Police Squad Jokes
11 police squad jokes and hilarious police squad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police squad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Police Squad Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good police squad joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. No, not yet. The floor's still wet.
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...
"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.
Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.
No, not yet. The floor's still wet.
The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods
The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.
The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender
My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.
When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:
Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.
The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.
She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"
The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.
The operator asked, "The officer wants to know what kind of car you are stuck in."
The blonde replied, "It's a convertible."
The operator said, "I'd imagine there are many convertibles in that lot, which one are you?"
Exasperated, the blonde shouted, "The one with the top down!"
So a while back the Pope went on a visit...
to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.
So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven in ages, not since I was a bishop." He promptly orders the chauffeur to pull over and get in the back seat. The Pope gets in front, slams his foot down on the gas, and barrels down Main Street.
The Pope is a terrible driver, and extremely out of practice. He crashes into street lights, fire hydrants, small children, everything. Eventually a police car comes, sirens blaring, and the Pope pulls over.
The cop gets out of his car and taps on the window, and the Pope rolls the window down. The cop and the Pope stare at each other for a while, and then the cop nods and walks back to his squad car. The Pope drives off.
A nearby witness, who has seen the whole thing, runs over to the cop.
"Officer!" he asks, "Why didn't you arrest that man, or at least give him a ticket?"
The cop shakes his head and says: "He's too important to arrest."
The man says: "Who could be so important that they could get away with *that*?"
The cop replies: "I don't know, but he's got the Pope as his driver."
The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...
When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"
A man gets pulled over...
A man gets pulled over and the police officer approaches the driver's window. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The driver says, "No sir." The cop says "Well son, you were speeding. Now please hand me your license and registration." The driver pulls out his license and says, "Well my registration is in the glove box, but I have to warn you, there is a loaded p**... in there." The cop is taken aback and places a hand on his own weapon. "Why do you have a loaded gun?" "Well it's what I used to kill the guy in my trunk." The cop then freaks out a little and calls for backup. While waiting, he has the driver toss his keys to the road and keep his hands up. Backup arrives, and they get him into the back of the squad car. Shortly after, their chief pulls up.
"Alright sir, we are going to retrieve the gun from the glove box, and the body from the trunk. We need you to identify the body, and then we will take you to the station for holding."
The driver says, "Sir there's no dead body in my trunk, nor is there a gun in the glove box...I bet he told you I was speeding too!"
So there was a competition between polices...
(...) and the three finalists on this efficiency competition were: Interpol, FBI and Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad.
The last assignment was really simple. They should retrieve a small rabbit after being released in a jungle. The group doing it in less time wins.
First went Interpol, with a few agents, smart interrogation techniques, good wits and in 15 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Next the FBI invaded the jungle with helicopters, infra-red goggles, fast cars, etc., and in 10 minutes they were back with the rabbit.
Last the Rio de Janeiro's Elite Squad started the chase only with an old and rusty SUV, to come back with only 5 minutes passed. They showed a poorly dressed, beaten up, bruised black teenager dressed as a rabbit screaming: "I'm a rabbit, I swear I'm a pretty white bunny!"
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said, "No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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