The Best 45 Poked Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Poked jokes. There are some poked stab jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these poked jab puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Poked Jokes and Puns

Number 12...

A man is walking down the street when he begins to hear yelling. The man notices it's coming from the court yard of a mental hospital. Once he gets closer he notices they are all yelling the number 12. The fence being too high, he peaks through a hole into the fence to see why they are yelling twelve. To his surprise he gets poked in the eye and begins hearing everyone yell 13...13...

My deaf girlfriend started talkin in her sleep last night

Nearly poked my eye out

Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"Β 

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.Β 

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."Β 

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."Β 

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.Β 

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.Β 

The third nun said, "Oh shit."Β 

I was at the dentist yesterday

As he was inspecting my teeth, he poked and prodded and scraped one of my back molars that was particularly sore. He leaned closer for a better look, and said to me, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!"

I was kind of offended. "Doc, I'm not stupid or deaf, you didn't have to repeat yourself."

"I wasn't repeating myself, that was the echo!"

I just poked myself in the eyes...

I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon.


Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)

Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.

One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"

After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"

Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.

Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"

Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."

Poked joke, In and Out

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."

The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."

The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I poked holes in them."

The third nun fainted.

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

Walking past a lunatic asylum

Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,

You can explore poked poke reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poked shove dad jokes. There are also poked puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

Oldest known British Joke from 10th century AD.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key

A guy walking down the street

A guy walking down the street begins to hear a bunch of people chanting twelve! twelve! twelve!. He finds a hole in the fence next to him to try and see what is going on. When he looks through the hole , he gets poked in the eye. Then he hears thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

Poked joke, A Family of Moles

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting.

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting from over the fence. He stops to listen and hears that they are saying "Five! Five! Five! Five!"

His curiosity peaked, he walks until he sees a hole in the fence. He puts his eye up to the hole to try to see what's going on, when he's poked in the eye by a broom handle! Angry and in pain, he starts to walk away and hears that the chanting is now, "Six! Six! Six! Six!"

Date night

I was on a date with a girl last night and the conversation started to get steamy. She was holding my hand and I said; "just by using these fingers I could make you scream."
Seductively she leant forward and purred "well go on then, show me..."
So I poked her in the eye!


Three nuns sit at a table.

The first nun says "I found a black condom in the laundry this morning".

The second nun says "No worries, I found a black condom the other day and poked a hole in it".

The third nun had a heart attack.

A guy walks past a mental hospital

A guy is walking past a mental hospital with a high privacy fence, and can hear some kind of chant going on. As he gets closer, he hears them chanting, "sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"Curious as to what is going on, he notices a small hole in the fence. He walks over and presses his face to it to try and see in, only to get poked in the eyes. The chant continues, "Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen!"

My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,

He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole it has often poked before?

**A key**.

--
*Not OC. Rumored to be first joke recorded in 10th century A.D.*

My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.

So I poked her

My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"

.... so I poked her in the eyes.

Facebook is like jail

You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

Poked joke, Facebook is like jail

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

Answer: A key.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key!

This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.

How I learned to mind my own business???

One day I was walking near a mental institution. Everyone in the courtyard was yelling: 13 13 13 !!!
The fence was to high to see anything, but I found a hole so I got close to peak through it.. A crazy guy poked me in the eye and everyone started yelling: 14 14 14!!!

My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day...

I stopped seeing her for a while.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

How i learned to mind my own business

One day I was walking on the sidewalk next to a mental hospital and heard 13...13...13...
So I decided to peek through a hole in the wall and immediately got poked In the eye and heard 14...14...14...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13... 13... 13..."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting, "14.... 14... 14..."

So there was a family of moles.

They decided to leave thier burrow to smell the spring air. The father mole poked his head out first and sniffed, "I smell lavender." he says. The mother mole poked her head out as well and said "You're right dear, I smell it too." Their son couldn't fit through the burrow entrance and said "Well, all i smell is molasses."

A Man is walking home when

He passes a large privacy fence. On the other side of the fence he can hear about 3 or 4 children chanting," 12,12,12,12,12" very ritualisticly. He sees a small hole in the fence and gets right up to it so he can see what is happening on the other side. Just as he did a small finger came out of the hole and poked him in the eye and the children began chanting," 13,13,13,13,13."

Three nuns are talking.

The first nun says, you would never believe what i discovered.

Intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun.

oh that's nothing." said the second one, "i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one.

" what did u do with them?" said the first nun.

The second nun responds with pride ," I poked **holes** in all of them."

The third nun screams, oh shit..."

A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution

There is a tall wooden fence surrounding it. The man starts hearing a group of people on the other side of the fence yelling "14, 14, 14!" So he walks over and finds a small hole. When he ducks down to peek through, all of a sudden he gets poked in the eye.



The people on the other side of the fence start yelling "15, 15, 15!"

There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"

The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

World's oldest joke found in a 10th century book of anglo-saxon poetry :

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that's it's often poked before?

A key....

For Christmas I got my sister a dog.

In hindsight, I should poked some holes in the box.
.
.
.
Then again, I shouldn't have wrapped it a week early.

Curiosity killed the cat

One day I was walking by a tall fence. On the other side I could hear a group of people chanting, "12! 12! 12! 12!" Confused, I tried to jump up and see over the fence, to see what's going on but the fence was too tall. A little further up, I saw a small hole in the fence. I walked up to it and peeked through. As soon as I looked, I was poked in the eye by a stick. They all started chanting, "13! 13! 13! 13!"

Hole in the wall

A guy was walking next to a prison and he could hear the inmates shouting repeadetly "SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN". The curiosity got the better out of him and he decided to take a peek through a small hole he saw in the wall. The man screamed in agony as he got poked in the eye from the other side and the inmates started shouting "EIGHT, EIGHT, EIGHT, EIGHT".

How I learned to mind my own business

I was walking past a mental hospital the other day.
And the patients were shouting 13, 13, 13.. the fence was too high high to see over. But there was a small gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what's going on….

…
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick
And the next thing I hear from over the fence is all the patients chanting 14……14…..14….

Walking past a mental institution

I heard the residents chanting twelve, twelve twelve . As I kept walking I noticed a small hole in the tall wooden fence. Since the residents were still chanting twelve, twelve, twelve I decided to peek through the hole and see what was happening. As soon as I looked, a stick came through the hole and poked me in the eye. Immediately there was a roar of cheering before the residents started chanting thirteen, thirteen, thirteen .

I was walking past a mental asylum and heard chanting coming from behind the fence.

I stopped to listen and they were chanting "eight, eight, eight eight".

I found a hole in the fence to see through and a finger poked me right in the eye.

Then they began chanting "nine, nine, nine, nine".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the poked tess jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working poked prick piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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