pole Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious pole stories

What are the best Pole puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Pole? Well here is a complete list of Pole dad jokes:

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

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Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"

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"So José, how was America?"

"Oh it was wonderful, amigo, those Americans are so kind. I went to go watch a real American baseball game but the tickets were all sold out. Feeling bummed out I walked around the side of the stadium when I saw a flag pole right next to the field! I climbed right up it and could see the whole baseball diamond with the players getting ready for the game."

"You had to watch from a flag pole? I thought you said the Americans were nice."

"Oh they are amigo! Before the game began every American stood up, looked right at me, and hollered, "José, can you see?"

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Best read out loud

I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

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Olympics, the new tower of Babel

The German Olympian

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"

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Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."

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A boy meets a girl outside a school:

The boy says to the girl: "I bet you 10$ you can't climb up half this flag pole!". The girl replied: "Sure I can!", and so she did and received her money. The girl got home and her father asked where she got the money. She explained and he told her that the boy had just wanted to see her underwear. The next day she meets the same boy at the flag pole. "I bet you 20$ you can't climb up the whole pole and touch the top!". The girl took the bet, touched the top and received her money. The boy Walked away with a huge smile on his face. When the girl got home her father saw that she was holding even more money today than she did the day before: "Did you let that boy trick you again?" he asked. "I most certainly did not! I was the one that tricked him actually!". "And how did you do that?" her father replied. "Well, today I wasn't wearing any underwear!

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International train ride to FaceslapVille

A Pole, a Russian, a nun, and a blonde ride the train from Warsaw to Szczebrzeszyn

Suddenly, a tunnel appears and the lights are out.

Then BAM! A faceslap!

Train reemerges from the tunnel and the Russian has a red face

The Nun thinks: "He must've grabbed the thigh of the blonde and got his punishment"

The blonde thinks: "Idiot, he must've mistaken the nun for me and he got slapped"

The Russian thinks: "Cyka Blyat! The Pole must've grabbed the blonde's thigh and she must've mistaken me for him and I got slapped"

The Pole thinks: "I swear, I'll fucking slap him again when we go through another tunnel."

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So, I once went fishing with a fishing pole and brick...

...after some time a hot blonde walked up to me and asked:

-"What are you doing?"

-"Fishing"

-"Ok, I get what the fishing rod is for, but whats up with the brick?"

-"Oh, If you have sex with me, I'll tell you."

She considered for a moment and agreed.

After 2 minutes, when I was done, she asked again:

-"So, now you have to tell me! Whats the brick for?"

-"oh, well... It is easier to fish with the brick."

-"How come?"

-''You are my 4th catch today.''

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What do you call a polish guy on a boat?

A fishing pole

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At The Olympics

At the Olympics, a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.
"Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German. How did you know my name is Walter?"

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Train Tracks

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.

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Why was the man upset after going to boxing match in Warsaw?

Because his seat was behind a Pole.

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firing squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Polak. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

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A man is taking a walk in a park.

He sees another man sitting on a bench holding a long pole. He walks up to the man and asks, "Excuse me, are you a polevaulter?" The man replies, "No, I'm a Swede, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

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Two men at the Olympics

Two men are at the Olympics. One man walks up to the second man and asks, "Hey, are you a pole vaulter?"

The second man responds, "Nope, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

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A Russian, a Pole, an American, and an Israeli are interviewed.

The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"

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2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:

-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score

-You are on - Replies the second one.

The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:

-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.

-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

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Two Doctors

Two doctors decide to go on a hunting trip. The first is a urologist, specializing in vasectomies, and the other is an ENT specializing in tonsillectomies. They set up in their blind and sit all day without seeing anything. Disappointed, they make their hike back to the truck. On the way back they come across an owl sleeping on top of a telephone pole. The first doctor says to the other, "I bet I'm such a good doctor that I could climb that pole and give that owl a vasectomy without even waking it." The ENT makes the wager, so the urologist climbs up the pole and, sure enough, performs the vasectomy without waking up the owl. The ENT, not to be outdone, decides he must attempt to climb up the pole and do a tonsillectomy. Sure enough, he succeeds and the owl's tonsils are removed while he remains fast asleep. The two doctors settle and decide that they are both great at their professions, and return home. The next day, the owl is flying with a buddy, and the buddy suggests they take a rest on that telephone pole. The owl says "Hell no, last time I sat on that pole, I couldn't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot."

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What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?

He was making a long-distance caw.

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So a policeman is in pursuit of a drunk driver...

...and this drunk is barreling at high speeds, nearly destroying everything in it's path. Finally the car hits a telephone pole and the car stops. The policeman jumps out of his car, runs up to the trashed car and pulls out the driver screaming, "YOU'RE DRUNK!"

The driver responds "Thank God. I thought my brakes and steering went out!"

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How do you make a pole angry?

Deport him.

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Another fart joke that includes a doctor

A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly farting as he tells the doctor about his problem.

At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.

The man says "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT???"

The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"

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What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?

A ten foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

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A Bounch of guys offer a blond woman a box of cookies to climb a telephone pole..

That's easy she says and climbs up the pole. The next day theres even more guys and they offer her two boxes of cookies to climb the telephone pole. She agrees and does it again. The next day they tell her their friends don't belive she can do it and talk her into climbing up a third time. After she's done everyone tells her how amazing that was. When she gets home her mom says to her "you now those guys just want to see your underwear right" the blond replys "I know mom.. that's why today I fooled them and didn't wear any"

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Pole, German and Russian get caught by the Devil (one with balls)

Pole, German and Russian get caught by the Devil. The Devil puts them all in separate cells and gives them two metal balls. He says I'll come back in a month if you can show me something with these balls that I haven't seen before I'll let you go.
He comes back after a month to check on the German:
- he's juggling two balls, 'Seen that one' says the devil
He checks the Russian:
- he has managed to balance one ball on top of the other. 'Seen that one too' says the Devil.
He checks on the Polish dude, and he lost one ball and broke the other.

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What's the most popular dance in Warsaw?

The pole dance.

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A man is driving and hits a pole.

"I knew I never should've driven in Poland!"

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What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?

A 40-foot cock trying to reach out and touch someone.

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Two Men walk into a bar...

"Knock, Knock!"......

"Who's there?" says one. "It's the doctor, you two walked into a pole, now tell me if your head hurts."

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Outside of the athletes village at the Olympics I saw a guy walking with a pole vault..

I asked him " are you a pole vaulter ?"
To which he replied "nein, I am German. How did you know my name vas Vaulter?"

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Young boy has been watching construction workers..

A young boy has been watching construction workers work next door all summer. Finally one day his mom comes home from work and he begs her "Mommy! Mommy! Can we please play construction?"
The mother reluctantly says yes.
"Great! Take this end of the measuring tape and that pole and I will tell you where to nail it in!"
So the mom walks down a little ways and the boy says "ok almost there move a little bit backwards." So she does... "Ok, a little too far so move a tiny little cunt hair forwards again!"
At this the mother shouts "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"
Frustrated the kid throws down the measuring tape and yells back "FUCK IT! NAIL IT!"

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What do you call a French pole vaulter?

A Leap Frog

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Arrested While Fishing

So I was fishing by this lake one day when a few nice fellows come walking by, presumably on their way back into town. These hard-hat wearing men told me they'd been working in a cave all day long, we joked about how we'd have a beer or 5 when we all got back to our homes. And they were very interested in my fishing pole. Being the fishing enthusiast that I am, I was happy to show the guys my whole line set up, my secret techniques, I even showed them some awesome tips on where to fish. Next thing I know - I see 2 Cop cars pull up. Frantic officers jump out and boom! Knee in my back, face on the ground, handcuffs clicking. Sir, you are under arrest! to which I replied, For what?! I've got my fishing license!"
For exposing your rod to minors and teaching them how to master bait."

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Why did the fishermen buy a new pole?

Just for the halibut.

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Did hipster polar bears like the North Pole...

before it was cool?

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Old man Johnson and his world-champion pole vaulting neighbor are really one in the same...

They both grip their sticks and try to get it up.

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Why do Polish airlines fly half full?

Because planes crash if a Pole gets on the right side.

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Why is the north pole of a magnet red?

Because they don't have seals on the south pole

Takes a while to get, but it's worth it in the end.

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A man goes to his doctor because he noticed that his farts no longer smell...

The doctor is confused, so he instructs the man to rip one right in his office.

The man is embarrassed but he does what the doctor tells him to do.

The doctor gets a concerned look on his face and walks out of the room.

After about 5 minutes, the doctor walks back in holding a long pole with a hook on the end of it.

The man is frightened and he yells out, "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT'S THAT THING FOR!?!"

The doctor then replies, "I'm opening all the windows in here. There's nothing wrong with your farts, your nose isn't working!"

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Some people say that firefighters deserve more money....

but a pole was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor

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Two cows at the North Pole...

One turns to the other and says "Don't know about you but I'm Friesian".

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What sound do clocks make at the North Pole?

Artic
Artoc

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A chicken egg at the north pole

A chicken egg at the north pole begins to hatch. The penguins gather around to see, and as the chick starts to come out it starts making a noise "hooo.., hooo..., hooo..." a penguin says, your a chicken not an owl! The chick finally comes out and says "HOOOO....LLY SHIT ITS COLD! "

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What term is used to describe a phenomenon where a European mans ejaculates prematurely?

Pole Position

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What did one Norseman say to the other Norseman when he died trying to discover the North Pole?

Well, I guess that's all the more Norse I get!

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A Pole was playing chess..

.

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Why was Mrs Claus unhappy?

Because Santa comes only once a year (which is why the North Pole is white).

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best pole jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about pole. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty pole gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these pole jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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