Poles Jokes
90 poles jokes and hilarious poles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Poles Short Jokes
Short poles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poles humour may include short flagpole jokes also.
- Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses. - At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long sick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"
- Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea? He's now the pole vault champion of South Korea.
- At the Olympics At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.
"Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?" - I ran my car into a pole late last night The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving
- Guy passes a buff guy on the street and asks, "Are you a pole vaulter?" He says, "No, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"
- Olympics, the new tower of Babel The German Olympian
I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
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Poles One Liners
Which poles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poles? I can suggest the ones about telephone pole and flag pole.
- Frog DNA... A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole. - What do you call a polish fisherman? A fishing pole.
- I took a pole and found out that 100% of people were angry when the tent fell down.
- 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
- A frog took a DNA test The results said he was 20% British, 30% French and a tad Pole.
- what is the disease that killed princes diana? Car pole tunnel syndrome
- Punctuation is very important... There's a Maypole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer. - I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and... ...a tad Pole.
- What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole
- How are they killing Covid in the North Pole? Santa-tizing
- When somebody calls you gay, say, "I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on."
- What do you call a small pole that can swim? A tadpole
- What famous actor pole-vaults over trees? John TreeVolta
- I stole a walking pole from a blind man earlier... He wasn't looking
- Who was Alexander Graham Bellski? The first telephone Pole
Stripper Poles Jokes
Here is a list of funny stripper poles jokes and even better stripper poles puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom. Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.
- What do you call a stripper with a spear? A pole lancer
- Why is eastern europe filled with strippers? Because they like Poles.
- I got it all figured out. I will be a male stripper in Antarctica My stage name? South Pole.
- The funny thing about strippers and fires... The people that are going to show up are the other most experienced people on a pole.
- What do you get when you cross a stripper with an anti-vaxxer? Pole-io
- Where does Santa's stripper mom work? The North Pole
- Where do animals become strippers? The north pole.
- I smacked into a pole the other day. Turns out my car is fine, but the stripper died.
- I walked up to a stripper. I said, "How much for a dance?"
She said, "Depends what you want..."
"I just want to grind on the pole for a bit," I added.
Magnetic Poles Jokes
Here is a list of funny magnetic poles jokes and even better magnetic poles puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What will happen when the Earth's magnetic poles flip? I dunno, but I heard Santa's been interviewing penguins to see if they can pull a sleigh.
- I'm a chick magnet But we always tend to have the same pole facing each other.
- What's the difference between a magnet and a construction site? A construction site has more poles.
- I'm a chick magnet It's just that we're of the same poles.
- A line to use on Polish people You must be a magnetic Pole because I'm attracted to you.
- What did the compass say to the confused magnetic poles on Earth? There's no point
- Why is the north pole of a magnet red? Because they don't have seals on the south pole
Takes a while to get, but it's worth it in the end. - Why did the blonde tie magnets to her fishing pole? She was fishing for Steelhead Trout
- Strippers are a lot like magnets. They work by poles.
Quirky and Hilarious Poles Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about poles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean south pole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poles pranks.
Why don't n**...'s like s**... clubs?
Because, they don't like Poles.
2 Poles are watching a Football game...
There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.
The Polish Astronauts.
Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?
Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"
The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"
Have you heard about the Polish s**... club?
There are Poles everywhere.
2 Polish Guys
Were trying to measure the height of a flagpole. They had a tape measure with them and were trying to climb the flagpole, measure in hand. A man walks by and says, "why don't you guys just lay it on the ground and measure it?" One of the Poles replies, "Because we want to measure its height, not length!"
p**... the irishman gets a job
p**... and his friend were hired to install telegraph poles.
After his first day his boss approaches and asks how many poles he put down yesterday.
p**... says "2"
"2!!" says his boss, "My other guys can put 10-15 poles in a day"
"yes, but do you see how far theirs are sticking out of the ground"
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
Why didn't h**... go to s**... clubs?
Because he didn't like poles.
What do firemen and Eastern European prostitutes have in common?
They both go down on poles.
Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?
He dislikes ~~poles~~ polls
How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words? It hard :(
Why was the UKIP voter angry?
Because he didn't like the look of the Poles
(for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)
What do you call a Polish s**... club?
Poles on poles
I think h**... was gay.
After all, he sure loved l**... the poles.
Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?
Because opposite poles attract
What did the poles do during world war two?
They held the telephone wires off the ground.
It's no wonder that Trump likes the Russians so much...
...as neither of them have a good history with the Poles.
Why do Trump supporters enjoy polish people at his rally...
so that they can say that their ahead in the Poles.
Polish gram-pa said it.
Why don't polar bears and penguins get along?
Because they're poles apart.
I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ...
and he did it ! The absolute madman!
What's the worst thing about the poles melting?
Santa is drowning...
It's so sad...
that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.
TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe.
They are North and South Poles.
The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...
...all the other Poles are in Britain.
An attractive woman was reading The History of p**... on the bus the other day...
... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"
She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest p**... in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"
She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"
A roofer gets to choose how to get onto the roof. He can either use a scissor lift or a series of steps between two metal poles.
He chose the ladder.
Polish people are really knowledgeable about politics.
Every time the news is on they keep saying "Let's see what the Poles have to say."
What did Jesus say to the Poles before he went up to Heaven?
"Play dumb until I get back."
[Favorite joke of my Polish friend Ania.]
Why do so many politicians have s**... indiscretions?
Because they like to see their poles rise.
Can you work a pole?
So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter
Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire
Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl
Why don't firemen have poles any more?
Immigration limits.
How did the Germans take over Poland so quickly?
They marched in backwards, so the Poles thought they were leaving.
Why did the blonde schoolgirl never try to go fishing?
She learned there's only two poles on earth.
How many polish people do you need to form a place of congregation?
Ten poles
Why does h**... dislike s**... clubs?
Too many Poles.
Why don't Germans and Russians seem to get along?
Maybe because they're Poles apart.
Valentines special! $500.00
We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.
As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
Why does h**... not like going to s**... clubs?
He hates the Poles
Why are strippers and h**... similar?
They both like to keep a firm grip on the Poles.
Why are drunk drivers the best voters?
Because they always hit the poles.
Why don't fire stations have poles any more?
Brexit.
Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.
We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.
I was trying to milk a goat once...
One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.
I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.
Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...
And my wife came to the barn...
There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.
Little Timmy is skiing on a mountain with his family
At a certain point, he decides that it would be nice if he impressed his mother, so he shouts: "look mom, without hands!", then proceeds to drop the ski poles on the snow and go down.
After he manages to return on the top, he shouts again: "look mom, without seeing!" then puts his wool hat on his eyes and go down, but he crashes against a tree out of his family's sight.
Then he returns again up, and shouts to his mother: "look mom, without teeth!"
Poland is full of Poles
Holland is full of Holes
Three men applied to put up telephone poles.
The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.
The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."
The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."
The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."
"Three?" asks the foreman. "These two guys put up nearly thirty between them and you only put up three?"
"Yeah," the third man says, "But you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"
Boris saves Christmas .....
Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."
Happy Friday!
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Your mothers so fat
They started calling her h**... at the s**... club for all the damage she did to the Poles.
I'm here to tell you about telephone poles...
Warning, long post.
If Russia and Germany would invade Poland again, who the Poles will shoot at first?
Germans. Business before pleasure.
Scientists have discovered a new type of polar bear. It can live in both the North and South poles, is prone to extreme mood swings and has shown interest in other bears of both genders.
It's a bi-polar bipolar bi polar bear
For all the control system people, why did a plane travelling to Poland c**...?
Because the Poles were on the right hand side
