The Best 90 Pool Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pool jokes. There are some pool trunks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pool swimming pool puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pool Jokes and Puns

How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

You say "Please get out of the pool."

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

Pool joke, I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture


My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

Pool joke, How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today...

The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in.

What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you?

A pool table.

Jimmy and Joey (never seen this here so sorry if repost)

One day Jimmy and Joey were walking through their neighborhood looking for something to do.
Jimmy then shouted, " JOEY LOOK A NAKED LADY"
Joey looked and sure enough there was a woman sunbathing by her pool naked.
Joey then screamed very loudly and ran away in a panic.
Jimmy was very puzzled at why Joey ran, so he chased down Joey to see what happened.
He catches Joey and asks him, "Why are you running away? We finally got to see a naked lady."
Joey responded, "My mamma always told me that if I ever saw a person naked I would turn to stone, and back there I felt something get hard.

I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...

But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.

You can explore pool masse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pool inflatables dad jokes. There are also pool puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Horror at the zoo

A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says

*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*

The man responds, *What happened?*

*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*

The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*

A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...

The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"

The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."

The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.

Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.

Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"

The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"

I got caught peeing in the pool the other day

The lifeguard yelled at me so loud that I almost fell in.

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

Facebook..in real life...

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

Pool joke, Facebook..in real life...

Why can't americans play pool billard?

They always shoot the black ones first.

^^^^sorry...

Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second or two.

''Do you know who you are speaking to?''

''No,'' said Paddy.

''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''

''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked paddy

''No,'' roared the colonel.

''Well thank goodness for that,'' said paddy and hung up the phone.


Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

A new study of dolphins was recently performed...

The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.

It's a black guy that invented the triathlon.....

He ran to the pool and came back with a bike

Me to My Neighbour

we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.

What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool?

Marco Polio

They don't have blood banks in England ...

... but they do have a liver pool.

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

"Please Get Out The Pool"

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

"I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

I've been watching you urinate in the pool..

Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool.

I was so startled, I almost fell in.

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables.

Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?

Works, doesn't it?

How come american cops always lose at pool?

Because they always shoot down the black one first.

What is a chicken's favorite game to play in the pool?

Marco Pollo

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.

It was so loud I nearly fell in.

What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree?

A pool table

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique

no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.

I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool

Scared me so much I almost fell in.

Trouble with the car

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I"ll check it out. Where's the car?"

Wife: "In the pool."

So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool.

I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool?

Throw in your laundry.

Swimming pool

I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!

I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!

Yes, but not from the high dive!

Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...

One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.

The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".

The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"

I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it

The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.

"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.

"But not while standing on the diving board!"

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

"Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool."

"But everyone pees in the pool!"

"Yes, but not from the diving board."

TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Oh wait...

Did you know?

The pool on the Titanic is still filled with water.

Got caught peeing in the pool

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I got kicked out of the swimming pool today.

Apparently the breast stroke isn't what I thought it was.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."

The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...

Not everything on the Titanic was a failure

The pool is still full to this day.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!Β 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me.

He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms?

So they can use the car pool lane.

I've always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday...

But no one ever drowns

I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable

The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.

Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it.

He told me not off the diving board

What do anti-vaxx children play in the pool?

Marco-Polio

Three men are sitting by the pool on vacation.

One of the men says: "Last night I had sex with my wife three times, and in the morning she said that was the best sex we've had"

One of the other men proclaims: "We'll yesterday I had sex with my wife 5 times and do you know what she had to say this morning?"

The two other men shook their heads.

"That I was the best she has ever had!"

The first man coofs and says to the third guy: "well how many times did you bang your wife?"

The third man says "once!"

The two other men laugh and one of them asks:
"Well what did your wife tell you in the morning then?"

The third man lays back and says:

"Don't stop!"

A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.

He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table

Wanna hear a fun fact about the Titanic?

The pool is still full.

Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...

trying to organize the pissing section in a swimming pool.

Why did Jesus walk on water?

Because there's no running at the pool.

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

β€ŸI think there's water in the carburetor.

β€ŸHow do you know? said the husband scornfully. β€ŸYou do not even know what the carburetor si.

β€ŸI am tlling you, repeated the wife, β€ŸI 'm sure there's water in the carburetor.

β€ŸWe'll see, mocked the husband. β€ŸLet me check it out. Where's the car?

β€ŸIn the swimming pool.

How do you get 127 Canadians out of a swimming pool?

You say "hey everyone it's time to get out of the pool now"

A woman walked up to me holding a bucket

Excuse me, I'm collecting for the local swimming pool

Well it'll take you bloody ages to fill it with that

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.

It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board?

I fitty da pool!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a donation for the neighborhood pool...

I gave a glass of water.

A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.

A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."

Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real prude."

A blonde is in a swimming competition.

She comes in dead last in the 100m breast stroke. After she climbs out of the pool, she walks over to the referee.

"I don't want to sound like a whiner," she says, "but I think the other swimmers were using their arms."

Yo momma is so dumb

That she tried to drown herself on a pool table

Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am.But due to covid regulations, swimming in the hotel pool is prohibited"

Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"

Security guard :" Well, there is no prohibition about that".

My brother and I used to fight in the pool until the day our mom told us to divide it in half and stay on our side.

I picked the top half.

So this guard was escorting me out of the pool the other day…

I asked him why.

Because you pissed in the pool!
He shouted.

So what? everyone does!
I exclaimed.

To which he replied:
Well… yeah… but not from the diving board!

Cop: So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.

Me: You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.

An old joke

The man was trying to learn swimming and one day was about to get drowned in the pool during practice; he was saved by one of those helping him at the last moment. As they got him out of the water, he looked at the others and said: I will never get in water again until i learn swimming!

Ps: this is an ancient greek joke from a 4th-century book of collection of jokes, so…

First time in Vegas

I stayed for one night. Checked out in the morning, the bill was $250, and they had added resort fees, and I asked what the heck is that for?! She said the hotel had a pool and internet here and available for use. I said I didnt even use them! She said Well they were here and available and you could've used them.
So I just wrote out a check, but made it out for $50 and handed it to her. She said: Sir this check is for only $50.
I said That's right! I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.
But I didn't! she said.
I said: Well I was here and available, and you could have!

I took my kids to the local pool the other day..

We were down the shallow end when I had the sudden urge to pee. I slowly and inconspicuously made my way up to the deep end to relieve myself. As I'm about halfway through the lifeguard noticed what I was doing. He blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in.

My friend really wanted a swimming pool

He's asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.

So I gave him a bottle of water.

How do you get a hundred drunk and rowdy Canadians out of your pool?

You say, Please get out of the pool.

Two sociologists are sitting by the pool

One turns to the other and asks; "Have you read Marx?"
To which he replies;
"Yes, it's these damn wicker chairs."

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

They kept dropping their trunks.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pool gene pool jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pool pool boy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes