Police Dog Jokes

97 police dog jokes and hilarious police dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Police Dog Short Jokes

Short police dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The police dog humour may include short police man jokes also.

  1. Me: Sweet dog you got there Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.
    Me: Still in training, huh?
    Police officer: What do you mean?
    Me: Nevermind
  2. A police officer with a drug dog approaches a man and says, "this dog tells me you're on drugs…" To which the man responds, "I'm on drugs?!? You're the only talking to a dog!"
  3. A police officer just knocked on my door... and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Pfft, my dogs don't even own bikes, idiot.
  4. Ladies, you can tell a lot about a man by how dogs react to him. For example, if a police K9 is bitting him, he may not be ideal.
  5. A police officer told me my dog was chasing people on bikes. That's ridiculous! My dog doesn't even own a bike!
  6. A man broke into Battersea Dog's Home and released all the dogs. Police are desperately searching for leads.
  7. I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire
  8. The police came to my house after getting complaints about my dogs chasing people on bikes. I told them that's ridiculous. My dogs can't ride bikes.
  9. The police came to my door the other day telling me there had been a complaint made, that my dog chased a man on his bike "sorry officer" I said "my dog doesn't have a bike"
  10. The police came to my house earlier and said my dog had chased someone on a bike... I said, "You must be joking, officer. My dog doesn't have a bike!"

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Police Dog One Liners

Which police dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with police dog? I can suggest the ones about service dog and working dog.

  1. Police are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.
  2. Just remember, Police are like a box of chocolates.. ..they'll kill your dog.
  3. What do you call a homosexual police dog? A Gay-9 unit
  4. In America police dogs are known as K9... In China they are E10.
  5. Why did the police arrest the dog? Because he had some unpaid barking tickets
  6. 20 dogs were stolen from a pet store Police say, there are no leads.
  7. What do you call a police dog that's on drugs? a cocanine
  8. How do police dogs save up for retirement? A 401-K9
  9. What do you call a homosexual dog in the police force? Gay-nines.
  10. 250 dogs escaped from the SPCA Police are following a number of leads.
  11. Whats brown and hairy and is between a policemens legs? a police dog
  12. What do you call a gay police dog? A gaynine!
  13. Why is a police dog called a K-9? Cause if it was higher it would be a cat
  14. What do you call a magic police dog? An abra-cadaver dog
  15. What did the Asian police dog say to the robber? Fleas!

Police Dog Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about police dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make police dog pranks.

I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. He comes over and says to me, "My dog says you have w**... in the car." I responded, "Well I don't know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!"

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.
The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again.
He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"
In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!
One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.
" The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."

Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.

Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.

Similarities between Scruff McGruff's police force and Michael Vick?

They've both got a dog fighting crime.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...

(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."

Police dog

One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."

On the run

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison and ran into a nearby barn. They all three jumped into burlap sacks to hide when they heard police sirens in the distance. Soon two officers walked into the barn and immediately spotted the three sacks. One officer approached the first sack and kicked it, the redhead barked. "oh this must be a dog" said the officer. He kicked the second bag and the brunette meowed. "oh, this must be a cat" said the officer. He kicked the third and final sack and the blonde screamed out "potatoes".

Another blond joke

Three girls, a blond, a brunette and a redhead are out walking a dog and the dog escapes and runs on to a private property, the girls decide that they will take the risk and find the dog. After five minutes an old man comes out and starts yelling at them to get off his property; they leave but come back later to search for the dog. The old man hears them then calls the police. The girls hear the police, they spot a barn and run into it. The red head hides with the chickens, the brunette with the pigs and the blond with the potatoes. The police check out the barn and first check out the chickens the redhead becoming desperate starts saying "Bock bock bock" They don't think anyone is there and they move onto the pigs. The brunette becoming desperate went "Oink, oink oink!" the police think nobody is there and moves on to the potatoes and the blond becoming desperate goes "Potato, Potato, Potato!"

Blonde, brunette, and a red head

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were running from the police. The three women ducked into an old barn on the side of the road. Inside the barn were three empty sacks and they decided to hide in them. In walk the police. They see the three sacks and are immediately suspicious. An officer kicks the sack the brunette is in so she says "Meow!"
"Oh it's just a cat." He says. The cop goes to the red head and kicks the sack shes in. She says "Woof!"
"Oh it's just a dog." So he moves onto the last sack where the blonde is hiding. He walks up and gives it one good kick.

The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...

...I said "b**..., my dog doesn't have a bike".

A fine country lady is hosting a dinner party

and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.
"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"
He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.
Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.
A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..
When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"
The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.
Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says
"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."

Three corrupt politicians were having coffee... their headquarters, until they heard the police siren. The first politician said, "Quick, hide in the empty boxes and disguise as something else." The police arrived and saw three boxes that seemed suspicious. They kicked the first box and the first politician said, "Meow, meow." "Nope, it's a cat in here," the police concluded. They proceed and kicked the second box. The second politician spoke, "Arf! Arf!". "Nope, it's a dog in here." Finally, they kicked the third box. Nothing spoke. They kicked it again and still no sound was heard. They opened the box and saw the third politician. Now knowing that the politicians were in the boxes, they caught all three.
In jail, the two other politicians asked the third one, "Why didn't you make any sound?" The third one replied, "I'm a fcking carrot, you idiots!"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead escape from prison.

They made their way down the nearest road looking for somewhere to hide out for the night. After a couple of miles, they come upon a Barn on the side of the road. They thought "why not?" and slept in the barn for the night.
Unfortunately they overslept and awoke to find police investigating the grounds around the barn outside. "Better take a look inside" they heard a cop say. They decided to each hide in an empty burlap sack in an effort to evade the police.
As the cop searched the interior of the barn, he came upon 3 filled burlap sacks. Being lazy, he investigated the sack with the brunette with a kick from his boot. "Woof!" said the brunette. "Ah, just a dog in this one," said the cop. He then kicked the one with the redhead in it. "Meow!" she said. "Just a cat in that one," the cop said. He then kicked the one with the blonde in it. The blonde confidently exclaimed, "Potatoes!"

Did you hear about the dog-walker that went missing?

Police say they are following a few leads.

Three drunks sitting at a bar

Three drunks sitting at a bar discussing who was the most drunk the previous day.
1st drunk says "I was so drunk last night i went home and blew chunks".
The 2nd drunk says "that's nothing! I was so drunk last night I drove home and crashed into a tree, kicked my front door down and woke up in the garden!".
3rd drunk says "that's nothing! I was so drunk last night I stole a police car drove it into my house, threw the TV out of the window and wet the bed!".
The 1st drunk says "I don't think you understood me, Chunks is my dog.".

The year is 2089. All policemen have been replaced by genetically modified dogs.

The amount of people killed by police yearly went down 90% and a recent poll that asked "Do you like the police?" showed that public opinion of the force went up 64%.
How was this accomplished?
Dogs are colorblind.

Blonde joke I heard a while ago

A red head, brunet, and a blonde were robbing a building. They heard the police and didn't have time to escape so they all hid in in the bag they were carrying. The police officer walks up to the bag with the red head in it and give it a kick and she says, "Meow, meow."The police officer says, "It must be a bag of cats." He then kicks the bag with the brunet in it and she says, "Woof, woof." The police officer says, "It must be a bag of dogs." He walks up to the bag with the blonde in it and gives it a kick and she says, "Potato, potato."

Awful Neighbors

"There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leashes.
Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life. Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs.
They are both out of control.
God, I hate living near Buckingham Palace! "

An Englisman, Scotsman and Irishman are being chased by police

The three of them run into an alley ahead of the cops.
"We need to hide" said the Englishman
"Look, there's 3 sacks over there" points the Scotsman
So they rush over and each one hides in a sack just before the police turn into the alleyway
They scan the alley and dont see anyone but they spot the sacks. One officer walks slowly upto them and give the 1st one, with the Englishman in it, a kick
"Meow!" He says
"Hmm, just a cat the officer says to his colleagues
He walks to the 2nd sack hiding the Scottsman. Kick!
"Woof woof!" He says
"Dog in this one the officer says" and walks to the 3rd sack containing the Irshman. Kick!
"POTATOS!" He shouts!

The police knocked on my door the other night...

...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.

My favorite Newfie joke

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
There was a Nova Scotian, a Prince Edward Islander and a Newfie who were running from the cops. So they go down this side street and see three potato sacks and decide to hide in them. The police come along and think there's something suspicious so they kick the first bag. The Nova Scotian's in there and he says "Meow!" and the cops think 'Oh, it's just an alley cat,' and keep on going. They kick the next bag and the Prince Edward Islander in there says "Woof!" so they think 'Oh, it's just a stray dog.' So then they kick the bag with the Newfie in it and he says "PO-TA-TO!" 

The police came to my house earlier and said my dog has chased someone on a bike.

I said, "You must be joking. My dog hasn't got a bike."
*(Reposted because I completely messed up the punchline in the original post, and have only just realised.)*

What do you call a racist police dog?

A k**...-9 real life...

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were being chased by the police...

As they were running they saw some sacks, and so they hid in them. When the police got to the first sack, which the brunette was in. He kicked it and the brunette said "woof!" And the police thought it was a dog so he went to the second sack, which the redhead was in. He kicked that one and the redhead said "meow!" Thinking it was a cat, the police went to the third sack, which the blonde was in. He kicked it and the blonde said "potatoooo" the blonde was arrested, and the brunette and redhead got away.

Do you know why police dogs are called the K-9?

Because if it were called the K-10, they would be police cats

A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."

A man sees a burglar breaking into his shed

A man sees someone breaking into his shed. He calls police. They say they don't have anyone available right now. They'll be there as soon as they can, but it may be two hours. The man hangs up.
A few minutes later he calls again and tells them to take their time. He's pulled out his rifle and shot the man. He's not going anywhere. Within minutes the place is swarming with police, helicopters, cars, dogs, etc. They find the man breaking into the shed and arrest him.
The police go to the man, "I thought you said you shot him!" The man responds "I thought you said you had no one available"

Did you know some dogs don't pass the Police Academy?

...they didn't pass the pawlygraph test.

Why did the dog who just gave birth to seven puppies in the vacant lot get a ticket from the police officer?

She was charged with littering.

Two dogs were fighting the other day.

So I called the police to report domesticated a**....

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.

A police officer came to my door and said my my dog chased a guy on a bike.

I explained to the officer that that's impossible because my dog doesn't own a bike.

A dog and the policeman

Jabu goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked," Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"
Jabu said it was his.
"Your dog seems to be in heat" the officer said.
Jabu replied, "No way... She's cool 'cause she's t**... under that shade tree."
The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."
"No way," said Jabu. "That dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning'."
The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have s**...!"
Jabu looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog

Whats The Opposite of a Police Drug Dog?

m**... Lab

Hey, check out my new dog!

"He used to be police dog down in Florida."
"Oh, what breed is he?"
"He's a m**... lab."

What do you call a police dog p**... outside?

Doing his public duty

A dog may well be a man's best friend…

…but a cat will never tell the police where your m**... is.

Look it's Summer now and I'd like to emphasize how dangerous it is to leave your dogs inside the your cars...

Speaking from a personal experience I did it once and lost my job as a police officer.

A police artist is drawing a sketch.

Police artist: "So, he had grey hair, grey eyes, grey shoes, medium build, no glasses and wore a grey suit."
Dog: "Correct!"

An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police.

An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police. They find 3 sacks and hide in them. The police man approaches the sacks and kicks the first one. The English man barks like a dog. The police man kicks the next one and the Scottish man screams like a cat. The policeman kicks the next one and the Irish man says "sack of potatoes".

What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house?

...You're barking up the wrong tree.

As I am walking through the park and the police is stopping me asking "Does your dog chase the people on a bicycle?"

-??? My dog does not even have a bicycle

So there was a police officer and his police dog...

The officer called the dog Joke, as it made him laugh always. Regardless, he loved the dog. However, one day the dog was demoted and reassigned to another Buddhist officer who wanted a dog to help him abstain from material things. The first officer was, of course upset. One of his friends he worked with asked what was wrong, and the first officer said, Well, it should be obvious. My Joke's been reposted for more karma!

How is a chinese thief called?

Chinese How hot is the thief?
What Chinese cop?
Tooth imagines.
That the Chinese police dogs?
Tooth imagines that dealer.
What's hut by the Chinese police dogs?
Long Fing that dealer tooth construction.

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"

So this dog gets arrested and taken to the police station

Detective: What did you get arrested for?
Dog: I buried a bone.
Detective: Where did you bury it?
Dog: In your mom.

I've given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I've eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people following me… two police officers and a psychiatrist.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.
The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender

A perfect robbery

Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"

I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for £25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.

When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.
I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'
The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'

Dog with two a**....

There were two police officers standing outside of a club with a dog beside them. Every so often someone comes from inside the bar, lifts the dog's tail and goes away. After a while, a police officer asks a guy "Why do you people keep looking under our dog's tail?" The guy answers "I heard there is a dog with two a**... standing outside the club.

A crime at the movie theater

A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."

K-9 Names

Working in the city we work hand in hand with the city police.
So the other day I saw the Sergeant walking 2 new K-9s. I asked her their names and she points to 1 and says this is Rolex and this pointing to the other dog is Timex.
Now I thought that was strange so I said don't you think that's strange names for dogs?
She said no they are watch dogs.