Poli Jokes

127 poli jokes and hilarious poli puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poli that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh? Check out some of the best poli jokes. From puns about tics, nouns and bloodsucking, these ganda hendathi poli jokes will have you in stitches. Get your daily dose of humor with these hilarious poli sci jokes.

Funniest Poli Short Jokes

Short poli jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poli humour may include short tics jokes also.

  1. We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.
  2. Mjölnir could be picked up by Thor, Vision, and Captain America Does that make it poly-hammer-us?
  3. The etymology of the word "politics" is surprisingly accurate. "poly" meaning "many", and tics meaning "small bloodsucking parasites."
  4. A circle accidentally shot a square... his triangle buddy said, "Well, i guess he's poly-gone."
  5. TIL: Where does the word "politics" come from. From poly, Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites.
  6. What does an Australian chemist call is bro? Bromate
    Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong
  7. My friend told me she's majoring in being disappointed and almost getting what she wants She's the only poly-sigh major I've met so far
  8. What did the parrot say when he didn't have his lunch? Poly-no-meal
    Sorry for the nerdy math joke.
  9. What is the etymology of the word "politics"? *Poli*, from the Greek *polloi*, meaning "Many".
    And *Ticks*, from English, meaning "little bloodsucking creatures."
  10. I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself. "Poli-" meaning "many",
    "-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites."

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Poli One Liners

Which poli one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poli? I can suggest the ones about noun and poly.

  1. If poli=many and tics are small bloodsucking animals The world makes so much sense
  2. What do you call an old lady in an open relationship? A poly Esther.
  3. What is the nationality of someone with many knees? Poly-knee-sian
  4. What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters? Poly and Esther
  5. Why does a queen bee have so many mates? Their survival relies on their poly-nation.
  6. How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells? A poly graph.
  7. Politics From "poli" meaning many and "tics" meaning bloodsuckers.
  8. What kind of parasite do Senators have? Poli-ticks.
  9. Why did the quadratic equation get so many Tinder matches? It's poly
  10. There are four types of ticks. . . . Wood ticks.
    Deer ticks.
    Lyme ticks.
  11. What do you call a plastic elf? Poly-mer
  12. What do you call a tea blend that was deceptive about its ingredients? A poly tea sham.
  13. What is it called when your parrot flies away Poly-gon
  14. What do you call a group of non-monogamous bloodsucking government workers? Poly-ticks.
  15. What do you call a crapload of bloodsucking creatures in the government? Poly-tics

Poli Sci Jokes

Here is a list of funny poli sci jokes and even better poli sci puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Eisenstein is famous in Science for breaking the norms and making them rewrite the textbooks. So, Trump must be the Eisenstein of Poli Sci.
Poli joke, Eisenstein is famous in Science for breaking the norms and making them rewrite the textbooks.

Poli joke, Eisenstein is famous in Science for breaking the norms and making them rewrite the textbooks.

Howlingly Hilarious Poli Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about poli you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean etymology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poli pranks.

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!

The Polish eye exam.

A polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!!

Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!

Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...

...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...

...I said "b**..., my dog doesn't have a bike".

Why does the police officer get up early in the morning?

To beat the crowds.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it.

Police were called to a daycare yesterday...

Police were called to a daycare yesterday because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."

The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.

I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.

The police was talking on the radio

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

Police report: There was a robbery in the s**... shop.

Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time

A police officer stops a driver...

A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."

What do the Police and Pokémon have in common?

They gotta catch 'Jamal

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration?

To beat the crowds.

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

Police are like a box of chocolates....

They'll kill your dog.

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

The police arrested 2 kids today

One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks
They charged the first one and let the other off

The police seem to be making up the law as they go along

I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself"

So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

Politicians are like s**.....

one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.

Two Police officers.

Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful m̶u̶m̶ cook."

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

Police were called to a day care

Toddler was resisting a rest.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. "He fell".

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the m**... of her husband.

They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed s**....

I saw a policeman give a talk on h**... once.

couldn't understand what he was saying...

Not all UK politicians will cry tonight

but Theresa May

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"
"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car c**...".
"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

A police officer stopped my mom's car.

Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
And my mom hit the accelerator.

Police: How'd you kill 30 people?

Redhead: I was over speeding when all of a sudden the brakes failed. I had two options. There was a parade on one side and a couple walking on the other side.
Police: Why didn't you hit the couple?
Redhead: I did, but as soon as I turned the car towards them, they started running towards the parade.

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"

The police say that they burn all the w**... they confiscate...

That would explain the doughnuts...

Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.

Man: I know, but she has a great personality.

A police officer stopped me on the highway

He told me "Papers, please".
I responded with "Scissors, I win !" and went back on my way.

A politician, a liar and a crooked man enter in a bar.

He sits down and drinks coffee.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?

I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?

His last name

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

A policeman said he wanted to search my car.

"You won't find any drugs," I told him.
He said, "You don't sound sure about that."
I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint!

You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!

Police Officer - "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus".

Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".

The Police Officer took my w**..., but as I had a valid prescription the Judge ordered it returned to me.

I was awarded Joint Custody.

Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"

Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son"

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?

3 different answers

A politicians promise

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.

Police: Anything you say can and will be held against you.

Me: b**... ....

A politician visited a village in India..

A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.

A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states

Solid, liquid and gas

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"

Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don't give a d**... who you know.

A police officer pulls a man over

"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.
"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.
The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."
"Sir, the police doesn't have b**....", the officer says.
There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?

Because they had to go home and change first.

A policeman walks by a street vendor

Policeman: What are you selling?
Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!
Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?
Vendor: They make you smarter!
Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!
Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!
Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

Poli joke, The police were called to a female gym...

jokes about poli