Following is our collection of kasich humor and politics one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Political puns for adults, dirty electoral jokes or clean politically gags for kids.
There is an abundance of young politics jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes on political. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any local politics witze you can hear about political.
If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
Not a political post, I just love to travel
It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.
This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"
It might get elected as president of the United States
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.
This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."
You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."
They get elected.
...but there are over one million U.S Senators.
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.
To beat the crowds.
Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'
Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"
...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".
Sometimes they get elected.
Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
Not a political repost I'm just getting deported
For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
\- Canada
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says to Mitt:
"I really like parts of American culture, especially American television. My favourite show in the world is 'Star Trek'. But I only have one question about it. On the ship there are Asians, Caucasians, Africans, Latin- and Native Americans and all sorts of other people from around the world and the universe, but there are no Arabs on the ship. Why is that?"
Mitt shruggs his shoulders and replies:
"Well it is set in the future..."
THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.
Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.
The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."
The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads
"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"
None, political idealists can't change anything.
Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.
I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."
A North Korean political joke.
Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"
If Biden wins, I'm leaving the country.
This isn't a political post, I just miss traveling.
Alt-Write
Some are just alternative right
There are many, but only 2 actually matter.
In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the professor stopped lecturing and turned to him.
"I am curious, Mr. Marx, what it is about my teaching you find so intolerable that you cannot sit through more than half of any given lecture."
Karl looked surprised for a moment, but quickly understood what the problem was, and said, "Oh, no, sir, it's nothing like that. See, I have a class on "Proletariat ideology" that starts in five minutes, and I'll be dropped from the course if I'm late."
The professor was confused. "You mean to tell me that the University registered you for two courses during the same time?"
"Yes, sir," Marx responded. "So it's nothing personal. Just a class conflict."
Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.
To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".
To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".
To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of supplies."
They come to survey in a while. The Frenchman has built a restaurant with excellent food. The German has built a fancy hotel. But the Finn is nowhere to be found. They ask the others but they don't know where he is either. So they go look for him and while walking in the woods the Finn suddenly jumps out from behind the tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES!"
Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter
This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.
I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"
He gave the whole class the same Marx
A dickhatership.
It was hard to get a straight answer.
The Bacchus Caucus
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore,
You have to say "Tyrone, please paint my fence."
Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
Because no offense.
You see, she's a Republican.
All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.
It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.
Pay for the pizza
Whig
He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were raging against, the dishwasher?
He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.
Carefully.
They sometimes get elected!
Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.
Though to be fair, so did everyone else.
Say hello to my little friend.
It's a nation without a litre.
You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"
Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.
However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.
Then we would finally get a political McDonalds.
Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.
appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.
Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?
...no matter what party wins, they still get invited to it.
Instead you have to say "Leroy, would you please paint the fence?"
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
This means: Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
A vast deferens.
I recently met a Chinese man and got to know that his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylum Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked
"What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked
"What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting"
Start with a large fortune and know when to stop.
1 year for insulting a political officer,
30 years for revealing a state secret
Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!
One is making light of a dark situation.
The other is making dark of a light situation.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.