Pool Jokes
166 pool jokes and hilarious pool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you love to laugh, check out this hilarious list of pool jokes featuring puns and wordplay with topics including lifesavers, puddles, and gene pools. Whether you're a lifeguard or a swimmer, these jokes are sure to get a chuckle out of even the most serious of masse.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Pool Short Jokes
Short pool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pool humour may include short lobby jokes also.
- How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool? You say "Please get out of the pool."
- How do you get 30 Canadians out of a pool? You say, O.K., everybody, it's time to get out of the pool!
- What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
- How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool in a hurry? Say: "Would everyone please get out of the swimming pool."
- Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised. I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...
- Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
- How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool? Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."
- The evolution of tide pods In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool
- "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
"Yes, but not from the diving board." - So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool. I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
Share These Pool Jokes With Friends
Pool One Liners
Which pool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pool? I can suggest the ones about pong and park.
- How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? "Please Get Out The Pool"
- The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in.
- What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table
- Got caught peeing in the pool The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
- Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
- What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
- I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool Scared me so much I almost fell in.
- What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree? A pool table
- What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool? Marco Polio
- Tide announced the new motto for their pods line. Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.
- Anyone wanna hang out, grab a drink or shoot some pool? Asking for a friend
- What do anti-vaxx children play in the pool? Marco-Polio
- I used to be a lifeguard at a public pool.... Until this blue kid got me fired.
- I got caught peeing in a pool today. The lifeguard yelled so loud, I almost fell in!
- What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board? I fitty da pool!
Swimming Pool Jokes
Here is a list of funny swimming pool jokes and even better swimming pool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday... But no one ever drowns
- I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle. It was so loud I nearly fell in.
- A girl knocked on my door today… Asking for a donation for the local swimming pool…. so I gave her a glass of water
- I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
- Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community. - I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
- I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today...
The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in. - Why are elephants banned from the swimming pool? They can't keep their trunks up.
- I was asked if I'd like to make a donation to help the local swimming pool So I gave them a glass of water
Pool Table Jokes
Here is a list of funny pool table jokes and even better pool table puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.
- Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it? - Yo momma is so dumb That she tried to drown herself on a pool table
- Q: What's green, has six legs, and if it drops out of a tree onto you will kill you? A: A pool table.
Bonus Joke!!!
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he won't come. - What is green and it hurts very much if it falls on your head? A pool table.
- What's green, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
- What's green and fuzzy What's green, fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree.
A Pool Table - What's green got 6 legs and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you ? A pool table
- Q: What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table. - What is green fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.!!
Playing Pool Jokes
Here is a list of funny playing pool jokes and even better playing pool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't americans play pool billard? They always shoot the black ones first.
^^^^sorry... - What is a chicken's favorite game to play in the pool? Marco Pollo
- What game do unvaccinated kids play in swimming pools? Marco Polio
- A sergeant and two men from his unit walk into a bar 'Would you like to play pool?' The sergeant asked the attractive barmaid.
'No thanks darling' she replies. 'I'd rather play with your privates.' - I saw someone playing the guitar with a pool stick. It was acoustic.
- A boy and girl are playing in a swimming pool... The boy says to the girl... I'm going to duck you!
The girl laughs and says... don't be silly you can't even say it properly - What's an unvaccinated child's favorite game to play in the pool? Marco Polio
- What kind of a cue would Barbie use if she played pool? A barbeque.
- It'd be frustrating if you seriously couldn't find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.
- What's the longest game in the world? Two women playing pool.
Gene Pool Jokes
Here is a list of funny gene pool jokes and even better gene pool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I come from a long line of alcoholics. My gene pool has a swim up bar.
- Tide Pods are really great at cleaning... Up the gene pool.
- Why do so many Kiwis move to Australia? To improve the gene pool of both countries
- Why are people eating tide pods? To clean the gene pool!
- Some chromosomes wanted to go swimming. - Let's jump into that gene pool!
- There's already a couple in there. You realize what you're about to d...
- ..yeah yeah, I'm Down with it!! - How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar? Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.
- The gene pool recently got cleaner, it was a tide add all along.
- What do you call a basin full of denim? A gene pool!
- Dear anti-vaxxers When we said remove yourselves from the gene-pool... we meant stop breeding, not make sure your kids died before they had the chance.
- Just saw a documentary about Japanese men with inflatable girlfriends. Seems like they're out of the gene pool. Even if they were in the pool, they'd be fine.
Cheerful Pool Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about pool you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean club jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pool pranks.
Given that a radiator is essentially a vital o**... to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie cars is called "Radiator Springs."
It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
What's Irish and sits by the pool?
p**... O'Furniture
My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
What are the most racist jokes you know?
There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died.
What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool?
Coco puffs.
Jimmy and Joey (never seen this here so sorry if repost)
One day Jimmy and Joey were walking through their neighborhood looking for something to do.
Jimmy then shouted, " JOEY LOOK A n**... LADY"
Joey looked and sure enough there was a woman sunbathing by her pool n**....
Joey then screamed very loudly and ran away in a panic.
Jimmy was very puzzled at why Joey ran, so he chased down Joey to see what happened.
He catches Joey and asks him, "Why are you running away? We finally got to see a n**... lady."
Joey responded, "My mamma always told me that if I ever saw a person n**... I would turn to stone, and back there I felt something get hard.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...
The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"
The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."
The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.
Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.
Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"
The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"
I got caught peeing in the pool the other day
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud that I almost fell in.
A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...
- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.
At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"
She hangs up and turns towards her lover :
- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.
The Yeti
A local married couple came forward today and said that a Yeti was spying on them while they were having s**... in their swimming pool, watching them intently before running off into the woods.
Now, I've been called lots of things in the past but that's just mean.
I jumped into the pool with my iPhone....
It's syncing now
Facebook..in real life...
Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.
I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.
Who is calling?
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
p**... answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said p**....
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked p**...
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said p**... and hung up the phone.
A new study of dolphins was recently performed...
The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.
It's a black guy that invented the triathlon.....
He ran to the pool and came back with a bike
Me to My Neighbour
we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.
They don't have blood banks in England ...
... but they do have a liver pool.
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.
"I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
I've been watching you urinate in the pool..
Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
How do remove a bunch of drunk Canadians from the pool?
You ask them to leave.
How come american cops always lose at pool?
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...
I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.
I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique
no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.
What did the pervert say when he was kicked out of the public pool?
"I was only practicing my breast s**..."
Trouble with the car
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I"ll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
Swimming pool
I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!
I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the high dive!
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it
The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!"
TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.
Oh wait...
Did you know?
The pool on the Titanic is still filled with water.
I got kicked out of the swimming pool today.
Apparently the breast s**... isn't what I thought it was.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.
The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."
The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."
The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...
Not everything on the Titanic was a failure
The pool is still full to this day.
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me.
He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms?
So they can use the car pool lane.
Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it.
He told me not off the diving board
Three men are sitting by the pool on vacation.
One of the men says: "Last night I had s**... with my wife three times, and in the morning she said that was the best s**... we've had"
One of the other men proclaims: "We'll yesterday I had s**... with my wife 5 times and do you know what she had to say this morning?"
The two other men shook their heads.
"That I was the best she has ever had!"
The first man coofs and says to the third guy: "well how many times did you bang your wife?"
The third man says "once!"
The two other men laugh and one of them asks:
"Well what did your wife tell you in the morning then?"
The third man lays back and says:
"Don't stop!"
The only way to learn...
When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.
He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Wanna hear a fun fact about the Titanic?
The pool is still full.
Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...
trying to organize the p**... section in a swimming pool.
Why did Jesus walk on water?
Because there's no running at the pool.
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.
‟I think there's water in the carburetor.
‟How do you know? said the husband scornfully. ‟You do not even know what the carburetor si.
‟I am tlling you, repeated the wife, ‟I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor.
‟We'll see, mocked the husband. ‟Let me check it out. Where's the car?
‟In the swimming pool.
Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can s**... all flesh off a man within 6 minutes.
Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.
How do you get 127 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
You say "hey everyone it's time to get out of the pool now"
A woman walked up to me holding a bucket
Excuse me, I'm collecting for the local swimming pool
Well it'll take you b**... ages to fill it with that
I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a donation for the neighborhood pool...
I gave a glass of water.
