The Best 66 Polish Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Polish jokes. There are some polish hungarian jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these polish pollack puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Polish Jokes and Puns

I just won the Polish Lottery.....

$1.00 a year for a million years.

Good Polish Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka. As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka. Since

I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."

To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"

As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"

"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."

After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'

"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81."

"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."

The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Polish joke, The Polish eye exam.

NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."


(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

How do you sink the Polish navy?

Put it in water

Polish joke, How do you sink the Polish navy?

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...

and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.

She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"

I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."

You can explore polish removers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean polish romanian dad jokes. There are also polish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:

"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."

The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb Polack!".

Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"

The counterman says "This is a hardware store."

Hear about the guy that was half Italian and half Polish?

He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

What do you call a polish guy on a boat?

A fishing pole

How do you stop the Polish army on horseback?

You turn off the carousel.

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

Polish joke, Why do all polish names end in ski?

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

What do you call a little polish boat?

A Jetski.

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name


What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"

Capital letters...

...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.

What's the difference between acetone and Hitler?

One is used to remove the polish, and the other is used to remove the Polish.

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"

The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"

The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band

I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.

Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery.

Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.

A guy walks into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.

The bartender stops him and says "I'm Polish. You see the guy over there - he's the owner of this bar and he's Polish. You see these two big guys drinking beer beside you - they're Polish. You still want to tell your joke?" The guy thinks about it and says "No, I don't want to tell it anymore. Nobody will get it."

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

What was the first thing Hitler bought from the beauty shop?

Polish remover

What do you call the shiniest people?

Polish

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...

He discovered he was a tad Polish.

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

What do Hitler and teenage girls have in common?

They both use chemicals to remove the polish.

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
Hitler does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

Why does Hitler like acetone?

It's a Polish Remover

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

What's the cleanest language in the world?

Polish

TIL Santa Claus is European..

North Polish to be exact

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?

His last name

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted...

...a night in, shining armor.

I ran my car into a pole late last night

The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

My band used to have a Polish sound guy.

And we also had a Czech one, too.

A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.

Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.

The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.

Officer: What is your age?

Tourist: 31 years old.

Officer: Occupation?

Tourist: No, just visiting.

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.

Stranger: What is your name, sad lady

Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat

Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.

What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast?

Loafers that rise and shine

Did you hear about the man who was half Polish and half Italian?

He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

What's Santa's nationality?

North Polish.

My uncle just died.

He fell into a vat of polish at the furniture factory.
It was a terrible end but a lovely finish.

Women who marry Polish men get something long and hard on their wedding day.

A new last name.

What do you call a slutty polish woman?

A polka-thot

My Polish friend asked how do you get 'Dick' from Richard?

I told them to ask nicely

What's a long, hard, mouthful that a Polish woman gets on her wedding night?

A Polish surname

"Studnia" is a Polish word referring to a shaft sunk into the ground used to obtain water

(hopefully this translates well)

I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer ...

... and a Czech one too.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: Didn't quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"

Pedro: Haven't had the time to check."

Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"

Pedro: Not a clue in the world."

Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?

Pedro: I barely spoke to her, so don't know.

Dora: "How does she dress?"

Pedro: "Very quickly

I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Polish guy goes into a store

"I'd like a pound of Kielbasa"

Clerk: you must be a Polack

Pole: why do you say that? If I asked for bratwurst, would you call me a Kraut?

Clerk: No

Pole: If I asked for Italian Sausage, would you call me a Dago?

Clerk: No

Pole: then why are you calling me a Polack when I ask for kielbasa?

Clerk: this is a hardware store

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the polish swede jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working polish roadie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes