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Poking Jokes

55 poking jokes and hilarious poking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about poking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Poking Short Jokes

Short poking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The poking humour may include short pokes jokes also.

  1. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
    This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
  2. Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know
  3. Why is Facebook like a prison? Because you write on walls and people you don't know poke you.
  4. Oldest known British Joke from 10th century AD. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
    A key
  5. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and say "You're next! You're next!" They stopped when I started doing the same at funerals.
  6. I always hated weddings... I always hated weddings because the elderly would come over and poke me saying "You're next.". They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals.
  7. What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings? A complex complex complex
    Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube
  8. Steve Irwin: "Crikey! It's a deadly stingray! Let's poke it worry a stick!" Deadly Stingray: "Crikey! It's a Steve Irwin! Let's poke it with a stick!"
  9. I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom... The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg
  10. REAL math joke At a party vectors V and W see vector V+W poking in his head and asking: "Can I join?". "Yeah.", V and W reply; "It's a closed party..."

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Poking One Liners

Which poking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with poking? I can suggest the ones about stick and poke and slapping.

  1. My girlfriend poked me in the eyes... So unfortunately I stopped seeing her for a while.
  2. My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked her
  3. My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day... I stopped seeing her for a while.
  4. What do you call a turtle with a hard on? -A slow poke.
  5. What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle? A slow poke.
  6. My deaf girlfriend started talkin in her sleep last night Nearly poked my eye out
  7. How do you get 50 Pikachus on a bus? Poke 'em on.
  8. I just poked myself in the eyes... I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon.
  9. How Do You Wake Up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.
  10. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine? A slow poke
  11. What's the best way to poke holes in an argument? Make good points.
  12. What do you call a mix between a turtle and a porcupine? A slow poke
  13. I'm gonna open a Jamaican poke fusion resturant Called Poke Mon
  14. If you poke a Virginia Tech fan... Are you doing the Hokie Pokey?
  15. How do you wake lady gaga up from a nap? You poke her face

Poking Fun Jokes

Here is a list of funny poking fun jokes and even better poking fun puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I understand that some people don't like when I poke fun at God or religion but, it's always been a blasphemy!
  • What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke a hole which it has poked before? A key.
    Fun fact: This joke was invented by the Anglo Saxon s in the 10th century. Oldest British joke ever.
  • Why didn't Joan of Arc ever poke fun at her friends? Because she knew they'd roast her
  • It's all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out Then it's monkey in the middle
  • I'm from the southern US, is it OK to poke fun at myself? Why don't schools in the south teach Driver's Ed and s**... Ed on same day?
    Too hard on the mule.
  • Poking holes in your friend's condoms is fun and games until your girlfriend gets pregnant and you've never had s**... with her

Facebook Poking Jokes

Here is a list of funny facebook poking jokes and even better facebook poking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw a church's sign say "God is my Facebook." Does that mean two men can poke each other on God?
  • Why don't anti-vaxers use Facebook? Because they're scared of being poked
  • Today I learned "poking" on Facebook is flirting... So I guess I've been flirting with my mom for years.
    Wups?
  • What is similarity between gambling and Facebook? Poke her.
  • If you poke Chuck Norris on facebook he will kick you.
    On facebook!
  • When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
  • Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was recently hospitalize, because Chuck Norris poked him.
  • I joined facebook to be part of the r**... support group but I kept getting bump and poked, so I just left.
Poking joke, I joined facebook to be part of the r**... support group

Poking joke, I joined facebook to be part of the r**... support group

Hilarious Poking Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about poking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mocking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make poking pranks.

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. 
"You're running around with other women." she charged. 
"You're being very unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on Earth." 
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. 
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. 
"Counting your ribs," replied Eve

What's the best part of having s**... with a t**...?

Reaching around and imaging you are poking through
Old guy at work told me that hahaha

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth.
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone **poking** him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded.
*Counting your ribs!*

So a bunch of l**... are running in a race...

So a bunch of l**... are running in a race, and a bunch of gay guys are running in a race, Who's winning?
The l**...; they're all running lickity split, and the gay guys are poking behind.

A man walks by an insane asylum...

An man walks by an insane asylum and hears the inmates gleefully shouting "21! 21! 21" As he gets closer he sees a hole in the brick wall which he approaches so he can peek in and see what's going on. The inmates poke a stick through the hole, poking him in the eye, and yell "22! 22! 22!"

A very curious kid

Kid: Papa, are you growing taller all the time?
Father: No, my child. Why do you ask?
Kid: Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair.

After Adam and Eve arrived in Eden, he stayed out late a few nights wandering the garden.

Eve became suspicious.
Are you running around with another woman? Eve fired off.
What other woman? Adam exclaimed You're it!
That night, Adam was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
What are you doing?
Counting your ribs.

Old people kept poking me at weddings and saying "You are next"

So at funerals I do the same to them

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.
"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.
"I'm gonna be a m**...!" said the last.
"A m**...!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"
"I'm gonna kill the guy who's poking me in the back every night!"

c**... holes

I'm starting to suspect my blonde girlfriend wants to become pregnant. She keeps poking holes in my condoms before we have s**.... I just wish she would do it before I put it on.

Adam and Eve were arguing.

On and on, she kept pestering him, asking, "Where have you been all night?"
"Just out walking," Adam insisted as he closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to overtake him.
It seemed like only moments later he was awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

What's your favorite part of playing s**... poker?

The stripping or the poking?

A man is standing at the office water cooler...

...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."
The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"

A man and his son go for a walk through the woods and get separated.

After frantically searching for his son, the man finally finds him standing over a dead animal and poking it with a stick.
Dad, what's this? The boy asks
Carrion, my wayward son.

So my mom was poking me with a coat hanger.

I told her to stop, and she didn't, so I asked why she was poking me and she said "because I should have done it 16 years ago"

I walked in on my girlfriend poking holes in a pack of condoms...

But it's ok. She assured me that she wasn't going to use them with me.

...got rid of dwarf boyfriend!

...he was always poking his nose in!

One day in a Sunday school class, there was a girl happily paying attention during the teacher's lecture

but there was a boy behind her that kept poking her with a stick. During this, the teacher began to call on the girl and ask her questions.
Teacher: Who do we believe in?
*poke
Girl: God!
Teacher: Very good. Who died for our sins?
*poke
Girl: Jesus Christ!
Teacher: Excellent! What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 6th child?
*poke
Girl: If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half.

Big Italian guy making dough

So I'm in a pizza shop/italian bakery. Like a legit mom and pop old country kind of place. While I'm waiting for my pie I notice a large, sweaty italian man which an exceptionally hairy chest poking out of his wife beater. He is spinning some dough when all of a sudden he slips and instead of catching it, the dough lands on his chest and he peels it off his sweaty hairy pectorals.
He goes back to spinning the dough and I say hey you're not going to use that are you? He says, yeah itll go in the oven and the germs will die. I tell him to get me his manager. I explain what happened and the manager looks at me and says "that ain't nuttin! you should see when hes making donuts!"

One night Eve shook Adam awake and asked him "Adam, are you cheating on me?"

Adam groggily replied "No, of course not Eve... Go back to sleep!"
About an hour later Eve shook Adam awake again. "How do I know you aren't cheating on me?"
Adam said "Look Eve, you are the only woman in the world, made by God from my very own rib. I love you and I would never cheat on you. Now, please go back to sleep!"
Another hour passes and suddenly Eve begins poking Adam in the chest. "EVE" yells Adam, "What are you doing??!?!"
"Counting your ribs" She replied.

My girlfriend likes poking me.

Its so _pointless_...

Poking joke, My girlfriend likes poking me.