Poli Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Poli puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Poli

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?

I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

A politicians promise

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.

Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.

Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"

Parents: "arson?"


Police officer: "yes, your son"

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

Police are like a box of chocolates....

They'll kill your dog.

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. "He fell".

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...

That would explain the doughnuts...

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.


The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'


"Can you read this?" the optician asked.


"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Politicians are like sperm..

one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

A police officer stopped my mom's car.

Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?

And my mom hit the accelerator.

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.

Man: I know, but she has a great personality.

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!

The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.

I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.ο»Ώ

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."


I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"

"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me as he was running off."

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.

They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.

Police: Anything you say can and will be held against you.

Me: Boobs ....

Police were called to a day care

Toddler was resisting a rest.

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

Police report: There was a robbery in the sex shop.

Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?

To beat the crowds.

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.

"Yes", I replied.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

"I know, but she's good with the kids."

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

The police seem to be making up the law as they go along

I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.

Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.

Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus".

Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

The police charged one and let the other one off.Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β  Β 

The police arrested 2 kids today

One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks

They charged the first one and let the other off

The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...

...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".

What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?

3 different answers

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

I saw a policeman give a talk on heroin once.

couldn't understand what he was saying...

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.

'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.

'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

Police: How'd you kill 30 people?

Redhead: I was over speeding when all of a sudden the brakes failed. I had two options. There was a parade on one side and a couple walking on the other side.
Police: Why didn't you hit the couple?
Redhead: I did, but as soon as I turned the car towards them, they started running towards the parade.

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

Not all UK politicians will cry tonight

but Theresa May

A policeman said he wanted to search my car.

"You won't find any drugs," I told him.

He said, "You don't sound sure about that."

I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."

Police were called to a daycare yesterday...

Police were called to a daycare yesterday because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...

...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes