The Best 69 Poli Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Poli jokes. There are some poli parthenon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these poli maga puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Poli Jokes and Puns
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
The Polish eye exam.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
The police charged one and let the other one off.Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β
Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?
Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".
The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...
...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".
Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?
To beat the crowds.
Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
Two policemen . . .
Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.
I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.ο»Ώ
Police talking on the radio...
* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...
Police report: There was a robbery in the sex shop.
Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time
You can explore poli bloodsucking reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poli poly dad jokes. There are also poli puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...
"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks βCan you read this?
βRead it? , the Pole replies, βI know the guy!
Police are like a box of chocolates....
They'll kill your dog.
The police arrested 2 kids today
One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks
They charged the first one and let the other off
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.
He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
Politicians are like sperm..
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
Two Police officers.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
A policeman knocked at my door.....
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
Police were called to a day care
Toddler was resisting a rest.
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...
"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."
A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night
"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.
I saw a policeman give a talk on heroin once.
couldn't understand what he was saying...
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.
At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."
I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer
and a Czech one too. Czech one too.
A police officer stopped my mom's car.
Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
And my mom hit the accelerator.
An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"
The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...
That would explain the doughnuts...
Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.
I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?
I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job
All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten
A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!
You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus".
Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".
Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"
Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son"
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?
3 different answers
A politicians promise
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
Police: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: Boobs ....
A politician visited a village in India..
A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Solid, liquid and gas
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"
Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don't give a damn who you know.
Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?
Because they had to go home and change first.
A policeman walks by a street vendor
Policeman: What are you selling?
Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!
Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?
Vendor: They make you smarter!
Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!
Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!
Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!
Policeman: How could you kill...
...69 people? What the hell was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.
A POLITICIAN visited a village and asked what their needs were
We have 2 basic needs, sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's not the doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
A police officer pulled me over.
"Hello, there!" I said.
He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"
I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%"
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
After filing out his paperwork he had to take an eye exam. The clerk showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the clerk asked.
"Read it?" the Polish man replied. "He's my uncle."
Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.
First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."
Do you know which politician has the worst pull out game?
Vladimir Putin.
What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard?
Their last name.
Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.
The steaks has never been higher.
A police officer called the station on his radio.
I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
Have you arrested the woman?
No, the floor's still wet.
Police Chief to new recruit.
Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the poli freek jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working poli tou piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.