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Police Department Jokes

40 police department jokes and hilarious police department puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police department that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Police Department Short Jokes

Short police department jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The police department humour may include short police station jokes also.

  1. Just saw that our local Police Department got 2 huge new trucks with "Criminal Gang Unit" labeled on the sides. Finally, some self awareness.
  2. Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on
  3. A burglar broke into the Police Department and stole all of the toilets . . . The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on.
  4. Did you hear about all the toilets being stolen inside the Miami Dade police department? The cops have nothing to go on.
  5. I didn't want to believe that my uncle had been stealing from the roads and traffic department ... ... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.
  6. A rather bold robber... Broke into the local police department and stole all of their toilets.
    Cops report that they have nothing to go on.
  7. What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common? Reclaiming black bodies.
  8. The fastest black people in my city and the local police department decided to compete against each other in a race The cops beat them.
  9. Why'd the police department hire a mathematician? They needed someone to count in fractions
  10. Did anyone hear about that guy that broke into the Police Department to steal there calendar? He got 12 months.

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Police Department One Liners

Which police department one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with police department? I can suggest the ones about police officer and police man.

  1. A bunch of toilets were stolen from the police department... They have nothing to go on.
  2. If you ever feeling worthless, just remember that Gotham City has a police department.
  3. Why is the Ferguson Police Department a fan of Pokemon? Because you gotta catch Jamal
  4. The slogan for the local sheriff's department: "We aim to police!"

Gather Around for Heartwarming Police Department Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about police department you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police chief jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make police department pranks.

An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was r**.

... When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."

A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.


He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.

True story from Brimfield Ohio;
Brimfield Police Department
Conversations with a m**... cook....

Suspect: "I didn't mean to make m**...."
Chief: "You didn't mean to make it?"
Suspect: "No. I was just trying to make smoke."
Chief: {Dumb look}
Suspect: "I was trying to scare the Mexicans. They're superstitious."
Chief: "Okay....You were trying to scare someone by making smoke?"
Suspect: "Yes Sir. I was trying to scare the Mexicans."
Chief: "But you ended up with m**...."
Suspect: "Yes, I guess I did."
Chief: "You do realize this may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You could not come up with a better excuse for making m**... than that?"
Suspect: "I thought about it and no...I couldn't...I don't want to tell on myself."
This job is amazing....Chief.

(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?

The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"

A burglar

Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.
Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.
No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!

What part of the police department does Gumby work in?

Rubbery h**....
This joke was the first thing that popped in my head when I woke up today.

A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.
(This joke courtesy of my dad)

How does Boomhower describe the g**... of the Lieutenant from the Reno Police Department?

Dang ol' Dangle dangle.

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department.

"The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief.
Mike succeeds.
"Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says.
Mike succeeds.
"Now, for your final test, I want you to go shoot a black teenager and three songbirds.", says the chief.
"Why should I shoot three songbirds?", says Mike.
"Congratulations, you've got the job!", says the chief.

Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?

"STOP RESISTING!!!"

Did you hear that someone stole all the toilets at the police department?

The police said so far they have nothing to go on.

So Dylann Roof killed black people in cold blood and ran away in secret at first.

The police department offered him a job.

All the toilet seats were recently stolen from the local police department

They still have nothing to go on...

My local police department is running a dual campaign against dangerous driving and taking drugs. The signs read:

SPEED KILLS

My town's public works department is so bad that police has trouble picking drunk drivers up

Everybody is swerving around the potholes

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.
"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"
The man asks, "why the clown?"
The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a m**... case!"

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

I, for one, support my local police department

All of those speeding tickets I've paid *must* be buying them some pretty good stuff.

I was watching the ted bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.
It was the world's first Ted Talk.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:
Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.
The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender

What does a toddler, a police department, and a politician have in common?

You can tell when they're full of s**....