Polis Jokes
121 polis jokes and hilarious polis puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about polis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Polis Short Jokes
Short polis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polis humour may include short perfect jokes also.
- We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.
- Mjölnir could be picked up by Thor, Vision, and Captain America Does that make it poly-hammer-us?
- The etymology of the word "politics" is surprisingly accurate. "poly" meaning "many", and tics meaning "small bloodsucking parasites."
- A circle accidentally shot a square... his triangle buddy said, "Well, i guess he's poly-gone."
- What does an Australian chemist call is bro? Bromate
Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong - My friend told me she's majoring in being disappointed and almost getting what she wants She's the only poly-sigh major I've met so far
- What did the parrot say when he didn't have his lunch? Poly-no-meal
Sorry for the nerdy math joke. - I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself. "Poli-" meaning "many",
"-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites." - Eisenstein is famous in Science for breaking the norms and making them rewrite the textbooks. So, Trump must be the Eisenstein of Poli Sci.
- Marvel is making a "Winter Soldier" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the "Summer Sausage"
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Polis One Liners
Which polis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polis? I can suggest the ones about conversation and lawyer.
- If poli=many and tics are small bloodsucking animals The world makes so much sense
- What do you call an old lady in an open relationship? A poly Esther.
- What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters? Poly and Esther
- Why does a queen bee have so many mates? Their survival relies on their poly-nation.
- How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells? A poly graph.
- What kind of parasite do Senators have? Poli-ticks.
- Why did the quadratic equation get so many Tinder matches? It's poly
- There are four types of ticks. . . . Wood ticks.
Deer ticks.
Lyme ticks.
Poli-ticks. - What do you call a plastic elf? Poly-mer
- What do you call a tea blend that was deceptive about its ingredients? A poly tea sham.
- What is it called when your parrot flies away Poly-gon
- What do you call a group of non-monogamous bloodsucking government workers? Poly-ticks.
- What do you call a crapload of bloodsucking creatures in the government? Poly-tics
- What's the most viral business model? MONO-poly
- Why are Roly Polys dangerous for your health? You can catch Roly Polio.
Hilarious Fun Polis Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about polis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean divorce jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polis pranks.
Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?
To see the Old Polish Navy
A Polish Joke
A man walks up to a counter and says to the clerk, "Sir, give me your finest polish sausage!"
The man looks back at him confused. He then asks, "Sir, are you by any chance Polish?"
The first man looks back at him shocked and appalled. "How dare you assume I'm polish just because I asked for polish sausage! If I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? If I had asked for spaghetti, would you have assumed I was Italian? I can't believe you would assume something like that!"
The clerk looks back at him and says, "No sir, I assumed you were Polish because this is a hardware store."
A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"
He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap
What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common?
They both change their pads after three periods.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a f**...?
Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body
A Polish guy walked into a bar...
... in Poland. He announced that he had withdrawn his entire fortune, 100,000 zlotys, from the bank, invested it in gold bars, and put them into a safe in his house.
This was back when a zloty was worth something, so the other patrons immediately started to argue with him:
"You're an idiot! What if you get robbed? It's much safer in the bank."
"The banks are about to fail," he responded.
"But they can't fail, they're backed by the Polish government!"
"... which doesn't have so much as a grosz and you know it. The government will fall apart along with the banks."
"Fair enough," the other patrons answered, "but our friends the Russians will bail us out."
"The Russian government isn't so stable either. What if it should collapse too?"
"Well, wouldn't that be worth 100,000 zlotys?"
Two Polish guys are walking through the woods...
One says "Look, a dead bird!". The other looks up in the trees and says "Where?!"
The Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation ensued:
"Have you any grounds?"
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
It's made of concrete.
"I don' think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
No, we have carport, and not need one.
"I mean what are your relations like?"
All my relations still in Poland .
" Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
"Does your wife beat you up?"
No, I'm always up before her each morning.
"Is your wife a nagger?"
No, she white.
"Why do you want this divorce?"
She going to kill me.
"What makes you think that?"
I got proof.
"What kind of proof?"
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:
POLISH REMOVER
another polish joke
why do polish people keep empty bottles in the fridge?
for those that don't want anything to drink
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
The Polish farmer
During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold
A polish man is forced to take the controls in of a small two-passenger plane [math joke]
The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answer and begin shouting over each other, the man can't figure out what's going on. He interrupts them, "Please, gentlemen. I'm just a simple pole, in a complex plane."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish joke
A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."
Polishing my shoes
I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Tanks
Question: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
Answer: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Hunters
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
So the Polish guy found an ocean cruise for only $100...
His friend warned him that it was too good to be true, but he didn't listen. They sailed in the late afternoon, and right around dusk, someone conked him on the back of the head, took his wallet and dumped him overboard. Seeing a fellow passenger in the same predicament, he asked "Do they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The fellow replies "They didn't last year!"
What happens when an old Polish lady doesn't drink enough milk?
Osteopierogies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to m**... him?
He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser
How do polish people show gratitude?
They say thansk.
2 Polish Guys
Were trying to measure the height of a flagpole. They had a tape measure with them and were trying to climb the flagpole, measure in hand. A man walks by and says, "why don't you guys just lay it on the ground and measure it?" One of the Poles replies, "Because we want to measure its height, not length!"
Why did the polish spy fail in his mission to blow up Hitlers car.
He kept burning his lips on the muffler.
Why do all polish names end in ski?
Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish d**...
Polish couple is having s**.... Husband asks the wife, "why Won't you let me go down on you. Wife says "i haven't been feeling well down there and need to go to the doctor". Wife goes to the doctor and the doc says to her "all ya need is a good clean d**.... Go to The pharmacy they all sorts of flavors raspberry, cherry etc whatever you want.". Wife goes to the pharmacy and sure enough they had all sorts of flavors raspberry cherry etc whatever she wanted. She goes home and tells her husband "well the doctor said all I needed was a good clean d**.... I went to the pharmacy and they had all sorts of flavors raspberry cherry etc"....Husband says "what flavor did you get!". Wife responds "tuna fish"
There is a Polish supermarket around the corner from my house.
I tried to go there after the last election, but the polls were closed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Polish Army s**...?
'Cause you don't go 1 awp for short!
(Ask some who plays CS:GO if you don't get it)
A Polish guy bought a toilet brush..
three days later he went back to paper..
A Polish man goes to the optometrist.
Optometrist asks "Can you please read the bottom line?"
"Read it!? I live next door to him!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are Polish hotdogs made out of?
r**... pigs
A Polish man goes to the doctor for an eye check up
The doctor points at a board a few feet away and asks him to read the letters on it. The man looks up and sees 'CWXNYURISATZKY'.
He looks at the doctor in surprise and asks, 'Hey how do you know my cousin's name?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish wife finally agrees to a t**....
She really wanted that lightbulb changed.
What was the name of the Polish limo driver?
Piccop Andropoff.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Polish airlines fly half full?
Because planes c**... if a Pole gets on the right side.
You ever seen a Polish trailer?
And..here we are.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish bank robber
t**... the safe, blew the guard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four Polish men die in a car accident
Two in the actual c**... and two more in the reenactment.
A polish man pays his drink
Polish Space Program
The polish space program recently revealed to the UN that they were preparing to attempt the first manned space mission to the surface of the sun. When asked how they were going to accomplish this feat they answered, "We are going at night".
What does a Polish guy do on the ice?
He breaks in.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
polish priest sacked by the Vatican......
Well that's really taken the shine off the pope :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish guy turns down A b**...
He had three weeks left on his unemployment
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
A Polish man goes into the opticians...
The optician says "Can you read the letters on the board?"
"Read them?", he says, "I know him !"
Did you know that Polish aircraft do not have seats on the right side of airplane?
Because poles in the right hand plane are unstable.
A Polish man and a Palestinian woman married and had a son. What was his name?
Yassir Yabetcha
How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads?
Chasing parked cars.
I need to polish up on my flirting skills...
Hej kochanie, chcesz niektóre pieprzy?
Two Polish guys are hunting for bears in the woods.
They come across a fork in the road with a sign that says "BEAR LEFT" They both turn around and go home.
How can you tell who's the Polish Jew at The Wailing Wall?
He's the guy with the harpoon.
Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?
Because opposite poles attract
A Polish man calls 911
And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"
The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"
The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"
I'm a Polish student in the UK
Today the cashier in ASDA asked me if I needed help packing my bags. The Brexit is worse than I thought...
What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick?
Nailed it
A Polish woman is visiting her friend
A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"
Her friend replies "hmm usually I just use a vase"
Do you know why Polish girls don't like vibrates?
It chips their teeth.
A Polish Man Invented The Toilet Seat
A few days later, a German decided to cut a hole in it.
What do Polish Hussars and toothpaste have in common?
They both fight against Tartars.
Why do Polish people have human rights?
Like seriously, why
Why did the polish navy start putting glass floors on their boats?
So every time they went out to sea, they could look at their old ships.
How many Polish ministers does it take to make up a country?
Just one.
Are the Polish for or against abductions?
Maybe I should take a poll
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Polish names end with 'ski'?
Because they can't spell 'toboggan'.
I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...
I have a Czech one too...
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
What do Polish people study in chemistry?
Dipole-dipole bonds.
A Polish man read...
That 90% of fatal auto accidents happen within 10 miles of home. As the father of two teenage drivers, he picked up and moved the family 25 miles away to be extra safe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Polish t**... was sent to blow up a car.
He failed. He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.
What did the Polish horse thief say to the other Polish horse thief?
"Boy these things are heavy."
Polish joke
A nurse is checking up on the patients in a mental asylum. She asks the first patient, "What is 2+2?"
"3,942,304" He answers, disappointing the nurse.
"What is 2+2?" She asks the next patient.
"Thursday." He answers confidently
She sighs and moves on to the next person.
"What is 2+2?"
"4"
"Wow!" she exclaims. "How'd you find that out?"
"I divided 3,942,304 by Thursday."
My polish friend went to the Optometrist the other day.
The Dr. Asked him to read the 6th line down. The letters were "GOLVIJKSTRL". My friend said "Read it? I know the guy!"...
A Polish guy came to the police station, scared and very worried.
"What seems to be the case?" the police officer asked.
"My wife! She's wants to kill me!" said the guy.
"Are you sure? Tell us, what made you say so?"
"She went to work and left some things at the house so she asked if I could bring it over to her office, as it was my day off. When I went to pick up her purse, then I noticed something peeking out of it."
" What is it? A weapon?!" the police officer exclaimed.
"No sir.. something much worse. I found polish remover in her purse! I swear she wants me gone, officer!"
What did the Polish father say to his pregnant daughter?
Are you sure it's yours?
Polish people are really knowledgeable about politics.
Every time the news is on they keep saying "Let's see what the Poles have to say."
Why can Polish composers never make up their mind?
They just keep Chopin and changing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Polish helicopter c**...?
The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!
What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?
His last name
How do you know if a polish guy stole your bike ?
You see him running down the street with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Polish joke
A: Hey, did you hear? Russkies flew into space!
B: All of them?!
A: No, just a few...
B: So stop giving me false hope!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A polish guy and a German guy are arguing..
The polish guy said Polish people are the smartest people in the world. He'd even made ludicrous claims. He said the Polish people invented the outhouse. The German looks at him and says "yes, but it was us d**... Germans who put the hole in the floor"
The polish bride.
[Might be a repost, but c'mon, I'm pretty sure there would be atleast one person who wouldn't have heard this one]
What is long and hard, that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.
What did the Polish sprinkler sound like?
Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak
