Poof Jokes
97 poof jokes and hilarious poof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Amusing Poof Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What is a good poof joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?
Larry replies, God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, p**...! The light goes on. When I'm done, p**...! The light goes off.
Wow, that's incredible, the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry's wife.
Bonnie, he says, Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and p**..., the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, p**..., the light goes off?
Oh sweet Jesus , exclaims Bonnie. He's peeing in the refrigerator again!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns die and go to heaven
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.
The first nun says I want to be Sophia Loren and p**... she's gone.
The second says I want to be Madonna and p**... she's gone.
The third says I want to be Sara Pipalini.
St Peter looks perplexed. Who? asks St Peter
Sara Pipalini replies the nun.
St Peter shakes his head and says I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell.
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the sound of a homophobic magician?
"p**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your best clean joke?
Mine: 3 men are wandering lost in the desert, and stumble upon a lamp. They rub it, and a Genie comes out. He tells them "I will give you each one wish."
The first man says "I really miss my family. I'd love to be back with them." *p**...* He's back with his family.
The second man says "I don't have a family, but I'd love to be on the beach in Hawaii, surrounded by beautiful women." *p**...* He's in Hawaii.
The third thinks for a little while and says "I'm lonely here. I wish my two friends were back here with me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...
They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead ...
were walking down a street one day when they came across a magic mirror.
The mirror saw them and spoke " I will grant you each a wish if you can say something truthful about yourself. If you lie, you will cease to exist instead ".
The brunette went up and said " I think I am smart ! " *p**...*, she disappears.
The redhead then went up and said " I think I am beautiful ! " *p**...*, she also disappears.
Finally the blonde's turn comes up and she says " I think *p**...* ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Night Light
A 90 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, p**...! The light goes on. When I'm done, p**...! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and p**...! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, p**...! the light goes off?"
"Oh sweet Jesus" exclaims Ethel. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods...
The happen upon a stream where a frog yells at them,
"I'm a magical frog. I'll grant each of you 3 wishes since your the first to grace me with your presence on over a hundred years"
"ok but i go first," says the bear. "I wish every bear in this forest, except for me, were female!" And p**...! All the bears are female.
"Ok ok my turn, I wish for a helmet!" Says the rabbit.
p**...! A helmet appears in his hands.
"you're an idiot rabbit. Such a waste of a wish... I wish all the bears in the next forest over were female!"
p**...! His wish is granted.
"i wish for the worlds fastest dirt bike." Says rabbit.
p**...! His wish is granted.
"For my final wish, i wish all the bears in the world, except for me, are female!"
p**...!
Rabbit gets on his new dirtbike and revs the engine a few times before saying, "Frog, for my final wish." He paused to rev his engine one more time. "I WISH BEAR WAS GAY!" and he took of into the woods.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a r**..., violent river.
They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it.
The first blonde prayed to god saying, 'Please god, give me the strength to cross this river.' p**...! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, 'Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river.' p**...! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, 'please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river.' And p**...! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde, brunette, and a redhead
Once upon a time, there was a blonde, brunette and a redhead... And there was a magic mirror. If you went up to the magic mirror and said something true, nothing would happen to you. But if you went up to the magic mirror and said something false, you would disappear.
So the redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the prettiest girl in the world!" *p**...* she disappears.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the prettiest girl in the world!" *p**...* she disappears.
The blonde goes up to the mirror and says, "I think" *p**...* she disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magical Mirror
There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there's a magical mirror. If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you one wish... but if you lie - p**...! - it swallows you up for eternity.
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde walk into that very bar - with a mission. They head straight for the magic mirror. The redhead goes first and says "I think I'm the most beautiful woman on Earth" p**...! - the mirror swallows her up and she's gone for eternity.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says "I think I'm the sexiest woman on Earth" p**... - now she's gone too.
Lastly, the blonde goes up to the mirror says " I think........" - p**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rocco - Boondock Saints
Theres a mexican, a black guy and a white guy..
a geenie agrees to grant them each one wish..
the mexican asks for all of his people to be happy and in mexico.
so p**..... the wish is granted.
the black guy asks for all of his people to be happy and back in africa.
p**..... the wish is granted.
the geenie finally goes up to the white guy and says, "what will your wish be?"
the white guy says,"you mean to tell me that all of the b**... and mexicans are out of the country?"
the geenie says,"of course! that is what they wished for!"
so the white guy says,"then i guess i will have a coke."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
21st birthday
A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.
On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his t**... - and p**...! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.
His friends are stunned. "Quick, get him another one!" So one of them helps him drink another beer - and p**...! Two arms pop out of the torso.
Amazed, they order another beer, which the boy (now having arms) proudly drinks all by himself. p**...! Two legs pop out of the torso. All his friends cheer as the guy gets up to take a few steps. But he's unsteady on his new legs - not helped by three beers in rapid succession - and after a few steps he stumbles through the front door and into the street, and gets flattened by a bus.
"Bummer," says one of the guys in the bar. "He should have quit while he was ahead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...
...are trapped in a castle. In order to escape, they must look into a magic mirror and make a claim that they are the BEST of something in the entire world. If they are right, they escape the castle and are granted all the wishes they could ever want. But if they are wrong - p**...! They instantly disappear.
The brunette goes first.
"I think.... that I'm the most beautiful woman in all the world!"
p**...! She disappears.
The redhead goes second.
"I think.... that I'm the smartest woman in all the world!"
p**...! She disappears.
Then the blonde goes.
"I think...."
p**...! She disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The genie and the Aboriginal
An Aboriginal was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. He thought that he might be able to sell it and make some money so he started cleaning it up, rubbing it with his sleeve.
All of a sudden a genie popped out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, but wish carefully."
So the Aboriginal says, "I would love to be white!"
p**...!! He becomes white!
"For my second wish, I would love to be rich."
p**...!! He becomes rich, and is dressed in designer clothes and has a nice car.
"Okay" says the genie, "what is your third wish?"
"Hmm" says the Aboriginal, "this is something I have always wanted. I never want to have to work again!"
"Okay." says the genie.
p**...!! He is turned into an Aboriginal!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
alley way
So a white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking down an alleyway and one of them accidentally knock over a trashcan and a genie comes out. The genie announces himself as the ratchet genie and grants each man 1 wish.
The mexican says "i wish that i and my fellow hispanics can all live peacfully in our home country". And p**..., he was gone.
Next the black man said "i was that i and my fellow african americans all live peacfully in our homeland". And p**... he was gone.
Finally the white man asks the genie "so all of the b**... and mexicans are gone?" the genie replies with yes.
The whiteman then says "alright then, ill just have a coke"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mexican guy, a black guy, and a white guy are all walking down a beach when they find a magic lamp...
So they rubbed it and a genie pops out, tells them they get 1 wish each.
The mexican guy goes 1st and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Mexico." and p**...! The wish is granted.
The black guy goes next and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Africa." and p**...! The wish is granted.
Last up is the white guy, he asks the genie: "with their wishes, all the Mexicans and b**... are back to their home lands?" The genie replies: "yes, they all are."
The white guy then says: "I'll have a coke please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the p**... that worked in the fudge factory?
He packed it in
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wizard walked into a gay bar
and disappeared with a p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Blonde Genies
A guy finds a lamp and rubs it. Out pop two blonde genies. They thank him and offer him 3 wishes. He thinks for a minute, and *p**...*...
He's in a vast room filled with $100 bills to his waist. He looks across the room and sees a door. He makes his way through the money to the door and opens it...
Now he is in another room filled with beautiful, n**... women. He looks across the room and sees another door. He fondles his way across the room to that door and opens it...
Where he finds the two blonde genies who drag him to a tree and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
As they are walking away the one turns to the other and says, "I understand why he wanted wealth beyond his wildest dreams. I understand why he wanted to be surrounded by beautiful, n**... women. By, why in the world did he want to be hung like a black man?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy finds a genie...
He says "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"p**...!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
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Poof One Liners
Which poof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poof? I can suggest the ones about beep and vanishes.
- Why did the magician have to change his pants? He poofed himself.
- A wizard walked into a gay bar and disappeared with a p**....
- Did you hear about the gay magician? He disappeared with a p**....
- What is the sound of a homophobic magician? "p**...!"
- My pick up lines work like magic... I say them....p**.......women disappear.
- How do you know if a wizards gay? It disappears with a p**....
- A boy asked his mum to make him a sandwich She said p**..., you're a sandwich'
- Did you hear about the gay candle? It went out with a p**...
- Son: Dad, make me a pizza! Dad: *p**...* your a pizza!
- What do you call a gay magician? A p**...
- Allow me to show you a sh*tty magic trick. p**...-f!
- Nobody believed the magician could disappear So he had to p**... himself
- What do you call a gay snake? A p**...-Adder.
- Gay wizard partying in a bar. He left with a "p**...".
- Did you hear about the p**... that worked in the fudge factory? He packed it in
