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Police Chief Jokes

54 police chief jokes and hilarious police chief puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about police chief that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Police Chief Short Jokes

Short police chief jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The police chief humour may include short fire chief jokes also.

  1. Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration? To beat the crowds.
  2. The Chief of Police died responding to people changing font on town signs There we were, left sans-sheriff
  3. Why did the police chief assign the epileptic cop to K9 patrol? They made a perfect team. The K9 did the searches and the cop did the seizures!
  4. Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly underwear But the chief inspector said they must wear their normal uniforms.
  5. How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb? 11. One chief of police to oversee it, and 10 cops to beat the lightbulb until it wants to change.
  6. Police are asking the public to be on the look out for a homicidal chiropractor. The Chief reports that the best line of defense is to watch your back.
  7. Police Chief to new recruit. Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
    New Recruit: Call for backup!
  8. One day in 1960's China... Mao told his chief of police to send 10,000 intellectuals and a clown to rural exile. The police chief asked "Why the clown?" Mao laughed and said "That's the spirit!"
  9. Police want to interview a man suspected for a string of robberies wearing stockings and suspenders. However, the Chief Constable has insisted they wear their normal uniform.
  10. Why did the police chief hate going into the basement? Because it was beneath his station.
    :P

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Police Chief One Liners

Which police chief one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with police chief? I can suggest the ones about police man and police officer.

  1. How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem? He called the SWAT team
  2. What do a farmer and a police chief have in common? They're both in charge of pigs.
  3. How is the police chief going to get his next meal? SEIZURE SALAD
  4. My local police chief does a talk on h**...... So you can't understand any of it.

Police Chief Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about police chief you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean policeman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make police chief pranks.

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues.


What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen.


They go on a ride and come back pleased.
"This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop.
"My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop.
"But how do we know which is which?"
They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.
"Lets cut off this ones tail"
The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail.
The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad.
The two cops see this and ask whats wrong.
"You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!"
"But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart."
"Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"

A police officer stopped a driver for speeding.


"Can I see your driving license?"
"I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system."
"Can I see your license for the vehicle?"
"But it is not my car, I stole it."
"Stole it?"
"Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there."
"There is a gun in the car?"
"Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk."
"There is a corpse in a car?"
"Right, sir."
After all these he calls the police chief.
And soon the car gets surrounded by police.
The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
"Sir, can I see your qualification?"
"Of course, ultimately, there it is."
"In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?"
"It is mine, there is my license as well."
"uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?"
"Of course, take a look, there is nothing."
"Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there."
"No problem, take a look."
"Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
"Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city.
Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals.
After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.
Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse.
The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep.
There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig.
The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.
A short time later, another knock was heard at the door.
The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death.
The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.
This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door.
When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

So the pope is SUPER EARLY for his flight


He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.
Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.
Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."
Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"
Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."
Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"
Cop: "More important, sir."
Chief: "A major politician?"
Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."
Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"
Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

True story from Brimfield Ohio;
Brimfield Police Department
Conversations with a m**... cook....

Suspect: "I didn't mean to make m**...."
Chief: "You didn't mean to make it?"
Suspect: "No. I was just trying to make smoke."
Chief: {Dumb look}
Suspect: "I was trying to scare the Mexicans. They're superstitious."
Chief: "Okay....You were trying to scare someone by making smoke?"
Suspect: "Yes Sir. I was trying to scare the Mexicans."
Chief: "But you ended up with m**...."
Suspect: "Yes, I guess I did."
Chief: "You do realize this may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You could not come up with a better excuse for making m**... than that?"
Suspect: "I thought about it and no...I couldn't...I don't want to tell on myself."
This job is amazing....Chief.

A man gets pulled over...

A man gets pulled over and the police officer approaches the driver's window. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The driver says, "No sir." The cop says "Well son, you were speeding. Now please hand me your license and registration." The driver pulls out his license and says, "Well my registration is in the glove box, but I have to warn you, there is a loaded p**... in there." The cop is taken aback and places a hand on his own weapon. "Why do you have a loaded gun?" "Well it's what I used to kill the guy in my trunk." The cop then freaks out a little and calls for backup. While waiting, he has the driver toss his keys to the road and keep his hands up. Backup arrives, and they get him into the back of the squad car. Shortly after, their chief pulls up.
"Alright sir, we are going to retrieve the gun from the glove box, and the body from the trunk. We need you to identify the body, and then we will take you to the station for holding."
The driver says, "Sir there's no dead body in my trunk, nor is there a gun in the glove box...I bet he told you I was speeding too!"

The police finally catch a notorious criminal,

so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."

3 blondes walk into a police station...

...looking for a job as a detective. They meet with the police chief who says "I'm going to show you a side profile mug shot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him."
He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says "He's only got one eye". The police chief responds, "No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one eye."
He shows the picture to the second blonde and she says "He's only got one ear". The police chief again responds, "No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one ear."
He shows the picture to the last blonde and she says "He wears contact lenses." Perplexed, the police chief looks through the file and sure enough, the man wore contact lenses. He says "That's oddly correct. How did you know that?"
The blonde responds, "Well with one eye and one ear, he can't be wearing glasses."

A n**... man...

... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."

The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...

When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop comes over to the window and asks the man, "What's the rush?"
"Well, you see I a body in the trunk and I wanna bury it ASAP before it stinks up the place," Answers the man.
The cop confused, "Why is there a body in the trunk?"
"Well, I wanted to buy 3 kilos of h**... and the other guy wanted to screw me so I shot him," The man calmly replied.
"So there's a dead, 3 kilos of h**..., and a gun in your trunk?!!??!" The cop nervously asks.
"Yeah, and also a bunch of C4. I'm planning to blow up the White House." The man continued.
The cop, frightened, called for back and returned to his vehicle. As the back up arrived the police chief decided to talk to the man in the car again.
"So what's in the trunk?" Asked the chief.
"Nothing just a spare tire."
The chief checks the trunk and sees nothing but a spare tire.
"Ok, where is the bomb, weapons, dead body and drugs?"
"I have no such things." The man answered and seemed very consumed.
"Well, the officer told me you had all these things in your trunk."
The man looks him in the eye and says, "Yeah, he probably said I was speeding too,"

Speeding motorist

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."
"And I said keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Police in Paris have revealed that 51Kg of c**... has gone missing from their central headquarters.

The police chief said at a press conference, "We'll do whatever it takes to catch the culprits, even if we have to stay up all night. And all tomorrow night. And then maybe hit a club or something."

Polititians

So this bus full of politicians is on it'd way to see the grand canyon. In the middle dof the desert a dust storm hits and the bus crashes widly. An ambulance arrives on the scene and finding the mangled corpses buries all of them on the spot.
The police arrive to investigate for foul play and upon learning that the politicians were already all buried the chief asks, "why would you do that? Were you sure all of them were even dead?"
"Well we did hear a few screams to stop and that 'we're not dead' but of course we all know, you can't trust politicians!"

The Fifa president, Secretary General, and communications director are in a car. Who is driving?

The Police.
This joke got their PR chief fired today.

REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.

When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department.

"The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief.
Mike succeeds.
"Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says.
Mike succeeds.
"Now, for your final test, I want you to go shoot a black teenager and three songbirds.", says the chief.
"Why should I shoot three songbirds?", says Mike.
"Congratulations, you've got the job!", says the chief.

Police Chief: There has been a car hi on Seventh Street

Police Officer: Don't you mean a hijack?
Chief: No, he had an iPhone 7

I saw the chief of a New York City police on the news

I saw the chief of New York City police on the news, he said "We will never forget 9/11"
I said "Well I sure f**...' hope not it's your phone number"

What did the southern police chief say about the black man found shot six times?

Worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

Our local police station has had the toilets stolen and the Police Chief has put out a press release. ...

Quote... At this time the detectives have nothing to go on....

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Harvey Weinstein just turned himself in to the police station:

Police Chief: "I understand your intentions, but please pull up your pants"...

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.
"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"
The man asks, "why the clown?"
The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Mother wanted to find her idiot son a job

Mother wanted to find her idiot son a job, and of course the police station was the first location to try.
She said "My son is a real idiot, he would be a great policeman". The chief looked at him and said "I, don't know.. doesn't seem that dumb to me..."
The mother turned to her son and told him: "Sweetie, go look for mommy outside".
The son went outside and returned in five minutes saying "Mom, there's no mom outside".
The policeman laughed and said "Ha! What an idiot! He could have just looked out through the window!"

When the Chief of Police has a movie night for the guys, but picks up the wrong horror movie.

Nah, this ain't It , Chief.

A politician had recently committed s**...

"It is a very sad day," the Police Chief said, "and we have ruled that he has committed s**..., via 3 bullets to the head"

A man insults the Tsar.

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of *lese majeste* (insulting the monarch).
He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!".
The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Tsar!"

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

A Donkey Was Found Dead In Front of a Church

So the priest did the reasonable thing and called the police chief.
Hey, i would like to report a donkey has been found dead in front of the church
The Chief replies: But father isn't that your specialty? You are knowledgeable on how to clean the body and prepare it for burial, right?
The priest replies: You are correct, but we like to notify the next of kin.

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the h**... he's waiting for. Chief radios back "The floor still isn't dry..."

Speeder

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer" the man began "I can explain"
"Just be quiet" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

In tonight's news...

Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.
When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

A retired police officer passed away. The chief of police...

made a speech at the f**... and said may he arrest in peace

Factory arson

A factory producing frozen Chinese dumplings is reported to have suffered the worst case of arson in recent history, presumed to be the work of a disgruntled worker.
The police chief said he had never seen a case of such wonton destruction.