The Best 75 Policy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Policy jokes. There are some policy duly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these policy subscription puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Policy Jokes and Puns

My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?



We've updated our privacy policy

Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy

Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy.

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".

Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop sex all night".

"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.

Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!

Policy joke, Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy (real news)

A Florida man arrested for speeding and DUI admitted to police that prior to getting in his car he'd been drinking beer and watching "The Fast & the Furious." Although, he admitted his favorite movie is "Dumb and Dumber."

What's the policy at French morgues?

Baguette and tag it.


I don't get why everybody hates on ISIS....

Their drug policy, for one, is incredibly progressive. Women get stoned legally over there all the time!

Apple Stock

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

Policy joke, Apple Stock

A high schooled student becomes a national hero after taking down a school shooter

But was expelled because of the schools zero tolerance policy

Some people say Steve Jobs died to early...

but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life

Honesty is the best policy

But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Keep that in mind.

We must follow our policy. . .

I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.

You can explore policy fcc reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean policy diplomacy dad jokes. There are also policy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world.

Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...

I found out today why my father never came home from the store..

The store had a no-return policy

I asked Santa for a new energy policy...

...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(

The dad, husband and pastor of a woman arrive outside a hospital delivery room

The nurse stated that the hospital policy only allowed one person to be in the delivery room with the woman. Unfortunately, all 3 became confused when the woman giving birth screamed, "FATHER I NEED YOU".

Don't blame Trump for this immigration policy,

Lady Liberty tried to come over from France 130 years ago and they still haven't let her in!

Policy joke, Don't blame Trump for this immigration policy,

UA at it again

If you can't beat them, join them.

-English saying

If you can't join them, beat them.

-United Airlines over booking policy

The bartender says, We don't serve time travelers in here.

"Since when?"

"The policy went into effect a year ago."

"OK, be right back"

My policy for a good, healthy sexual relationship is this: "From each according to their ability; to each according to their needs."

Or as I like to call it, Cummunism.


What's the difference between Donald Trump and my passport?

The passport has more foreign policy experience.

Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant

Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy

What do the Chinese call the one-child policy?

Chinese takeaway.

I wanted to make fun of my co-worker's marathon prep...

...but my company has a policy against race jokes

Maybe Trump really did meet with the president of the Virgin Islands.

After all, he consults him on foreign policy.

EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that...

[This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]

I went to the boomerang store the other day

They had a great return policy

What did turkey do on thanksgiving?

Changed its foreign policy on syria.

Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.

What do you call Russian foreign policy with Ukraine?

Nyet Neutrality

Why was abolishing the one-child policy in China morally controversial?

It led to an increase of youth in Asia

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
Β 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

A nightclub near me won an award for "The weirdest entry policy"

Which is no small feat.

My parents always say honesty is the best policy. So I told my my mum I was going clubbing with friends last night.

I don't get why she's so upset with me, we only bludgeoned the one guy before the cops came.

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

What is the administrative policy enforced in a ghost town?

Booreaucracy

Don't ask don't tell is a great policy for dating.

I don't ask them out, they don't tell me no.

After watching her daily for a few months I finally gathered courage to go talk to her.

Me: I think you are cute, how about we go watch a movie and dinner later tonite?

Her: Sorry, but I don't think coworkers are allowed to date per HR policy.


Me: that should not be a problem as I don't think of you as a coworker. I never see you doing any work.

The last man on Earth was sitting alone in a room, when all of a sudden his phone rang...

We've updated our privacy policy.

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it

Does it still let everyone know it updated its privacy policy?

I'd tell you a secret, but...

I too have updated my privacy policy.

Teleports behind you

We've updated our Privacy & Policy

What doesn't the US government update it's privacy policy?

You need to have one first before you updated it.

Today, my girlfriend has agreed that we can do everything in bed now.

She accepted my updated privacy policy without reading.

So my ISP sent me a letter today...

We've updated our Piracy Policy.

*Opens box of cereal*

We've updated our privacy policy.

Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy

But hey, we've updated our privacy policy

My roommate recently started having much louder sex with his girlfriend. "What changed?" I asked.

"We've updated our privacy policy."

I like my privacy policy updates like I like my women

All talk and zero action

I lost my job at the laundry mat the other day

Apparently our policy of seperating the whites from the colors dosent mean telling the african americans and the pakistanis to get out

I always wanted to lay naked on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace...

Evidently Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.

What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch?

Kid napping.

Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."

It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."

What national policy can keep your pants up?

A waste ban

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah's Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why!

People usually love a no strings attached policy!

I got kicked off my bowling team the other day

I managed to knock all the pins down on my first two turns. Then on my third turn I did it again and the leader of the team turned to me and said "Sorry, you're going to have to leave the team".

Apparently they have a three strike policy.

Did you hear the one about Xi Jinping?

This joke has been flagged for violations of our *new* content policy, specifically our policy against inappropriate speech.

Try and try again until you succeed

Common policy followed in most stabbing

I don't have any tattoos and don't I think I'll ever get one. But if I do, I might get a Kirkland Signature logo tramp stamp and I'd get it at Costco.

If I'm not completely satisfied, I'm sure their return policy would cover it. Which would technically be an even bigger tattoo saying RETURN POLICY.

Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store?

He couldn't tolerate change.

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

German lawmakers are considering a policy that makes all Uber ride sharing free

If the law passes, then Deutschland will ΓΌber alles

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

My college has a strict "No Enrollment" policy

No acceptions.

Ruff Policy

My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.

Why don't Chinese people care about mass surveillance?

Because after the 1 child policy, nobody remembers what a big brother is, anyway.

What's the policy for the buffet at the orgy?

First come first serve.

A snail walks into a bar

The snail sits down on a bar stool and orders a double Jack & Coke. The bartender says, sorry, we have a strict policy on no snails in this bar .... so then the bartender kicks the snail out.

5 days later, the snail comes back in, sits on a bar stool and says to the bartender what the f*ck did you do that for ?

Due to Policy Changes

Prenuptial's will now be called End User License Agreements

I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.

It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."

A man is asked by his friends why he doesn't have a life insurance policy

"Because I want everybody to be really sad when I die!" He grins.

I bought a boomerang on Amazon...

...but only because of their 100% return policy.

A high school principal made an announcement at an assembly.

He said, "Boys and girls, the faculty have witnessed an alarming increase in public displays of affection, which are against school policy. Effective immediately, we will start issuing fines to those caught doing this. A first offense will be $5. A second offense will be $10. A third offense will be $20. So on and so forth."

Suddenly, a student in the crowd yelled, "How much for a season pass?"

Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.

The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."

"Insurance policy?"

"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."

Signs of our times

My brother says hiring in California is so low, they updated the policy - Long hair freaky people "may" apply.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the policy transparency jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working policy regulations piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes