Howlingly Hilarious Poli Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
The Polish eye exam.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
The police charged one and let the other one off.Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β
Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?
Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?
To beat the crowds.
Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.
I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.ο»Ώ
Police report: There was a robbery in the s**... shop.
Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...
"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."
You can explore poli bloodsucking reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poli poly dad jokes. There are also poli puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks βCan you read this?
βRead it? , the Pole replies, βI know the guy!
Police are like a box of chocolates....
They'll kill your dog.
The police arrested 2 kids today
One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks
They charged the first one and let the other off
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.
He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
Politicians are like s**.....
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
Two Police officers.
Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
A policeman knocked at my door.....
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
Police were called to a day care
Toddler was resisting a rest.
A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night
"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the m**... of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed s**....
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.
At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer
and a Czech one too. Czech one too.
A police officer stopped my mom's car.
Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
And my mom hit the accelerator.
An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"
The police say that they burn all the w**... they confiscate...
That would explain the doughnuts...
Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.
I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?
I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job
All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten
A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!
You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus".
Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".
Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"
Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son"
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
A politicians promise
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
Police: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: b**... ....
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Solid, liquid and gas
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"
Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don't give a d**... who you know.
Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?
Because they had to go home and change first.
Policeman: How could you kill...
...69 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.
Policeman: You're going to prison for forgery.
Me: *Slides him a $37 bill*. What about now?
A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.
The driver lowers her window.
Policeman: Name, please?
Woman: Freda.
Policeman: Surname?
Woman: Gonow.
Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.
Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!
A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting.
"Pullover!" he screamed.
"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back.
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike...
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, Did Santa get you that?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well, says the policeman, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year, and fines her $5.
The girl looks up at the policeman and says, Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that? The policeman chuckles and replies, He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, next year, tell Santa the a**... goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it.
The police came to my house tonight holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
A Police officer knocks on the door and says to the man I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your girlfriend's been hit by a truck.
The man replied, Yeah, but she has a great personality
A police officer pulled me over
He walked up to my car and said, "Papers?" to which I replied "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I think he wants a rematch because he's been following me for an hour.
Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone
It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.
She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"
Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"
Then he notices 3 other older ladies in the back seat whose faces were white as a sheet.
He asks the driver whats wrong.
Her - "Oh, we just came off I-215"
A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said 'it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck'
I said 'I know'
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"
A police officer spotted an elderly lady knitting whilst driving
"Pullover", he exclaimed.
"No, it's a scarf", she replied.
what do you call a police officer with an IQ of 160?
Fired.
Being a politicians must be hard work
They're all taking work home with them, apparently
What do you call a politician with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you call a Polish ape?
A Chimpanski.
A policeman stops a car... Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you headed and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine.
How are politicians like diapers?
They need to be changed often and for the same reason.
How can you be polite to a pregnant woman?
By including the child in the greeting.
What is exaggerated politeness?
By shaking the childΒ΄s hand too.
Why did the police chief assign the epileptic cop to K9 patrol?
They made a perfect team. The K9 did the searches and the cop did the seizures!
The police just pulled me over, and the officer came up to my window and said papers?
I said scissors, I win! and drove off. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes now, I think he wants a rematch.
