Pointing Finger Jokes

60 pointing finger jokes and hilarious pointing finger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pointing finger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Pointing Finger Short Jokes

Short pointing finger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pointing finger humour may include short stick finger jokes also.

  1. I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look... ... I knew I was in hot water.
  2. Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves... ...but I don't like to point fingers...
  3. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, Hey!
    The horse says, You read my mind, buddy.
  4. A horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way and yells, Hey!
    The horse says, You read my mind, buddy.
  5. I read a riddle with a picture of an eye, a child, a finger pointing at me, and a knot I kid you not, that's what it was
  6. Strategy for arguing with your wife/girlfriend When you are arguing with your wife or girlfriend, point your finger at the kitchen and strictly say "Go to your room!".
  7. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane! He pointed his finger at it and yelled bang!
  8. Somebody once told me... Hands off my Macaroni, Milwaukee pasta bandit found dead. He was picking up the gun, with his finger and his thumb, raising up, pointed straight at his forehead.
  9. A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"
  10. They say do what you love .. So I will do you!
    (said my dad pointing finger guns and grinning)

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Pointing Finger One Liners

Which pointing finger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pointing finger? I can suggest the ones about middle finger and finger gun.

  1. What did the young boy shout in the church while pointing finger guns? pew pew pew
  2. So my best friend had his index finger amputated in an accident. That's dis-a-pointing.
  3. When it comes to broken digits, who can point a finger as to the cause?
  4. What can point in every direction but can't reach the destination by itself? Your finger.
  5. How to be insulting when giving directions: Point with four fingers when they ask.

Pointing Finger Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about pointing finger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ring finger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pointing finger pranks.

Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy.
The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen".
Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?"
"Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you. You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients. Of course, I know you!"
Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says: "Do you know the defense lawyer?"
"Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft as well. I was holding him in my arms when he was a baby, and I can say that I am disappointed in him, too. He’s a drunk and a gamester. He finds it hard to develop a normal relationship with anyone and he is one of the worst lawyers of our town!"
At that point, the Chairman interrupts the process and demands from the two lawyers to approach the bench. When they do, he bends over and whispers to them: "If any of you jerks, asks if she knows me, you’re s**...!"

In World War 2 Chuck Norris Pointed his Fingers at an enemy zero and said BANG, The plane burst into flames and crashed.

The Rabbi and the Devil

So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.
Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and women in attendance run screaming for their lives out of the synagogue, trailing their children behind them.
As pleased as the devil is with his grand appearance, he can't help but twist his head to look at the rabbi, who's calmly putting his things away for the night with a tired sigh.
"You," the devil says, pointing his spindly finger at him, "rabbi. Do you not know who I am?"
The rabbi only sighs and continues to clear up the place.
The devil steps closer to the man, scalding the floor with each step. "And yet you do not seem to be afraid, why is that?" he hisses, s**... his beard.
The rabbi shrugs. "Why should I be? I've been married to your sister these past forty-three years."
Credit/Source: video I watched on youtube a while ago. I've probably added/cut-out from the original, but that's the charm of Chinese whispers, no?

Blood Bank

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a woman.
He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?" She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the woman where she was going.
She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the
gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the s**... bank on the 5th floor; I donate s**... there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the woman was standing inside.
He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
At this point in the joke, the teller raises five fingers and makes a suitable mouth-full-of-s**... noise.

So the army is forced to cut the pensions of some of their veterans...

In order to repay the veterans for their service they bring in three veterans. They tell the three that they will be reimbursed in money, in that each one can choose two points of their body, and the distance between the two will be how much money they receive.
Anyway, the first man goes and says, "I'll have my outstretched wingspan measured."
His wingspan is 160cm, so he is given $160.
The second man chooses the top of his head and his feet.
His height is 175cm, so he is given $175.
The third man steps up and says, "I'll have the distance from my right palm to my right index finger."
The military people first are confused, but then the man taking the measurements looks at his hand.
"Where's your right index finger, soldier?"
The veteran smiles and says, "Back where I lost it, in Vietnam."

The Pope and the most renowned Rabbi are having a discussion...

...But neither of them speak a common language, and they want the meeting to be private. So the two icons decide to attempted to speak in their own signs to communicate.
The Pope starts by making a circular motion over with his hand
The Rabbi responds by pointing down at the ground
The Pope holds up 3 fingers
The Rabbi holds up 1
The Pope took out the wine and wafers
The Rabbi took out an apple
Then the two went their separate ways, the priests talked with the Pope and asked, "Well? What happened?" "He had me beat at every turn," The Pope responded, "I waved my hand around to say God is everywhere and he pointed down to say God is here, I held up 3 fingers to symbolize the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost, He held up one to say There is one God. I showed him the Body and Blood of Christ, and he showed me an Apple to remind me of Eve's original sin."
The Rabbi then went back to the other Rabbis and told of his experience "I don't quite know what happened," He said, "I waved his arm around to say 'Get out of here' so I pointed down to tell him I'm staying he gave me 3 seconds to get out so I gave him the finger, then he showed me his lunch so I showed him mine"

An Italian, An Irishman and a Chinese fellow.

Hopefully not posted earlier.
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, You're in charge of sweeping. He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, You're in charge of digging. Finally, he turns to the c**..., And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.
Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby. Why didn't you touch it? he says. The Italian looks at him. We didn't have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn't find him. Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the c**... leaps from behind the sand and yells Supplies!

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf...

Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf.
First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground to part the seas. He walks into the middle of the now waterless lake and hits it onto the green. He sinks the ball with a birdie.
Next goes Jesus. Jesus puts his hands in prayer and then sets up to hit the ball. He makes contact and hits it onto the green. He puts it in for an eagle.
The old man grumbles and growls. He approaches the tee with his club in his off-hand. He takes a mighty swing and smacks the ball. The ball flies and lands on a lily-pad. It is then picked up by a frog. The frog in turn finds itself in the clutches of a falcon. The frog drops the ball and it bounces in for a hole-in-one.
At this point Moses leans towards Jesus and whisper, "I really hate playing with your old man."

r**... Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough because they couldn't afford a bigger bed. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000.
Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me - I don't want to go deaf! To which the doctor replies, "Trust me."
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count on his fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... , at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand, 6, 7...

Man goes to a doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says "doctor, I have pain all over my body, everywhere I touch hurt". He then proceeds to point to various parts of his body cringing in pain. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and concludes. "Sir, it appears you have a broken finger".

There once was an old cathedral in rural England...

There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."

Someone explain the joke

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

A blonde goes to the doctor...

A blonde goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I am in great pain! You have to help me!"
The doctor says "Okay. Point where on your body hurts.

The blonde then proceeds to point "My stomach, my nose, my knee, my back..."
The doctor interrupts and says "Calm down. I think you broke your finger."

The Vietnam newbie was told they didn't have any more M-16's...

and he should just point his finger and yell "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
He's out on patrol, he sees enemy soldiers and points his finger.
Much to his amazement, the enemy soldiers fall to the ground dead. He continues on his way, killing more and more VC.
But then he sees an enemy soldier steadfastly walking towards him, and the "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" doesn't work. He tries again, "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" but the VC just keeps coming. The VC blunders into him, knocks our hero down, steps on his stomach and face as he proceeds into the distance, saying "TANKETY TANKETY TANK!"

My best friend slept with my girlfriend.

A man was sitting in a bar feeling depressed.
Bartender: Whats wrong man?
Man: I found my best friend in bed with my girlfriend...
Bartender:What did you do?
Man: I kicked her out of my house and broke up with her.
Bartender: No, what did you do to your best friend?
Man: I pointed my finger at him and said "Bad dog".

A strange man walks into a bar.

A man was sitting at the bar, sipping his pint, when suddenly a man wearing a white morph suit, tweed jacket and a deer stalker walks into the bar. He walks straight up the wall, across the ceiling and back down the wall towards the bar.
He points towards the Jack Daniel's & puts up 2 fingers and the barman pours a double. In one swift motion he downs in, walks back up the wall, across the ceiling, down the other wall and out the door.
Then the man sat at the bar turns round to the Barman and says "That was a bit odd wasn't it?" and the Barman says "Yeah he usually has a Guinness".

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

My friend told me a story about how he lost his index finger tip.

It was a bit point-less.

A famous armorer was called to court...

…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!

We arrested a troupe of mimes for their unspeakable crimes....

None of them talked.
But they did point fingers.

The pointed finger had a multitude of uses...

and if you bend it a little bird might land on it.

'Long' A man goes to a circus

A man goes to a circus. There is a lion there and a very b**... lady. The lady puts her breast without any fear into the lions mouth. The whole audience starts applauding and the lady asks if there is anyone else who would like to do this. The whole crowd was too scared to answer, so the lady decided to just choose someone. She points her finger at a man and asks if he's too scared to do this. The man replies: "No I'm not scared, I just don't thing I can get my mouth open that far!"

A ladiesman and his friend were in a club...

The friend asked him if he could show him on of his tricks. The ladiesman smiled and pointed to a girl across the dancefloor and moved his index finger to let her to he wanted her to come near him
The lady got close and asked him "what's up". The ladiesman look her right in the eyes and told her: "If you came with just one finger, imagine what can I do with two of them."

Man goes to doctor and says: Everywhere on my body hurts! Am I dying?

Doctor says: Can you point to where it hurts and show me?
Man points at head: Ow! Points at shoulder: Ow! Points at knee: Ow! Points at belly: Ow!
Doctor examines him and says: Nope you're not dying, you just have a broken index finger.

Stay Stay!!!!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"

A blonde walks into a hospital.

She was claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts . So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says Here. Ow. She then pokes her arm and says Here. Ow. She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say I know what's happened to you. What's happened to me?? The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, You have a broken finger.

They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.

That's why I always accuse people with my full e**.... Checkmate.

A man with a wooden eye...

A man with a wooden eye is very self-conscious about his looks but also very lonely.
At the advice of his doctor, he decides to go to a local meetup with people who have similar disabilities.
After a while of listening to the music and looking around at the ladies he builds up the courage to ask a lady to dance with him. He walks past a girl with one leg, passes a girl with no ears, and finally arrives in front of a sad looking girl with no nose.

"You wouldn't want to dance with me, would you?", he sheepishly asks the girl.

"Oh wouldn't I!? Wouldn't I?", she excitedly replies.

He point his finger at her face and yells "NO NOSE! NO NOSE!!"

New company sponsored exercise program

Now that we are all back at work from COVID, we have started a new exercise program. It includes such wonderful exercises as:
Running amok
Jumping to conclusions
Passing the buck
Point fingers
Climbing the walls
And my favorite exercise of all... diddly squats!

A child point his finger at a toy plane attached to the ceiling

And he says to his mum mum I really want to be like that airplane when I grow up!
His mother: why? Because it flies really high?
Him: no, because it's hanging from the ceiling

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed

At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong honey?"
"Daddy, where's my booger?"

A man is out buying bread in Soviet Russia

When he sees that the bakery is out of flour, he shouts:
"d**... this country, we are so poor, I haven't been able to get a loaf of bread in days"
A policeman hears that and approaches the man.
"Stop saying things like that or..." the policeman says as he uses his fingers to form a gun, points it toward the man and says "Bang!"
The man is stunned and walks home.
The wife sees that the man is shocked and asks:
"What happened? Did we run out of flour again?"
The man weakly replies:
"Not only that, it appears that we also ran out of bullets!"

A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.

So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.
He said Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.
An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pews…
I'll take him, him, and him!

A blonde walks into a hospital

She complains that every bone in her body is broken.
The doctor says "where does it hurt?"
The blonde points at her leg, "here".
She points at her arm, "here"
She points at her other leg and arm "here and here".
The doctor examins her and promptly says "Ma'am, you have a broken finger"

Daddy's gonna eat your fingers.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.

He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"

blonde goes to the doctor office

She is complaining her entire body hurts. The doctor asks her the point to where it hurts. The blonde starts touching all over her body wincing in pain every time. Doctor says "maam its not your body. You have a broken finger".

Every night, my whole life, I'd prayed to the saints to keep my family and home safe.

Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was shook. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don't want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can't help feeling it must have been San Andreas' fault.