polar bear Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious polar bear puns

What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?

The Polar bear.

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What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?

The polar bear.

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A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks what he'll have.

The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."

The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"

The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

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Why did the bear dissolve in water?

It was polar.

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Canadian money

The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the "Toonie" (two dollars) in view of its demise soon with global warming.

In the height of political correctness they will replace it with two gay deer. Instead of calling it a "toonie," it will now be called "two fucking bucks"

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A polar bear walks into a bar

A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."

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A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...

When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".

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What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want. He can't hear you!

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Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

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A polar bear falls into the water

"Help! I'm dissolving!"

A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"

"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!"

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A polar bear walks into a bar

Bartender: What'll you have?
Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic.
Bartender: OK but why the big pause?
Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.

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Guy can tell how any animal was killed

Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.

People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).

the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!

the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.

the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**

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Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

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A man enters a pet shop...

...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"

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Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll.

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An Eskimo man turned 18...

His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an eskimo woman."
"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finishes it. His father helps him up
"Now for that polar bear." His father says as he leads him out the door. They arrive at the polar bears cave. He stumbles in and after a few minutes his father hears the most violent screaming ever. After a few more minutes he he stumbles out of the cave bruised and bloody and says to his dad-
"Now where's that woman I gotta kill?"

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A polar bear walks into a bar

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender I'll have a Bud Lite. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke.
The bartender asks What's with the big pause?
The bear responds: I dunno... I've just always had them.

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What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?

One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

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How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

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How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.

He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.

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A Polar Bear walks into a bar...

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

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A polar bear walks into a bar

and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin and uhhh........ tonic."
"Sure thing," says the bartender. "But why the big pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear. "I was born with them."

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There are three bears

a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water?



The white bear, because it's polar

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A Texan is getting drunk in a bar in Alaska...

and he starts to brag about how great Texas is.

An Alaskan hunter comes up to him and says, "Listen, buddy. Here in Alaska, you ain't shit until you've done three things: Drink a fifth of Alaskan whiskey, shoot a polar bear, and make love to an Eskimo woman."

The Texan accepts the challenge and starts by grabbing a bottle of whisky from the counter and painfully chugging it down. He then says that he'll be right back and ambles out the door.

A few hours later he stumbles back into the bar all mangled and bloody and says, "I did it! Now where's that Eskimo woman I'm supposed to shoot?"

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A polar bear walks into a bar

A polar bear walks into a bar and finds a stool. The bartender asks him what he'd like, to which he replies, "I'll have a............. a beer please."

The bartender, slightly confused by the hesitation asks, "why the large pause?"

The polar bear responds, "I was **born** with them!!!"

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A young polar bear

A young polar bear goes up to his mum and asks "mum, am I really a polar bear?". "Of course you are" she replied. "I'm not a black bear or brown bear or some other kind of bear?". "No" she says "but if you don't believe me asks your father". So the little bear goes over to his dad and asks "dad, am I really a polar bear?". "Of course you are" says the dad. "I'm not a black bear or brown bear or some other kind of bear?". "No" he says "why don't you think you're a polar bear?". "Because I'm fucking freezing!"

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A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of 151 rum, and if you can handle it and maintain all of your faculties, we will know your body and spirit are in harmony.
2) You must climb up the tall mountain and kill the polar bear that resides in the cave at the summit.
3) To show your true love for our race, you must make love to an Eskimo woman of my choosing."

The man thinks for a while, and agrees to complete the challenges. He first drinks the gallon of 151 and it was like nothing ever happened to him. He can talk, walk, and think logically. Next, he ascends the mountain and is not seen for a few hours after entering the cave. The chief breathes a sigh of relief, because he is sure the polar bear killed him, but gets the shock of his life when he sees the man descending the mountain. He is in tatters. His clothes are ripped, he is breathing heavily and sweating profusely, and his hair is pointing in every direction.
He approaches the chief, ready for the third challenge and asks, "Alright, now who is this woman you want me to kill?"

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A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"

To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".

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(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you could have giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the whole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.

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I found out today my brother's bi-polar.

Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.

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How do you catch a polar bear?

Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

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Cheese Jokes

Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone

Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert

Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam

Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese

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A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

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How to catch a polar bear

First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole

When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

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Train Tracks

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.

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What are the most funny Polar Bear jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Polar Bear? Well, here are the best Polar Bear dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Polar Bear pick up lines to share with friends.

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