Policeman Jokes
137 policeman jokes and hilarious policeman puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about policeman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From poking fun at the police's bad "doughnut" habit to the always amusing "Why did the cop cross the road? To get to the liquor store", there are cop jokes galore. We've rounded up some of the best policeman jokes, from every perspective – including fireman and policeman, patrol, cop, and speeder. Get ready to be laughed out of your truncheon and into your wedding attire!
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Funniest Policeman Short Jokes
Short policeman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The policeman humour may include short police man jokes also.
- Policeman: You're going to prison for forgery. Me: *Slides him a $37 bill*. What about now?
- A policeman stops a car... Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you headed and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine.
- My long past criminally psychopathic grandfather's favourite joke: What do you get if you cut a policeman's head into four pieces? Police Headquarters…..
- A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting. "Pullover!" he screamed.
"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back. - A policeman said he wanted to search my car. "You won't find any drugs," I told him.
He said, "You don't sound sure about that."
I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier." - A policeman pulls over a man driving recklessly The policeman asks "How high are you?"
The man says "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'." - A policeman stops a young rich kid driving a porche. Policeman - please get out of the car.
Rich kid- you'll regret this. Do you know who my father is?
Policeman - why? Your mother didn't tell you? - The policeman asked me why I keep beating my wife... I told him I have a longer reach and superior footwork.
- Gender neutral guide: Fireman = Firefighter Policeman = Policefighter
Mailman = Mailfighter
Fisherman = Fisherfighter - I saw a kidnapping in the park Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.
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Policeman One Liners
Which policeman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with policeman? I can suggest the ones about police officer and policewoman.
- Policeman: "How high are you?!?" Me: "No, officer, it's *Hi, how are you*."
- What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk? Law and odor.
- A policeman and a prisoner play chess. The policeman beats him.
- Why did the policeman go to bed? Because he was an undercover cop.
- Policeman: My dog tells me you're on drugs. Me: You're the one with the talking dog!
- Why did the policeman stay in bed today? he was undercover
*!* - A policeman stopped me for driving over 30. But I swear I got at least 40 people.
- What did the policeman say to his tummy? I got you under a vest!
- What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? "You're under a vest!"
- Where did the policeman live? (Warning: British humour) 999 letsby avenue
- What did the policeman say to his belly? You're under a vest.
- What do you call a policeman in bed? An under-cover cop
- What did the policeman say to the missing waste collector? Where you bin man?
- Why did the policeman wake up his son? He saw a *kid napping*.
- What did the policeman say when the Arabic man escaped from jail? GOTTA CATCH JAMAL
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Policeman Jokes
What funny jokes about policeman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic cop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make policeman pranks.
A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room
He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.
"Exactly, so where's my present?"
So a man is walking a penguin down the street...
So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer's…
He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"
He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
My grandfather's favorite
A homeless man was walking down the street, noticeable wearing only one shoe. A passing policeman saw and commented, "Morning, did you lose your shoe?" The homeless man replies, "I didn't lose a shoe, I found one!"
A boy and his dad.
A boy and his dad are walking through the streets
boy: "What does the word drunk mean?"
dad: "Well, for example, do you see those two policemen over there? if you were drunk you would think there are four policemen over there."
boy: "But dad there is only one policeman over there!"
m**... in Paris
A Frenchman is walking in the Bois de Boulogne forest in Paris when he sees a n**... man having s**... with a woman in the bushes. He approaches, curious, but notices that she is deathly pale and not moving. Alarmed he rushes off to find a policeman.
"Monsieur! Monsieur!" he shouts, when he finds a gendarme. "I found a man r**... a dead woman in the bushes over there."
"Sacre bleu!" shouts the policeman, and rushes off to investigate.
But a few minutes later he returns, smiling wryly, and says, "Non, Monsieur, she is not dead. She is English."
Making Sense of What's Happening in Europe
A policeman enters an interrogation room, in Athens, Greece.
He tells the perp: "You are accused of robbing the Bank of Greece, tell us where the money is!"
The perp reaches into his pocket and takes out a five-euro note.
"Here you go."
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
Have you been drinking sir?
"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."
Larry at the police station
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
What Does Your Father Do?
It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
Blonde interviews to be a policeman
A blonde goes to an interview to be a police officer. The interview goes well until the interviewer asks some general knowledge questions. She does ok on the first few, until she is asked, " who shot Abraham Lincoln?"
She tells the interviewer she doesn't know, and he tells her to go home and work on the answer. Her mom calls her later and asks how the interview went.
She tells her mom, "great, they already have me working on a case"
A man on fire
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.
The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.
The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.
Two bishops get pulled over by a cop...
