Political Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Political puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Political

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

I don't want to make a political joke

It might get elected as president of the United States

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."

"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"

"Three prison camps so far."

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is?

They get elected.

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

You know the problem with political jokes?

Sometimes they get elected.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Political opinions are like dicks....

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

Mitt Romney and the King of Saudi-Arabia are having a dinner party...

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says to Mitt:
"I really like parts of American culture, especially American television. My favourite show in the world is 'Star Trek'. But I only have one question about it. On the ship there are Asians, Caucasians, Africans, Latin- and Native Americans and all sorts of other people from around the world and the universe, but there are no Arabs on the ship. Why is that?"
Mitt shruggs his shoulders and replies:
"Well it is set in the future..."

I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.

A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...

The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."

The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads

"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"

The World's Most Politically Correct Joke

THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE

A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.

Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.

How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, political idealists can't change anything.

Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint."

I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."

Being politically correct sucks. I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"

I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong

Some are just alternative right

Genders are like political parties...

There are many, but only 2 actually matter.

Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?

Alt-Write

Marx as a Student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the professor stopped lecturing and turned to him.

"I am curious, Mr. Marx, what it is about my teaching you find so intolerable that you cannot sit through more than half of any given lecture."

Karl looked surprised for a moment, but quickly understood what the problem was, and said, "Oh, no, sir, it's nothing like that. See, I have a class on "Proletariat ideology" that starts in five minutes, and I'll be dropped from the course if I'm late."

The professor was confused. "You mean to tell me that the University registered you for two courses during the same time?"

"Yes, sir," Marx responded. "So it's nothing personal. Just a class conflict."

A politically incorrect joke about language

Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.

To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".

To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".

To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of supplies."

They come to survey in a while. The Frenchman has built a restaurant with excellent food. The German has built a fancy hotel. But the Finn is nowhere to be found. They ask the others but they don't know where he is either. So they go look for him and while walking in the woods the Finn suddenly jumps out from behind the tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES!"

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

[OC] Did you hear the political interview in regards to homosexuality?

It was hard to get a straight answer.

What is the ideal political system of a feminist?

A dickhatership.

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon

"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed

In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010.

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches?

Because no offense.

Political Correctness is out of hand

You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."

TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.

You see, she's a Republican.

Among all the politically incorrect jokes on this sub, here's my favorite:

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies

It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.

What's Donald's true political party?

Whig

Why did Stalin ally himself with Hitler?

He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.

Valeria Messalina was a powerful Roman empress, best known for her long and influential political career, and for her hobby of hanging out in brothels and prostituting herself.

Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.

I won first place in a political correctness competition the weekend...

Though to be fair, so did everyone else.

What's the politically correct way to introduce your midget buddy?

Say hello to my little friend.

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days...

You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"

I want you to know I'm not racist...

Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.

However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.

John McCain and Donald Trump should run together as President/Vice President

Then we would finally get a political McDonalds.

The US government has resorted to jailing political dissidents using fake accusations

Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.

I hate political correctness. You can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Instead you have to say "Leroy, would you please paint the fence?"

I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag...

1 year for insulting a political officer,

30 years for revealing a state secret

Wait. What's your name?

I recently met a Chinese man and got to know that his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylum Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked
"What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked
"What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting"

How do you make a small fortune after earning a degree in political science?

Start with a large fortune and know when to stop.

As politically incorrect as it is to admit, there is a difference between men and women.

A vast deferens.

What's the difference between comedy and political correctness?

One is making light of a dark situation.

The other is making dark of a light situation.

What's the difference between a monkey flinging poo at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?

Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.

Steve Jobs and Trump had one thing in common, both hated the PC culture

Political correctness and pancreatic cancer.

The best part about getting a political science degree is you will always be able to find a job!

At McDonalds

American political party symbols are spot on...

Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!

In the political correctness of 2017, is it still ok to call my wife the "ol ball and chain"?

Or is that rude to the ball and chain?

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

what's a political campaign we can all get behind?

gay rights

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

How do you call a wizard that works with political marketing?

Propagandalf.

What do you get when 2 leftists get together?

3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.


They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

People ask me why I'm a Republican ...

I tell them I'm really not that political ...

It's just that I thought it would be better to choose the side with all the guns.

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

I'm not buying anything from any of Trump's or his family's businesses

Not a political statement, I just don't have any money.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes