Polar Bear Jokes
137 polar bear jokes and hilarious polar bear puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about polar bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Polar Bear Short Jokes
Short polar bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polar bear humour may include short brown bear jokes also.
- A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and...... tonic." The Bartender asks "Why the big pause?" The Polar Bear replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."
- Why did the polar bears on noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
- A polar bear falls into the water "Help! I'm dissolving!"
A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"
"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!" - What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear? One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
- A polar bear walked into a bar. "Two beers........... Please."
"Sure", said the bartender "but why the big pause?".
"I was born with them", said the bear. - A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
- My all time favorite: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and line it with frozen peas. Then when the bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
- There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water?
The white bear, because it's polar - A polar bear was shifted to antarctic and it started to have mood swing turns out, the bear was BIPOLAR.
- Know how to catch a polar bear? Cut a big hole in the ice, and surround it with peas.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Share These Polar Bear Jokes With Friends
Polar Bear One Liners
Which polar bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polar bear? I can suggest the ones about grizzly bear and panda bear.
- What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The Polar bear.
- What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.
- What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa? The Polar bear.
- Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.
- What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
- Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank.
- Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
- Where do Polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank!
- I found out today my brother's bi-polar. Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.
- What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ? You get killed and eaten
- Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world. But they're all white.
- What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat? Burrrr - Gurrrrs.
- What type of bear is bisexual and experiences mood swings? Bi-polar.
- Why did the bear go to the psychiatrist? Because he was bi-polar.
- Where do polar bears go to deposit money? A snowbank
Silly Polar Bear Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about polar bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean polar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polar bear pranks.
Q: How do you capture a polar bear? A: You dig a hole in the snow and set peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away.
When I first moved to Sweden.
I was told to expect polar bears and n**... women everywhere. But what a complete rip-off! I haven't seen a single polar bear!
Did you hear about the bear that fell into water and disappeared?
He was polar.
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
If you drop a brown bear and a white bear into a lake, which one dissolves first?
The white one, because it's **Polar**.
How do you capture a polar bear?
1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.
"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"
Train Tracks
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
What do Polar Bears eat for lunch?
Ice Bergers.
How heavy is a polar bear?
Heavy enough to break the Ice.
How To Catch a Polar Bear
First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
A polar bear walks into a bar
...bartender says "Hey buddy, what'll ya have?" The polar bear says "Well, I'll just have a... hmm... uh... I'll have a beer." The bartender says "Sure thing, but why the large pause?"
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!
A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
What is more dangerous than a polar bear?
A bi-polar bear.
A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"
To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".
What do cows drink joke
Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?
What do you guys think of polar bears?
I think they all white.
Why did the polar bear join the t**... group.
Because that is where the ISIS.
How to catch a polar bear (a joke by my grandpa)
To catch a polar bear you first need to dig a hole in the ice. Then take a can of peas and sprinkle them in the hole. Next you wait for a polar bear to walk by and kick him in the ice hole.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
A polar bear
Two polar bears meet up for the first time...
Two polar bears meet up for the first time. It's a bit awkward, neither of them know what to say then one starts jumping up and down. The other polar bear looks confused and asks "Why are you jumping up and down?" The jumping polar bear responds "I was trying to break the ice."
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar and finds a stool. The bartender asks him what he'd like, to which he replies, "I'll have a............. a beer please."
The bartender, slightly confused by the hesitation asks, "why the large pause?"
The polar bear responds, "I was **born** with them!!!"
What's worse than a polar bear?
A bi-polar bear.
TIL grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation.
In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear!
In Mother Russia
A man asked his Russian friend: "Is it true that in Russia, sometimes you can see polar bears walking on the roads?"
His friend replied: "No, no my friend, that is completely untrue. Back in Mother Russia, there is absolutely no such thing as "roads"."
I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar...
If he was a Polar bear
What's a polar bear?
A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
Polar bear walks into a bar and sits down. Says to the bartender:
"I'll have a.......................beer please"
Bartender says "what's with the big pause"
Polar bear says "what do you mean? I've had them all my life"
How to catch a polar bear
Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.
Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come along to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
A polar bear walks into a bar
Bartender: What'll you have?
Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic.
Bartender: OK but why the big pause?
Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.
A polar bear walks into a restaurant..
The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...
...
... "side of fries."
"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.
The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."
A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...
When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".
Clean: How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole.
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender asks what he'll have.
The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, What'll you have?
The polar bear says, I think I'll have a gin and ...................................................................... ............................................................................ tonic.
The bartender says, Ok, but why the big pause?
The polar bear says, I don't know, I was born with them.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?
It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.
What did the polar bear say to the doctor
'Is my son going to make it from his heart surgery because right now I'm living on ice.'
My friend was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder
It took an hour to convince him he wasn't a bisexual polar bear.
How to catch a polar bear
First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
How did the narcissistic polar bear get so ripped?
Because he took a lot of polar roids.
Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.
Why are certain bears so attracted to each other?
Because they are polar bears (hence forming permanant dipole interactions)
How do you catch a polar bear?
Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."
What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?
The seal of approbation.
Why is the polar bear so friendly?
Cause he's an ice guy!
How do you catch a polar bear using a can of peas?
First you cut a hole in the ice.
Then you place the peas all around the hole and hide.
And when the polar bear walks up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
"Polar bears can't jump."
-Black Bears
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put a can of peas down and whenever a polar bear goes for a pea, kick him in the icehole.
A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and s**... attraction to both sexes..
I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.
Little known fact about polar bears:
They love the cold. Maybe that's widely known. On the other hand, Bipolar bears sometimes love it, sometimes hate it.
How do you catch a polar bear?
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you have to cut a big hole in the ice.
Then you open a can of green peas and put the peas around the hole.
Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea - you kick it in the pea hole!
Why don't polar bears ever get married?
Because they all have cold feet.
How to catch a polar bear
This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.
Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?
No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.
He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub.
One of the bears says:
"Can you pass the soap?"
The other bear says:
"No soap, radio."
What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?
A fireside rug you can have a good h**... on.
A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist's office wearing a dress.
What seems to be the problem today? The psychiatrist asks.
I don't know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?
I think you're just bi-polar.
(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?
First, you could have giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the whole nice and even.
Then, when the bear comes up to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.
