Poll Jokes
79 poll jokes and hilarious poll puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poll that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Crack up with these hilarious poll jokes - from stories about exit polls, opinion polls, and poll workers, to jokes about voters, leadership, and ballots! Laugh out loud at these funny poll jokes that will make you and your friends smile.
Funniest Poll Short Jokes
Short poll jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poll humour may include short vote jokes also.
- Poll: Have You Ever Watched Malcom in the Middle? [YES]
[NO]
[MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW]
[CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?] - Whats the difference between the government and a stripper? Strippers don't rig their polls.
- CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though
- I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material. Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.
- Donald Trump is so far behind in the polls... ....it reminds me of the night he won the Presidency.
- They polled Britons on their favorite Jane Austen novel 52% prefer Pride & Prejudice to Sense & Sensibility
- Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season? Because of Germans rushing to the polls!
- What do strippers and presidential candidates have in common? They both go up and down polls
- According to a recent poll 9 out of 10 people have never had Steak Tartare. Apparently it's very rare.
- Once, China organized a poll to find out which clothing item was the most popular. Everyone thought it would be shirt. But taiwan.
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Poll One Liners
Which poll one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poll? I can suggest the ones about survey and question.
- Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
- What's the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate? Poll dancing
- How did the stripper know she was the most popular dancer at the club? She took a poll.
- My wife told me she is a poll worker. I'm just surprised they pay her in all singles.
- 76% of horses prefer running to walking ... According to a recent gallop poll.
- What do strippers and Hillary Clinton have in common? They rely too much on polls
- I took a poll recently and 100% of people were annoyed with their tent falling down.
- I'm doing a poll: Horses.
Yay, or....? - Why are strippers such good politicians? 'Cause they're good on the polls.
- I got a voting booth to decorate my house today it really polls the room together
- Are the Polish for or against abductions? Maybe I should take a poll
- What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move? Poll dancing!
- In a recent poll, 80% of Japanese women admitted to having faked origami.
- With the current outlook on UK exit polls... It looks like june is the end of May
- If you ever feel like you're bad at your job, remember At least you don't work in polling
Opinion Poll Jokes
Here is a list of funny opinion poll jokes and even better opinion poll puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jesus's crucifiers took an opinion poll "Did we screw up our job or did we nail it?".
Poll Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny poll worker jokes and even better poll worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year... She decided it sounded better than putting "stripper" on her resume.
Amusing & Witty Poll Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about poll you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean answer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poll pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Took a poll recently..
And 100% found out I'm not letting my wife peg me again.
Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read a poll recently that said 60% of Americans don't know who Madeline Albright is....
how is that even possible? I thought she was amazing on m**... She Wrote.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy.
98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study,
it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
A poll showed that North Korea is the happiest nation in the world!
100% of citizens reported being happy!
The year is 2089. All policemen have been replaced by genetically modified dogs.
The amount of people killed by police yearly went down 90% and a recent poll that asked "Do you like the police?" showed that public opinion of the force went up 64%.
How was this accomplished?
Dogs are colorblind.
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two p**... go fishing
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"
A poll says that 60% of women take medicine for mental instability.
That means that 40% aren't taking their meds!
I'm taking a quick poll...
How many of you refuse to participate in surveys?
My Pollish grandma was telling me about one of the worst periods of her life
She called it the concentration cramp
What do you call a rising poll?
Upvote
A surveyor went to a gentlemans club
He gathered all the strippers and declared, "I'd like to take a poll."
They recently took a poll asking, "Who is the best dog in the world."
"You are! Yes, you are!" won in a landslide.
When does a poll ever show the LOSER on TOP and the WINNER on the bottom?
When Ron Paul wins!
What do you call a Polish chicken stuck in a tree?
Poll tree!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have s**... with Ted Cruz.
91% said 'Never Again .
How many pollsters does it take to change a light bulb?
One, plus or minus one.
Now I'm not saying pollution has hit dangerous levels in New Delhi,
but all my friends there are celebrating Nausea November.
Donald Trump Was Right About Two Things
1. That every poll which showed him inevitably losing were incorrect
and
2. That the results were rigged
A man walks into a poll and says,
"Hey at least I didn't walk into a bar."
Some people say that firefighters need more money,
So a poll was taken, and they all fell through the floor.
According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...
Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pollen count is so high
m**... users are trying to convert their m**... back to Sudafed
The pollen count
That's a difficult job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cosmopolitan magazine poll revealed that 29% of women have never m**....
Meanwhile, 29% of men m**... just reading about the poll.
Roy Moore is projected to lose the election by just 1%, according to a new poll.
Roy Moore is taking the news well, as he actually prefers to come in a little behind!
"Top 10 Most Dangerous Occupations in the US 2017" revealed
High school student in poll position
I wanted to know how many people have actually left Facebook
So I set up a Facebook poll, so far no responses.
A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.
The only answer they got back was "Yes."
They took a poll one day about womens' legs...
Around 6% said they liked fat legs...
Around 3% said they liked skinny legs
The other 91% said they preferred something in between.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to a new 2018 opinion poll:
p**... are out and Vaginas are in.
What pollinated most of the world's crops and doesn't take any of the credit?
A humblebee
I participated in a poll..
It asked, "Do you consider yourself unique and special?"
99 people voted for yes.
I was the 100th who voted for no. I guess everyone is different, I am the only ordinary one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A poll was taken in California, asking if people thought i**... immigration was a serious problem. 29 percent said, 'Yes, it is a serious problem.'
71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'
The Chinese edition of Who Wants to be a Millionaire would be pretty similar to the original concept, except that it won't have an audience poll.
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter...
Let that sink in...
My family did a poll: Should we get grandmother a large deer?
In the end it was a unannymoose decision
A new poll says 69% of Americans support Medicare-for-All...
...which pales in comparison to the 100% of Americans who support 69 for All
pollution levels have come down so drastically
That my wife is now seeing things from my point of view!
Pollen is what happens when flowers
can't keep it in their plants.
About 15% of millennials like the band Twenty One Pilots...
...that same poll also said 15% of millennials were kissless virgins
A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.
This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.
How are pollen grains like Otto Von Bismarck?
They both lead to German Nation
The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."
Results:
Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".
Africans asked what "food" is.
Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".
Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.
And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the term "truthfully".
