I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case.
He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.
"Exactly, so where's my present?"
"...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
They like to beat the crowds.
"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!
Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
"How is she?" I asked
"Very critical," replied the officer
"The fuck is she complaining about now?"
I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*German:* "31"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Police think it was race related.
Me or the police.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Well, the police say it's vehicular manslaughter. So, yeah whatever.
To beat the crowd.
My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"
After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"
They'll kill your dog.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."
Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.
He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
A seasoned veteran.
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
The police are pretty upset about it.
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
"No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer."
Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
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