Political Jokes

Following is our collection of kasich humor and politics one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Political puns for adults, dirty electoral jokes or clean politically gags for kids.

There is an abundance of young politics jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes on political. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any local politics witze you can hear about political.

The Best jokes about Political

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.


An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

I don't want to make a political joke

It might get elected as president of the United States

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!


I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."

"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"

"Three prison camps so far."

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is?

They get elected.

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.


Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

You know the problem with political jokes?

Sometimes they get elected.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Political opinions are like dicks....

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

Mitt Romney and the King of Saudi-Arabia are having a dinner party...

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says to Mitt:
"I really like parts of American culture, especially American television. My favourite show in the world is 'Star Trek'. But I only have one question about it. On the ship there are Asians, Caucasians, Africans, Latin- and Native Americans and all sorts of other people from around the world and the universe, but there are no Arabs on the ship. Why is that?"
Mitt shruggs his shoulders and replies:
"Well it is set in the future..."

The World's Most Politically Correct Joke

THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE

A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.

Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.

I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.

A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...

The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."

The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads

"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"

How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, political idealists can't change anything.

What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint."

I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."

What's short and to die for?

A North Korean political joke.

Being politically correct sucks. I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Biden wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post, I just miss traveling.

Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?

Alt-Write

I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong

Some are just alternative right

Genders are like political parties...

There are many, but only 2 actually matter.

Marx as a Student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the professor stopped lecturing and turned to him.

"I am curious, Mr. Marx, what it is about my teaching you find so intolerable that you cannot sit through more than half of any given lecture."

Karl looked surprised for a moment, but quickly understood what the problem was, and said, "Oh, no, sir, it's nothing like that. See, I have a class on "Proletariat ideology" that starts in five minutes, and I'll be dropped from the course if I'm late."

The professor was confused. "You mean to tell me that the University registered you for two courses during the same time?"

"Yes, sir," Marx responded. "So it's nothing personal. Just a class conflict."

A politically incorrect joke about language

Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.

To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".

To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".

To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of supplies."

They come to survey in a while. The Frenchman has built a restaurant with excellent food. The German has built a fancy hotel. But the Finn is nowhere to be found. They ask the others but they don't know where he is either. So they go look for him and while walking in the woods the Finn suddenly jumps out from behind the tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES!"

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.

This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

What is the ideal political system of a feminist?

A dickhatership.

[OC] Did you hear the political interview in regards to homosexuality?

It was hard to get a straight answer.

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon

"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed

In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010.

Political Correctness is out of hand

You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."

Among all the politically incorrect jokes on this sub, here's my favorite:

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches?

Because no offense.

TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.

You see, she's a Republican.

Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.

Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies

It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

What's Donald's true political party?

Whig

I told my friend that I never knew that Rage Against the Machine was so political, and that it really ruined the music for me.

He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were raging against, the dishwasher?

Why did Stalin ally himself with Hitler?

He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.

How do you define political correctness?

Carefully.

What is the problem with political jokes?

They sometimes get elected!

Valeria Messalina was a powerful Roman empress, best known for her long and influential political career, and for her hobby of hanging out in brothels and prostituting herself.

Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.

I won first place in a political correctness competition the weekend...

Though to be fair, so did everyone else.

What's the politically correct way to introduce your midget buddy?

Say hello to my little friend.

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days...

You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"

I want you to know I'm not racist...

Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.

However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.

John McCain and Donald Trump should run together as President/Vice President

Then we would finally get a political McDonalds.

The US government has resorted to jailing political dissidents using fake accusations

Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?

I know why super hot girls aren't political...

...no matter what party wins, they still get invited to it.

I hate political correctness. You can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Instead you have to say "Leroy, would you please paint the fence?"

Political Joke

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."

This means: Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

As politically incorrect as it is to admit, there is a difference between men and women.

A vast deferens.

Wait. What's your name?

I recently met a Chinese man and got to know that his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylum Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked
"What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked
"What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting"

How do you make a small fortune after earning a degree in political science?

Start with a large fortune and know when to stop.

I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag...

1 year for insulting a political officer,

30 years for revealing a state secret

American political party symbols are spot on...

Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!

What's the difference between comedy and political correctness?

One is making light of a dark situation.

The other is making dark of a light situation.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes