Police Knock Knock Jokes
38 police knock knock jokes and hilarious police knock knock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police knock knock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Police Knock Knock Short Jokes
Short police knock knock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The police knock knock humour may include short work knock knock jokes also.
- A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said 'it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck' I said 'I know'
- The police knocked on my door last night and asked "Where were you between 3 and 4 ?" I said, "Nursery!!!"
- I was very surprised when the police knocked on my door and wanted to interview me Especially as I never applied.
- Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks:
Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it:
Please open the door, police...
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Police Knock Knock One Liners
Which police knock knock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with police knock knock? I can suggest the ones about couple knock knock and kids knock knock.
- Knock knock? Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Your wife's dead. - Want to hear a police knock knock joke? BANG!
- Knock Kncok Who's there?
Police brutality
Police brutal...
STOP RESISTING!
Comical Police Knock Knock Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about police knock knock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sleep knock knock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make police knock knock pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What We Learn From the Movies:
It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
No one involved in a car chase, h**..., e**..., volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city.
Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals.
After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.
Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse.
The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep.
There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig.
The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.
A short time later, another knock was heard at the door.
The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death.
The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.
This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door.
When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peace'n quiet in Auz
Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.
My Favorite Latvian Joke
One day, hear knock on door.
Man ask "Who is?"
"Is potato man. I come around to give free potato."
Man is very excite and opens door.
Is not potato man,
is secret police.
It's funny because it's true. It's frustrating because it's true.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Police, open up, you're under arrest
"Police open up you're under arrest" who?
Alright, now you're charged with resisting arrest too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A hearty laugh after a long time.
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... goes to the pub...
He's drunk 16 pints of beer, and decides to walk home along the canal.
As he's walking along the canal he see's a chap who's just thrown himself in the canal, p**... reacts bravely and rescues him.
The next day the police knock on p**...'s door, they ask him did he save a bloke who jumped in the canal, p**... explains he did and that he doesn't want any special treatment or medals.
The police explain that he shouldn't of bothered, because he hung himself.
p**... replies, "No he didn't, I put him up there to dry!"
Courtesy of Dennis Taylor (UK Snooker Player)
The police knocked on my door the other night...
...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian knock-knock jokes (A Latvian Joke Tribute Song)
In light of recent political tensions, my girlfriend's dad and I sat down and tried to come up with some Russian knock-knock jokes.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Potato.
Potato who?
Just kidding, is secret police.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ukraine
Ukraine who?
Ukraine your neck left, see secret police.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Putin.
Putin who?
Putin your family is Gulag for asking so many question.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Secret police.
Secret police who?
If I told you, wouldn't be secret.
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and
informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
When Police Knock On Your Door
Police: Knock Knock
Me: Who is it?
Police: its the Police.
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just wanna talk
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other.
Two men are driving down the road....
A police officer pulls them over and approaches the car. He knocks on the window and they roll it down.
The officer says "excuse me gentlemen we are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The driver rolls the window up for a moment and converses with his passenger. After a moment he rolls the window back down.
"OK officer, we'll do it."
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A driver was swerving all over the road...
... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,
"Sir, please blow into this machine"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"
"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level"
"Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a knock at my door.
I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for m**....
I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."
"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"
I said, "Because you might find the c**...."
A car
A police officer stopped a car on the highway and went up to the driver. He saw the man, and said: "You've just won $1000 for wearing a seat belt! What are you going to do with your prize money?" The man thought, and said back: "Maybe go to the driving school and get my licence!" His wife told the cop: "Don't listen to him, he's a smartass when he's drunk".
All of this talking made a passenger in the back of the car wake up, and he blurted out: "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. Why didn't you change the number plate?" A knock emerged from the trunk of the car, and the person in the trunk said: "Are we at the border yet?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got robbed in a weird way today
I was walking along the street when some dude punched me in the back of the head and stole my wallet. I chased him down into an alley with a dead end, then much to my surprise he stripped completely n**... and covered himself in baby oil, I couldn't grab hold of his arm at all. He ran full pelt into me, knocked me over and ran off into the distance with my wallet.
So I took my report to the police and they asked me to give a summary of what happened, so I said
"I got hit by, I got struck by a smooth criminal"
A man stops to ask directions from a farmer sitting on his porch and is amazed to see a three-legged pig sitting at the farmer's feet.
"That's a weird-looking pig," the man says. The farmer is furious. "Don't you ever say anything bad about this pig!" he says. "Just last week my wife and I were sleeping, and a fire broke out. This pig dragged us both to safety. Last month a robber broke into the house. The pig knocked him down, dialed 911 with his snout and sat on him until the police arrived. So don't ever say anything bad about him."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "But what's the deal with the three legs?"
"Mister," the farmer says, "a pig like this you don't eat all at once."
When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully
Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"
Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."
Me: "Police identify yourself"
Trooper: "State Police"
Me: "Police"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is crossing a busy road
A man is crossing a busy road when he'**... by a red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow, lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry, red Lorry, yellow, lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry and finally another red lorry.
Later that day a younge police officer knocks on the door of the man's wife to inform her of the news
Wife - "officer what is it?"
Officer - "your husband was in a terrible accident"
Wife - "oh no what happened"
Officer "ma'am there's no easy way to say this"
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
5 Minutes !
The police just knocked on my door and asked Where were you around 8.05pm last night sir?"
"Funny you should ask," I replied. "I took the wife upstairs at 8pm to make love."
"Yes officer, that's true," my wife shouted over, "But god knows where he was at five past."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alternate version of a racist joke
A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start u**.... As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".
So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.
A man is sitting at home when he gets a knock on the door from a police officer…
The officer asks the man if he is married, and the man replies yes, I am.
He then asks the man if he has a recent photograph of his wife. The man tells the officer to hold on one moment while he pulls out his phone to show him a picture of her.
The officer takes one look at the photo and tells the man I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train...
The man says yes, I'm aware of that, But she has a great personality, makes me laugh, and it is a really excellent cook!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer just knocked on my door...
and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Pfft, my dogs don't even own bikes, idiot.
Police Officer (Outside the house): Knocks on a mans door
Man (From inside the house): "Who are you?
Police Officer: "We are the police. You are requested to open the door."
Man: "Why? What do you want?"
Police Officer: "We just want to talk"
Man: "How many of you are there?
Police Officer: "There's two of us"
Man: "Perfect talk to each other"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Celebrity m**...
Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.
An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he didn't know what the officer was talking about.
He was living under The Rock all this time and had no idea what was going on.
