Pocket Calculator Jokes

8 pocket calculator jokes and hilarious pocket calculator puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pocket calculator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Fun-Filled Pocket Calculator Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What is a good pocket calculator joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

I thought about getting a pocket calculator...

...but then I realized I don't care how many pockets I have.

I thought about buying a pocket calculator

and then I thought who care how many pockets I have

Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false

1. pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled

I don't see the point of a pocket calculator.

Who doesn't know how many pockets they have?

Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the s**... club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.

"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."

Translated version

The math teacher was new to the elementary class so he just wanted to know how good are the kids in basic calculation. He picked a random student and started asking questions.
Math teacher : What's 2+2?
The kid opens 2 fingers in both his hands and counts and says "4 sir."
Math teacher : What's 4+3?
The kid opens 4 fingers in one hand and 3 in the other, counts and says "7 sir."
Math teacher wanted the kids to start doing the calculations in mind so he asked the kid to keep his hands inside the pockets of his shorts and answer his next question.
Kid does as the teacher says.
Math teacher : What's 5+5?
The kid opens his fingers in his pocket and starts to count and answers "11 sir".

A theologian, a physicist and a mathematician

A theologian, a mathematician and a physicist are standing on top of a burning five-story building. The only way to escape would be to jump into the pool at the back of the house. The theologian shouts: "God will save me", jumps, and hits the ground two meters beside the pool. He is instantly dead. The physicist kneels on the roof, draws some figures and numbers into the dust, jumps and lands exactly in the middle of the pool. The mathematician speaks to himself: "I can do that too", fumbles his notepad out of his pocket, does some calculations, jumps and flies up into the sky. What happened?
Sign error.

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.
Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does.
He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?"
The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

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