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Poll Jokes

80 poll jokes and hilarious poll puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poll that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Crack up with these hilarious poll jokes - from stories about exit polls, opinion polls, and poll workers, to jokes about voters, leadership, and ballots! Laugh out loud at these funny poll jokes that will make you and your friends smile.

Funniest Poll Short Jokes

Short poll jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poll humour may include short vote jokes also.

  1. Poll: Have You Ever Watched Malcom in the Middle? [YES]
    [NO]
    [MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW]
    [CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?]
  2. Whats the difference between the government and a stripper? Strippers don't rig their polls.
  3. CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though
  4. I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material. Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.
  5. Donald Trump is so far behind in the polls... ....it reminds me of the night he won the Presidency.
  6. They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel 52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility
  7. Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season? Because of Germans rushing to the polls!
  8. What do strippers and presidential candidates have in common? They both go up and down polls
  9. According to a recent poll 9 out of 10 people have never had Steak Tartare. Apparently it's very rare.
  10. Once, China organized a poll to find out which clothing item was the most popular. Everyone thought it would be shirt. But taiwan.

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Poll One Liners

Which poll one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poll? I can suggest the ones about survey and question.

  1. I recently took a poll and found out 100% of campers were angry when their tent collapsed
  2. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
  3. What's the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate? Poll dancing
  4. How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club? She took a poll.
  5. My wife told me she is a poll worker. I'm just surprised they pay her in all singles.
  6. 76% of horses prefer running to walking ... According to a recent gallop poll.
  7. What do strippers and Hillary Clinton have in common? They rely too much on polls
  8. I took a poll recently and 100% of people were annoyed with their tent falling down.
  9. I'm doing a poll: Horses.
    Yay, or....?
  10. Why are strippers such good politicians? 'Cause they're good on the polls.
  11. I got a voting booth to decorate my house today it really polls the room together
  12. Are the Polish for or against abductions? Maybe I should take a poll
  13. What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move? Poll dancing!
  14. In a recent poll, 80% of Japanese women admitted to having faked origami.
  15. With the current outlook on UK exit polls... It looks like june is the end of May

Opinion Poll Jokes

Here is a list of funny opinion poll jokes and even better opinion poll puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Jesus's crucifiers took an opinion poll "Did we screw up our job or did we nail it?".
  • According to a new 2018 opinion poll: p**... are out and Vaginas are in.

Poll Worker Jokes

Here is a list of funny poll worker jokes and even better poll worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year... She decided it sounded better than putting "stripper" on her resume.
Poll joke, My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year...

Poll joke, My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year...

Amusing & Witty Poll Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about poll you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean answer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poll pranks.

I Took a poll recently..

And 100% found out I'm not letting my wife peg me again.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

I read a poll recently that said 60% of Americans don't know who Madeline Albright is....

how is that even possible? I thought she was amazing on m**... She Wrote.

A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy

In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy.
98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study,
it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

A recent poll posed the question, "Would you ever have s**... with Bill Clinton?"

70% of American women said, "Never again."

The year is 2089. All policemen have been replaced by genetically modified dogs.

The amount of people killed by police yearly went down 90% and a recent poll that asked "Do you like the police?" showed that public opinion of the force went up 64%.
How was this accomplished?
Dogs are colorblind.

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

Two p**... go fishing

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"

A poll says that 60% of women take medicine for mental instability.

That means that 40% aren't taking their meds!

My Pollish grandma was telling me about one of the worst periods of her life

She called it the concentration cramp

How can you tell that there's too much pollen in the air?

Drug addicts are turning m**... back into sudafed

A surveyor went to a gentlemans club

He gathered all the strippers and declared, "I'd like to take a poll."

They recently took a poll asking, "Who is the best dog in the world."

"You are! Yes, you are!" won in a landslide.

A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have s**... with Ted Cruz.

91% said 'Never Again .

The pollen is so bad this year in Phoenix...

that tweekers are turning their crystal m**... back into Sudafed.

Some people say the firefighters deserve more money.

But apparently they took a poll and the all fell through a hole in the floor.

Donald Trump Was Right About Two Things

1. That every poll which showed him inevitably losing were incorrect
and
2. That the results were rigged

A man walks into a poll and says,

"Hey at least I didn't walk into a bar."

Some people say that firefighters need more money,

So a poll was taken, and they all fell through the floor.

Some say firefighters aren't paid enough.

But recently a poll was taken... And they all fell through the floor.

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)

The pollen count is so high

m**... users are trying to convert their m**... back to Sudafed

The Pollen count in the air is so high this year

all the m**... cooks are turning their crystal back into Sudafed

The pollen count

That's a difficult job.

A Cosmopolitan magazine poll revealed that 29% of women have never m**....

Meanwhile, 29% of men m**... just reading about the poll.

Roy Moore is projected to lose the election by just 1%, according to a new poll.

Roy Moore is taking the news well, as he actually prefers to come in a little behind!

"Top 10 Most Dangerous Occupations in the US 2017" revealed

High school student in poll position

I wanted to know how many people have actually left Facebook

So I set up a Facebook poll, so far no responses.

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

They took a poll one day about womens' legs...

Around 6% said they liked fat legs...
Around 3% said they liked skinny legs
The other 91% said they preferred something in between.

What pollinated most of the world's crops and doesn't take any of the credit?

A humblebee

I participated in a poll..

It asked, "Do you consider yourself unique and special?"
99 people voted for yes.
I was the 100th who voted for no. I guess everyone is different, I am the only ordinary one.

A poll was taken in California, asking if people thought i**... immigration was a serious problem. 29 percent said, 'Yes, it is a serious problem.'

71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'

They say firefighters deserve higher wages

but apparently a poll was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor.

New poll shows that the majority Bernie Sander's supporters like whole milk

But they hate 1%

My family did a poll: Should we get grandmother a large deer?

In the end it was a unannymoose decision

A new poll says 69% of Americans support Medicare-for-All...

...which pales in comparison to the 100% of Americans who support 69 for All

pollution levels have come down so drastically

That my wife is now seeing things from my point of view!

Pollen is what happens when flowers

can't keep it in their plants.

A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.

This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.

The pollen is so bad this year...

The drug dealers are trying to turn their m**... back into Sudafed.

How are pollen grains like Otto Von Bismarck?

They both lead to German Nation

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:
Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".
Africans asked what "food" is.
Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".
Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.
And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the term "truthfully".

Poll joke, Poll: Have You Ever Watched Malcom in the Middle?

jokes about poll