Poo Jokes
117 poo jokes and hilarious poo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Poo Short Jokes
Short poo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poo humour may include short pee jokes also.
- 3 year-old daughter following in my footsteps: "What shoes do poos wear?" "PLIP PLOPS."
What a disgusting creature I've raised *beams with pride* - A couple of days ago I ate three lipsticks and some mascara and haven't pooed since... You really can't sh*t this make up.
- If there's a god-shaped hole in all of us does that mean our poos come out in god's image?
- My son just asked me where p**... comes from, I gave him a detailed explanation, where he then stood in stunned silence. Then he asked, What about Tigger?
- Asked my wife why she bought fake c**... for the bathroom. My wife: do you mean the sham p**...?
- My son asked me where does p**... come from I sighed and explained it to him in great detail. He then looked at me perplexed and said "well what about Tigger?"
- My 4 year old daughter told me the joke today. Knock knock, who's there? Dinosaurp, Dinosaurp who? Haha you said dinosaur p**....
- This guy came up to me in the gym. He said, hey...what's your secret?
I said, I p**... with the door open - You know if you p**... on the toilet at 11:59 pm... then at 12:01 am, its just the same s**... , different day.....
- The best knock knock joke EVER Knock knock.
Who's there?
p**.... .
p**... who?
Ha ha ! you said p**... p**...!
My daughter made that up.
I am so proud!
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Poo One Liners
Which poo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poo? I can suggest the ones about stinky and pooh.
- Stop washing your hair with shampoo! Insist on REAL poo!
- Why do poets go to the zoo to use the restroom? So they can poo in the loo at the zoo.
- (From my son) What comes after Blue's Clues? Blue's Poos!
- Local story: Community master cleanse meeting tonight Poos at 11.
- if hummus is made from chick peas, what is chocolate hummus made from? chick poos.
- What should you do if a bird poos on your car? Don't ask her out again
- Went to the bathroom earlier and took a p**....... not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
- Why use shampoo... ...when you can use real p**...?
- I'm dyslexic, but that doesn't define me. Dyslexics are teople p**....
- What does the president of Russia call his toilet? Vladimir's p**... Tin
- Went to the bathroom and took a p**...... Not sure whose it was, but it is mine now.
- boycott shampoo demand real p**... instead
- I've had enough of this shampoo I want real p**...
- I've got a joke about p**... with teeth marks on it. It's a bit s**....
- What do you call a chamber p**... in Russia? A p**...-tin
Poo Tin Jokes
Here is a list of funny poo tin jokes and even better poo tin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do they call a bedpan in Russia? A p**... tin.
- What do you call a Russian bedpan? A p**...-Tin
- Where do Russians keep their stool sample for the doctor? In a p**...-tin!
- What do you call a metallic Russian chamber p**...? Vladimir p**...-tin.
- What does Donald Trump get on his nose after a**...-kissing? p**...-tin
Cheerful Fun Poo Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about poo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean excrement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poo pranks.
My son asked me, "Where does p**... come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds then said...
"And Tigger?"
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
An apple and a p**... were floating down the river.
The p**... yells: "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple says: "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
A little further down the river the p**... yells again, "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple disgustingly replies, "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
Suddenly a man grabs the apple out the river and takes a bite. The p**... shouts to apple, "See you tomorrow!"
A little boy asked his grandad where p**... came from
The grandad was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. The little boy looked a little perplexed and stared at him in stunned silence for a few seconds before asking "And Tigger?"
My son asked me "Where does p**... come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable, but I sat him down and gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds, and asked "And Tigger?"
I was on the train having a p**....
When the ticket inspector knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket please."
"There you go," I replied, passing it under the door.
"Thanks for the free ticket." replied the voice, running away.
I was picking up some dog p**... in the park today and thought to myself...
I really should get a dog…
Two flies are sat on a dog p**.... One of them breaks wind, and the other says….
Do you mind! I'm eating!
What do you call a cop standing on dog p**...?
Officer on doody.
My son asked me where p**... came from
My son asked "Where does p**... come from?" It was uncomfortable but I gave him an honest answer. Looking up in silence and a little confused he asked "And Tigger?"
I'm really glad they invented shampoo.
imagine having to wash your hair with real p**...?
Did you hear?! They're putting the p**... emoji on a stamp!
Finally! Shitpost!
A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
What is it called when a person pretends to use the toilet.
A sham p**....
I always hear voices when I go for a p**....
Shitzophrenia.
A Golden Retriever mixed with a Poodle is called a Golden Doodle.
Aren't you glad they didn't call it a p**... Retriever?
I was at the zoo with my daughter.
She said, "Daddy! Why are the monkeys throwing their p**... around?"
I said, "I don't know, honey. I guess it's their way of communicating."
She said, "Well, they're certainly eating their words now."
I have one of those stools to help you p**....
One night, I was too tired to move it out of the way when I had to pee. So I stood on the stool to t**.... I now have my own streaming platform.
I tried telling my 4 year old nephew that it's perfectly fine to accidentally p**... your pants…
But he's not buying it. In fact, he's still making fun of me
Ever have one of those days where you're wiping away and the p**... is all wet and slimy so your finger breaks through the toilet roll and your finger just slips inside, like two knuckles deep? I just had a day like that.
Anyway, I'm not allowed to volunteer at *that* child care centre anymore.
Two bananas are sitting by a river
When a piece of p**... comes floating by.
"You guys should come in the water it feels great" says the p**...
One banana turns to the other and says
"Can you believe this s**...?"
Don't ever do something for free if you're good at it
That's why I p**... on company's time.
What do women and dog p**... have in common?
The older they are, the easier they get to pick up.
(compliments of BloodHoundGang's "3.14")
I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day..
..it smells better than real p**....
No more shampoo!
We want the real p**...!
My kid's favourite
Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a p**...!
There once was a lady named Sue...
..who didn't have much to do.
So she pulled out the vacuum,
and went to the bathroom,
and found a new way to go p**....
A man was taking his dog for a walk one early morning
As he walked through a graveyard to get back home, he saw a man crouching by a grave.
"Morning!" says the man with the dog.
The second man replies "Nope, just having a p**...."
A bear and a rabbit are p**... in the woods.
The bear glances over at the rabbit and asks "Do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replies, "Nope, never been a problem. Just lucky that way, I guess."
"Guess so," the bear said, as he picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
Stop using shampoo!!!!
Insist on REAL p**...!
I took the dog out with p**... bags earlier
The wife hates it when I call her that
Someone smeared p**... on my old gaming system.
Now it's a Nintendo BS.
What do you call the same s**... every morning?
déjà p**...
I watch ghost videos whenever i take a p**...
They scare the s**... out of me
Give shampoo to your real friends.
And real p**... to your sham friends.
(Repost, because it turns out, you can mess things up even before 2AM)
Saw a dog in the park this morning that was a cross between a cockerpoo and a labradoodle.
A cocker doodle p**..., if you will.
What's the difference between a monkey flinging p**... at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?
Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.
I accidentally dropped my dog's p**... bag down a hole in the ground.
I heard some water splash when it reached the bottom. It was so far down now! Well, c**...!
I don't understand why people are still using shampoo...
When they could be using **real** p**...
Ban Shampoo!
Demand the real p**...!
A bad dad Joke
Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a p**...
Why do Bakers need a separate toilet?
For when they knead a p**...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
Don't call me a p**....
What's the name of Winnie the p**...'s Grandma?
p**... Nanny
I wrote a song about "sitting on the toilet for a pee, but while I'm here, I might as well have a p**..."
It got to number two.
I just read a book called, "p**... is Great".
The pro-log section was excellent.
People who use shampoo are dumb
Why do they use sham p**... when they can just use real p**...
My wife always asks me if I'm taking a p**... when I go to the bathroom...
But I've never left with more than I went in with
Dad, where does p**... come from?
A daughter goes up to a father, and asks "Dad, where does p**... come from?".
Father: Well, when you have something to eat, your body breaks it all down and then your stomach turns it into p**.... A bit of time after you eat, you might need to go to the toilet and that's where p**... comes from! It's just your stomach breaking down what you eat!
Daughter: Okay, what about Tigger and Eeyore?
There once was a lady named Sue...
There once was a lady named Sue
She didn't have much to do
So she pulled out the vacuum
and went to the bathroom
And found a new way to go p**...
**I just want to say this is not a repost. I wrote this Limerick, with the exception of the first two lines.*
For the kids...
Knock knock
Who's there
I eat mop
I eat mop who (I eat mah p**...)
I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.
It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!
Turns out it's just sham p**....
I washed my hair with p**... tonight.
I've been using shampoo for years, just think how good it will look with the real thing.
Why did the baker have smelly fingers?
Because he kneaded a p**....
(This is my favourite silly joke, sorry if it's a repost)
What does Harry Potter say when he is trying to squeeze out a p**...?
Expellianus.
I asked my French teacher if I could use the restroom.
"Oui, Oui"
"No, no. p**... p**...."
I've been having my morning p**... at 7:15am every single day for the past 10 or so years
Pity I always wake up at 7:30!
What did the reddish p**... say to the brown p**...?
"I feel flushed."
Is that dog p**...?
A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog p**...?" He thinks to himself.
He approaches it to examine if it is dog p**.... "Well it looks like dog p**...." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog p**...." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog p**...." His finger scoops up a part of the p**..., and he licks it. "Tastes like dog p**....... Yep, this is dog p**... alright."
"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."
what do you call a bear with a s**... f**...?
Winning the p**...
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a p**....
Better if you say this aloud.
Why did the baker have smelly hands?
Because he kneaded a p**....
What does a Scottish swordsman call his p**...?
Machete.
I like to brush my teeth while I take my morning p**....
I call it taking a number tooth.