Following is our collection of funny Poker jokes. There are some poker liquor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these poker craps puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
everyone threw their hands in
because someone is always standing on the deck.
I got a full house and four people died.
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
They'll have to go outside for craps though.
because of my poker addiction...
I think she's bluffing.
"Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."
"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.
I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, havent I!"
"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."
Because they can't keep a straight face.
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand!
Because he will always fold.
You can explore poker euchre reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poker poker game dad jokes. There are also poker puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
She goes to the bathroom.
Why are dogs bad at poker?
Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand.
Why did John's dog win the poker tournament?
Because he's a Doberman.
...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."
Why couldn't the div buy a drink?
It lacked id.
Why couldn't the div find a girlfriend?
It lacked class.
Why wasn't the div good at diplomacy?
Its position was absolute.
Why was the div an anarchist?
It had no borders.
Why couldn't the div play poker?
It had 0 opacity.
High Steaks
I'm at work.
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work.
Because they don't know what a full house is
Because it's a high steaks game
but I think she's bluffing
Eventually, they all end up raisin
They always fold.
If you put the logs too close together the fire grows too hot and burns out quickly. If you put the logs too far apart the fire goes cold. The trick is having the logs just the right distance apart.
And every once in a while you have to use your poker.
Will you raise me?
You will lose every hand.
They are playing a hand and Rock goes all in, Scissors places $50, and paper snapped in a half and dies.
Scissors asks, "What happened?".
Rocks replies, "I think he folded".
The steaks couldn't have been higher
Liquor in the front, poker in the back.
He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.
I thought, "I might have to raise him."
Poker face
Liquor in the front and poker in the back.
You gotta know when to fold
My poker playing has improved by about 50%.
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..
It could also be a bluff.
Because I lost my car in poker last night.
Liquor in the front, poker in the back
She said "How could you do such a thing, losing your wife in a stupid card game!?"
I replied, "Sorry honey, it was very hard for me at the time."
She said, "What do you mean?"
I replied, "Well, it wasn't easy, folding when I had four aces."
Because they're always putting on a straight face.
The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play strip poker?"
The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."
I think she's bluffing!
He always folded.
Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.
They can never keep a straight face
When somebody's got a big pair showin'.
He had a royal straight flush.
Because there are too many cheetahs
Because there's too many cheetahs. I'm not lion.
They'll insist that Kings and Queens have equal value.
What's the deal?
Things were going great, until I had to fold.
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son masturbating
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand
I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them
So I folded.
The bluffalo.
The hamster cuts the cards. The dog deals them. Everyone picks the cards up but the cat.
Everyone antes up but the cat.
The fish looks at the cat and says, "Are you in or out?"
Cat:
For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.
I think she's bluffing.
But I think she's bluffing.
It's a pretty big deal.
Too many cheetahs
His opponent had just raised the stakes.
So I said "alright that means you lose but won't acknowledge it, right?"
The cops bust in and seeing they are all men of God decide to give them the chance to explain. They turn to the first priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As God is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
They let the first priest go. They turn to the second priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As Jesus is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
The let the second priest go. They finally turn to the rabbi:
Rabbi, were you gambling?
The rabbi looks around and says, With whom?
I for sure thought she was bluffing.
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Too many chee-tahs
Because he had a great poker face.
One of them says, "Where's Joey? He never misses poker night."
His friend says, "Oh, didn't you hear? Joey's dead."
"Awww, that's a shame. How did he die?"
"Well, he went to the doctor last week and found out he had gonorrhoea."
"So? Gonorrhoea isn't fatal."
"It is if you give it to the boss's wife."
Cheetahs.
The steaks were high.
Plumbing is like poker.
You can't have a full house and a straight flush.
And now I must bid you a 'do.
The loser has to swab the deck.
Man, we're those steaks high in that game!
He always has a royal flush
Because they think a flush beats a full house!
High steaks
"Don't worry," I assured her, "After he's born, I'm going to see him... and raise him!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the poker solitaire jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working poker betting piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.