political Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious political puns

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

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The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

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The Govenment made a recent announcement.....

.......that it is changing the national flag to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst you're actually being fucked!!

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Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

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Canadian money

The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the "Toonie" (two dollars) in view of its demise soon with global warming.

In the height of political correctness they will replace it with two gay deer. Instead of calling it a "toonie," it will now be called "two fucking bucks"

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The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

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An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

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Everyone is so politically correct these days.. you can't even say "Black Paint"...

You have to say "Tyrone, paint the god damn wall!"

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I don't want to make a political joke

It might get elected as president of the United States

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I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

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If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

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Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

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With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

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I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

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Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."

"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"

"Three prison camps so far."

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I hate when political candidates put their signs up in my front yard..

Who the hell is Foreclosure?

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Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

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Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

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It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

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English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

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Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

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The New National Symbol

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. It just doesn't get more accurate than that.

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Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

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Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

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People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

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Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

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Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

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If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

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If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

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Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

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Dangerous Games

An African King was visiting the Russian President to discuss political matters for their country. In the evening, the African King asked what type of entertainment they offer in Russia. The Russian President described various activities, all of which seemed mediocre to the King. "I was hoping for something more exciting and dangerous from Russia" said the King.

Finally, the Russian President took him into a back room, opened a box, and pulled a revolver. He placed one bullet in the revolver and handed it to the King. "This is what we call Russian Roulette."

"How does it work?"

"It is simple. Spin the cylinder and then put the gun to your head and pull the trigger. You have a one in six chance of death and it is the most exciting and dangerous game we play here in Russia."

And so the King played a round and enjoyed the thrill. "What an excellent game! We have one similar back home, you must come with me to play."

Not wanting to be outdone, the Russian President flew with the African King to his palace. In the back room, they found six beautiful and naked women on their knees with their mouths open. "This looks wonderful, how do you play?" asked the President.

"It is simple. You choose a lady and put you penis in her mouth and she will pleasure you."

"Well that seems exciting, but where is the dangerous part?"

"One of them is a cannibal."

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Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

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An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

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Political opinions are like assholes

If yours shows up in my Facebook feed I will probably block you

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"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

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What are the most funny Political jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Political? Well, here are the best Political dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Political pick up lines to share with friends.

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