The Best 84 Police Station Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Police Station jokes. There are some police station investigation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these police station dispatch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Police Station Jokes and Puns

Cop Toilet

somebody stole a toilet from the police station. the cops have nothing to go on.

Tom went to the Police Station

Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.

No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.

"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

Police Station joke, A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.

"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"

"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.

"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

A blonde runs into a police station

"Officer! Officer! Help me, I've been graped!" The policeman is confused "graped" he asks, "well there was a bunch of them"


The Blind Man

There was a blind man who had lived in a town for many years. Throughout his life he had learned the streets and knew where every building was: the school, the police station, the hospital etc.

One morning he was walking down the street, and he walked to the fish market where he stopped for a moment.
He then took a big breath and said "Good morning Ladies!"

Need help finding a joke.

The question is ' What happens at the police station at closing time? ', And I believe the joke is physics related. Its a long story to explain why I need the punchline, but my physics teacher asked me to find it.

Police Station joke, Need help finding a joke.

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

The toilet at my local Police Station has been stolen.

Cops have nothing to go on

Breaking News: It has been reported that last night someone broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets in the building.

Police have issued a statement saying that at this moment they have nothing to go on.

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

You can explore police station garda reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean police station policemen dad jokes. There are also police station puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Old man driving alone

An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station

Detectives have nothing to go on.

My dad just dropped this one on my brother and I

Someone broke into the Police Station and they stole the toilet. Police are looking into it but they have nothing to go on.

Unnecessary Arrests

The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station. The police are trying everything to learn where she came from and how she got the bruises but with no results.

Finally one of the detectives notices she has a wedding ring.

"Oh! You have a husband! What does he do?"

"I dunno, beats me."

Police Station joke, A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...

Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet.

Right now the cops have nothing to go on.

Did you hear that thieves that broke into the police station and stole the toilet?

It's been three days and they still have nothing to go on.

If you work at the office in a police station...

Does that make you an officer?


I stole a toilet seat from a police station once, and they never figured out it was me.

They had nothing to go on.

Hey I'm in jail on the police station for having an ugly face.....

Can you please come over and show them they got the wrong person?

Couple police jokes

1) A hole has opened up on the motorway, the police are looking into it.

2) Someone has stolen the toilets at the police station, the police have nothing to go on.

3) A lorry carrying hair gel has tipped under suspicious cirumstances, over scattering it's content all over the road. The police are combing the area.

There was a robbery at the Police station.

There was a robbery at my local Police Station the other day. The thieves stole the toilet seat and the cops don't have anything to go on... There's just a big hole now and the cops are looking into it!

A large hole appeared outside the local police station.

They're looking into it.

Pranking the police

A couple of pranksters broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment.

A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

Did you hear some expert thieves stole the toilets from the police station?

The police were left with nothing to go on.

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee raped by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

A thief stole a toilet from the police station.

At this point they have nothing to go on.

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.

Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.

No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

The police station installed "Safe Spots" for Craigslist sales...

Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.

Police are puzzled by the theft of the police station bathrooms. ..

Detectives released a statement saying that "They have nothing to go on".

What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station?

Cu Copper.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

Police Shooting

A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her

I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm

A police officer called his station back on Radio.

He was at a murder scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.

Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?

Officer: Not yet.

Dispatch: ?

Officer: The floor is still wet.

Man still not caught after stealing police station toilets.

Officers say they have nothing to go on.

A man walks into a police station

with his head profusely bleeding.

Officer: What Happened

Man: My Wife hit me in the head

Officer: Why..??

Man: Her parents came over unexpectedly, so she asked me to go and get them something.

Officer: And..??

Man: I got them a taxi

A man walks into the police station.

Man: I saw your flier outside.

Officer: The "wanted for murder" flier?

Man: Yes, and I'd like to apply.

I smoked weed with a couple of cows near a police station.

The steaks were really high.

Mum, I'm at the police station.

Mum: It's been three years since you've been an officer. When are you going to stop with this joke?

Hospital and Cop

*In class*

Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"

Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."

Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"

Jay: "Yes, please."

After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates, "Why is Jay's father at the police station and his mother at the hospital?"

Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."

Why is stealing toilets from the police station the perfect crime?

Because the cops have nothing to go on.

I woke up in the Police station this morning with no memory of the previous night.

I really need to stop drinking on duty.

When I was a kid, I found a bottle of vodka someone had left at the treehouse at the playground. So I took it to the police station.

The police told me not to worry. They would get to the bottom of it.

Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats?

It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.

A man calls the police station to report a house robbery

Man: an Asian man just broke into my house and took my wife's jewelry!

Operator: how do you know he is Asian?

Man: he's still trying to back out of my driveway!

I've spent the day in a German police station.

Word to the wise… Don't go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.

A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground

Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.

After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.

The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

2 north korean farmers were working in a field

When all of a sudden they spot 2 grenades in the rice paddy up ahead.
Farmer 1: let us take the grenades to the police in a car
Farmer 2: what if one of them explodes while we are on the way to the police station?
Farmer 1: we tell the police that we found only 1

A woman came into the police station sobbing. "A ghost has taken control of my husband" she cried.

The officer took her statement and conferred with his partner. He turned back to the woman and said confidently, "Dont worry about it, we deal with this kind of thing all the time, possession is 9/10ths of the law."

Police officer approaches a drunk man urinating on the street late at night and said.

"Sir, you'll have to accompany me to the police station" the drunk guy responded with a grunt "Jeez! You became a police officer, and still afraid of walking in the dark? Okay I'll walk you home, but don't tell anyone"

There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station

The detectives are looking into it

A woman walks into a police station

"help I have been graped" she says

A police officer then says "don't you mean raped?"

The woman then replies "no, there was a bunch of them

Police Station Intelligence Test

Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:

They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.

It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very stupid ones and very strong ones.

A man walks into a police station to report the disappearance of his wife...

After taking down the details, the sergeant says, *"Don't worry sir, we'll find her. Is there any message you want us to give her?"*

*"Just one,"* he replied. *"Please tell her my mother decided not to come after all!"*

The police station was burglarized. The burglars stole the toilet seat.

Police have nothing to go on.

Someone stole the toilet from the police station.

The worst part is the police have nothing to go on.

My local police station were looking for a rapist

I gave them my resume but they didn't accept me

I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous bodily harm...

Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...

A crazy guy went inside a police station

A crazy guy went inside a police station and stole all the K-9 units' leashes. Police says they have no leads

As for a non-Dad joke....not for sensitive types

A woman runs into a police station yelling "Grape! Grape! Grape!"

The policeman says "Don't you mean rape?"

"No" she replied, "There were a bunch of them".

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We'll just tell them we found two.

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who broke into his house the night before...

You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.

No! said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!

Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the toilets.

The police are looking for suspects, but for now they have nothing to go on.

A giant fly has attacked the local Police Station

Police have called in the SWAT team

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?

Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?

Suspect : Well that asshole ran towards the other 10.

Mugging

A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .

No - it all happened so quickly

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

[Police Station] Me: I want to talk to the thief who broke into my house last night Police: Why do you want to talk to him?

Me: I just want to know how he got into my house without waking up my wife. I've been trying it for years

Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

Oldie but goodie

A man went to the police station and said "Officer, I think my wife might be dead!" the incredulous cop replied, "What do you mean you *think* your wife may be dead?!" The man replied, "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up in the sink!"

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.

Someone stole my favorite coffee cup right off my desk at work.

Now I have to go down to the police station and look at some mug shots.

I was mugged at a bus station, and burst in to tears.

A police officer came up to me and said 'I'm fining you Β£60'.

I said, 'oh, for crying out loud'

The police officer said 'yes'

A man finds a crocodile in his yard

He goes to the police station and asks, what to do with it.

Policeman: Take it to the zoo

Man: Ok

The next day the policeman notices the same man approaching him

Policeman: So, how did it go

Man: yeah, yesterday we took him to the zoo. Shall we take him to a movie today?

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.

As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the hell he's waiting for. Chief radios back "The floor still isn't dry..."

The toilet was stolen from the police station.

The cops have nothing to go on.

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.

First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."

A police officer called the station on his radio.

I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

Have you arrested the woman?

No, the floor's still wet.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the police station perpetrator jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working police station authorities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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