Poof Jokes
117 poof jokes and hilarious poof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Poof Short Jokes
Short poof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poof humour may include short puff jokes also.
- A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...* He disappeared without a tres.
- A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3... He says "uno... dos..." *p**...*! and disappears without a tres.
- The Mexican Magician A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.
- A Mexican performs a magic trick. He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." and then *p**...* … he disappeared without a tres!
- A short joke for my cakeday A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." p**.... He disappeared without a tres.
- A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3 He says "uno, dos..." *p**...*. He disappeared without a tres.
- A Spanish magician is at a party He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," p**....
He disappeared without a tres. - A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos... And *p**...*..... He disappeared without a tres.
- Hey Descartes, I bet I can beat you in a footrace! I think not! Descartes replies.
And p**...!
He instantly disappears. - A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'Uno, dos… and p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
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Poof One Liners
Which poof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poof? I can suggest the ones about blown and beep.
- Why did the magician have to change his pants? He poofed himself.
- A wizard walked into a gay bar and disappeared with a p**....
- Mexican Magician Uno... Dos... p**...
He disappeared...
Without a tres. - A magician walks into a gay bar and disappears with a p**....
- Did you hear about the gay magician? He disappeared with a p**....
- What is the sound of a homophobic magician? "p**...!"
- Did you hear about the homosexual magician? He disappeared in a p**....
- A magician turns into his driveway p**...
- My pick up lines work like magic... I say them....p**.......women disappear.
- How do you know if a wizards gay? It disappears with a p**....
- Have you heard about the homosexual wizard? He disappeared with a p**...
- How did the gay wizard dissappear? He went with a p**...!
- A boy asked his mum to make him a sandwich She said p**..., you're a sandwich'
- "Dad, can you make me a sandwich?" p**..., you're a sandwich
- Did you hear about the gay candle? It went out with a p**...
Amusing Poof Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about poof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vanishes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poof pranks.
Blonde Thinks
A woman with green hair, a woman with red hair and a woman with blonde hair find mirror. A lady appears in the mirror and says, tell me something you think are true and you'll be rich. Tell me something that is not true and you die. The woman with green hair says: "I think I'm pretty." p**...! She's dead. The woman with red says: "I think I have a soul." p**...! She's dead. The woman with blonde hair says: "I think..." p**...! She's dead.
A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...
They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
A guy finds a genie...
He says "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"p**...!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Black guy and Jewish Genie
A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....
What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.
Magical Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The blonde goes up. I think– p**...!"
A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.
''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – p**...! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''
Mexican Magician
There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, "On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!"
"Uno!"
"Dos!"
p**...! He disappeared without a trés!
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.
Hispanic Magician
So a Mexican magician stands up in front of his audience and tells them, "Ok hombres, on the count of three, I'm gonna make myself disappear! Uno, dos..." p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician is performing in front of a group of people
He tells the audience that he will disappear on the count of 3. He begins to count up, "uno... dos..."
*p**...*
He disappeared without a tres.
Three men are trapped on a desert island
When they find a tea p**.... The first man rubs it an out comes a genie, "you have 3 wishes."
Man 1: "I wish I was at a party in the city!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 2: "I wish a was at my house with a beer!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 3: "I'm lonely now... I wish my friends were with me."
I once saw a Mexican magician
He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.
Rene Descartes walks into a bar...
The bartender asks, "will you be having a drink tonight?"
Descartes replies, "I think not."
And p**..., he disappears.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead lost in the desert...
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...
...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, p**...! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.
Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!
Then p**...! she was gone!
After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you?
Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows.
Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !
Philosophy Joke
Descartes is in a bar and has had many drinks. He then asks the bartender for another beer.
"Are you sure you can handle another? You've had a lot" the bartender asks.
Descartes replies, "I think not!"
*p**...*
And he disappeared.
Genie Lamp
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
A horse walks into a bar...
...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *p**...* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the horse.
A Spanish speaking magician
A Spanish speaking magician says that he will disappear on the count of three. "Uno.. Dos.." and p**...! He was gone without a tres.
There was a Spanish magician who said he could disappear.
He said he would disappear on the count of 3.
He said "Unos... Dos..."
**p**...**
And then he disappeared without a tres.
Alcoholic Horse
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Three girls are stuck on an island
They find a lamp and a genie comes out of it. He grants them each one wish. The brunette girl wishes to go home and see her family. *p**...* shes gone. The redhead wishes also go go home to see her family. *p**...* shes gone. The genie comes to the blonde girl and sees that shes crying. He asks "why are you crying?". She responds "I wish my friends were back".
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "You come here a lot; are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders this for a moment and says, "I don't think I am."
p**...! The horse disappears.
At this point, a psychology student would begin to snicker because he knows about the Descartes postulate, "I think therefore I am."
I could have told you about that at the beginning of the joke, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. . .
. . .and orders a beer. When he finishes is, the barkeep asks "Have another?" Descartes replies "I think not."
. . .and p**.... He vanishes.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then p**...!
He was gone, without a tres.
A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And p**...! She was a smartphone!
Did you hear about the Mexican magician?
He was going to make him self disappear on the count of three. He begins by shouting "UNO! DOS!" then p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
The Mexican magician
There was this famous magician in Mexico and his signature act was disappearing into thin air. Everytime he performs this act, he would cover himself under a huge piece of cloth and count, "uno", "dos", and p**..., he vanished out of sight without a tres
A Mexican magician tells a crowd he's going to disappear on the count of three...
He begins the countdown. "Uno, dos..." then, p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
I once saw an incredible disappearing Mexican magician...he would come on stage and say, "Uno, Dos..." And p**...!
He was gone without a Tres
A couple was walking on a beach when one tripped over a bottle and a genie came out.
You can each have one wish, said the genie. The wife made her wish first I would like to travel around the world, with my husband, .
Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets for travel around the world. Now it was the husbands turn, Well said the husband, with a naughty look on his face I wish I can have a younger companion, .
The words were barely out of his mouth when p**..., he aged 20 years!
A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick.
"Uno, dos..." *p**...* he disappeared without a tres.
An irish man frees a genie
and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.
The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."
So *p**...* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it's filled up again.
"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"
"I want two more of these, then!"
Did you hear about that gay magician?
He vanished with a p**....
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
There was once a Mexican magician.
At the end of his act, he said "On the count of three I will vanish! Uno....dos..."
And p**...! He disappeared without a tres
A Vampire met a genie
"I'll give you three wishes, no more, no less" Said the Genie to the Vampire.
"I want to have wings. It's weird to be able to fly without wings." Said the Vampire.
"It shall be done, what about the second wish?"
"I want virgins! Lots of virgins!"
"It shall be done, and the last?"
"I want blood! Lots of blood!"
"Abracadabra hocus pocus" The genie casted the spell.
****p**...****
.
.
.
.
.
And the Vampire turned into a sanitary pad.
A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3
He says uno, dos... then p**..., he disappears without a tres
There is a magic mirror that will make anyone who lies disappear.
First, an old lady stands before it and tells herself, "I think I look young." And *p**...* she vanishes.
Next, an ugly woman looks at her reflection and says, "I think I am beautiful." And *p**...* she also disappears.
Then, a blonde woman takes her turn with the mirror. "I think..." and *p**...* she's gone.
A Mexican magician was finishing up his act...
It was time for his big finale.
"And now, for my final trick, I will make myself disappear on the count of three!"
"Uno! Dos!"
p**...!
He was gone without a tres.
A Mexican magician stands before his audience.
And for my last trick. I will disappear on the count of 3... Uno. Dos. *p**...* and the magician vanished, without a tres.
An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic
And then p**... , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .
The old lady said
- I want to be young and beautiful again
- I want to very rich
- my cat should become a handsome prince
p**... the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and her cat now transformed into a prince started crying ..
She asked what happened ?
Cat : I guess you forgot the time you had me neutered !!
Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.
The first man wishes to be invisible, p**...! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.
The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, p**...! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.
The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, p**...! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.
A Spanish magician told told his audience "On the count of 3 I will make myself disappear! UNO.... DOS....
And *p**...* he was gone without a tres.
Genie: I can grant you 3 wishes
Genie: I can grant you 3 wishes
Man: I wish I was divorced
[p**...]
Genie: you have one wish left
Credits : @Boogtweeets
Rene Descartes walked in to a bar.
Barkeep asks " Do you want a drink?"
Descartes says "I think not," and p**.... He's gone.
Three men got stranded on an island and found a genie's lamp
The first man said, "I wish I was back home with my family."
*p**...*, he was gone.
The second man said, "I wish I were living in a mansion in California."
*p**...*, he was gone.
The third man thought and paced for a bit, then finally groaned and said, "This is too hard! I wish my friends were here to help me figure this out!"
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. One day a bottle washes up and of course there is a genie in it who pops out and grants them one wish each.
The brunette says " that's easy - I wish to go home" and p**... her wish was granted.
The redhead is next and says "I wish I was at home" and p**... her wish is granted.
The genie looks at the blond and she says "I can't decide... I wish my friends were here to help me..."
Descartes walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and finishes it. The bartender asks if he wants another.
"I think not," says Descartes.
p**.... He disappears.
A man walks into the bar and takes a stool next to a duck on the bar...
Man: what's with the duck?
Bartender: oh he's magic
M: what?
B: magic... So you whisper your greatest desire in his ear and immediately he grants it
M: no way
B: try it!
The man leans into the ducks ear and whispers something and *p**...* a small man in a suit with tails and a white bow tie appears on the bar.
M: well it must be broken because I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist...
3 Guys on an island
3 guys are stranded on an island and one day they find a bottle.
When they pick it up a genie appears and says he will grant them each one wish.
The first guys says "I wish I was home" p**..... He goes home.
The second guy says "I wish I was home" p**..... He goes home.
The third guy says "I'm lonely, I wish the other 2 guys were back here"
There was a famous Mexican magician.
His name was Gustavo. His signature trick is he would say "Uno, dos," and *p**...*! He would disappear without a tres.
3 men find a genie's lamp in a huge desert. The genie tells them they each get one wish.
The first guy wishes to be with his family.
p**...
He's gone.
The second guy wishes to be on an island.
p**...
He's gone
Third guy wishes for his friends to be with him.
p**...
The first two guys are back.
A Spanish magician was about to attempt a vanishing act...
"On the count of 3, I will have vanished from the stage!"
"Uno!"
"Dos!"
\*p**...\*
He disappeared without a tres!
A blonde, redhead and a brunette
A blonde, redhead and a brunette are lost and have found a magic lamp, and rubbed it. A genie appears and grants them 3 wishes in total.
The redhead wished to be back home.
p**..., she was back home.
The brunette wished to be back with her family.
p**..., she was back with her family.
The blonde said: Wow! I wish my friends were here.
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
The Spanish Magician
A Spanish magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.
"Uno, dos, p**...."
He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican Magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says, Uno, Dos........ *p**...*....... he disappeared without a tres.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3.
He goes,"Uno, Dos...." and p**...!
He disappears without a Tres.
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then p**..., he vanished without a trace.
