His next poop could spell disaster.

It is said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor.

Poop! /s

Two pieces of poop are having a heated argument. A cup of urine tries to calm them down. One of the poops says Hey, screw off...

...this is a fecal matter!

Pooping in public is fine for me

That's what I used to think before I got arrested

โ€žI recently started to measure how much I poop. โ€žYeah, I do that too: I jump on the scale before and after doing my business.

โ€žWell, ... that's another way to do it.

Old folks home

Three old fellas are seated on the front porch of their old folks home. The first one says " I like this place but the only problem I have is I can't pee first thing in the morning. " The second guy says I like our place too It's really really nice but I can't poop first thing in the morning. " The third guy says about 6:00 every morning I pee like a racehorse. And then about 8:00 in the morning I crap so good it would amaze you. Only problem I have is I don't wake up till 9:00.

When you say poop your mouth moves the same way your a-hole does.

The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".

Little girl with poop on her arm joke

Mom plays hilarious prank on daughter. LesLee Davis was on the toilet in her house in Aztec (US) and decided to prank her daughter Adilee. She put peanut butter on her arm and pretended it was poo. When the little girl saw it and almost threw up she told her the truth.
Watch it here

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes