Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Political puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Not a political post, I just love to travel
It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"
It might get elected as president of the United States
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.
This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."
You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."
They get elected.
...but there are over one million U.S Senators.
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.
To beat the crowds.
Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'
Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"
...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".
Sometimes they get elected.
Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
Not a political repost I'm just getting deported
This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
\- Canada
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says to Mitt:
"I really like parts of American culture, especially American television. My favourite show in the world is 'Star Trek'. But I only have one question about it. On the ship there are Asians, Caucasians, Africans, Latin- and Native Americans and all sorts of other people from around the world and the universe, but there are no Arabs on the ship. Why is that?"
Mitt shruggs his shoulders and replies:
"Well it is set in the future..."
The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."
The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads
"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"
THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.
Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.
None, political idealists can't change anything.
I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."
Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"
Some are just alternative right
There are many, but only 2 actually matter.
Alt-Write
In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the professor stopped lecturing and turned to him.
"I am curious, Mr. Marx, what it is about my teaching you find so intolerable that you cannot sit through more than half of any given lecture."
Karl looked surprised for a moment, but quickly understood what the problem was, and said, "Oh, no, sir, it's nothing like that. See, I have a class on "Proletariat ideology" that starts in five minutes, and I'll be dropped from the course if I'm late."
The professor was confused. "You mean to tell me that the University registered you for two courses during the same time?"
"Yes, sir," Marx responded. "So it's nothing personal. Just a class conflict."
Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.
To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".
To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".
To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of supplies."
They come to survey in a while. The Frenchman has built a restaurant with excellent food. The German has built a fancy hotel. But the Finn is nowhere to be found. They ask the others but they don't know where he is either. So they go look for him and while walking in the woods the Finn suddenly jumps out from behind the tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES!"
Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter
I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"
He gave the whole class the same Marx
The Bacchus Caucus
It was hard to get a straight answer.
A dickhatership.
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010.
Because no offense.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."
You see, she's a Republican.
Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
Pay for the pizza
It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.
Whig
He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.
Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.
Though to be fair, so did everyone else.
Say hello to my little friend.
It's a nation without a litre.
You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"
Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.
However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.
Then we would finally get a political McDonalds.
Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.
Instead you have to say "Leroy, would you please paint the fence?"
1 year for insulting a political officer,
30 years for revealing a state secret
I recently met a Chinese man and got to know that his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylum Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked
"What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked
"What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting"
Start with a large fortune and know when to stop.
A vast deferens.
One is making light of a dark situation.
The other is making dark of a light situation.
Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.
Political correctness and pancreatic cancer.
At McDonalds
Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!
Or is that rude to the ball and chain?
because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts
gay rights
Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.
Her name is Maxine and she is 44.
Propagandalf.
3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.
They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
I tell them I'm really not that political ...
It's just that I thought it would be better to choose the side with all the guns.
Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.
Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.
Not a political statement, I just don't have any money.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.