Police Department Jokes
28 police department jokes and hilarious police department puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police department that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Police Department Short Jokes
Short police department jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The police department humour may include short police station jokes also.
- Just saw that our local Police Department got 2 huge new trucks with "Criminal Gang Unit" labeled on the sides. Finally, some self awareness.
- I didn't want to believe that my uncle had been stealing from the roads and traffic department ... ... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.
- What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common? Reclaiming black bodies.
- Why'd the police department hire a mathematician? They needed someone to count in fractions
- My local police department is running a dual campaign against dangerous driving and taking drugs. The signs read: SPEED KILLS
- All the toilet seats were recently stolen from the local police department They still have nothing to go on...
- Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor? "STOP RESISTING!!!"
- I, for one, support my local police department All of those speeding tickets I've paid *must* be buying them some pretty good stuff.
- My town's public works department is so bad that police has trouble picking drunk drivers up Everybody is swerving around the potholes
- So Dylann Roof killed black people in cold blood and ran away in secret at first. The police department offered him a job.
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Police Department One Liners
Which police department one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with police department? I can suggest the ones about police officer and police man.
- If you ever feeling worthless, just remember that Gotham City has a police department.
- The slogan for the local sheriff's department: "We aim to police!"
Gather Around for Heartwarming Police Department Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about police department you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police chief jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make police department pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was r**.
... When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."
A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
True story from Brimfield Ohio;
Brimfield Police Department
Conversations with a m**... cook....
Suspect: "I didn't mean to make m**...."
Chief: "You didn't mean to make it?"
Suspect: "No. I was just trying to make smoke."
Chief: {Dumb look}
Suspect: "I was trying to scare the Mexicans. They're superstitious."
Chief: "Okay....You were trying to scare someone by making smoke?"
Suspect: "Yes Sir. I was trying to scare the Mexicans."
Chief: "But you ended up with m**...."
Suspect: "Yes, I guess I did."
Chief: "You do realize this may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You could not come up with a better excuse for making m**... than that?"
Suspect: "I thought about it and no...I couldn't...I don't want to tell on myself."
This job is amazing....Chief.
Chicago Police Department
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
A burglar
Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.
Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.
No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes for 11/2
(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)
In Alabama, a man who robbed a Subway said he did so because he tried the Subway Diet , but didn't lose weight. Police describe the suspect as armed and extremely gullible.
In New York City, a health department worker was suspended for using a robotic-sounding voice when answering the phone. During the man's suspension, his phone will be answered by an actual robot.
A Maryland man has been charged with sending an email that threatened to kill President Obama. Obama said it was the nicest email he's gotten in months.
In Texas, a man called the police after a woman broke into his home, and performed o**... s**... on him without his consent. Police arrived on the scene, and the man was arrested.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doing what is right
While I was strolling around the harbor this morning about 11 am. I noticed a t**... who slipped from the bridge and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law of the land that require you to help those in distress, I notified the Police, Coastguard, Immigration office and even the Fire Department.
It is now 4 PM, the t**... has drowned and none of the authorities have responded.
I'm starting to think I wasted 4 stamps!
Edit-small typo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What part of the police department does Gumby work in?
Rubbery h**....
This joke was the first thing that popped in my head when I woke up today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Boomhower describe the g**... of the Lieutenant from the Reno Police Department?
Dang ol' Dangle dangle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who killed Abraham Lincoln?
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a m**... case!"
I was watching the ted bundy tapes on Netflix
When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.
It was the world's first Ted Talk.
My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.
When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:
Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a toddler, a police department, and a politician have in common?
You can tell when they're full of s**....