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Politics Jokes

154 politics jokes and hilarious politics puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about politics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a break from the reality of politics? Check out this collection of jokes and puns related to Indian politics and its various aspects, from the citizens and voters to the workforce. Get ready for a laugh!

Funniest Politics Short Jokes

Short politics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The politics humour may include short political jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
    Leroy, please paint that wall
  3. I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic He said I don't know. I'm not really into politics.
  4. If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
    This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
  5. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.
  6. When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
  7. Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
  8. If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country Not a political post, I just love to travel
  9. I love politically incorrect jokes, and here is my favourite. Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
  10. When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies..... Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

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Politics One Liners

Which politics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with politics? I can suggest the ones about economics and foreign policy.

  1. Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?
    A: 1 GB
  2. Bikinis reveal 95% of a woman's body. Men are so polite they only look at covered areas.
  3. How do you begin a politically incorrect joke? President Ben Franklin walks into a bar...
  4. You know why fish are so political? They are always taking debate.
  5. You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is? They get elected.
  6. You know the problem with political jokes? Sometimes they get elected.
  7. Why are spring flowers always so polite? They have good bloom-ers!
  8. Why didn't the polite coder get hired? The job required SASS
  9. What's short and to die for? A North Korean political joke.
  10. Crime does not pay… as well as politics.
  11. Genders are like political parties... There are many, but only 2 actually matter.
  12. I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong Some are just alternative right
  13. what's a political campaign we can all get behind? gay rights
  14. What do you get when you combine tragedy and comedy? American politics.
  15. What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire? Politics.

Office Politics Jokes

Here is a list of funny office politics jokes and even better office politics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration? To beat the crowds.
  • I was an accountant I was an accountant from age 22 to 35, when because of office politics, I was sacked for no reason.
    What a waste of 15 years.
  • I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag... 1 year for insulting a political officer,
    30 years for revealing a state secret
  • Personally, I am against political jokes. They get elected to office too often.
  • Officer pulled me over and asked "Are you driving drunk?" I politely replied "Nay! Toyota"
  • I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office
  • A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

Young Politics Jokes

Here is a list of funny young politics jokes and even better young politics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.
  • GRAM'S OBSERVATION My grandmother said to me that men were more polite and charming when she was young.
    i explained that it was because no one wants to have s**... with her anymore
Politics joke, GRAM'S OBSERVATION

Indian Politics Jokes

Here is a list of funny indian politics jokes and even better indian politics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners." It was my complimentary nan
  • The mlb is renaming the disabled list to the injured list . I'm surprised by how easily it was for the Cleveland Indians to embrace using politically correct terminology.
  • The state dinner at the White House honored the prime minister of India, and the menu was vegetarian. How do you like that for Thanksgiving? No turkey, wrong Indians.
  • I just can't stand Indian politics. Ugh, it makes me Sikh.
Politics joke, I just can't stand Indian politics.

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Politics Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about politics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean democracy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make politics pranks.

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...

...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.

The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are n**... and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise

What's the difference between polite conversation and an e**...?

I can maintain polite conversation.

Woof

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 
The teacher fainted...

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

A man opens the door for his moother-in-law

And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"

Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

Why did moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

I believe, if you're in special ed, and you're late to class...

...it's politically incorrect to say you're tardy.

So Decartes goes to a restaurant for dinner...

After enjoying his meal, the waiter asks Descartes if he would like any dessert. Politely, he responds, "I think not," then immediately disappears.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...

They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

The world is so politically correct these days.

You used to be able to say "black paint." Now it has to be "Jamal can you please paint my wall?"

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.

Now I'm stuck writing al gore Rhythms.

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.
"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.
"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.
"Shaken, not stirred."
"Oh, thank God."

The kindness of strangers

An old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. The driver, being polite, accepts and munches them.
Every 5 minutes she gives him a handful more peanuts.
Driver : Why don't you eat them yourself ?
Old lady : I can't chew them. Look, I have no teeth.
Driver : Then why do you buy them ?
Old lady : Oh, I just love the chocolates around them.

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."

Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"

Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."

Sweet Young Boy

One day, a boy named Tom got on a very crowded bus.
Sitting opposite him was a fat lady who said, "If you were a polite young man, you'd let someone sit down."
"If you were a polite lady," Tom replied, "you'd let FOUR people sit down!"

The word politics is derived from two words

The word poly meaning many and the word ticks meaning blood s**... parasite.

If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.
This has nothing to do with politics.
I just really want to travel.

A dog goes into a telegraph office

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
The dog looks confused and replies, But that would make no sense at all."

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."

Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,

The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"

The world is becoming too politically correct

You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".

Today I had dinner with my boss and his wife

It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" and I said "I'll just have one". She said "it's alright, you dont have to be polite", and I said "alright then, I'll just have one you s**... cow".

How Politics Really Works

I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."

He said, "No."

I told him, "She is Bill Gates daughter."


He said, "Yes."


I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."

Bill Gates said, "No."

I told Bill Gates, "My son is the C.E.O. of World Bank."

Bill Gates said, "Okay."

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O.

He said, "No."

I told him, "My son is Bill Gates son-in-law."

He said, "Okay.

This is exactly how politics works.

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.
This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

Hippies.

Had the pleasure to meet a couple of hippies today, and they hooted at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term was 'conjoined twins'.

A devout Muslim entered a cab in London

He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,
"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"

I don't want to make a political joke

It might get elected as president of the United States

The men at gay bars are so polite...

Every time I stand up they offer to push in my stool.

A church has a rat problem

The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.

Politics is like driving

No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a m**....

I thought opening a door for a woman was polite

But she just screamed and flew out of the plane

s**... is like politics.

I don't understand it, but I pretend to.

A patient walks into a doctor's office...

...seeking a prescription, and he can't help but notice that the doctor's writing on his clipboard with a r**... thermometer.
Not wanting to be rude, the man speaks up politely, "Uh, doc', not tryna' be impolite, but you're writing with a r**... thermometer."
The doctor pulls up his glasses, looks at the thermometer and replies, "Ah, some a**...'s got my pen."

People today are so politically correct. You can't even say black paint,

You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."

President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."

".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...

"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."

I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Bringing her home to meet mother

I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.

TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...

The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."

Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

Before too long, President Trump will be the most polite guy ever.

He'll be saying, "Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me."

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

One thing nice about Trumps White House is how polite they are...

You can walk down the halls and everyone says "Pardon me".

American politics is like a penguin.

It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.

These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore.

The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."

Politics joke, These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore.

jokes about politics