Polar Jokes
137 polar jokes and hilarious polar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about polar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you love to laugh, get ready to chuckle over these hilarious Polar Jokes! Check out these hilarious jokes about polar bears, the Polar Express, the Polar Plunge, the Arctic, bipolar disorder, and Eskimos. Get ready to giggle and have a great time with these funny Polar Jokes!
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Funniest Polar Short Jokes
Short polar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polar humour may include short arctic jokes also.
- A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and...... tonic." The Bartender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."
- Why did the polar bears on noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
- A polar bear falls into the water "Help! I'm dissolving!"
A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"
"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!" - Some people think the Arctic and the Antarctic are the same... ...but in reality, they are polar opposites.
- When I first met my wife she told me she was bi. I didn't realize until much later she meant polar.
- What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear? One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
- A polar bear walked into a bar. "Two beers........... Please."
"Sure", said the bartender "but why the big pause?".
"I was born with them", said the bear. - A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
- My all time favorite: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and line it with frozen peas. Then when the bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
- There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water?
The white bear, because it's polar
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Polar One Liners
Which polar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polar? I can suggest the ones about poles and polo.
- What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The Polar bear.
- What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.
- What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa? The Polar bear.
- Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.
- What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
- I hate being bi-polar... It's awesome!
- Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank.
- Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
- Why does Santa need to have all of his maps custom made? He uses polar coordinates!
- My doctor told me I'm Bi-Polar I wasn't sure to laugh or cry.
- Where do Polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank!
- Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.
- I found out today my brother's bi-polar. Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.
- What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ? You get killed and eaten
- If a woman tells you that she's Bi... ...assume it's Polar. Huge time saver.
Polar Bear Jokes
Here is a list of funny polar bear jokes and even better polar bear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A polar bear was shifted to antarctic and it started to have mood swing turns out, the bear was BIPOLAR.
- Know how to catch a polar bear? Cut a big hole in the ice, and surround it with peas.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole. - A polar bear walks into a bar "I'll have a whiskey....and coke", said the bear.
"Certainly, but why the big pause?"
"Because I was born with them", replied the bear. - A teacher asks a student to "name two animals peculiar to Australia" He responds with "The polar bear and penguin are peculiar to Australia, but the kangaroo and dingo live there."
- How to catch a polar bear First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole! - How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
- Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world. But they're all white.
- What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat? Burrrr - Gurrrrs.
- Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One of the bears says:
"Can you pass the soap?"
The other bear says:
"No soap, radio." - What type of bear is bisexual and experiences mood swings? Bi-polar.
Grizzly Polar Jokes
Here is a list of funny grizzly polar jokes and even better grizzly polar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned) ICE-cream!
-What is a black bear's favorite food?
Blackberries!
-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?
Campers. - TIL grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation. In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear!
- What do you get when you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear? A Bi-Polar Bear.
- Why didn't the grizzly bear dissolve? Because he wasn't polar
- What do you get when you cross a white cow with mad cow disease and a grizzly bear? A bi-polar bear.
- Why did the male polar bear have s**... with the female grizzly? Because of global warming.
Polar Express Jokes
Here is a list of funny polar express jokes and even better polar express puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What train goes to the psychiatrist office? The Bi-Polar Express
- The Polar Express isn't actually real. It's a work of imagination - a train of thought.
- What kind of credit card does Santa Claus use? ~~American~~ Polar Express
Uproarious Polar Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about polar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean magnetic poles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polar pranks.
When I first moved to Sweden.
I was told to expect polar bears and n**... women everywhere. But what a complete rip-off! I haven't seen a single polar bear!
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
If you drop a brown bear and a white bear into a lake, which one dissolves first?
The white one, because it's **Polar**.
How do you capture a polar bear?
1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.
"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"
Train Tracks
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.
Why was the Polaroid fanfiction ignored by the photography community?
Because it wasn't Canon.
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
What do Polar Bears eat for lunch?
Ice Bergers.
How heavy is a polar bear?
Heavy enough to break the Ice.
How To Catch a Polar Bear
First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
A polar bear walks into a bar
...bartender says "Hey buddy, what'll ya have?" The polar bear says "Well, I'll just have a... hmm... uh... I'll have a beer." The bartender says "Sure thing, but why the large pause?"
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!
A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"
To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".
What do cows drink joke
Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?
Why did the polar bear join the t**... group.
Because that is where the ISIS.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
A polar bear
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar and finds a stool. The bartender asks him what he'd like, to which he replies, "I'll have a............. a beer please."
The bartender, slightly confused by the hesitation asks, "why the large pause?"
The polar bear responds, "I was **born** with them!!!"
Where do polar bears go to deposit money?
A snowbank
What's a polar bear?
A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
A polar bear walks into a bar
Bartender: What'll you have?
Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic.
Bartender: OK but why the big pause?
Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.
A polar bear walks into a restaurant..
The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...
...
... "side of fries."
"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.
The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."
A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...
When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".
Clean: How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole.
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender asks what he'll have.
The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."
How did the narcissistic polar bear get so ripped?
Because he took a lot of polar roids.
Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."
Why is the polar bear so friendly?
Cause he's an ice guy!
All women are bi
The question is whether its s**... or polar.
A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and s**... attraction to both sexes..
I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.
Little known fact about polar bears:
They love the cold. Maybe that's widely known. On the other hand, Bipolar bears sometimes love it, sometimes hate it.
All women are bi...
It's up to you to determine if it's s**... or polar.
Why don't polar bears ever get married?
Because they all have cold feet.
How to catch a polar bear
This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.
Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?
No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.
He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.
Polaroid of the suspect
Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?
First, you could have giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the whole nice and even.
Then, when the bear comes up to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.
Since it's so cold, my Ex has been trying to hookup with me again.
Just as predicted it's a polar whoretxt.
I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event!
More on this story as it develops
All women are bi.
It's your job to figure out if it's -s**... or -polar.
The white bear and the penguin tried to make their relationship work, but they couldn't.
They were polar opposites.
Every girl is bi
You just gotta figure out if it's polar or s**....
A polar bear goes into a bar . . .
. . .and says to the bartender: I'll have a Gin and… Tonic.
The bartender asks, Why the big pause?
And the polar bear replies, I don't know, I've always had them.
What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?
A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee
If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead.
It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.
Do you know how to catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and line the hole with peas. Then, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
How to trap a polar bear
First you cut a hole in the ice. Then place peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Hey, the kids like it lol
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says...
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says
What'll it be today?
The bear says give me a gin and.........................tonic
The bartender says sure thing but why the big pause?
The bear looks down and says I dunno? I was just born with them.
It's my cake day!
How to catch a polar bear
First, go to the Arctic and dig a large hole in the ice.
Next, open a can of peas and place the peas around the edge of the hole.
When the bear steps up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Sorry. I'll see myself out
It's my cake day so a joke for everyone
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says
What'll it be today?
The bear says give me a gin and.........................tonic
The bartender says sure thing but why the big pause?
The bear looks down and says I dunno? I was just born with them.
Polar Bear Orders Beer
A polar bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'll have. The bear says guess I'll have a ............... ................ ............... beer. The bartender asks Why the big pause? The polar bear replies. I don't know, I was born with them.