The Best 75 Polic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Polic jokes. There are some polic est jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these polic ora puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Polic Jokes and Puns

Why do HK police go to work early?

To beat the crowds.

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

The police charged one and let the other one off.Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β  Β 

Polic joke, The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating firework

Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...

...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?


The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...

...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".

Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?

To beat the crowds.

Polic joke, Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?

Police were called to a daycare yesterday...

Police were called to a daycare yesterday because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.

I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.ο»Ώ

The police was talking on the radio

You can explore polic patrolman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean polic officer dad jokes. There are also polic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When Police Knock On Your Door

Police: Knock Knock
Me: Who is it?
Police: its the Police.
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just wanna talk
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other.

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

Police report: There was a robbery in the sex shop.

Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time

A police officer stops a driver...

A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."

The guy replies, "I have contacts".

The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"

What do the Police and PokΓ©mon have in common?

They gotta catch 'Jamal

Polic joke, What do the Police and PokΓ©mon have in common?

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.

"Yes", I replied.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

"I know, but she's good with the kids."

Police are like a box of chocolates....

They'll kill your dog.


The police arrested 2 kids today

One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks

They charged the first one and let the other off

The police seem to be making up the law as they go along

I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.

Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself"

So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."

I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."

Police were called to a day care

Toddler was resisting a rest.

The policeman asked me why I keep beating my wife...

I told him I have a longer reach and superior footwork.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. "He fell".

A policeman pulls over a man driving recklessly

The policeman asks "How high are you?"

The man says "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'."

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.

'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.

'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.

They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.

I saw a policeman give a talk on heroin once.

couldn't understand what he was saying...

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"

"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me as he was running off."

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

Why aren't the police making any neo-nazi arrests in murder cases?

There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

A police officer stopped my mom's car.

Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?

And my mom hit the accelerator.

Police: How'd you kill 30 people?

Redhead: I was over speeding when all of a sudden the brakes failed. I had two options. There was a parade on one side and a couple walking on the other side.
Police: Why didn't you hit the couple?
Redhead: I did, but as soon as I turned the car towards them, they started running towards the parade.

The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...

That would explain the doughnuts...

Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.

Man: I know, but she has a great personality.

A police officer stopped me on the highway

He told me "Papers, please".
I responded with "Scissors, I win !" and went back on my way.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?

I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

A policeman said he wanted to search my car.

"You won't find any drugs," I told him.

He said, "You don't sound sure about that."

I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus".

Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".

The Police Officer took my weed, but as I had a valid prescription the Judge ordered it returned to me.

I was awarded Joint Custody.

Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"

Parents: "arson?"

Police officer: "yes, your son"

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

Police: Anything you say can and will be held against you.

Me: Boobs ....

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds.

Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states

Solid, liquid and gas

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"

Man: I have contacts.

Policeman: I don't give a damn who you know.

A police officer pulls a man over

"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.

"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.

The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."

"Sir, the police doesn't have balls.", the officer says.

There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?

Because they had to go home and change first.

A policeman walks by a street vendor

Policeman: What are you selling?

Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!

Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?

Vendor: They make you smarter!

Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!

Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!

Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.

Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!

Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.

The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?

Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

Policeman: How could you kill...

...69 people? What the hell was wrong with you?

Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.

Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!

Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.

"Hello police? I'd like to report a murder"

"For the last time sir, a bunch of crows sitting in a tree isn't a threat to your security"

Police: We're looking for pirates

Me (a Southerner): Y'ar?

Police arrested a time traveler from 2018

He still can't believe that he was arrested for **not** wearing a mask in a bank.

A police officer came across a pair of boys eating fireworks and batteries

He decided to charge one and let the other off

A police officer pulled me over.

"Hello, there!" I said.

He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"

I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%"

Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.

First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."

Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.

The steaks has never been higher.

A police officer called the station on his radio.

I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

Have you arrested the woman?

No, the floor's still wet.

Police Chief to new recruit.

Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the polic police station jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working polic blonde police woman piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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