The Best 92 Political Jokes

what's a political campaign we can all get behind?

gay rights

Political bar joke

A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.

The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, political idealists can't change anything.

Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

[OC] Did you hear the political interview in regards to homosexuality?

It was hard to get a straight answer.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches?

Because no offense.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.

You see, she's a Republican.

Being politically correct sucks. I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon

"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

American political party symbols are spot on...

Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!

What's Donald's true political party?

Whig

Valeria Messalina was a powerful Roman empress, best known for her long and influential political career, and for her hobby of hanging out in brothels and prostituting herself.

Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag...

1 year for insulting a political officer,

30 years for revealing a state secret

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Genders are like political parties...

There are many, but only 2 actually matter.

Political Correctness is out of hand

You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."

Why did Stalin ally himself with Hitler?

He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.

I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong

Some are just alternative right

Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed

In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010.

I don't want to make a political joke

It might get elected as president of the United States

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

I won first place in a political correctness competition the weekend...

Though to be fair, so did everyone else.

Political opinions are like dicks....

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?

Alt-Write

Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint."

I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

What is the ideal political system of a feminist?

A dickhatership.

What's the politically correct way to introduce your midget buddy?

Say hello to my little friend.

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies

It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

Among all the politically incorrect jokes on this sub, here's my favorite:

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

You know the problem with political jokes?

Sometimes they get elected.

You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is?

They get elected.

How do you define political correctness?

Carefully.

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.

I told my friend that I never knew that Rage Against the Machine was so political, and that it really ruined the music for me.

He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were raging against, the dishwasher?

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Biden wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post, I just miss traveling.

Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?

What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

What is the problem with political jokes?

They sometimes get elected!

A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.

This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.

What's short and to die for?

A North Korean political joke.

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

With Biden declared the winner, regardless of what side of the political spectrum you're on, I think we can all safely say...

Thanks, Obama.

There were two men in a prison in the USSR.

One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.

He asks another question: What political reasons?

The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"

I can't believe how everybody's freaking out over that guy stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium.

He was clearly just taking a political stand.

You know why fish are so political?

They are always taking debate.

I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest..

To be fair,so did everyone else...

How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name:

I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was "Kannaswami .

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.

The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"

He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

What's the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate?

Poll dancing

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

A group of Soviet tourists takes express-lesson of Italian before departure.

-Write a couple of phrases in Italian - tour guide says - such as: ''How much does lemonade cost?'', ''Where is the pharmacy?''

One of the tourists asks:
-How do I say ''Please, provide me a political asylum''?

-What have you just said? - asks another tourist seriously.

-Nevermind, just wanted to know which one of you is our KGB senior for this trip.

Putin is asked by an interviewer, "Vladimir Vladimirovich, how did you get in the KGB?"

Putin replies, "You see, when I was a young man, I would listen to my friends tell political jokes and would write them down."

"Jokes?" asks the interviewer

"Not only jokes, but also the names of the joke tellers."

The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is stupid and the other party is evil

But they violently disagree about which one is which.

Which European political leader likes to write at sea?

Marine Le Pen

Why is the Z the only politically-correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not-Z's.

In light of recent political tensions, please refrain from wishing Putin falls into a vat of concrete.

That would set a very dangerous president.

Personally, I am against political jokes.

They get elected to office too often.

Politically charged joke. Knock Knock

Who's there?


Putin.


Putin who?


Putin a doorbell I'm tired of knocking.

l already suspected on my drive to the Political left convention that l wouldn't be welcome

I was right.

Why do political parties hate organised crime?

They don't like voter competition.