Two bishops get pulled over by a cop who says: "We're looking for two child molesters". Bishop one asks him to excuse them for a moment and whispers something to bishop two. After a few seconds, he turns back to the policeman and says: "Okay, we'll do it"
A snail gets mugged
A snail is heading home from work, very late one night. He gets mugged by a turtle. The policeman says "Can you describe the guy?" The snail says "I don't know . . . it all happened so fast."
A policeman knocked on my door this morning...
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm s**...? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
An elephant escaped from the circus...
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street
A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street and gets hit by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
A policeman is despatched to inform the unfortunate man's family:
"There's no easy way to say this..."
Zoo
Two policeman on patrol see a man walking with a Gorilla. Of course, they stop to inquire. They ask, "So Buddy, what's up with the Gorilla?" The man replies, "I'm taking to the Zoo." Cops say "OK" be on your way. A day later the cops see the same man and gorilla....They stop. "Sir" the officer directs. "We saw you yesterday and thought you were taking him to the Zoo?" "I did", the man replies, "But today, I'm taking him to the movies."
I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job...
after being caught m**... and smoking w**... in his office.
No name was given but he was a high w**... officer.
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child m**...." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
A Londoner is walking his dog...
...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.
"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"
"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.
"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.
"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee r**... by a consultant"
The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"
I got a call from a policeman telling me my wife had been in a car accident.
"Is she ok?" I asked worriedly.
"Well, she does have two bumps and a very large gash." he replied.
"I know that, but is she injured in any way?"
A man has a car accident...
A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.
'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.
'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'
'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'
'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'
An electron is driving down the highway...
...and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says, Sir, do you realize that you were traveling at 670,616,629 MPH?
The electron replies, Oh great, now I'm lost.
An Artist Gets Mugged...
He goes to the police and draws them a picture.
The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."
"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."
A policeman knocked at my door.....
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful m̶u̶m̶ cook."
A policeman pulls over a driver and starts writing out a ticket
The driver says to the policeman 'I didn't realise the local policeman department were selling tickets to their annual ball'
The policeman responds 'What are you talking about, we don't have any b**...'
The driver replies 'yeah didn't think so'
The kid runs up to a policeman
"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"
Policeman stops priest on the bike...
Policeman: Hello father. Your light isn't working. That will be 20$.
Priest: Don't worry mister, i'm not in danger. Jesus is always with me.
Policeman: Sorry father. Then the fine is 40$ because two persons are not allowed to ride a bike.
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'
The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...
along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street"
The Rev replies "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."
To which the cop replies, "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well Finnish."
Another blonde joke...
A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."
I saw a policeman give a talk on h**... once.
couldn't understand what he was saying...
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
Hospital and Cop
*In class*
Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"
Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."
Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"
Jay: "Yes, please."
After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates, "Why is Jay's father at the police station and his mother at the hospital?"
Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."
Dr Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding.
The policeman asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?". "No, ", replies Dr. Heisenberg, "but I know where I am!".
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
A blonde crashes a helicopter
A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What did the policeman say to the man when he caught him peeing in public?
u**... trouble!
What am I supposed to do with this? "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
A man told his friend he won an iPhone in a race.
The friend says "Oh, wow! How many people were in the race?"
and the man says "Just the policeman, the phone's owner and I."
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"
The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."
Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar
So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police.
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police. They find 3 sacks and hide in them. The police man approaches the sacks and kicks the first one. The English man barks like a dog. The police man kicks the next one and the Scottish man screams like a cat. The policeman kicks the next one and the Irish man says "sack of potatoes".
Policeman: "I'm very sorry, sir,..."
Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
Man: I'm aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
A policeman stopped two priest driving down the road. Policeman says we are looking for a couple of paedophiles, the two priest look at each other and says to the policeman..
Ok we will do it....
A man and his wife are arguing, the man says it's going to rain, the woman says it isn't.
"Let's ask Rudolph, the communist police officer"says the man
"It might, the sky is pretty cloudy" says the policeman
The man turns to his wife and says:
"See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.
drug-sniffing dog
Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Me: "nevermind"
Policeman: Im very sorry Ma'am, but it looks like your husband got hit by a bus.
Lady: Im aware of that sir, but John has a wonderful personality.
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet
There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"
A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of Jeff's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
Jeff replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving down the road once again. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, Jeff replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach."
A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...
They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".
A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...
Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the h**... is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A policeman is told to write a report at a crime scene.
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the pawemant......he is lying on the pave.........p a v e
*The policeman kicks the body onto the street*
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the street.
One secret policeman asks another, What do you think of the regime? ...
Nervously, the second policeman replies, The same as you, comrade. At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.
