Polar Bear Jokes
137 polar bear jokes and hilarious polar bear puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about polar bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Polar Bear Short Jokes
Short polar bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The polar bear humour may include short brown bear jokes also.
- Why did the polar bears on noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
- A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
- There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water?
The white bear, because it's polar - A polar bear was shifted to antarctic and it started to have mood swing turns out, the bear was BIPOLAR.
- A teacher asks a student to "name two animals peculiar to Australia" He responds with "The polar bear and penguin are peculiar to Australia, but the kangaroo and dingo live there."
- Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One of the bears says:
"Can you pass the soap?"
The other bear says:
"No soap, radio." - What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned) ICE-cream!
-What is a black bear's favorite food?
Blackberries!
-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?
Campers. - If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead. It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.
- What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear? A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee
- The white bear and the penguin tried to make their relationship work, but they couldn't. They were polar opposites.
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Polar Bear One Liners
Which polar bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with polar bear? I can suggest the ones about grizzly bear and panda bear.
- What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The Polar bear.
- What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa? The Polar bear.
- Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.
- What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
- Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank.
- Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
- I found out today my brother's bi-polar. Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.
- Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world. But they're all white.
- What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat? Burrrr - Gurrrrs.
- What type of bear is bisexual and experiences mood swings? Bi-polar.
- Why did the bear go to the psychiatrist? Because he was bi-polar.
- What kind of drug would a polar bear sell? Coke.
- What do you call two Polar Bears on a date In Hawaii? Lost
- What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal? A polar bear
- How heavy is a polar bear? Heavy enough to break the Ice.
Silly Polar Bear Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about polar bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean polar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make polar bear pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: How do you capture a polar bear? A: You dig a hole in the snow and set peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away.
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
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When I first moved to Sweden.
I was told to expect polar bears and n**... women everywhere. But what a complete rip-off! I haven't seen a single polar bear!
Did you hear about the bear that fell into water and disappeared?
He was polar.
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Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
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How do you capture a polar bear?
1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.
"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a polar bear...
First you have to get an ordinary can of peas and a saw. Now go out onto the ice and cut a hole into the ice. Open the can of peas and place single peas around the hole about an inch apart and wait.
When the polar bear goes to take a pea, you run up and kick him in the icehole!
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
What do Polar Bears eat for lunch?
Ice Bergers.
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How To Catch a Polar Bear
First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!
Did hipster polar bears like the North Pole...
before it was cool?
What do cows drink joke
Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?
What do you guys think of polar bears?
I think they all white.
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How to catch a polar bear.
Cut a big hole in a frozen lake and surround it with carrots. When the polar bear goes for the carrots, sneak up behind him and kick him in the icehole.
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Why did the polar bear join the t**... group.
Because that is where the ISIS.
How to catch a polar bear (a joke by my grandpa)
To catch a polar bear you first need to dig a hole in the ice. Then take a can of peas and sprinkle them in the hole. Next you wait for a polar bear to walk by and kick him in the ice hole.
What do Polar Bears contribute to the local newspaper?
The Arcticles.
Two polar bears meet up for the first time...
Two polar bears meet up for the first time. It's a bit awkward, neither of them know what to say then one starts jumping up and down. The other polar bear looks confused and asks "Why are you jumping up and down?" The jumping polar bear responds "I was trying to break the ice."
What do you call an insane bear?
A bi-polar bear
What's worse than a polar bear?
A bi-polar bear.
TIL grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation.
In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear!
In Mother Russia
A man asked his Russian friend: "Is it true that in Russia, sometimes you can see polar bears walking on the roads?"
His friend replied: "No, no my friend, that is completely untrue. Back in Mother Russia, there is absolutely no such thing as "roads"."
I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar...
If he was a Polar bear
What's a polar bear?
A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.
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What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
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How to catch a polar bear
Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.
Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come along to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a polar bear:
Step 1: cut a hole in the ice.
Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it.
Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole.
Canada is not a vast empty woodland. Our monetary system proves our civility.
5 beavers is worth a caribou
4 caribous are worth a loon
And 2 loons are worth a polar bear.
A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...
When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".
Where do polar bears go to have emotional breakthroughs?
The CathArctic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Clean: How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole.
Why don't polar bears and penguins get along?
Because they're poles apart.
What do you call a white bear that can't push?
A polar bear.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?
It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.
Nobody cares about global warming..
Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.
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How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?
Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.
What did the polar bear say to the doctor
'Is my son going to make it from his heart surgery because right now I'm living on ice.'
My friend was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder
It took an hour to convince him he wasn't a bisexual polar bear.
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How do you trap a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
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How to catch a polar bear
First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
Always bring a polar bear on a date.
They're great at... _breaking the ice_!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the narcissistic polar bear get so ripped?
Because he took a lot of polar roids.
Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.
Why are certain bears so attracted to each other?
Because they are polar bears (hence forming permanant dipole interactions)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear?
Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice
What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?
The seal of approbation.
Why is the polar bear so friendly?
Cause he's an ice guy!
Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.
It's not easy being bipolar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear using a can of peas?
First you cut a hole in the ice.
Then you place the peas all around the hole and hide.
And when the polar bear walks up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
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"I love the North Pole and hate the South Pole!! No, hold on, I love the South Pole and hate the North Pole!!"
A bi-polar bear...
The polar bear sleeps in his little bear skin . . .
he sleeps very well, I am told.
Last night I slept in my little bare skin,
and I got a heck of a cold!
"Polar bears can't jump."
-Black Bears
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How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put a can of peas down and whenever a polar bear goes for a pea, kick him in the icehole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and s**... attraction to both sexes..
I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.
Little known fact about polar bears:
They love the cold. Maybe that's widely known. On the other hand, Bipolar bears sometimes love it, sometimes hate it.
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Why did the white pansexual bear have such large mood swings?
Because it is a bi-polar bear
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How do you catch a polar bear?
How do you catch a polar bear?
First you have to cut a big hole in the ice.
Then you open a can of green peas and put the peas around the hole.
Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea - you kick it in the pea hole!
Why don't polar bears ever get married?
Because they all have cold feet.
How to catch a polar bear
This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.
Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?
No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.
He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.
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What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?
A fireside rug you can have a good h**... on.
