JokoJokes

Pole Jokes

177 pole jokes and hilarious pole puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pole that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some laughs about the poles? From North to South Pole, this article has jokes about totem poles, flag poles, telephone poles, fishing poles, and light poles. Plus, unique jokes about turdles, nigors, and Lithuanians! Check it out!

Funniest Pole Short Jokes

Short pole jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pole humour may include short pane jokes also.

  1. Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
  2. What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
  3. There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
    They're great for separating independent Clauses.
  4. At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long sick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?" He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"
  5. Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea? He's now the pole vault champion of South Korea.
  6. At the Olympics At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.
    "Are you a pole vaulter?"
    "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"
  7. I ran my car into a pole late last night The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don't speak polish so I just kept driving
  8. Guy passes a buff guy on the street and asks, "Are you a pole vaulter?" He says, "No, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"
  9. Olympics, the new tower of Babel The German Olympian
    I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
    I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
    He said "No, I'm German...
    and how do you know my name?"
  10. Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

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Pole One Liners

Which pole one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pole? I can suggest the ones about pond and poly.

  1. Frog DNA... A frog got his DNA test back.
    He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.
  2. What do you call a polish fisherman? A fishing pole.
  3. I took a pole and found out that 100% of people were angry when the tent fell down.
  4. 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
  5. A frog took a DNA test The results said he was 20% British, 30% French and a tad Pole.
  6. what is the disease that killed princes diana? Car pole tunnel syndrome
  7. Punctuation is very important... There's a Maypole dancer.
    Theresa May, pole dancer.
  8. I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and... ...a tad Pole.
  9. What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole
  10. How are they killing Covid in the North Pole? Santa-tizing
  11. When somebody calls you gay, say, "I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on."
  12. What do you call a small pole that can swim? A tadpole
  13. What famous actor pole-vaults over trees? John TreeVolta
  14. I stole a walking pole from a blind man earlier... He wasn't looking
  15. Who was Alexander Graham Bellski? The first telephone Pole

North Pole Jokes

Here is a list of funny north pole jokes and even better north pole puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Reddit and the north pole? The north pole doesn't have as many snowflakes.
  • I once took a holiday to the North Pole It was great while I was there but after that my holiday just went south.
  • Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves? Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic guy that sold his soul to Satan? He is now forced to make presents in the North Pole for all eternity.
  • How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.
  • What do you call a workplace accident at the North Pole? Shelf on the elf.
  • On my first trip to the North Pole I realised... ... it's all going south from here.
  • What do you call a chicken at the north pole? Lost.
  • Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed That's when he's most likely to elf harm.
  • Why is the North Pole always so wet? Because of rain, dear.

Pole Vaulter Jokes

Here is a list of funny pole vaulter jokes and even better pole vaulter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I met an olympic athlete yesterday... 'Are you a pole vaulter?' I asked.
    'No' He replied. 'I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'
  • I was at the last Olympics I saw a guy carrying what looked like fibreglass scaffolding
    I said to him "are you a Pole Vaulter?"
    He said "Nien, I am German, how did you know my name is Walter?"
  • John saw a man walking down the street carrying a very long pole. He went over to him and asked him "are you a pole vaulter?" The man replied "no, I am German, but how did you know my name?
  • I saw a guy walking down the street with a large pole I asked him, "are you a pole vaulter?"
    He replied: "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name?"
  • I once met an Olympian athlete. I asked him - Are you a pole vaulter? He replied - No, I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter?
  • I was at the Olympics and saw a man carrying a large pole. I asked him Are you a pole vaulter?
    He replied I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?
  • One Olympian said to another: Are you a pole vaulter? Reply: No, I'm German. And how did you know my name was Walter?
  • I once saw this guy walking down the road with a 15ft piece of fibre glass. I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter?" He answered "Nein, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walther?"
  • What is a pole vaulter's favourite drink? Spring water.
  • A pole vaulter walks into a bar She's disqualified (and really tall).
Pole joke, A pole vaulter walks into a bar

South Pole Jokes

Here is a list of funny south pole jokes and even better south pole puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a polar bear on the South pole and another Polar Bear On The North pole? Polar Opposites.
  • I got it all figured out. I will be a male stripper in Antarctica My stage name? South Pole.
  • Did you hear what happened to the top pole-valter in North Korea? He became the top pole-valter in South Korea.
  • What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa? Bi-polar disorder.
  • Ok, don't panic… If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.
  • What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
  • The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but... ...all the other Poles are in Britain.
  • Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression. It's not easy being bipolar.
  • TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe. They are North and South Poles.
  • Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole? Because every direction is south. 

Fishing Pole Jokes

Here is a list of funny fishing pole jokes and even better fishing pole puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade.
  • I went fishing but my hook fell off, then my line broke, then my pole snapped. In frustration I threw my broken pole into the water where it hit a fish and killed it.
    It was a fluke.
  • Happy Friday! If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
  • Why did the blonde schoolgirl never try to go fishing? She learned there's only two poles on earth.
  • Buy a man a fish, and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish... And he has to buy a fishing pole, tackle, fishing line, and acquire a fishing licence.
  • I told a fishing pole joke on this sub the other day It went over alright, but the reel joke was in the comments
  • (JOKE) "A PIRATE RETIRED"vanndukeandsammy sammy:now that captain hook has retired, to make money, to fishermen at sea he rent himself out as a human fishing pole....(werms extra fee).
  • Give a man a loaf of bread and he'll eat for a week Give that same man a fishing pole and he'll die of internal bleeding.
  • When rich people go fishing, who hands them their fishing poles? The Rod Stewart
  • Who's better at fishing; bears, or polish people? They're pretty even. Polish people hear they're supposed to use a pole, so much like a bear, they jump in the water and wave their hands all around.

Totem Pole Jokes

Here is a list of funny totem pole jokes and even better totem pole puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you call a spiritually significant Polish guy? Totem Pole.
  • Why to Native Americans wear Jockstraps? TOTEM POLE!!
Pole joke, Why to Native Americans wear Jockstraps?

Humorous Pole Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about pole you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pole pranks.

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

Why was the man upset after going to boxing match in Warsaw?

Because his seat was behind a Pole.

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Train Tracks

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.


A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

Two men at the Olympics

Two men are at the Olympics. One man walks up to the second man and asks, "Hey, are you a pole vaulter?"
The second man responds, "Nope, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

Best read out loud

I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"
He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

firing squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a p**..., are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the p**.... He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

A man is taking a walk in a park.

He sees another man sitting on a bench holding a long pole. He walks up to the man and asks, "Excuse me, are you a polevaulter?" The man replies, "No, I'm a Swede, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"

A Russian, a Pole, an American, and an Israeli are interviewed.

The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"

Why is it so hard to watch a sporting event at Warsaw Stadium?

Because no matter what seat you're in, you're sitting behind a Pole.

What do you call a t**... in the North Pole?

An ISISicle!

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:
— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?
The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:
— Told you it was the ground.

Two men are fishing from a bridge...

When one man notices a f**... procession. He quietly sets down his fishing rod, takes of his hat and bows his head. When the procession is out of sight he picks up his pole and continues fishing. The other man turns to him and says, "wow. I never knew you had a feely side in you" to which the first man replies, "it's the least I could've done, afterall, we have been married for forty years."

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics

He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"
The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"
The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had s**... with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

A Mexican man was visiting America.

He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

Overheard from a 14 year old: Why does Donald Trump watch the Olympics?

To see how high Mexicans can pole vault

A man is riding in the back of a taxi...

and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"

Three kids walk into a Pole

He was very fat.

Jose and the Game.

Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?
German: Hans Guttermark
Pole: Age?
German: Neunundzwanzig.
Pole: Occupation?
German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

Walter.

I was in the park the other day and saw a guy practising his athletic trials, with a long metal stick for the Olympics. I asked if he was a pole vaulter, and he replied "Nein, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

Why did the python programmer run into the pole?

He couldn't C it.
Don't worry, i'll cout<<"myself";

A man walks down the street with a large pole on his shoulder

A person across the street asks:
"Are you a pole vaulter"
(With a strong German accent): "No, I'm a German but how did you know my name is Walter?"

A man was walking down the street with a long pipe on his shoulder when somebody came up to him and said 'Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?'

He replied, 'No I'm German, but how did you know my name?'.

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"

Can you work a pole?

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter

Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:

"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.

At Munich Airport

A young man approaches an Olympic athlete carrying a long pole and asks are you a pole vaulter?
The man clearly annoyed responds no, I'm German, and how did you know my name is Walter?!

I walked into a pole the other day

He said excuse me

One for the Mathematicians

Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flagpole.
They only have a measuring tape, and they have not been able to slide the tape up the pole.
A mathematician asks what they are doing, and they explain.
The solution is easy, she says. She pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it.
After she leaves, one of the engineers says,
That is so typical! We tell a mathematician we need the height – and she gives us the length!

A curious son notices a change in the U.S flag's position and decides to ask his mom

Son: Mom, why is the flag at the top of the pole today?
Mom: Because there hasn't been a mass shooting all week Billy.

Noah was feeling bored on the Ark

His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."

Yellow cars have the highest c**... rate

According to a recent pole

What do you call a stripper with a spear?

A pole lancer

Three men were sentenced to death.

The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."

My wife is planning a day of debauchery for a friend, otherwise known as a bachlorette party

. A pole dancing class is going to be part of the festivities and the warning on the website is "Classes are not suitable for pregnant women who have never poled before." My response to this being read aloud during the planning "Wait, then how did they get pregnant?"

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick...

"Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.
"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

At the Olympics, a guy walks past a group of spectators, carrying a long pole.

One of the onlookers says to the guy, "Are you a pole vaulter?" The guy responds, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Why did a mathematician named his dog Cauchy?

Let me test math awareness of this sub. This was told by a professor in a class.
Answer: because it left residue at every pole!

Why are flags the most e**... of cloths?

Because when the wind blows, they do pole dances.

Pole joke, Why are flags the most e**... of cloths?

jokes about pole