The Best 42 Poisonous Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Poisonous jokes. There are some poisonous heinz jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these poisonous dibs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Poisonous Jokes and Puns

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.

As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.

Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.

Two snakes meet in the jungle...

Two snakes meet in the jungle.
One asks the other: "Are we poisonous?? "
The other says: "Why do you ask?"
The first replys: "I just bit my tongue..."

Poisonous joke, Two snakes meet in the jungle...

What's the worst thing about getting bit by a poisonous spider?

That you're probably Australian.

I like my women how I like my fracking

Always wet and poisonous to my long-term health


Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all

*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*

Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads

Why are muscles poisonous?

Because my biceps are killer.

Poisonous joke, Why are muscles poisonous?

Organic Vegetables

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables when I went to the market. I looked around but couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee in the produce section and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me, slyly smiled and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

My friend recently passed away after eating some poisonous mushrooms

It's pretty sad, he was a really fungi!

Two snakes are slithering on a desert floor

one snake asks the other snake, "Hey, are we poisonous?"
The other snake replies, "I don't know, Why?"
his friend replies nervously "I just bit my tongue"

If a poison expires,

Will it be more poisonous or less poisonous?

You can explore poisonous cobra reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poisonous toxic dad jokes. There are also poisonous puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz

Marriage joke

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea

a salt with a deadly wetpen

*hides*

Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth...

Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.

It's a dog eat dog world out there.

The chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds

Poisonous joke, It's a dog eat dog world out there.

I am a widower three times over.....

My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard.
My second wife died from eating the same mushrooms.
My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

Science have confirmed that humans can consume extremely poisonous materials and even drink molten lava

**Once**

No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.


My first three wives...

"The first two ate poisonous mushrooms.
The third one took a shot to the head."

"Oh my lord" my friend says, "that is awful, who shot her?"

"I did," I say,

"She wasn't eating the poisonous mushrooms"

Two snakes are slithering through the forest when one stops and looks at the other

"Hey Carl" he says "Are we poisonous?"
The other snake stops and thinks for a second "honestly, I have no idea, why?" He asks
The first snake responds in a worried voice "because I just bit my tongue"

The metropolitan police have received information that 1 in 3 bottles of Heinz ketchup may be poisonous...

They say the sauce is unreliable...

The difference between venomous snake, poisonous snake, and toxic snake

A venomous snake kills you when it bites you.
A poisonous snake kills you when you eat it.
A toxic snake kills you with negative emotions.

Two chemists walk into a bar

The first says "I'll have H2O"
The second says "I'll have H2O too"
The first chemist drinks his water, the second also drinks water because why would a bar serve poisonous chemicals?

LPT: Remember, besides blueberries, anything blue in the wild is poisonous and not fit for consumption....

The same rule applies to video game cartridges.

I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink...

I dyed a little inside..

My professor said sarcasm is poisonous...

But I'm septic.

What do you get when you cross a poisonous viper and a giant scorpion?

Probably what you deserve.

In colonial times, people believed tomatoes were poisonous and would not eat them.

They were incorrect. Tomatoes are not poisonous and will eat them.

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?

The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.

A student is going through some hypotheticals about snakes to their biology teacher

student:"What if it bites me and it dies?"

Teacher:"that means you're poisonous."

Student:"What if it bites itself and I die?"

Teacher:"It's voodoo."

Student:"What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Teacher:"That's correlation, not causation."

Student:"what if we bite each other and neither of us die?"

Teacher:"that's kinky."

A woman had a poisonous chemical in her house, and I had to remove it.

I told her I'd do as best as I could.

One snake to another...

-Do you know if we are poisonous?
-No, how so?
-I just bit my tounge.

You really have to watch out for new sprouts coming out of your potato's... they're poisonous.

Keep your eyes peeled!

A young snake asks his mum...

Mum, are we poisonous or venomous?

Why? , she replied

Because I just bit my tongue

Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?

Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.

* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*

Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.

What did the poisonous spider get pulled over for?

Recluse driving.

Hitler, he atac, he protec, but most importantly...

He ate a poisonous tic tac.

When someone offers you a bubble gum, you take it

Unless its a poisonous one, then you dont take it

The scariest warning that you can read in braille

"Poisonous surface, do not touch"

Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?

Mother snake: Yes, son. Why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue.

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob and the other is a form of sea life.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the poisonous lethal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working poisonous poison piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes