The Best 67 Poland Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Poland jokes. There are some poland polak jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these poland panzer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Poland Jokes and Puns

Did you hear, there's no more ice in Poland?

The old lady with the recipe died...

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

Poland joke, The Polish farmer

Did you hear Poland bought 5,000 septic tanks?

As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Germany.

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?

Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"

The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"


How did Germany conquer Poland so quickly?

They marched in backwards and said they were leaving.

A Russian is travelling to Poland...

and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.

"Name?" the officer asked.

"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.

"Nationality?"

"Russian."

"Occupation?"

"No, no, just visiting."

Poland joke, A Russian is travelling to Poland...

Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

Did you hear about the plane crash in Poland?

It was a Cessna 2 seater, crashed into a graveyard, the body count is up to 453 and they are still finding more.

A man is driving and hits a pole.

"I knew I never should've driven in Poland!"

Where does the red teletubby come from?

Poland

You can explore poland warsaw reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poland slovakia dad jokes. There are also poland puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Putin decides to invade Poland

Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.

Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of vodka in Moscow 2016 cost.

Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.

Putin: Rubles?!?

Fortuneteller: No, PLN.

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.

Customs Officer: "Name?"

Putin: "Vladimir Putin."

Customs Officer: "Nationality?"

Putin: "Russian."

Customs Officer: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."

What does a Jew, in Poland with a Stomach ache have?

The Auschits

Why did they have to stop playing water-polo in Poland?

All the horses drowned

What do your mom and Poland have in common?

a lot of countries have been inside her.

Poland joke, What do your mom and Poland have in common?

A German visits Poland.

A German visits Poland, and is stopped at the boarder by a Polish official.

The Polish Official asked "Occupation?"

The German replied "Yes," and thus began the bloodiest conflict in human history.

What was the weather forcast in poland on the day before the german invasion?

86% chance of heil

Where do strippers go on holiday ?

Poland


So... a German is getting ready to enter in a plane to Poland.

"Occupation?" - The officer asks.
"Occupation? No! I'm here to visit!"

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Geography class

-Whats the capital of Germany?

-Berlin teacher

-Whats the capital of France?

-Berlin again teacher

-Whats the capital of Poland?

-Still Berlin teacher

-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!

-We'll see about that

How do you recognize a car from Poland?

From the Polish

A German is at the border to go to Poland.

The officer asks him:

Name?

Hans Gruber.

Address?

123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin

Occupation?

Nein, just visiting.

A German man goes on holiday

to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions

"Name?"

"Hans Schmidt"

"Age?"

"32"

"Place of birth?"

"Dusseldorf"

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting"

What happens when a soviet and a german have a child?

I don't know but he can conquer poland really fast.

If someone from Poland is called a Pole, what's someone from Holland called?

Dutch.

When German politics go right, they go far right.

Right through Poland

[OC] I named my hard drive Poland

Because of how often it gets partitioned

What do you call a tank rolling through the streets of poland?

Ghetto Blaster

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"

"That's easy, Berlin."

"And the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"And the one of Poland?"

"Also Berlin."

"Good job Adolf, good job!"

Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.

Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.

Capital of Germany? Berlin

Capital of France? Berlin

Capital of Russia? Berlin

Capital of Poland? Berlin

Capital of USA? Tokyo

Capital of China? Tokyo

Hotel? Trivago

That's my boy.

I recently bought a German car, but the navigation system is all messed up.

It only gives directions to Poland.

A German man is leaving a plane after landing in Poland.

The immigration officer asks him
"Occupation?" And the German man replies
"No just visiting"

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?

German: Hans Guttermark

Pole: Age?

German: Neunundzwanzig.

Pole: Occupation?

German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!ο»Ώ

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?

When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

50,000 Germans walk into poland

Punchlines in the title

What did Germany say to France after conquering Poland?

Europe next.

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

My girlfriend said to treat her like a princess

So I forced her into a marriage with a man she'd never met so that I could make an alliance with Poland.

A mother is helping her son revise for a geography exam

She asks "What's the Capital of Germany?"
He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What's the Capital of France?"
He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What's the Capital of Russia?"
He replies "Berlin."

She finally asks "What's the Capital of Poland?"
He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "I'm sure you'll do great, Adolf"

Putin is committed to Peace...

He want's a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland, and a piece of Poland...

Why was the baseball stadium in Poland a huge failure?

Pretty much anywhere you sat you were behind a Pole.

How did Hitler conquer Poland?

He used a lot of polish remover.

How did the Germans take over Poland so quickly?

They marched in backwards, so the Poles thought they were leaving.

Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland.

Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.

How many peopledoes it take to change a lightbulb in Germany?

Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in Poland?

Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.

A moderator from Poland walks into a chatroom of people arguing.

"This place is gonna need some *polishing*."

In the geography class:

-What is the capital of Germany?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of Poland?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of France?
-Berlin!
-Good job, Adolf!

New Sequel to Lalaland

Poland

Back when I was in a band I had a roadie that was from Poland

I also had a Czech one too, czech one too

Deal!

A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.

The guy from Poland says:

\-- Let us divide this like brothers!

The Russian:

\-- Let's better 50-50.

How did the Nazis invade Poland so easily?

They marched in backwards and said they were leaving.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?

The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

Whats the most common occupation in Germany?

Poland

Poland and its neighboring country were playing chess

The neighboring country won with a Czechmate

A german tourist goes to Poland

In the border, the guard asks him some questions.

Guard: Name?

German: Hans Guttenmark

Guard: Age?

German: 29

Guard: Occupation?

German: * smiles * No, just visiting.

Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland"

"Why that area first?"



"It seems a habit around here..."

People don't want kids being taught about gay relationships as they think that'll turn their child gay. I learnt about WW2, it doesn't mean I want to invade Poland.

Yet.

The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.

One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.

"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.

"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.

"And why is that if I may ask?"

"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."

If we call someone from Poland a pole

Do we call someone from Holland a hole?

I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Poland is full of Poles

Holland is full of Holes

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.

The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?

The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?

The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.

Why do people from Poland keep their stuff super shiny?

Well duh, they're Polish

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the poland russia jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working poland hungary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes