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Polis Jokes

121 polis jokes and hilarious polis puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about polis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Polis Short Jokes

Short polis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polis humour may include short perfect jokes also.

  1. We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.
  2. Mjölnir could be picked up by Thor, Vision, and Captain America Does that make it poly-hammer-us?
  3. The etymology of the word "politics" is surprisingly accurate. "poly" meaning "many", and tics meaning "small bloodsucking parasites."
  4. A circle accidentally shot a square... his triangle buddy said, "Well, i guess he's poly-gone."
  5. TIL: Where does the word "politics" come from. From poly, Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites.
  6. What does an Australian chemist call is bro? Bromate
    Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong
  7. My friend told me she's majoring in being disappointed and almost getting what she wants She's the only poly-sigh major I've met so far
  8. What did the parrot say when he didn't have his lunch? Poly-no-meal
    Sorry for the nerdy math joke.
  9. What is the etymology of the word "politics"? *Poli*, from the Greek *polloi*, meaning "Many".
    And *Ticks*, from English, meaning "little bloodsucking creatures."
  10. I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself. "Poli-" meaning "many",
    "-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites."

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Polis One Liners

Which polis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polis? I can suggest the ones about conversation and lawyer.

  1. If poli=many and tics are small bloodsucking animals The world makes so much sense
  2. What do you call an old lady in an open relationship? A poly Esther.
  3. What is the nationality of someone with many knees? Poly-knee-sian
  4. What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters? Poly and Esther
  5. Why does a queen bee have so many mates? Their survival relies on their poly-nation.
  6. How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells? A poly graph.
  7. Politics From "poli" meaning many and "tics" meaning bloodsuckers.
  8. What kind of parasite do Senators have? Poli-ticks.
  9. Why did the quadratic equation get so many Tinder matches? It's poly
  10. There are four types of ticks. . . . Wood ticks.
    Deer ticks.
    Lyme ticks.
    Poli-ticks.
  11. What do you call a plastic elf? Poly-mer
  12. What do you call a tea blend that was deceptive about its ingredients? A poly tea sham.
  13. What is it called when your parrot flies away Poly-gon
  14. What do you call a group of non-monogamous bloodsucking government workers? Poly-ticks.
  15. What do you call a crapload of bloodsucking creatures in the government? Poly-tics

Polis joke, What do you call a crapload of bloodsucking creatures in the government?

Hilarious Fun Polis Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about polis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean divorce jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polis pranks.

Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?

To see the Old Polish Navy

Why don't Polish people like playing American football?

They can't defend against a blitz.

What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

His surname

A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common?

They both change their pads after three periods.

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a f**...?

Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body

(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

Two Polish guys are walking through the woods...

One says "Look, a dead bird!". The other looks up in the trees and says "Where?!"

another polish joke

why do polish people keep empty bottles in the fridge?
for those that don't want anything to drink

Polish Moose Hunt

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?
Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"
The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"

A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."

Polishing my shoes

I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.

Polish Tanks

Question: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
Answer: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

So the Polish guy found an ocean cruise for only $100...

His friend warned him that it was too good to be true, but he didn't listen. They sailed in the late afternoon, and right around dusk, someone conked him on the back of the head, took his wallet and dumped him overboard. Seeing a fellow passenger in the same predicament, he asked "Do they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The fellow replies "They didn't last year!"

Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to m**... him?

He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser

2 Polish Guys

Were trying to measure the height of a flagpole. They had a tape measure with them and were trying to climb the flagpole, measure in hand. A man walks by and says, "why don't you guys just lay it on the ground and measure it?" One of the Poles replies, "Because we want to measure its height, not length!"

Why did the Polish government have to finally ban water-polo throughout the country?

Too many horses were drowning.

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?
Because they can't spell toboggan.

A Polish guy bought a toilet brush..

three days later he went back to paper..

A Polish man goes to the optometrist.

Optometrist asks "Can you please read the bottom line?"
"Read it!? I live next door to him!"

What are Polish hotdogs made out of?

r**... pigs

A polish guy goes to have his eyes checked...

... the doctor says, "Can you read these letters?" as he stands against the wall with a laminated list, each letter getting smaller on the way down.

C
Z
H
Y
C
L
K
V
K
The Polish guy goes down the list and replies, "Of course I can read what it says--it's my cousin's last name!"

A Polish man goes to the doctor for an eye check up

The doctor points at a board a few feet away and asks him to read the letters on it. The man looks up and sees 'CWXNYURISATZKY'.
He looks at the doctor in surprise and asks, 'Hey how do you know my cousin's name?'

Polish bank robber

t**... the safe, blew the guard.

Four Polish men die in a car accident

Two in the actual c**... and two more in the reenactment.

Polish Space Program

The polish space program recently revealed to the UN that they were preparing to attempt the first manned space mission to the surface of the sun. When asked how they were going to accomplish this feat they answered, "We are going at night".

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

A Polish man goes into the opticians...

The optician says "Can you read the letters on the board?"
"Read them?", he says, "I know him !"

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"

Two Polish guys are hunting for bears in the woods.

They come across a fork in the road with a sign that says "BEAR LEFT" They both turn around and go home.

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!

What is a Polish person's favorite weapon?

A Warsaw...

Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"
The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"
The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

I'm a Polish student in the UK

Today the cashier in ASDA asked me if I needed help packing my bags. The Brexit is worse than I thought...

I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band

I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.

What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick?

Nailed it

A Polish woman is visiting her friend

A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"
Her friend replies "hmm usually I just use a vase"

I have a Polish friend who does microphone tests for bands.

I have a Czech one two. Czech one two. Czech one two.

A Polish girl got married

On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband.
It was his last name.

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.
The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z
**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

A Polish Man Invented The Toilet Seat

A few days later, a German decided to cut a hole in it.

What do Polish Hussars and toothpaste have in common?

They both fight against Tartars.

A Polish person went to have their eyes tested.

The eye test chart read: N Y X C S F R U Z. The optom asked, 'can you read any of those letters?' 'read it?' the polish person answered, 'i know him!'

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K
Doctor: Can you read the letters?
Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

Why did the polish navy start putting glass floors on their boats?

So every time they went out to sea, they could look at their old ships.

Are the Polish for or against abductions?

Maybe I should take a poll

I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...

I have a Czech one too...

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

A Polish man read...

That 90% of fatal auto accidents happen within 10 miles of home. As the father of two teenage drivers, he picked up and moved the family 25 miles away to be extra safe.

A Polish t**... was sent to blow up a car.

He failed. He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

Polish joke

A nurse is checking up on the patients in a mental asylum. She asks the first patient, "What is 2+2?"
"3,942,304" He answers, disappointing the nurse.
"What is 2+2?" She asks the next patient.
"Thursday." He answers confidently
She sighs and moves on to the next person.
"What is 2+2?"
"4"
"Wow!" she exclaims. "How'd you find that out?"
"I divided 3,942,304 by Thursday."

My polish friend went to the Optometrist the other day.

The Dr. Asked him to read the 6th line down. The letters were "GOLVIJKSTRL". My friend said "Read it? I know the guy!"...

What did the Polish father say to his pregnant daughter?

Are you sure it's yours?

Polish people are really knowledgeable about politics.

Every time the news is on they keep saying "Let's see what the Poles have to say."

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

How many polish guys does it take to change a light bulb

500
1 to hold the bulb; 499 to turn the house

Why can Polish composers never make up their mind?

They just keep Chopin and changing

Why did the Polish helicopter c**...?

The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!

What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?

His last name

How do you know if a polish guy stole your bike ?

You see him running down the street with it.

A Polish man sends his daughter abroad to study

She comes back and says "father I have a confession. I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is!"
The Polish father buries his face in his hands and says "oh sweety, this can't be true!" He looks up at her and says "Are you sure it's yours?"

A polish guy and a German guy are arguing..

The polish guy said Polish people are the smartest people in the world. He'd even made ludicrous claims. He said the Polish people invented the outhouse. The German looks at him and says "yes, but it was us d**... Germans who put the hole in the floor"

The polish bride.

[Might be a repost, but c'mon, I'm pretty sure there would be atleast one person who wouldn't have heard this one]
What is long and hard, that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.

A polish man goes to the optician...

Optician: "could you tell me what it says on this chart?"
Polish man: "tell you!? I went to school with him!"

How many polish people do you need to form a place of congregation?

Ten poles

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

A Polish goes to the ophthalmologist.

The doctor shows him:
C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z
- Can you read this?
- Read? I know this guy!

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. 
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

Do you know how many Polish jokes there are in the world?

Only like 3, the rest are true stories.

What does a Polish husband give his new wife that's long and hard?

His surname.

I had a polish cleaner helping around the house, it took them 4 hours to clean the front room carpet.

It turns out she was a slo-vak.

The Polish couple next door to me have 3 children

I asked them why they stopped after three and they said because one out of every four children born is Chinese, and wanted to avoid all the awkward questions.

A Polish man walks into a store

He walks up to the guy behind the counter and asks for a Kielbasa.
The guy replies ...you're Polish right?
He replies. How did you know???? By the way I pronounced "Kielbasa"
The guy replies "No this is a furniture store"

Why did the polish guy cross the road?

He stole the chickens job

No more Polish jokes folks.

All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit s**... by jumping out his basement window.

Polis joke, No more Polish jokes folks.

jokes about polis