Poland Jokes
120 poland jokes and hilarious poland puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poland that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh at these jokes about Poland and Polish culture, including jokes about Poland's war history, the city of Warsaw, and even Roadies. Get ready to laugh and learn something new about this unique European country.
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Funniest Poland Short Jokes
Short poland jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poland humour may include short polish jokes also.
- My girlfriend said to treat her like a princess So I forced her into a marriage with a man she'd never met so that I could make an alliance with Poland.
- So... a German is getting ready to enter in a plane to Poland. "Occupation?" - The officer asks.
"Occupation? No! I'm here to visit!" - A German is at the border to go to Poland. The officer asks him:
Name?
Hans Gruber.
Address?
123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin
Occupation?
Nein, just visiting. - Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland. Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.
- Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland... It definitely helped me polish my English.
- A German man is leaving a plane after landing in Poland. The immigration officer asks him
"Occupation?" And the German man replies
"No just visiting" - Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: "Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"
- What happens when two enemies put their differences aside and work together? The invasion of Poland.
- Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland" "Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..." - What was the weather forcast in poland on the day before the german invasion? 86% chance of heil
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Poland One Liners
Which poland one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poland? I can suggest the ones about pole and invade.
- What did Germany say to France after conquering Poland? Europe next.
- When visiting Poland, what does one use to cool a beverage? Police
- I Hit A Pole While Driving In Europe Once I'm now wanted in Poland for manslaughter.
- Did you hear, there's no more ice in Poland? The old lady with the recipe died...
- If two rights make a wrong, what about a third right? Invades Poland.
- Poland is full of Poles Holland is full of Holes
- Where do strippers go on holiday ? Poland
- Where does the red teletubby come from? Poland
- Why do people from Poland keep their stuff super shiny? Well duh, they're Polish
- Whats the most common occupation in Germany? Poland
- If we call someone from Poland a pole Do we call someone from Holland a hole?
- What do you call a tank rolling through the streets of poland? Ghetto Blaster
- New Sequel to Lalaland Poland
- How do you recognize a car from Poland? From the Polish
- A man is driving and hits a pole. "I knew I never should've driven in Poland!"
Invading Poland Jokes
Here is a list of funny invading poland jokes and even better invading poland puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People don't want kids being taught about gay relationships as they think that'll turn their child gay. I learnt about WW2, it doesn't mean I want to invade Poland. Yet.
- If Russia and Germany would invade Poland again, who the Poles will shoot at first? Germans. Business before pleasure.
- Did you hear Poland bought 5,000 septic tanks? As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Germany.
- Germany is said to be breaking under the strain of polish immigrants Well there's an unexpected headline: Poland invades Germany
- Polish Tanks Question: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
Answer: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia. - How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to invade Poland and one to tell you that jokes aren't funny.
- How did the n**... invade Poland so easily? They marched in backwards and said they were leaving.
- TIL h**... was a bee... That's why he invaded Poland
- How did h**... invade Poland? He got on the autobahn and made the Third r**....
- What did h**... say before he invaded Poland? Let's invade Poland.
Poland War Jokes
Here is a list of funny poland war jokes and even better poland war puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Cold War In Poland, during the Cold War, two friends walk in the street : one spies on the other !
- Poland started World War 2 like Iraq was responsible for 9/11
The Funniest Poland Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about poland you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bloc jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poland pranks.
Tragedy in Poland
The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.
The Polish farmer
During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold
The Polish Astronauts.
Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?
Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"
The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"
How did Germany conquer Poland so quickly?
They marched in backwards and said they were leaving.
A Russian is travelling to Poland...
and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.
"Name?" the officer asked.
"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.
"Nationality?"
"Russian."
"Occupation?"
"No, no, just visiting."
Du Hast
German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"
The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."
Did you hear about the plane c**... in Poland?
It was a Cessna 2 seater, crashed into a graveyard, the body count is up to 453 and they are still finding more.
Putin decides to invade Poland
Putin decides to invade Poland. But first, he wants to check the future situation in his country by visiting a fortuneteller.
Putin: Hello! I'd like to ask how much would a 0,7l bottle of v**... in Moscow 2016 cost.
Fortuneteller: Hmmm... it seems about twenty.
Putin: Rubles?!?
Fortuneteller: No, PLN.
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.
Customs Officer: "Name?"
Putin: "Vladimir Putin."
Customs Officer: "Nationality?"
Putin: "Russian."
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
What does a Jew, in Poland with a Stomach ache have?
The Auschits
Why did they have to stop playing water-polo in Poland?
All the horses drowned
What do your mom and Poland have in common?
a lot of countries have been inside her.
A German visits Poland.
A German visits Poland, and is stopped at the boarder by a Polish official.
The Polish Official asked "Occupation?"
The German replied "Yes," and thus began the bloodiest conflict in human history.
Handball :)
Germany is now the handball European champion.
But it seems it was the easiest win in Poland since 1939 for a german team.
Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Geography class
-Whats the capital of Germany?
-Berlin teacher
-Whats the capital of France?
-Berlin again teacher
-Whats the capital of Poland?
-Still Berlin teacher
-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!
-We'll see about that
A German man goes on holiday
to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions
"Name?"
"Hans Schmidt"
"Age?"
"32"
"Place of birth?"
"Dusseldorf"
"Occupation?"
"No, just visiting"
What happens when a soviet and a german have a child?
I don't know but he can conquer poland really fast.
If someone from Poland is called a Pole, what's someone from Holland called?
Dutch.
When German politics go right, they go far right.
Right through Poland
How do you know you are in Poland?
People throw rocks at the ground and miss.
[OC] I named my hard drive Poland
Because of how often it gets partitioned
"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"
"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"
"That's easy, Berlin."
"And the capital of France?"
"Berlin"
"And the one of Poland?"
"Also Berlin."
"Good job Adolf, good job!"
Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.
Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.
Capital of Germany? Berlin
Capital of France? Berlin
Capital of Russia? Berlin
Capital of Poland? Berlin
Capital of USA? Tokyo
Capital of China? Tokyo
Hotel? Trivago
That's my boy.
I recently bought a German car, but the navigation system is all messed up.
It only gives directions to Poland.
Where does Poland keep its money?
In pole vaults
A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.
Pole: Name?
German: Hans Guttermark
Pole: Age?
German: Neunundzwanzig.
Pole: Occupation?
German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!
How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?
When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.
50,000 Germans walk into poland
Punchlines in the title
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
Why are there no good seats in Poland?
No matter what, you're always sitting behind a Pole.
A mother is helping her son revise for a geography exam
She asks "What's the Capital of Germany?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then asks "What's the Capital of France?"
He replies "Berlin."
She asks "What's the Capital of Russia?"
He replies "Berlin."
She finally asks "What's the Capital of Poland?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then hugs him and says "I'm sure you'll do great, Adolf"
Putin is committed to Peace...
He want's a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland, and a piece of Poland...
Why was the baseball stadium in Poland a huge failure?
Pretty much anywhere you sat you were behind a Pole.
Where does Poland keep its armies?
Up its sleevies.
How did h**... conquer Poland?
He used a lot of polish remover.
How did the Germans take over Poland so quickly?
They marched in backwards, so the Poles thought they were leaving.
I just rented a car from an auto rental in Berlin and I seem to have a little problem with the satnav
It only shows me the route to Poland.
How many peopledoes it take to change a lightbulb in Germany?
Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in Poland?
Just one Germans are very efficient and not very funny.
A moderator from Poland walks into a chatroom of people arguing.
"This place is gonna need some *polishing*."
True story, I was walking chatting with my buddy telling him I was going to visit a concentration camp on Poland.
He asked me if it was a type of yoga retreat.
(millenials...)
Why do people in Poland always stand so straight?
Cause they're poles.
In the geography class:
-What is the capital of Germany?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of Poland?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of France?
-Berlin!
-Good job, Adolf!
Back when I was in a band I had a roadie that was from Poland
I also had a Czech one too, czech one too
Deal!
A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.
The guy from Poland says:
\-- Let us divide this like brothers!
The Russian:
\-- Let's better 50-50.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country
When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!
Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?
The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.
Poland and its neighboring country were playing chess
The neighboring country won with a Czechmate
A german tourist goes to Poland
In the border, the guard asks him some questions.
Guard: Name?
German: Hans Guttenmark
Guard: Age?
German: 29
Guard: Occupation?
German: * smiles * No, just visiting.
The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.
One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.
"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.
"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.
"And why is that if I may ask?"
"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."
I'm planning on starting a s**... club....
... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.
I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.
The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".
The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.
A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.
The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?
The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?
The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.
A North Korean go to Poland...
Kim Jong Un goes to Poland for a diplomatic visit but his car break in the Polish countryside.
He meet a farmer that ask him :
"Kim jesteś?" (Who are you?)
And Kim reply :
"No, Kim Jong Un."
Poland has stepped up in support of Ukraine
they've stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.
Poland just ordered 6,000 septic tanks
The defense minister is reported to have said "Once our soldiers learn how to drive them, our enemies will be in deep s**...."
What???
Three astronauts are sitting at a table,one from the us,one from russia,and one from Poland. The us astronaut says were going to Mars. The russian says we made it to the moon. The pole says were going to the sun. The other two astronauts say you cant land on the sun,you'll burn. Theres nothing to land on. The polish guy says,"dont tell anyone,but were going at night!
Eastern European Charade
I am stuck between Russia and Poland.
I am getting hit very violently.
Yellow is one of my two colors.
What am I ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
**A tennis ball in Dubai Semi Final**
.
