The Best 55 Polis Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Polis jokes. There are some polis nice jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these polis athens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Polis Jokes and Puns

Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?

To see the Old Polish Navy

Why don't Polish people like playing American football?

They can't defend against a blitz.

What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

His surname

Polis joke, What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

Two Polish guys are walking through the woods...

One says "Look, a dead bird!". The other looks up in the trees and says "Where?!"

Polis joke, Two Polish guys are walking through the woods...

another polish joke

why do polish people keep empty bottles in the fridge?
for those that don't want anything to drink

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:

"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."

The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb Polack!".

Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"

The counterman says "This is a hardware store."

Polishing my shoes

I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.

You can explore polis man reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean polis depend dad jokes. There are also polis puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to murder him?

He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser

2 Polish Guys

Were trying to measure the height of a flagpole. They had a tape measure with them and were trying to climb the flagpole, measure in hand. A man walks by and says, "why don't you guys just lay it on the ground and measure it?" One of the Poles replies, "Because we want to measure its height, not length!"

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

A Polish guy bought a toilet brush..

three days later he went back to paper..

Four Polish men die in a car accident

Two in the actual crash and two more in the reenactment.

Polis joke, Four Polish men die in a car accident

Polish Space Program

The polish space program recently revealed to the UN that they were preparing to attempt the first manned space mission to the surface of the sun. When asked how they were going to accomplish this feat they answered, "We are going at night".

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name


A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!

What is a Polish person's favorite weapon?

A Warsaw...

Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"

The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"

The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band

I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.

A Polish woman is visiting her friend

A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"

Her friend replies "hmm usually I just use a vase"

A Polish girl got married

On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband.

It was his last name.

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

Why did the polish navy start putting glass floors on their boats?

So every time they went out to sea, they could look at their old ships.

I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...

I have a Czech one too...

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"

"Wow! That must have been scary!"

"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

Why did the Polish helicopter crash?

The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!

What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?

His last name

How do you know if a polish guy stole your bike ?

You see him running down the street with it.

The polish bride.

[Might be a repost, but c'mon, I'm pretty sure there would be atleast one person who wouldn't have heard this one]

What is long and hard, that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

A Polish goes to the ophthalmologist.

The doctor shows him:

C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

- Can you read this?

- Read? I know this guy!

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.Β 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

Do you know how many Polish jokes there are in the world?

Only like 3, the rest are true stories.

The Polish couple next door to me have 3 children

I asked them why they stopped after three and they said because one out of every four children born is Chinese, and wanted to avoid all the awkward questions.

No more Polish jokes folks.

All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window.

A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.

Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.

The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.

Officer: What is your age?

Tourist: 31 years old.

Officer: Occupation?

Tourist: No, just visiting.

A Polish man goes to an optometrist.

He takes a seat. The optometrist shows him a sign that says:

SZCZPWSZRBWPWZTC
ZRTCWYBLSMSZTCZ

The optometrist asks, "Can you read the letters?"

The Polish man replies "Of course, I even know the guy!"

Polish is a lot like Finnish

Theyre both used to make furniture shine

I know a polish sound engineer.

And a czech one two.

What do polish people do for fun?

Polish stuff

My Polish friend asked how do you get 'Dick' from Richard?

I told them to ask nicely

I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer ...

... and a Czech one too.

Polish guy goes into a store

"I'd like a pound of Kielbasa"

Clerk: you must be a Polack

Pole: why do you say that? If I asked for bratwurst, would you call me a Kraut?

Clerk: No

Pole: If I asked for Italian Sausage, would you call me a Dago?

Clerk: No

Pole: then why are you calling me a Polack when I ask for kielbasa?

Clerk: this is a hardware store

Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the shit we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

After filing out his paperwork he had to take an eye exam. The clerk showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the clerk asked.
"Read it?" the Polish man replied. "He's my uncle."

What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard?

Their last name.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the polis conversation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working polis half piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes