Polish Jokes
143 polish jokes and hilarious polish puns to laugh out loud. Read ethnic jokes about polish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of Polish jokes. If you're looking for a laugh, then read on!
Quick Jump To
- Short Polish Jokes
- Polish One Liners
- Why Polish Jokes
- Polish People Jokes
- Shoe Polish Jokes
- Polish Girl Jokes
- Polish Mexican Jokes
- More Polish Jokes
Funniest Polish Short Jokes
Short polish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polish humour may include short polo jokes also.
- I told a girl, "you look great without glasses" She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do." - The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses." Girl: "I don't wear glasses."
Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do." - I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoe. - Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted... ...a night in, shining armor.
- I ran my car into a pole late last night The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving
- What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard? His last name
- What's something long and hard that every Polish woman receives on the night of her wedding? A new last name!
- Capital letters... ...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.
- A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"
- Why do all polish names end in ski? Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)
Share These Polish Jokes With Friends
Polish One Liners
Which polish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polish? I can suggest the ones about prawn and english polite.
- I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer and a Czech one too. Czech one too.
- What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
- What do you call a Polish fisherman? A fishing pole.
- A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish.
- What's the cleanest language in the world? Polish
- I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer ... ... and a Czech one too.
- What's Santa's nationality? North Polish.
- What do you call the shiniest people? Polish
- My band used to have a Polish sound guy. And we also had a Czech one, too.
- How do you sink the Polish navy? Put it in water
- How do you stop the Polish army on horseback? You turn off the carousel.
- What do you call a Polish ape? A Chimpanski.
- TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- I just won the Polish Lottery..... $1.00 a year for a million years.
Why Polish Jokes
Here is a list of funny why polish jokes and even better why polish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit? He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished
- Did you hear about the man who was half Polish and half Italian? He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
- What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard? Their last name.
- So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.
- Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.
- Hear about the guy that was half Italian and half Polish? He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
- Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal? He was so proud, he had it bronzed.
- I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too. - What do you call a little polish boat? A Jetski.
- (OC) Where did the frog say his family came from? "They are German and a tad-Polish"
Polish People Jokes
Here is a list of funny polish people jokes and even better polish people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who are the shiniest people In Europe? The Polish.
- another polish joke why do polish people keep empty bottles in the fridge?
for those that don't want anything to drink - Why do people from Poland keep their stuff super shiny? Well duh, they're Polish
- Why don't Polish people like playing American football? They can't defend against a blitz.
- What do polish people do for fun? Polish stuff
- What do you it call when Polish people can't agree among themselves? Polarized
- A moderator from Poland walks into a chatroom of people arguing. "This place is gonna need some *polishing*."
- Polish people are really knowledgeable about politics. Every time the news is on they keep saying "Let's see what the Poles have to say."
- Why do Trump supporters enjoy polish people at his rally... so that they can say that their ahead in the Poles.
Polish gram-pa said it. - Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name? Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?
Because they can't spell toboggan.
Shoe Polish Jokes
Here is a list of funny shoe polish jokes and even better shoe polish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Polishing my shoes I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.
- Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces.
- As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
- The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books. But he's always loved The Shining
- What did the cobbler say to get the slavs off his lawn? Shoe polish
- I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes.
- Why did the girl eat yeast and shoe polish before bed? She wanted to rise and shine in the morning!
- I was out when I saw a bIack man running with a TV. "That looks like mine" I thought, so I went home and checked but no, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine.
- Shoe language Q) What language do shoes converse in?
A) Polish
Polish Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny polish girl jokes and even better polish girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night? A new last name
- Girl finds out that she's pregnant... And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; "Have you had a check-up?"
Girl says; "No, he was Polish" - A Polish girl got married On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband.
It was his last name. - What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at? Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh
- The girl I'm dating is half Polish and half German. I asked her if she ever got the urge to invade herself.
- I was so excited when I saw the Nail Polish advertisement Because I want to sleep with this girl from Poland
- What's the Polish girl's favorite activity? Pole dancing.
- Do you know why Polish girls don't like vibrates? It chips their teeth.
- Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind
- A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice And yet when h**... tried it, everyone threw a fit
Polish Mexican Jokes
Here is a list of funny polish mexican jokes and even better polish mexican puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Mexican walked into a Polish store and greeted every one. He was handed a sausage.
Uproarious Polish Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about polish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invading poland jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polish pranks.
Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?
To see the Old Polish Navy
What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?
His surname
Good Polish Joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
The Polish eye exam.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
NY Driver's license.
A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...
A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."
This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..
.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."
Tragedy in Poland
The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.
The Polish farmer
During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold
I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...
and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.
She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"
I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
What do you call a polish guy on a boat?
A fishing pole
What is h**...'s favourite beauty product?
Polish Remover
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
What do women's p**... and nail polish have in common?
What do women's p**... and nail polish have in common?
They both come off with alcohol.
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!
Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye
Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally h**....
What's the difference between acetone and h**...?
One is used to remove the polish, and the other is used to remove the Polish.
Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
A Polish man calls 911
And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"
The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"
The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"
A guy walks into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.
The bartender stops him and says "I'm Polish. You see the guy over there - he's the owner of this bar and he's Polish. You see these two big guys drinking beer beside you - they're Polish. You still want to tell your joke?" The guy thinks about it and says "No, I don't want to tell it anymore. Nobody will get it."
A Polish guy went to check his vision...
**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.
The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z
**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*
What was the first thing h**... bought from the beauty shop?
Polish remover
A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:
G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K
Doctor: Can you read the letters?
Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!
What do h**... and teenage girls have in common?
They both use chemicals to remove the polish.
Sieg Heil by Covergirl
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
h**... does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.
Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...
But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly h**...!
I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...
I have a Czech one too...
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
So, the baby frog finally got his Ancestry.com results in...
It turns out he is a tad Polish.
Polish immigrant
A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."
Why does h**... like acetone?
It's a Polish Remover
What does acetone have in common with n**...?
Polish removal is their best trait
Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"
I once dated a twin
Years ago I dated a twin.
My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'
I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a d**...'
A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.
Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.
The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.
Officer: What is your age?
Tourist: 31 years old.
Officer: Occupation?
Tourist: No, just visiting.
What does nail polish and p**... have in common?
They both come off with alcohol.
100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.
I know a polish sound engineer.
And a czech one two.
My uncle just died.
He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.
Women who marry Polish men get something long and hard on their wedding day.
A new last name.
My Polish friend asked how do you get d**...' from Richard?
I told them to ask nicely
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.
Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?"
Pedro: Didn't quite notice."
Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
Pedro: Haven't had the time to check."
Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"
Pedro: Not a clue in the world."
Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?
Pedro: I barely spoke to her, so don't know.
Dora: "How does she dress?"
Pedro: "Very quickly
I'm planning on starting a s**... club....
... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.
I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.
The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".
The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.
A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.
The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?
The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?
The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.
Two polish Pilots are trying to land a plane
They approach the ground, but they really struggle with the runway. The plane nearly crashes, but they finally are able to land it.
Jesus, one pilot says. That was the shortest runway ever.
Yeah, and did you see how wide it was?
Polish, Ukrainian and Russian babies get mixed up in the hospital
Now, parents are trying to figure out which baby belongs to which parent.
ukrainian decides to go first and yells "Slava Ukraini!"
One baby immediately jumps up and pulls into the attention position.
Ukrainian knows that's their baby and picks it up.
Polish takes the second baby and Russian looks completely confused.
"How did you know the second baby is yours?" asks the Russian.
"The one who smiled when Ukrainian yelled is mine" Polish answered, "but the one who wetted the nursing bed, is yours."
Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland...
It definitely helped me polish my English.
What do you call a Polish telemarketer?
A telephone Pole.
The German in Poland
A German once went on a business trip by car to Poland.
The Polish police pulled him over.
"What's the purpose of your visit?", the policeman asked.
"Business!" said the German.
"Mhm."
"Occupation?" the policeman followed.
"No, no, no! Business, I said!" the German replied.
